adviceman49's advice column | Page 123

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140746

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So the other day I went to pineland for my doctors appointment and they did a did a suprise drug test which dosnt bother ne any because I don't do drugs that are prescribed by a doctor but I went to pick up adderall and the pharmacy gave me concerta by mistake not my fault I noticted the pill looked different by I trusted the pharamist and figured they knew what they were doing do I have 3 og the concertas already like I thought I was suppose to but my mom looked it up on the computer since it was diferent color after I have already taken the meds and its nor adderall its concerta will it show up in a druh test if pineland makes me take another one

Amphetamine is in the Opiate class of drugs for which most drug test are testing for. Since this drug although dispensed in error was legally dispensed to you this should not be a problem for you. Concerta is one of the rugs doctors use to treat ADHD and I doubt did you any harm it is just not the drug your doctor prescribed.

Should you be questions just have them contact the pharmacy that made the mistake and that should be the end of the problem for you. Depending on how many tablets you took the drug should be out of your system in 10 to 30 days and not cause a problem in future drug tests.

I have always been told masturbation was bad but I always here adults say yeah I used to masturbate to and I turned out fine I don't know what to belive

There is nothing wrong with masturbation as long as it is not something done to the exclusion of everything else in your life. Meaning it is something you do at night in your bed or in the morning in your shower but not something you do all afternoon and night.

Masturbation is a healthy outlet for the sexual tension young people get when going through puberty and having to deal with all those new hormones coursing through their bodies. It is also a great way to identify with your sexuality though fantasy as you masturbate. You also learn about your likes and dislikes as to how you like to be touched so allow your hands to roam your body not just your sex organ.

According to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. In a family of 4 that means 3.4 members of the family masturbate. That's right even your parents masturbate except when they do so it is most likely called foreplay. A handjob is a form of masturbation as is a blow job or oral sex and fingering. When couples masturbate each other it is called foreplay which leads to the reason why adults tell children not to masturbate.

Lets face the facts; when you masturbate it feels good. If you allow someone else to masturbate you it feels even better and is why it is called foreplay. For it leads to the ultimate sex act; intercourse.

Parents feel if the can keep children from masturbating they can keep them from having sex. If they keep you from having sex then no one gets pregnant and they do not have to deal with the problems of teenage parents.

Masturbation is not a sin. While most religions do not condone masturbation they do not forbid it or consider a sin. They do not condone it for the same reasons parents don't want children to masturbate.

As a parent and now of the age to be a grandparent I told my son and had I had a daughter I would have told her this. Sex as a teenager is more trouble than it is worth. You want to feel a girl up go ahead but keep your dick in your pants. When you get home go in your room close the door and jerk off. There were more than enough girlie magazines around the house such as Playboy and Maxim to use for inspiration.

That's me and my wife. We have been a ittle more liberal in our views on sex and our children. Listen to what your parents say. Trying to stop someone from masturbating is like trying to hold back the ocean. Masturbation is natural so just do so in private which is where it should be done any way. Close and lock your bedroom door so you are not disturbed or do so in your morning or evening shower.

I didn't know how else to title my question, but what I mean is that my granddad, who is very hard of hearing, says insulting things about people not knowing that they can hear him. Since he can't hear well, he doesn't realize how loud he's being, but he's usually speaking at a normal voice volume.

We are caucasian and I don't think of myself as being racist. I don't think my granddad dislikes people of other races either, but he doesn't seem to think very highly of them. However, he definitely IS prejudice against homosexuals and I bite my nails every time one's around him because I'm worried about what he'll say to them.

Once a couple months ago, he, my mom, and I were eating lunch out after having taken him to the doctor. Our waiter was African American and a little goofy, but he was very sweet and a great waiter. Apparently earlier while I was in the waiting room at the doctor's, my mom and granddad were being seen by an African American homosexual male nurse. At lunch, just as our waiter was walking off, my granddad said, "Well, this must be my day for (gay slur) black guys." He said it where the guy could hear him, but although I was embarrassed, I'm glad he said black guys and not a certain racial slur that he uses a lot.

Not too long ago, my mom took him to the eye doctor and there were apparently a lot of other elderly people in the waiting room. My granddad is almost 82 and makes a lot of old jokes about himself. At the eye doctor's office, he leaned over in my mom's ear and said about the other people in the waiting room, "These people are all older than I am." At which time every one turned and stared at them.

He means for these things to be jokes and I think it hurts his feelings if you don't laugh, but I know he can be insulting and even hurtful at times. I know the obvious thing to do is just to tell him, but I don't think it'll help. He can't hear well enough to know how loud he is. What should I do?

If your grandfather is not suffering from any form of dementia you should, if you are caring and polite in talking to him. To get him to understand that some of the things he says are not or may not acceptable to others. That he needs to understand that modern acoustics being what they are to day, another way of saying he is loud, our voices travel farther than we may intend them too and others may be insulted unintentionally.

