|
Heaviness,Anxiety and Fork in the road
Hi there,it's love choice again!!
I have been re-considering my trip with this young man.
You see,I have never been away from home before,and Im scared.I have a heavy feeling in my heart and gut.I dont know whether fear is coming to me and Im scared or what.
Im 25,I have never been away from my mom,especially in another state.IS this why my heaviness is setting in?
Wenever I see a video of my love or talk to him I get no heavy feelig at all.
Thank you all in advanced for being here for me!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you have a heavy feeling in your gut, it's telling you something is wrong. I cant tell you whether whats wrong is that you have seperation anxiety and need to make that break away to get past it, or whether it's because you love the guy but don't know him as well as you should to be considering a trip with him. Would you be able to handle yourself if sometime during the trip this guy took off and left you and you'd need to find your own way home for example.
I don't know if your parents did everything for you as you grew up and continued to do everything, or if you were taught to handle responsibilities involving independance that were age appropriate and grew and you did. If the parents never taught you to take on independance in little bits as you grew up, then that may be the problem, not having any confidence in your own ability to be an adult and make your own decisions because its all been done for you. In this case, its not that something psychologically may be wrong like a real anxiety problem but more of a learned way of living. What has been learned can be un-learned. You just need enough determination to be strong enough to stand on your own two feet, not lean on mom and definitely not trade mom in to begin leaning on a boyfriend/husband. It takes 2 strong people capable of standing on their own to make a healthy relationship. If you end up leaning on the boyfriend and he is doing everything for you now instead of mom, all you'll have done is trade one caretaker for another.
You have one good thing going for you, your age. At mid twenties is when the frontal part of our brain finally finishes growing and maturing. This part of the brain is important for making good decisions and able to see the possible consequences and able to make good friend choices, etc. Thats why teens struggle so much, their bodies have matured but the brain wasn't there yet. This is a good time for you to begin to make decisions for yourself, whether it takes you away from mom or to another state. You are going to be able to make good solid decisions at your age if you are paying attention, doing research and checking on things, and quickly recognizing when one path or choice was not as good a one as you thought and correcting that immediately. All adults make a choice that looks good until part way into it and then we see it is not. That's okay and part of our learning life long.
So how to make that first move? You have the heavy queasy feeling in your gut and anxieous feeling in your heart because you are indulging in too much thought about it. Overthinking it, its called. Our feelings and emotions are controlled by our subconscious mind if we aren't aware of that fact. Our conscious minds may see what we need to do but the same part of brain that controls things we don't really need to think about like breathing, where to place our next footstep and our dreams and daydreams is all the work of the subconscious mind. So if you give it free rein to continue to think about taking this trip, the more you allow your thoughts to focus on it, the more you will imagine all that can go wrong, good reasons for not going and caving in to your fears. No matter what age I have been, whenever i had a major decision to make, it was natural to have fears, its mostly fear of the change, the unknown...almost all people have that. We fare better acting like Hobbits and hanging out in the familiar of our Hobbit homes and community. But there is so much we are missing in life if we don't make a move.
Dont be concerned about feelings of nerves from doing something you haven't before but don't dwell on it either, just go through with any action instead of reviewing the whole scenerio in
your mind. The more you give grounds to your imagination regarding this, the more your subconscious mind will talk you out of it because after all, it's just a Hobbit at heart.
]
We are not doctors so we cannot make diagnoses. It would not be beyond the realm of possibility that you may be suffering a form of separation anxiety. If you can go places and do things with mom without anxiety then separation anxiety is one possibility. Being 25 and having never been away from home separation anxiety is still a possibility or it could be something else.
There is no easy way to get over this type of anxiety but to meet it head on. Your family doctor can make it easier on you with a mild anxiety medication. This may be all you need to get you over the first hurdle of actually going out on your own without mom.
If you find that you need the anxiety medication every time you’re away from mom and home. Then you need to speak with a psychologist as it is more serious than separation anxiety and can affect your quality of life.
]
More Questions: |