adviceman49's advice column | Page 115

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140690

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

will god forgive me and will I still go to heaven when I follow through with what I'm about to do. I figure if I'm going to loose everything I'm going to loose it on my terms. I am going to jail for driving under suspennsion and I,m on disability and I'll loose everything I'm already living my life in a wheelchair from a motorcycle accident. I already have my mind made up

I'm glad you added the last part. Judges are not cold hearted. For someone in a wheelchair sending them to jail for driving on a suspended license is not the only option available to the court. It is not only cruel towards you it is a hardship for the corrections system. One would think you would have to be in violation of driving under suspension multiple times for a judge to take such drastic punishment.

Suicide is not the answer especially to this problem. What you need is a lawyer. If you do not have a lawyer and cannot afford a lawyer the court will appoint one for you. You do not have to wait until you get to court to ask for a lawyer. Call the clerk of the court. The number should be on the back of the summons. Tell the clerk you have a summons to appear in court and cannot afford a lawyer and would like one a pointed for you. Then follow the clerks direction.

I don't know what state you are in but driving under a suspended license if given a summons is generally a misdemeanor offence punishable by a fine. If it is a felony charge and a first offence even a legal aid lawyer given your circumstances should be able to get the prosecutor to lower the charges to a misdemeanor charge with a fine and maybe some type of community service you are capable of doing. The fine can be paid in installments that can be worked out with the clerk of the courts.

I see nothing here to even consider ending one's life. Even if the judge were to want to lock you up it would most likely be in a halfway house. These are not all that bad. There are no cells you basically sleep there and spend your weekends there. During the day you do community service or you are allowed to go to your job. It is not near as bad as prison.

Hey! So my bedroom is a complete mess, mostly because it's on the smaller side. I have a double bed and two bureaus. No, I can't ditch them because I inherited them from my grandmother. Painting the room isn't an option either, even though the last time it was painted was when I was in 5th grade (I'm in the 10th now) and I just don't know what to do. There's mess under all the furniture and the closet is awful. Also, I don't have enough space on top of my bureaus which I find funny because they're so gigantic!!! I need cleaning tips and I don't want to clean it a little bit at a time and I'm really frustrated.

Silly question time. The first thought that entered my mind was have you asked your mom for help in organizing your room?

As a parent we sometimes give in to total frustration and just close the door to our teenagers rooms so we don't see the mess. This was my wife's advice to me with my son when he was your age rather than our constant arguments.

Then one day when returning from a business trip I walk past my sons room and miracle of miracles. It appeared the cleaning god's had descended and struck clean. I asked my wife what happened. Her reply, he has a girlfriend. Wow the miracle of love.

Up to know I would guess you have lived with the mess and now for your own reasons suddenly find it unlivable. That's fine and I would be willing to bet mom and dad are just waiting to hear this from you. I would also be willing to bet that some of the furniture you say you're stuck with is not permanent in your room as is the color of the walls.

We parents are strange animals. We will do most anything for our children even things that seem strange or unreasonable. On the other hand we seem even stranger when the reasonable is considered to be unreasonable to you. Your room may fall under this category.

As a parent of a former 10th grade teenager my advice to you is to talk with mom and ask her advice on how to organize your room. First straighten up your room as best you can. Hang clothes up in the closet, get the dishes out from under the bed and back in the kitchen. Put clothes away in the draws where they belong and try to put things in a place.

At the moment you and I both know not everything is going to have a place. This is okay as long as you have made an effort and the room is clean and somewhat tidy this is what is on your side. Those two bureaus take up a lot of space. If you don't need both of them then maybe one can be moved to the basement or another room. Then it may with more wall space showing a coat of paint is reasonable and possibly dad can put up some shelves for you or you can put up your own shelves you are certainly old enough to do so.

With one of the bureaus gone it might be possible to get you a small writing desk or drafting table. Have a plan of what you would like your room to look like. Remind your parents you are almost an adult know and you're not 10 anymore but in 10th grade almost an adult and would like a room that reflects you age. This is something we parents tend to overlook.