Then if you want you can also tell him that some of the words or phrases he uses are hurtful to you. As they are no longer used in polite society. You may want to be prepared to explain to him why this is so.

Being 82 is not considered all that old. But being 82 says he is probably pretty set in his ways so be prepared to have to remind him from time to time. In fact if your grandfather is agreeable to trying to change see if you can't chose a word to say to remind him when you're out that he has said something he shouldn't.

have you ever feel like you are born to be unlucky for everything happening to u? well thats how i feel, i am in a lot of pain beacuse when i try hard very hard i would get bad results, when i try for scholarship with high expectation with consideration of my great application, as said by many ,i didnt get in, when i take national exam and i worked very very very hard for that but i didnt get what i should get either, i was heart broken, and the most disappointing thing from all is that everytime i fail someone like me becomes successful without trying as i did ,and that really hurt me. and expectation is the worest , beacuse everybody expects something great from me but most of the time i fail. i don't know what to do i can't let go and move on please any advice would help!!!

I feel there are times when any of us could feel as you are feeling now. Sometimes the way you are feeling is the result of trying too hard, other times it could be because we have wrong direction. In your case I really cannot say as there is insufficient information to make any type of determination in that regard.

Yes when you work hard for something and do not obtain the desired results it can be demoralizing. What you have to do is pick yourself up and try again. My cousin had he not done as I just advised would not be the person he is today. He went to law school and try as he might he kept failing the Bar exam. He took his last exam, his third try at it and passed. Had he thrown up his hands and called himself a failure and walked away as some would say he had every right to do, he would not be where he is today.

While he is now semi-retired when he was working he became one of the youngest full partner his law firm ever made. I won't say the name of the firm for it is well known in the area of law it specializes in. By the time of his semi-retirement he had risen through the partnership ranks to become a Senior Partner and the Rainmaker for the firms branch he was in charge of.

Frankly if he wasn't my cousin I could not afford to speak with him as even in semi-retirement he bills out at over $500. an hour. This is what determination gets you if you want something badly enough.

It also has to be something you are passionate about. So my advice is this. IF the things you are chasing are things that you are passionate about and not something others pushing you too. Then keep pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and keep trying. If you are chasing someone else's dream for you then find your own dream and chase it.

I have a extended warranty on my macbook that covers accidental damage and spills. If I wasted something on it or dropped it could I get it replaced with another macbook?

I don't think they'd be able to tell I wasted water on it on purpose, so would that work?

While you will probably get away with what you are planning on doing; is called fraud. What you are planning is called Insurance Fraud as you are purposely damaging your property so you can make a claim under a warranty, which is a form of insurance.

Insurance Fraud is illegal and if discovered you can be charged. While the chances of discovery are slim what you are also doing by committing this fraud is raising the cost of this and other products sold at the store you purchased you MacBook from and others.

Yes you have a warranty to cover the replacement cost though the price you paid for that warranty does not begin to cover all the cost involved in replacement. Those costs have to be covered somehow and they are covered by raising prices on that product and all other product in their stores. Then everyone else shares in the cost of your fraud including you next time you purchase something from this store.

My advice is if you want the latest MacBook save up to by a new one like the rest of the honest people do. What you’re doing or wanting to do is dishonest and criminal which makes you a criminal even if you don't get caught. Don’t write back to me that others do it so why can’t you. If everyone else jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge does it mean you have to as well? Wrong cannot be justified and this is wrong.

Hi there,it's love choice again!!

I have been re-considering my trip with this young man.
You see,I have never been away from home before,and Im scared.I have a heavy feeling in my heart and gut.I dont know whether fear is coming to me and Im scared or what.
Im 25,I have never been away from my mom,especially in another state.IS this why my heaviness is setting in?
Wenever I see a video of my love or talk to him I get no heavy feelig at all.
Thank you all in advanced for being here for me!!

We are not doctors so we cannot make diagnoses. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility that you may be suffering a form of separation anxiety. If you can go places and do things with mom without anxiety then separation anxiety is one possibility. Being 25 and having never been away from home separation anxiety is still a possibility or it could be something else.

There is no easy way to get over this type of anxiety but to meet it head on. Your family doctor can make it easier on you with a mild anxiety medication. This may be all you need to get you over the first hurdle of actually going out on your own without mom.

If you find that you need the anxiety medication every time you’re away from mom and home. Then you need to speak with a psychologist as it is more serious than separation anxiety and can affect your quality of life.

Alright so I'm having a serious issue with one of my best friends. Tonight we were having a conversation and started talking about what we wanted to do when we are older. He had no idea but I told him I want to pursue acting and kind of started motivating him I guess. Next thing I know, he's telling me I inspired him to go into the Air Force. I'm so scared because not only is he my best friend, but I've known him since I was 6 and have been in love with him since I was 12(I'm a girl, he's a guy). I'm so scared because he's talking about how he's willing to die for those he loves, but I don't know how I would live with myself knowing it's all my fault. What do I do?

