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Left out friend.
Hi so I have a friend who is in the group of friends that I'm in. She is such a nice and loyal friend, but the rest of the group don't really consider her their friend. Now don't get me wrong my group of friends are really nice and caring, I don't know why they don't but they don't really invite her to things that we do. When I did stick up for her and try to tell them that she should be invited to these things they just didn't really say anything because they don't like drama. So we have organised a big get together that everyone in our group is going to, but the person who organised it didn't invite her. I asked her if she invited her and she said that it's too many people. I think I will just not go to this gathering, and do something with her instead, but I'm really not sure because I will miss out on things that they will probably talk about a lot. I don't like drama either and I think they find it annoying that I keep telling them we should include her more. I don't want to miss out on it but I think it might be the right thing to do. I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
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You're an amazing friend!
Good for you in wanting to include her and stick up for her. She's really lucky to have a friend like you. It's a tough situation but I think you are making the right choice. And as for your other friends they say they don't like "drama"..but it sounds to me like they are the ones starting it. Not including someone that hangs out with you is mean. So everyone else is going but not her? You think she won't find out? The fact that you'd rather spend time with her shows the type of friend you are.
Peace & Love,
Advice Mistress
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Your gut has already told you. Trust it. I'm not sold on your friend's being the nice and caring people you think they are. They are sending this person a message by freezing her out completing by non-invites on purpose or balking if you bring her along. It's a form of bullying.
For whatever reason they hate and or don't get her and haven't the balls to tell her or you why. You did the right thing to stick up for yourself and for her. People don't have to love or include people they don't like but they have no right to put you and her in this position continually. You're at a crossroads unless they grow up ditch them.
As for your friend she likely wouldn't want to go to that party anyway but deserved an invite and it was obviously deliberate that left her out. I would instead spend the evening with her doing things that you both identify with and find fun than missing this party. Will you be missing out? Not really but you will if you don't focus on yur friend.
Why? She's loyal to you. No matter what happens with the others this one will stay and have your back. You have hers. That means more than the superficial friendship with the others who are acting like brats. Unless they can give you a legit reason for being so awful towards this girl you should give them no mind, send a message of your own and have your own plans with this new pal. That's what I would do. It's the right thing and will benefit you now and longterm.
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It might help you to make a list of pros and con. Good reasons to contunue hanging out with the group and not seeing the lone friend or to seeing the lone friend and not having time for the group.
You didnt mention age so if we are talking middle or HS, it could be the group is just not mature enough and picks favorites. You have to ask yourself how comfortable you are being part of a group who isn't accepting of everybody. Is the group friends, close like best friends to you and would you lose them or is the lone girl more like a close/best friend. If the girls are just social friends, people you have to hang with and spend time with but aren't particularly close or special to you, then you'll know you aren't losing much if not hanging with them. If you are more worried about missing things said, perhaps at this stage in your life, gossip is more important than other things. You can have important conversation with a lone person. If you feel you are changing something about your character to fit in with the larger group, going against the grain of what you believe is right, then you are subtley changing yourself or pretending to, for the sake of still being accepted. Ask yourself if you feel you are really getting something out of hanging with people who don't honor the same values and ideas as you. This is much more than a small 'girlfriend' problem dear. It is a learning opportunity, one you need to learn well as it will ultimately help you find your life long mate, husband someday. You may find a guy who is pretty nice in many ways but some of his beliefs and core values are so very against where you are at. Long term being with someone like that will irritate and frustrate you to the point you may lose respect for the guy and stop loving him. Its harder to waste the time with a person and allow nature to take its course where you break up anyhow years later or see the signs of future trouble now and choose to not aline your self with the wrong people or person now. I hope this helps you in deciding what to do.
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