Writing desks or drafting tables are not all that expensive especially from a company called IKEA. If they do not have a store near you then you can order on line at

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/

I. Have a lot of mental illness and I am so tired of surfing through my life is not sure that I can be able to live

I am not sure what your question is. There is help for mental illness and we can be helpful in pointing out ways of getting that help. Please right back and expand upon your question.

Things that would be helpful to us in helping you would be:

Your age

What illness(s) you suffer from.

What help you have had or is on going.

Are you living at home? If so what are they saying to you.

With information such as this we should be able to point you in a direction to find the help you need to overcome the mental illnesses.

If you're contemplating suicide please pick up the phone and call 911. They can and will get you proper help.

Hi
I've been dating my bf for for years, and Recently I had
Pregnancy signs and told him, I was so scared ,prayed for them not to be positive because we are still young. I thensaid to him that I don't want to give kids out of wedlock. This did cause him too much pain, he said that he too was born before my inlaws tied the knot, I didn't know about this, and it came out the wrong way, what I was trying to say is that it will be better if we hve kids when we are financially stable so that we won't be burdening our parents with our responsiblities.

Things started changing, are conversations are getting shorter, he no longer calls me with sweet names. He talks to me like I'm a stranger, I'm afraid he wants to end our relationship. I've never met his parents but I feel they are the only people who can talk to him and make him understand that I only meant well just that didn't say it in the right way. I want to call my mom in-law but I'm scared, I don't know where to start, that what I'm gonna say to her.

I really love this guy, He's the most wonderful thing I've ever had in life. My first love, My everything. He's in every plan of my future and all I need is to be with him. Can't eat, can't concentrate in class, I'm loosing weight. Please advice Me on how to handle this, don't want to loose him, he's my world.

#Scared to loose my Life

As to the problem you have written about. Yes things you said could have been said better. How could you have known his parents conceived him prior to marriage if he did not tell you. He should not be holding this against you.

He has been hurt not so much by what you said but how you said it and what you didn't know. This was caused by a lack of communication between you and a bit of fear on your part as well as a bad choice of words.

You say recently but not how long in a measurable time recently represents. Without a measurable amount of time I can't say if his being hurt has gone beyond what could be considered reasonable. To me reasonable would be time for him to sulk a bit then get his head straight; say maybe a week to ten days. If it is longer than this it is time for you to start the conversation to make things right.

In any relationship for it to be a good relationship one that is long lasting there must be good communications. That may be lacking in your relationship at least at the moment. So you need to open that line of communication. You need to remind him you were not aware of his parents conception of him out of wedlock and that it makes no difference how you feel about him. You also need to tell him that what you said came out wrong though he needs to understand that at that time you were scared and rightfully so.

At this point in a win loss column you two are about even. You are both hurt for different reasons due to a lack of good communication and trust. Now you need to explain what you meant, that you were scared to bring a child into the world before you were financially ready. I think what he might have heard is that you were giving serious consideration to aborting his child. It would not be hard for him to jump to that conclusion and given his start in life one could understand his being upset.

If I am correct in what I assume he may have thought; you need to convince him this was not what you were thinking. This is probably going to be harder to do than it sounds because circumstances have changed and you are not pregnant.

Once you get passed these points then I believe you two really need to sit down and talk about your future together. You see him as a future husband, nothing wrong with that. You say you two have been going out for a long time. If you are adults and old enough to marry then I believe it is reasonable for you and he to talk about the future and for him to tell you of his intentions.

I'm feeling bad right now, WHEN I SHOULD BE HAPPY!
My exam results just came out and I was especially eager to share it with my boyfriend because He was supportive when i was losing hope at how hard the exams seemed.
Anyway, i didn't quite get the reaction I wanted. He brushed it off, didn't congratulate me, and was generally not as happy as I was. I told him so,and over the phone, he was a jerk. He asked me why I'm angry, while laughing at me and making light of the matter,not realizing that I was getting more agitated. He continued to laugh and eventually, i told him to stop and then I hang up. He called back again but I didn't answer.Now all I can think of is, my boyfriend of almost 2 years isn't happy for me and my achievements.