First of all relax, you were just talking. I don't know how all you two are but the fact that you say; "talking about what we wanted to do when we are older." Tells me there is some time before he actually signs the enlistment papers. I'm sure he may change his mind several times before then.

Even if he doesn't the Air Force, from the standpoint of combat deaths is one of the safer military services. I served in the Air Force during the Vietnam War as a Heavy Aircraft specialist. These planes were the heavy bombers, refueling tankers and cargo aircraft. Few in my specialty were actually stationed in the war zone as these planes were stationed well outside the war zone. Only the Cargo aircraft actually landed there. Even the fighters’ aircraft used during the war only a few in comparison to the many flown were actually stations in the war zone.

As a result of this there were very few combat related deaths for Airman during that war. The same was true in both Iraqi wars. These planes cost millions and millions of dollars to produce. Therefore the Pentagon tries not to put too many directly in harm’s way as they are big targets for the enemy. Since there are relatively few planes in a war zone there are also relatively few Air Force personnel stations with them. Those that were had Marines protecting them and the Marines did a wonderful job.

Air bases are always well protected. Since the Air Force is only slightly better armed than the Boy Scouts the job of protecting the bases, in a war zone generally falls to the Marines or the Army. They are the ones with the heavy artillery.

Actually life in the Air Force pretty good after basic training that is; generally speaking you live in air conditions barracks, and get three good meals a day. On base you have all the services one would expect to find in a small community most of which are even found in a war zone.

The only service that has it any better is the Navy and only because there chow, aboard ship is better. You don't want a mutiny on board a ship because of bad chow. In the other services if the chow in the chow hall is not to your liking there are fast food outlets on base to get food or you can go into town for a meal.

My advice is not to worry. Your friend will most likely change his mind before enlistment time comes along. IF he doesn't the Air Force is a great way to spend four years or even make a career.

I am from South Africa 16 years old..I recently lost my virginity last month. So during that month weekly me and my boyfriend would have sex .Since I lost my virginity I never gotten my period, however , every time we had sex we would use a condom AND before he would cum he usually pulls out and gets rid of the condom afterwards.. there was one day when we were doing it and he was gona cum so he pulled out the condom broke ! ..but I don't understand because the condom only broke when he WAS NOT in me anymore ..however just for precaution the next day I took an emergency contraceptive ..and its the 1st of July and I'm still waiting for my period ..I'm afraid to get a Pregnancy test ..PLEASE HELP what do I do?

Do as Hardcore-Band-Geek says and take a home pregnancy test. There is no way for certain that we can tell yes or no that you are pregnant. The fact that you used condoms and used the emergency contraceptive pill puts the odds in favor of you not being pregnant.

Also using the emergency contraceptive could be the reason your period is late as it disrupts your cycle. The only way to know for sure is take a home pregnancy, you actually take two. You take the first one and then 10 days later you take a second one to confirm the first, just to be on the safe side even if the first is negative. There are less false negatives than positives in these test and taking two with one confirming the other makes for a more accurate test.

Stress is another reason why your period may be late. Stress more than being pregnant is the biggest reason for a women to miss her period. Being stressed upsets the delicate balance in your system and this can cause your period to be late or missed altogether.

Try and relax as from what you have written there is very little chance you are pregnant.

So I got fingered 7 nights in a row by my bf, and I haven't noticed my period in like 2 months and I'm too scared to tell my mom my problem so I'm going to you guys! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

First of all calm down things may just be fairly normal as you are only 12 years old. Fingering should not cause you to miss your period as you cannot get pregnant from fingering unless the boy has sperm on his fingers and then the chances are still very small.

You have written so little yet there is a lot I need to cover with you in answering so we will start at the top.

Your period: Being 12 years old I would have to believe you are in the first year or so of your period. During the first years of your period it is not uncommon for your period to be irregular as the hormones released by puberty become related within you.

Stress is another reason why women miss their periods. You don't say how long you have been allowing your boyfriend to finger you. If it has gone on for any length of time and you are stressed out about getting pregnant you can and most likely will miss one or more periods. As I said there is no chance of getting pregnant from being fingered unless the boy has somehow gotten his sperm on his fingers and his fingers go far enough in your vagina for the sperm to find an egg.

Fingering: Let me tell you something about boys your age, having once been one myself. They are the biggest gossips there has ever been and they cannot keep a secret. He has to tell someone, most likely his best friend swearing him to secrecy. That friend tells another and before you know it by the time school opens in the fall you will have a reputation you don't want and will find very hard to live down.