How does a girl like me get a guy to appreciate her, and to be attentive to her needs? How do I make him take me seriously? Generally, he never admits to his wrongs, and his apologies are seldom.

I know just how you feel my father was the same way he would never admit he was wrong to us or anyone else. Because of it, as my sister and I have found out after years of therapy. We grew up abused (mentally) in a dysfunctional home.

The problem, as I have learned, is a character fault something no amount of therapy or drugs will correct. Also because of the character fault the person may also suffer from depression as well; my father certainly did.

The laughing and teasing are all part of the syndrome. He doesn't feel he is wrong so he laughs and teases his way through situations. If you watch him closely you will see him do this with other people not just you.

Therapy will help him deal with the character fault it won't cure it. Therapy will cure the depression which should help him control the character fault. There is only one problem. People who suffer from depression; a form of mental illness, do not realize they are ill. In all most every instance they will not accept the fact they need help. Until they do they will not change and those around them will suffer.

I know this because not only have I been there I too suffered from depression and didn't accept the fact that I was depressed. That is until a series of events happened that caused a serious depressive episode; then and only then did I ask for help. Before anyone suffering from depression or illnesses like it will ask for help they have to hit bottom. Mine was sitting at a traffic light and being rammed in the rear by a truck doing 60mph. Dealing with my injuries the doctors and the lawyers were the straws that lead to the depressive episode leading me to ask for help.

There are guys out there that will appreciate a girl like you. In his own way I'm sure this guy appreciates you as well. Getting him to show it when you need it is where the problem lies.

It is unfortunate but you can have all the love in the world for him and he is not going to change until he is ready or will he seek help until he sees a need to. This unfortunately leaves you with a question only you can answer.

Do you stay with him and put up with this character fault; or do you leave him and seek out a man who will love you and respect and appreciate you?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He moved out of the country for college and now he's living with his dad, his step mom and his step siblings. His mother has hated me since the start. She always puts up a face and acts like everything is okay when she's in front of me and my family. I just found out recently that she has been trying to get rid of me by telling my boyfriend to leave me. She also keeps pairing my boyfriend up with girls that she is comfortable with. I dont know what I should do or how I should react. My boyfriend is very close to his mom and I dont want to ruin their relationship as much as possible. I hope he fights for me when the situation calls for it.

This is a tough situation to be in especially if you see yourself someday being her daughter in-law. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to change this and of course there are times you can change things how to do so differs for person to person.

What you can't do is buy someone's affection with gifts; this is false. Yes remember her Birthday and get her a gift at Christmas because it is the right thing to do. The wrong thing to do is to attempt to buy her affection and is something she will see right through and the problem whatever it is will worsen.

Have you had a talk with your boyfriend? Does he know why his mother doesn't like? Has he told you if he does? Is she a deeply religious women? If so are you and the boyfriend of two different religions? Being of two different religions is the biggest cause for parents to take immediate dislikes to their children's significant others.

I'm a bit confused as to how much interaction you might have with her now that your BF is out of the country. Be that as it may this is also a chance for you to get to know her better since he is. With her son not home you could stop by from time to time to check in on her to make sure she is okay. You can offer to help out with some of the things her son may have done for her if he were home.

This is also an opportunity to talk with her and find out why she doesn't like you. Maybe there is a certain kind of cake or pastry she likes. Get some and take it to her one afternoon or evening and ask if you and she could sit and talk for a bit.

Then be straight with her and tell her that you are aware she does not see you as someone good enough for her boy let alone her possible future daughter in-law. Then tell her how much you love him and how much you believe he loves you. That you don't want to come between him and her. Ask her to be honest with you and to tell you what it is she doesn't like about you. If it is something you can change or discuss with her you will; if not you will just get up and leave but there will be no fight and no one will be harmed.