Why are you allowing this boy to put his hands down there? Is this boy your age or older? If he is older or not did he say something like; "If you love me you will let me do this." That is a line many boys use to get their girlfriends to have sex with them. "If you love me you will have sex with me." Proving your love for a boy is no reason to allow a boy to finger you or to have sex with him.

Boys and girls have different definitions of love. A girl’s definition is more like in the dictionary. A boy’s definition of love fits the dictionary definition of Lust. It is not love that they have it is lust and in general once they get what they want it is off to someone else for they have a game they play to see how many points they can score with each girl they date. They get points for feeling a girl up, fingering her and the big prize is having sex with her. They get the most points if she is a virgin which is why so many older boys go for girls your age as girls your age are more likely to be virgins.

Letting a boy feel you up, finger you or have sex with you to prove your love is not a reason to allow or to do so. This type of intimacy is a result of your love for someone and should be reserved for when you are older and more mature. Not for a 12 year old who is battling with the new hormones in her body.

Talking to Mom: Understand one thing about your period your period is not sex it is a bodily function unique to the female of our species. The person who can best answer question concerning problems you may be having is you mom and in some cases your gynecologists.

Will mom get upset if you go up to her and say, "Mom I haven't had a period in two months?" She shouldn't unless she suspects you are sexually active. If you think she will over react and start with questions about whether you have had sex? Then start with; "Mom I need to ask you a question, please understand I am still a virgin but I have not had a period in two months." That should keep mom from thinking the wrong things.

There is probably nothing wrong with your missing your period. As I said in the beginning it happens to girls your age. It has been known to happen where girls your age have had a period or two or longer and then their periods stop for as long as a year. Probably 99% of the time there is nothing wrong. It takes a doctor and a specific blood test to understand if this is normal.

Since you are too young to make your own doctor’s appointments you must go to mom and tell her. Then she can decide when and if you need to see a doctor.

Most importantly after everything I have written the most important things are:

1. Talk to your mother

2. Stop letting your boyfriend touch you as you have let him. If he is more than a year older than you, he is too old for you and wants more from you then just fingering you.

My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. We just recently moved in together I have 2 children I had to move I was living in a one room apartment with my two kids in a house with a ton of people. I loved that way for a year and finally just couldn't take it. We got a place we've fought a lot about dumb stuff I've had a really hard time life wise for the last 5 years my husband took off I divorced now. We'll while moving together his truck loads were like half full. We spent over 2 hours putting a bed together I put the bed together he held the pieces up if I asked him to make sure something was tight he had no idea what he was doing at all. He couldn't put one screw together I'm really annoyed we still have two more beds two more dressers and a kitchen table to put together... am I wrong for being annoyed. I feel awful but Idk

I agree with Razhie. Not every man on this planet is mechanically inclined. Sure it seems easy enough to put bolt "A" into slot "B" attach nut "C" so on and so forth but to some people you may as well be talking a foreign language. Even when testing for mechanical skill the tests can get it wrong. I saw this first hand in the Air Force.

In training lass to be an aircraft repairman part of the training was tool identification. The instructor held up a hammer and called it a screwdriver. All but one of us laughed the one that didn't found the hammer on his paper and wrote screwdriver. He truly did not know a screwdriver from a hammer yet he scored among the highest in the class on the aptitude test. He was removed from the class.

I can understand your frustration but it should not be directed at him. Instead take a break, if you can, put the mattresses on the floor for the night I'm sure the kids will love it and get a better start tomorrow. Then try and teach him though again do not get frustrated or upset if he doesn't grasp what you doing. I'm sure he has other qualities or you would not be with him or have him around your children.

If you need help try family and friends. We have a long weekend coming up and maybe they can lend you a hand during this time.

Without getting too personal music has led me to this site. Music appreciation has kept me out of trouble and positive. What makes me an advisor in this or any category?

You have said it yourself as to what makes you an advisor or good advisor on this site. "Music appreciation has kept me out of trouble and positive."

You know what is takes to stay out of trouble. We get many letters asking just that type of question. For you it was music for other people it could be other interest, interests that I'm sure the wisdom of being 36 instead of 13 or 18 has given you.

Having a positive outlook is also, I believe a requirement to be a good advisor. How can you give good, positive advice if you do not have a positive outlook?

What makes you an advisor in this or any category? You must be a caring person or you would not spend the time we spend to answer any of these questions.

Remember you only need to answer those questions for which you can offer some positive helpful advice. There is nothing that says you have to answer any questions each day. If on any given day there are no questions you are comfortable answering don't force yourself to answer any.

If it is any help: Since I of course cannot tell who you are, I do feel you must be one of the better advisors on this site. Why else would you be questioning yourself? From your question alone I would say if you are comfortable doing what you do on her then keep on doing. If you’re new to being an advisor you will become more comfortable as time goes by.