21/f

I'm on the Microgestin. The one with the brown pills for the last week. I've called my doctor and they told me that I was able to skip my periods but they couldn't guarantee that it would work the first time and it sometimes takes a few times for it to work for some people.

I skipped the brown placebo pills twice and each month I've been having blood breakthroughs and if I were on my period. It stops the week before my period is supposed to start and then it starts again the week of my placebo pills.

Do you think my body isn't meant to skip periods and I should go in and ask about another method? Or do you think I should try again the third time to see?

First I am not a doctor so anything I tell you is my own thoughts and not medical advice. For medical advice please seek the advice of your medical practitioner.

Placebo pills are sugar pill and have no medicinal benefit other than to keep you in the habit of taking a pill each day. I have serious reservation as to what skipping them altogether would or if have any effect on you cycle.

With that thought in mind your question as to whether to seek a different method becomes a valid question. Also valid is to discuss with your doctor any other medications including over the counter medications you are taking that could be interacting with the Microgestin. It may be that Microgestin may not be the right drug for you and one of the other host of contraceptive drugs will work better for you.

If you are being prescribed this drug by your family doctor. What I suggest is you see a Gynecologist (GYN); let the GYN examine you and discuss this with the doctor.

Most health plans coverage today prefers us to see our Family practitioner (FP) for most things. Generally this is fine as the Family Practitioner is a General Practitioner trained to know a bit about our entire body. There are times though when problems go beyond the FP's scope of practice and you need to see a doctor that specializes in that area.

Since you do not say what kind of doctor is treating and prescribing for your birth control medication I would be remiss if I didn't cover all the bases with you. If you are not seeing a GYN then I believe you should make an appointment to see one. If your insurance requires a referral from your (FP) ask for one.

Once again under the scope of caution I should also advise you. This problem may be coincidental with your birth control medication and the cause be something altogether different. There are many more reasons for uterine bleeding than problems with birth control medication. My advice is to call your GYN if you seeing one or get a referral to one and ask for an emergency appointment. IF you have been bleeding for two months, if I understand you correctly, that is a significant blood loss and you should be seen immediately.

I am looking for easy-to-understand-and-see facts about male and female sexual anatomy. Can you suggest a video on YouTube and/or a webpage?

Using the Yahoo search engine I typed the following question into the search engine. "easy to understand male & female anatomy diagrams."

The return even before I finished entering the question gave me many choices. I selected the choice closest to your question and the page had many good returns to chose from all with either pictures or illustrations.

Type the question I used in to the search engine you use. You should get similar returns. If not go to yahoo.com and use their search engine.

I'm a 14 year old girl and I've been wanting to dye my hair blue. Not all of it, just the ends. The problem is my mother was raised to believe that dying your hair was taboo for some reason and my father would never ever ever let me dye my hair such a ridiculous color and I get the feeling it's because he would get a bad reputation in our town if his child has blue hair. I really want this though. I just moved to a new place and in trying to "reinvent" myself, and I've always wanted to do this so I figured it would be a good place to start. So how can I convince them?

As I see it; the problem you are in is a no win situation. It is you against mom and dad for two different reasons. Mom will not under any circumstances allow you to die your hair and dad if he were willing would not allow "such a ridiculous" color. That is the essence of a no win situation for you are a teenager subject to your parents authority.

Now let me say this; I'm old enough to be your grandfather and while I too don't like the idea or the color I understand why you want to do this. I see nothing wrong in wanting to change your hair color if you were wanting to change your entire hair color. To me that is part of being a teenage girl part of learning about how to be a women.

As I said I understand about changing the color of some of your hair it is something some teenagers do today. I can also understand why dad may be against this and it is really not about his reputation and more about your reputation.

There is nothing wrong with reinventing just try not to be shocking when doing so. Which is as I see it the problem you face. Is it possible you could reinvent yourself with a less shocking color one that might be more acceptable as a fashion statement yet still satisfy your need for reinvention?