Adviceman49

I have relatives that went to UK, they had fun, without me. Of course I got jealous, they're happy while I'm left out, now that they're back in the US, some of my UK raised relatives came over, they went to the beach, to expensive restaurants and parks, I wasn't there... They invited us for a dinner, but it was sad and empty, the rest of their vacation, we're not invited, now that you're reading this I want you to make me feel less bad, you know give advice on how to be close again, since we lied to each other, how could we be close again, I love them, but I think they don't... Should I forget about it? Or say sorry about the lies?

There is not enough information here to answer your question. Why did you not go to the UK with the relatives? Were you not invited or id you refuse for reasons such as monetary. Same question as for when the UL relatives came here. Were you not invited to join in or did you refuse for other reasons including monetary ones?

Having this information would be of great help to me in answering your question. You can leave me a private message if you wish and I will answer you.

My boyfriend has clearly admitted to liking hentai and other cartoon pornography but can not get an erection with me. He swears up and down that I am not the problem, that he is attracted to me, yet, I flaunt my naked body around him all the time and not even the slightest bit of arousal is seen in him. He stays limp. Everytime I ask him it's always "I don't know, I tell myself to get hard and it doesnt happen". I cant say what type of cartoon porn he likes because he hasn't shown me any of it, so, I don't know if its kiddy porn, or legimite adult on adult...I just know that he is into that and not into real porn, he won't watch the real life porn or even have sex with me. What can I do to help change that besides draw a picture of myself and wear it on my body?

There is something wrong here just what that may be I can't say. I'm not a doctor and that is who he needs to see as this is not normal, at least I don't think it is if you two are young and in your sexual prime.

You could be right that his porn obsession is not for normal, or what is considered normal porn. One way to find out is if you are of legal age to get an adult Hentai DVD and watch it with him and see if he gets an erection. If not this will signal one of two things. This is not the type of porn he watches or he is incapable of getting an erection.

If he is incapable of getting an erection he needs to see a doctor. Actually 2 doctors, first his family doctor for a complete physical including a complete blood panel and cholesterol count. Then if nothing is wrong he needs to see a Urologist to see why he is incapable of getting an erection.

It is very possible he suffers from erectile dysfunction something he would probably not want to admit to especially to his girlfriend. If you love him then you need to have a talk with him and find out if he does have a problem becoming erect and staying erect. IF so get him to a doctor. If he refuses then I suggest to you that he may not be the boyfriend you want or need.

When I was 12 years old,I met a young man about 13.We met in church.We hanged out alot and we were close.He left the church with his dad who was singing there at the time.

I am 24 now and he is 25
I moved to another state,and he is still in California

3 years ago we got back in touch through Facebook.At first we were texting and talking always,and throughout this period we had times of seperation due to personal problems,not neccesarily with eachother. The times that we kept texting we just kept getting closer and closer.And we love eachother.

We are planning to see eachother in September.Ive saved money and Im happy.

The problem is is that I have beliefs.I am not Jewish,but I kep Shabbat and Bibical Feasts.And the Bible clearly states that I cant be un-evenly yoked with a non-believer.He does not believe in any of this stuff,whereas,I havent talked much about it.Hes very serious about me and wants to marry me.My mom is very strict about our Bibical beliefs and she won't have a heathen with her daughter.I also don't want to go to hell and lose the beautifullness I have with this man that I love.I feel torn.Should I stay or tell him goodbye and be with someone who shares in what I believe? I dont want to let him,even thinking has left me crying for hours at a time.Please,what do I do??

Your mother is not the person who is going to marry this young man you are. My wife and I are of two different religions and have been happily married for 43 years as of next Saturday. As for Heaven and Hell the Jewish religion does not believe in such. As for the Bible and Interfaith marriage that is something you have to decide for yourself.

In today's world that passage is so trampled upon purgatory would need to expand to accommodate all the sinners of just that passage. Most churches do all interfaith marriages to be performed in their church they just do not provide a Mass or religious service.

If you love this man. If he honors you, makes you happy and together you can make a family and have a life together that's what counts. Mom is not going to live your life for you nor can you live your life for her. Sure there are ways she can show her displeasure and you can address them when and if they come along. Whatever they may be if they be they will fall to the wayside when her grandchildren come along for she will want to be part of their lives. If she somehow alienates herself from you before then she will not be a part of her grandchildren's lives in the future.

As someone of grandparent age I can tell you for a fact the biggest thrill in our lives is when our children have children. It is the most cherished time in our lives after the birth of our own children. It is something I am looking forward to and can't wait to hold my first grandchild and I will do nothing to harm that chance.

What this all boils down to is as I said in the beginning. This is your life you live it as you want. Your 24 and adult now and your mother no longer has any right to tell you how to live your life. As parents we can offer suggestions, that does not mean you have to accept our suggestion or advice.

hi im 12 and i do self harm ive been doing this since i was like 10-11 i want to stop but every time i try and tell someone i get nervious and scared what should i do?