I ask this for there are numerous times when raising a child that parents will disagree on something. In most cases they will come to an understanding which also in most cases allows the child to do whatever it is they have asked. The parents may put some restrictions on the child or modify to different decrees but on the whole the child benefits and gains most of what they have asked for.

I believe if you can come up with a color to dye your hair that is more acceptable to your dad and still satisfies you need for reinvention? Then dad may convince mom to let you dye your hair or just flat override her objection. In raising our children I have done that on occasion as has my wife. In this instance you are first going to have to get dad on your side and I believe a less shocking color will do that.

Once you have changed the color then you can discuss more shocking colors. A good reason would be say for Halloween; a nice bright orange. They are now use to you hair style and might not object to a brighter color for this reason. Once you change the color again they may not be in a hurry to have you change it again.

I feel like my vagina is ugly is this normal
What if my boyfriend thinks its gross

I can tell you factually, since I am a guy, that none of us look at a vagina and think it is ugly. As a teenager or young adult if we are fortunate enough to see our girls vagina then what we are thinking is not what it looks like but "is she going to let me put my penis in her vagina and have sex?"

"When we get older and marry the vagina becomes the most beautiful thing in the world. Especially the day it delivers your firs child. As the father you’re in the delivery room and watch as you child suddenly appears from your wife's vagina. It is the most beautiful thing in the world to watch as a new life is born. The doctor hands you a pair of scissor you cut the cord and the nurse hands you your child who is only minutes old. You look back at your wife's vagina and you think when we can start making another baby.

No there are no ugly vaginas' only beautiful ones. At different ages a male sees a different beauty in a vagina but never ugly.

So I'm a 13 year old girl and my bedroom doesn't have a door..... I feel like I have a lack of privacy. All that covers the entrance to my room is a thin see through curtain. I already share the room with my sister, so that's already one person who has the right to barge in, but my brothers and parents do it too! I'll be getting dressed or something and then they'll just shove right through the curtains. It's incredibly annoying. How do I ask for a door with a lock or at least a curtain that's not see through? I'm always afraid to ask for things because we just moved to this house (and I know that houses cost a lot. and I have so many siblings (which leads to more expenses) and I'm afraid that I'm being too expensive. I Harley ask for anything though besides notebooks to draw in (I don't even have a cell phone because I'm afraid to give my parents anymore bills). So how do ask? And since I ask for do little, do you think they'll say yes? (Oh and just a quick bit of extra info: I'm usually that "forgotten" child whose desires fall through the cracks, so I'll need a really good way of asking) Thanks!!!!

You must be the middle child. You are not the forgotten child you are just the child that does not beg for attention as much as you’re older and younger siblings do. There is an old saying; "that it is the Squeaky well that gets the grease." Your problem is you don't squeak.

As to your question: This is a question you need to take up with mom. I wouldn't ask for a door with a lock on it since you share your room with your sister as there is the possibility of locking her out of her own room. Not that you would do it purposely but it could happen. You just ask for a door that could be closed so you can have some privacy to do what teenage girls do. If I remember correctly from my sister is spending time trying on different outfits, experimenting with hair styles and makeup. Having girl talks with her friends all of which beg for more privacy then the curtain provides.

You tell mom that you feel you have to get dressed in the bathroom so you can so without your brothers barging in and catching you in some state of undress and it is embarrassing. That there are times when you would like to go to your room just for some quiet time maybe to do homework, reflect or write in your diary.

Since you seem to feel you are the forgotten child I would suggest you ask mom for some mommy and you time. A trip to the mall one day for a hamburger or a slice of pizza is a good inexpensive way of some mommy and you time. If she agrees this is when you make your request for a door.

I'm trying to help a family member pay off tickets. Can they do community service & set up a payment plan? I'll be paying. We live in Texas if that helps.

The question you asked is something for the court to decide. Generally the clerk of the court will set up a payment plan for any fine assessed.

As to community service. I'm not sure why you are asking this question. If the person has been fined and given jail time this is the decision of the judge based on whatever relevant facts the judge has to base courts sentence on. One overriding fact would be the person's driving record.

If the judge felt that a fine was not sufficient to correct the driving behavior of this person. Then the allows the court to both fine and imprison a person. If the court wanted community service they would have assessed that at sentencing.

If you're asking for community service for this person because you are pay the fine and you want some punishment served. I'm not sure this is something the court will go along with. You would have to discuss this with the judge. In doing so you run the risk of the court barring you from making any payment toward the fine. This would fall under the judges judicial discretion.

Unless this person is your parent, spouse or child you are not doing them any real favor by paying their fine. Parent or spouse I can understand though for a child if able to work and earn the money for he fine then no you're not teaching him or her anything. Plus you are also going to be punished with higher insurance costs which your child should have to pay back to you. This is where the lesson is to be learned.

Let me put it another way. IF this person were to be sent to jail as punishment; would you serve their time for them? I don't think so. I paying their fine for them you are doing the same thing. No lesson is learned and they have not been punished for whatever wrong they did and they will continue doing so. Next time this wrong may kill someone.

Students are always using the essay writing service for their academic works.Some students are did not interest to do the their essay but some one will do their works.UK international relations thesis writing service guidelines is very benefit for the students works.

http://www.clazwork.com/uk-international-relations-thesis-writing-expert-augon

Is there a question in here some place? If so I don't see one. What I see is a poorly worded advertisement by someone who English is not their first language.

This site is for answer question; not a place for someone to place a free ad for their cheating service. What we do here is promote doing what is right. Your service is promoting doing wrong.

I will be asking the webmaster to take your question down as it does not belong here

Hello advicenators, I just need a few advice to share with my brother. He is 29 and has been under a lot of pressure lately. My whole family wants him to find a girl and get married. I personally believe that they shouldn't be forcing him to. Now there are two girls that he has been talking to and my family wants him to choose one of those girls but they want one of the girl most than the other one. Let's just call them girl a and girl b. Girl a is very shy and antisocial and doesn't really talk to our family members that much or try to get to know us better and my parents don't like that about her. My brother is deeply in love with her but my family want him to choose girl b because of how social she is and how she wants to know everyone in the family. My brother doesn't love girl b as much as he loves girl a. Personally I believe he should choose girl a who he's madly in love with despite of how shy and antisocial she is. I just need some advice that I can share with him so he could really think about what's best for him and not our family. After all we are not the ones who will marry the girl, he is and he needs to be happy.

I believe you know the answer to this question though if you want additional support I will be glad to supply it. Let me start by saying that arranged marriages are rarely happy marriages. What your parent are trying to do by pushing your brother towards one girl and away from the other is close to an arranged marriage. He will not be happy and the girl will not be happy, at least not for the long haul of a marriage.

Girl "A" on the other hand who he loves is the better choice for any number of reasons but mainly because your brother is deeply in love with her. Her shyness should not be taken as antisocial. She is probably aware that she is not your parents’ first choice for a daughter in-law. This adds to her inability to open up to your parents and be the girl your brother knows and loves. I would go as far as to say if your parents were to see her in a different social setting with friends of hers and your brothers. Your parents would see an entirely different girl.

Question for you to put to your parents: Why should she open up to them and further endanger the relationship she has with your brother by talking to them about herself? As I see it talking to your parents is not a win/win situation for her so she stays quiet. This is not being antisocial this is protecting herself from being hurt.

My son is a little older then you brother and single. He has brought home a number of different women he has dated and I have said nothing to him about the ones I didn't care for. Surprisingly he has seen the same flaws in them after dating them for a while. Now one of his problems is that he is a great date but the one or two women he would have loved to have a long term relationship with were very fearful of doing so because of his job. He is a firefighter and they could not live with the question of would he be coming home in the morning. Now that is my sons’ problem and he will find a woman strong enough to deal with it.