The biggest step in stopping the self-harm is admitting you have a problem which you have done. The reason you get scared and nervous is you think your parents are going to yell at you or be mad or even punish you for doing so.

As a parent myself, actually I'm of the grandparent age I can only tell you how I would act if my son or daughter would come to me with news like this. I think I would get upset not necessarily at you but with me for not noticing what was happening. Depending on how you self-harm I would probable then get scared as well because you could have hurt yourself beyond repair. While I might be yelling at you I am really yelling at myself. I know that is a little hard to understand but it is a parent thing we yell at our children when they do something that scares us that we could or should have been able to prevent.

Have you considered writing mom and dad a note? You could start by saying something like; "I need help and I'm afraid you will yell at me so I have chosen this way to tell you why I need help. I have been self-harming myself for the last two years and I want to stop. I need your help. I think I need to see a doctor."

Self-harming is a cry for help. It usually means you are suffering from some type of depression. Given when you started to self-harm it is possible you are suffering from teenage depression which come on when a child starts into puberty.

Since puberty can start as early as 10 and sometimes even earlier, it is quite possible that you are having trouble dealing with all the new hormones now in your body. This is generally a cause for teenage depression and doctors can help you. So you are absolutely correct in asking for help.

If you can't fact mom or dad in person then write them a note. Leave the note on their pillow or on the kitchen table where they can find it. There is one other thing you can o and you do not need parental permission to do so.

IF you feel the need to self-harm before you find a way to tell your parents. Pick up the phone and call 911. This is a reason for calling 911. Tell the call taker you have been self-harming and you feel the need to do so now. The call taker will stay on the phone with you while help is sent to you.

Where I live, and as a first responder; when we get this type of call they dispatch the closest fire truck to you, and ambulance and a police officer. The fire truck is sent so the EMT's on the fire truck can care for you until the ambulance arrives with the paramedics. The police officer is dispatched to make sure you are safe and that the firefighters and paramedics are allowed to treat you.

I'm telling you this as this is fairly a standard response in most parts of the country so you know what to expect if you need to call 911. If you need to call 911 then do so this is what 911 is all about.

What does remote mean? Will they tell anyone if the test comes out positive?

IN this case the term "Remote" means there is little chance that you have an STD.

As I told you yesterday you have known this boy for along time. If he is not an IV drug user and does not use illegal drugs or is bisexual. Then there is very little chance you have an STD.

If he had a cold sore on his lip then it is possible that the cold sore was transferred to your groin and vagina. Cold sores are from the Herpes virus and usually the HSV-1 which most all of us have in our systems. Since it can be transmitted between partners from kissing and Oral sex it is considered an STD. That is why when you have a cold sore on your lips you should not kiss anyone or have oral sex with them.

What to do if you do get a positive test. Since I do not think you will; why don't we wait for the results and cross that bridge if it happens.

I will say this; I you do how you should handle it will depend on the type of STD you test positive for. So if you get a positive result, follow the doctors instructions. Then write me back and we will come up with how and when to tell the boy and your family.

My best advice for now is to relax as I do not feel you have an STD.

and the more i reserve myself, the nicer they are to me, cause they assume i'm "depressed"? it's so fucking annoying. i feel like i'd be a much better parent cause i'd always try to show my kid positivity. a parent shouldn't be making their already insecure kid more insecure. i mean, they've known me my whole life. they know how i became how i became. there's just a lot, and it's just frustrating me and clearly i have issues or i wouldn't be asking strangers for help on the internet. sometimes i just want to abstain from talking completely just cause my parents don't often make conversations enjoyable, when they should. i want family time to be more enjoyable. i hate hearing my parents argue over stuff, too, it just gets to me and i have to play music loud to drown it out. i'm too old for this shit. i just graduated high school, but i need a car. and i can't work til i have a car, cause my neighborhood is isolated. i just don't want another shit summer before university.

There is not a lot here with which to offer you advice with. Yes you are frustrated that I can see. Yes you want a car so you can get out and get a job. Would this car be only needed for the summer or would you be taking it to University? Many Universities do not allow Freshmen to have cars unless they live off campus.

You don't have what you consider ideal parents, welcome to the club. Not all parents are like the Nelsons, a TV show that was on long before you were born. Your parents are not supporting they put you down and they argue a lot. There are a lot of families like them and there is not much you can do about it.

If I knew what they say to you and how it is putting you down I might be able to offer you some suggestions on what to say to them. My father never had a word of encouragement for anyone. I became a firefighter, I was in the military, I received a merit promotion for something I did for which there was not medal to award. My father never said a word to me about this.

His grandson also became a firefighter/paramedic. He has saved a number of lives both as a paramedic and a fire fighter. For one rescue he received his department's medal of Merit. Not a word from his grandfather.

So you see you're not the only one who had parent problems. My story doesn't end there. After my son received his award, which was for reviving a baby who was clinically dead when he arrived on scene. When my father didn't acknowledge this award I gave it to my father with both barrels. It didn't help this is just the way he was, but I felt better.

If you are going off to university in the fall then you are age 17 or 18 which to me makes you an adult. I waited until I was almost 50 before I finally told my father off. I suggest you don't wait that long. Just go about it the right way. Do not do so in anger as I did.

You can do it in person by conversation or you can write them a letter. Just make sure to tell them you love them. Then explain to them calmly how much their put downs have hurt you. Also explain to them how well and how much you have achieved in spite of the depressing put downs. Ask them and tell if they could be more supportive of you so that you can really excel at university.

I am 25 years old and I am a female and I had oral sex for thefirst time ever I have ner fone anything sexual before nowb in my life and I am a virgin . I knowbyou proble dodon't get a lot of women who are old as I am who are virgins asking about stds on this site but iam terrified that I might have aids when I didn't even have intercourse. We were both naked and he ate me out and I sucked his dick and he gingered me could I get aids from letting this guy that I have known since I was 16 do this to me . I know this may make .e sound like a whore but we was only dating a week before he wanted to have sex and I said didn't want to have sex so we decided on oral sex . I am so scared because the other day I was in the shower and I noticed 3 little bumps inside my vagiana and I also have a boil that's kind of grey looking sorry if this is to grafic but I wanted to give you complete detail of what's going on with me so you could answer my question properly. I talked to my cousin about my situation and she said that I needed to go see a gbyon and get tested for aids and other stds . I am so scared. Please help . I made an appointment gor the 10th of my next month and iam absolutely terrified because I don't know what to they are going to do. How do they check for aids is it s blood test or do they actually have to check down there ? Will they tell anyone if I have aids . Please help me. Thank you so much.

The Possibility of you having AIDS is extremely remote. You say you know this boy since you were 16. Do you know him to be bisexual or to use intravenous drugs? If the answer is no to these questions then the possibility of him giving you the HIV virus is extremely remote. Also it would take more than 3 days before you would see any lesions.

Now we are not doctors so we cannot make a diagnoses and a doctor has to examine you and look at the bumps and boil to make a diagnoses.

Is it possible he gave you an STD while having oral sex or fingering you? This is more of a possibility. If he had a cold sore which is a form of Herpes know as HSV-1 and can form on the gentiles as well as the mouth. If he had a cold sore and touched his lips then not only while performing oral sex but while fingering you it would be possible to transfer the virus to you.

To wait 10 days to be seen, treated and tested is going to be extremely stressful for you. The chances that you have an STD are minimal but high enough that I recommend you go to one of the walk-in clinics or free women's clinic to be seen and tested or call your doctor and ask for an earlier appointment.

The sooner your seen the sooner you will know and the sooner you will be relieved of the stress of not knowing. Whether you test positive or negative for an STD once you know then you can deal with it.

So I'm only 15 and a sophomore in high school. I remember when I was a kid my classmates would call on me to read the next piece of the book and I would read it extreamly fast but I prounced every word and didn't studder, I am a very good reader but since we were younger they couldn't keep up. So after awhile my teacher stopped calling on me to read because I read to fast for them to comprehend the infomation , but I didn't mind that. Example is in 7th grade I was reading at an 11 grade level not a 7th graders. Then personally I started reading really fast too but I maintained all the information perfectly still. For example I read a book that was 600 pages in one day. And now as I'm 15 I've realized over the years that I jump from topic to topic. Like when I was with my grandma telling her about my day I wouldn't even give her enough time to transseion with me to another topic, but after I finished saying whatever I got back on the original topic. Now I noticed this past year that my brain is thinking too fast and my mouth can't keep up. So then when I'm talking to someone I accidentally leave out a few parts of a sentence because my brain thought I already had said them but my mouth really hadn't yet. Then when I do tell a story I literally have to give exact specifications or it will bug me and I won't move on or I'll move but I'll come back to it. Also when I'm talking and my brain is thinking to fast sometimes I just literally can't keep up with my mouth speaking what I'm thinking and I just make a goofy sound in the middle of what I'm saying juat to stop and play it off as being silly or something because I jusy cant keep up. I can't even remember what I was going to say because again my brain has already sped off. I also know I dont have ADHD. So my question is what's up with this? Is there a way I can teach my brain to slow down ? Or is this tied to something like a condition ? I'm not really sure but its been giving me a lot of issues these last couple of years and I just at least want to know what's up with it. So any thoughts and advice is welcomed thank you :)

I agree with GiddyGeezer that this is something you need to have evaluated by a professional and this starts with your family doctor. None of here are doctors so we cannot offer you any really good advice or even suggestions on this one this as this one truly needs to be evaluated by the proper professional.