Your brothers’ problem is your parents. They are not going to live with him and his wife. He is the one that needs to be happy. What you or he needs to do is to tell your parents that in this particular case it is not them that need to be pleased. In this instance where his life happiness is concerned they have no really say in the matter and should back off.

I believe that once they back off and welcome girl "A" into the family she will be less shy around them and less guarded about herself. Once that happiness they will see the same girl your brother sees.

Would a guy have sex if we had our periods ?? I know there's a lot of different opinions in this, but for all the guys out there does it turn you off ? Or are you guys fine with it ? What are your thoughts on periods ?

I'm a guy and it doesn't bother me to have sex during my wife's period. In fact for some reason the urge to have sex when she is having her period is higher for me. I think it is because she gives of more pheromones or there is subtle change in her scent. The only thing I won't do and she doesn't ask for during this time is oral sex.

Know it also seem so to me that my wife is also, more sensual, I think that's the word, during this time. She seems to enjoy are sex more than when she is not having her period. About the only time she will say no to sex during this time is a day or two before and the first day of her period when her cramps may be bad.

During this time when we have sex we have old towels we use and at her request the lights are off. I'm comfortable either way and maybe it is me but I think the sex helps with the cramps. If that is truly the case and if for some reason I preferred not to have sex during this time. The fact is I love my wife and if sex made her more comfortable I could deal with my discomfort during this time.

How do you go about dating someone 20 years younger than you? Who has been a very special friend

With so little to go on this is a hard question to answer. When you come right down to it age is just a number. Once two people advance beyond the age of majority the number becomes less and less significant. Really nothing more than a manor of record or keeping things in order.

When it comes to dating the significance in the numbers comes in the largeness in the difference between them. To some people that largeness has no meaning to others it has unfortunate significance.

For the purpose of your question I would suggest you come right out and ask that person if he or she is interested in dating. You can go on to say you would like to see if a romance is in the works; should that be your intentions?

I see no reason not to be straightforward. In order to date someone you have to ask them to go out with you; right. In this instance you change the approach just a little to see if your person of interest is interested in dating older people.

You could start by asking this person how they feel about dating older people. This person is a very special friend so it could be brought up in conversation. In this way you are not asking for a date and being turned down if he or she is not willing to date out of he or she's' age group.

Now if you two do start dating be aware that most people are not very liberal minded when it comes to May December romances. IF you are the male then you will be looked at as robbing the cradle or a sugar daddy and she a gold digger or worse. If you are the female then you are a Cougar and he is a Gigolo or worse. It is not right but that is how people feel, some may even be your closest friends.

I would suggest you think about how you and your special friend might deal with the reaction of others before you start dating. Because the their reaction can and most likely will have an impact on any relationship you to may or want to have.

I'm a female and 15 years old I have no emotions I haven't felt anything since I was 8! My mother is worried about me because I have show a symptoms of depression lately. My mom says I'm depressed because I'm stressed but I think it's because I found out my father killed people and that's why he is in prison! I'm was courious if this was a normal thing or should I be worried or I don't exactly know so if anyone has anything that would help I would really apreciate it!

Having no emotion is an emotion of itself. Having no feelings is different and this may be what you are saying. From what you wrote I think this is what you are saying.

Your father being in prison for killing people can have an effect on you adversely as you describe. Now how your dad killed someone is important also. If say he did so unintentionally in an auto accident that is way different than intentional homicide. People go to prison for unintentional homicide just the same as for intentional homicide. The only difference is the term of incarceration.

I'm always here if you want to follow up and I would like to hear back from you as to how your are feeling. This is not how you have to live there is help. Please get the help that is out there.

Still this can be very stressful on a child so both you and your mother are correct. Stress causes depression. Depression causes pain which in your writing I believe you are saying is no emotion. Having been that depressed myself I belief this is what you're saying.

Feeling as you do one could say is both normal and abnormal. It is normal considering the circumstances that you would feel as you do. It is abnormal for you to have to lives this way for there is help for the depression, stress and pain you live with.