I will say this that what you are seeing is not all that rare. I know of others who suffer with similar problems. Even though I now of them I will not offer a suggestion as this problem is unique to each individual.

I don't think it has anything to do with ADHD and it may have more to do with puberty, which is just a guess on my part. What I do know is the fact it is bothering you enough to write to us. So ask mom or dad to make an appointment for you with the family doctor and discuss it with the doctor. If you do not get a satisfactory answer from your doctor ask for a referral to a board certified psychiatrist. No you are not crazy. A board certified psychiatrist is specially trained to deal with all aspects of the brain.

Other doctors you might want to see for an evaluation would be an Internist and a Neurosurgeon. Being evaluated by all of these doctors would rule in or out any of the factors that could be in play to be the underlying cause of your problem.

15, female, USA, Christian

Okay, let me explain a little...
I have met gay people. I had a friend who was gay, I don't hate gay people and I don't like it when people are hateful to homosexuals.

But.

I don't agree with it. I'm not sure exactly why though...it just rub's me the wrong way.

I suppose it has something to do with the Bible(considering I am a Christian). But I know the Bible also says "Love your neighbor as yourself" and also not to judge others unless you are in a position to do so, such as being a judge or jury in court. So for that reason (among others like just being a decent person) I try not to judge them, and basically just have the mentality of 'let them take it up with God'.

Plus the fact that, a male and female can reproduce, yet two of the same sex can't. Species reproduction is nature, and homosexuality somewhat counters that. I understand adoption or not wanting to have kids, but in adoptions case they're still not reproducing, just raising a kid without a home.

But before you call me homophobic or something of the sort, please understand I do not hate homosexuals. I simply don't agree with their way of living (I guess you could say) for a multitude of reasons, most of which I'm unsure of.

And in the case of them being born that way, I do believe I heard somewhere that it has something to do with a hormonal imbalance that can be corrected with a shot or something, though I am unsure if that is factual.

Basically, I'm a little worried I will be judged throughout my life for not agreeing with homosexuality completely. Even though I'm not completely sure why.

Plus I just wanted to vent out my thoughts a bit. Though understand I am not trying to change anyone's opinions or beliefs. Believe what you will, I am simply stating what I believe, and I want to hear/read other peoples responses.

Any thoughts (or anything you want to correct me on) you have on this matter I would greatly appreciate reading. (Though do try to be polite)

While you have every right to feel as you do. What you have written about how you feel does label you as a Homophobic person. You may be more of a milder Homophobic person than most, still your writings put you in the Homophobic camp.

Being Homosexual is not a hormone imbalance that can be reversed or as you said corrected with a shot. Being Homosexual is more Genetic based for it is how a person, who is Gay or Lesbian, is born and should not be confused with transgendered people either. For transgendered people are rarely homosexual. The only similarity between them is this is how they were born.

Not liking the fact that there are people out there that hate homosexuals is a good start to understanding and accepting homosexuals as they are. Which is; they are people just like you who are trying to live their lives and enjoy life just as you are.

The fact that their sex life differs from yours is not of your concern. What would life be like if we hated everyone who is different that we are? Should we hate Vegans and vegetarians because we are connivers and they are not? Of course not and we don't. In fact we go out of are way to accommodate them in restaurants and in our homes when the visit.

"Live and let live" and "To each there own" are slogans that fit these life styles very well. It is not a lifestyle I desire or would even try but I was not born to be that way. These are people just like me who go to work each day, pay there taxes, make contribution to their community and in all other aspects are just like me. There is no reason for me to hate them or discriminate against them because of what goes on in there bedroom is different than what goes on in mine.

I will tell you this. There are things that go on nightly in the bedrooms of heterosexuals, many I'm sure you are aware about, that not all that long ago would have brought scorn and ridicule and even arrest if known, to those who practiced this type of sex. Today these acts are completely acceptable some of which at one time were considered homosexual acts. Though there are still states that have laws on the books against these acts, just not enforced except in the case of Rape.

What I am trying to point out is what is written in the bible may or may not be gods word but it will never change. Example: long before you were born it was a sin for Catholics to eat meat on Friday's. It does not say so in the Bible and after many decades of this the Priests told us it was now okay to eat meat on Fridays.

Why this was started and why it ended was never told. Times change and opinions change. What was once a sin is now okay. How can that be? Opinions Change and some things that were once unacceptable become acceptable. Homosexuality is one of those things that is changing in acceptance. It is really none of your business what happens in someone else's bedroom or is it their business what happens in yours, when you are older, or your parents bedroom today.

There is really no difference between someone who lives a homosexual life style then someone who lives a heterosexual life style other than the type of sex they practice. Since a person sexual preference is instilled in the womb there is not reason to discriminate against them.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>