This help starts with a visit to your family doctor so that you can be properly diagnosed for the depression you suffer from. From there you follow your doctor's instructions as to what treatment is needed. By following your doctor's instruction and taking any medication your doctor or other doctors prescribe as prescribed. You will feel much better in about 4 to 6 weeks as the medicine and talk therapy do what they do best.

I'm always here if you want to follow up and I would like to hear back from you as to how your are feeling. This is not how you have to live there is help. Please get the help that is out there.

On my stomach (my abs) right under my skin there's a ball like thing. I researched it and thought it was a cyst. I messed with it and now it's red, actually visible (as to where it wasn't visible before) and is really painful to touch. It's very small, and it isn't opened or anything. Will this go away? If it is a cyst if I leave it alone will the redness go away? Help please!

We are not doctors so we cannot make any type of diagnoses. In order to do so would also require an examination as description alone is not enough to make a diagnoses.

Is it a Cyst, possibly. There are Cysts called fibroid Cyst. A fibroid cyst is a type of common, non-cancerous tumor. I have several that are just under the skin and I can move them around a bit under the skin. When I do the skin may turn red for a bit then goes back to normal.

What is important here is I had my doctor diagnose that these tumors were fibroid cysts. Which is what you need to do. Once you know they are then you just have to watch them for growth. The can grow without turning cancerous. I recently had one on my upper arm start to bother me as it would shrink then grow again. I went to a surgeon and we decided it was time to take it off.

Since I belief you are a female if you want one removed from a place a scar would be seen then a plastic surgeon would be the doctor to see for removal rather than a general surgeon. A plastic surgeon will still leave a scar but one that they have ways to hide.

The operation itself was a blast. I was in and out of the surgery center in an hour. It took them longer to get me set in the OR than the 5 minutes it took the surgeon to cut it out. Honestly it was a waist of the Anesthetic they used to put me out. When they woke me up the cyst was sitting in a jar next to the OR table for me to see as I requested.

Once you have a proper diagnoses that this is a fibroid cyst you can just ignore it. OF course if it bothers you or is in a place it is unsightly it is your prerogative to have it removed at anytime.

Miley Cyrus is naked on a wrecking ball,“OMG she must be a pig!" “what a SLUUUUUT!" Lady gaga and Nicki minaj dress like that,“eww, she must be, like, possessed!" “ugly illuminati ho!" But when Thicke makes a song singing about raping girls it is everywhere and populaur. Everyone loves it. When Taylor Loghtner is naked,“OMG he's so fucking hot!" “such a STUUUUUD" and raping girls is much worse than being naked on a WREEEEEEECCCCCKKKKIIIINNNGGG BAAAAAAAALLLLL. And Blurred Lines is annoying as Fuck. When Brittney Spears does...everything she did, people drove her to attempt suicide. When Justin Beiber cheats, drinks and drag races, eggs someone's house and spit on his neighbor, “he's going through a hard time" and his mom bailes him,“he's just a kid." Frankly I'd whip my brothers ass if he raped girls, and all the stuff JB did. I'd whip my sister's ass if she did the miley, Brittney and lady gaga and nicki minaj stuff. But why when a guy screws with 25 girls he's a stud, but if a girl screws with 1 guy, she's a slut.

Although the ultimate origin of the word "slut" is unknown, it first appeared in Middle English in 1402 as slutte (AHD), with the meaning "a dirty, untidy, or slovenly woman". Even earlier, Geoffrey Chaucer used the word sluttish (c. 1386) to describe a slovenly man; however, later uses appear almost exclusively associated with women.

In its base origin the word "slut" was meant to describe "slovenly men or women." Over the centuries the word somehow came to be used to describe a sexually or morally lose women. This change of descriptive use came about in the early 1700's.

That is the origin of the word. I don't like the word and I don't use the word. Today with the emphasis on equality of the sexes and all the diseases out there. I do not believe anyone admires a male or a female of loose moral character. What we see is the media presentation of men and women which is to promote the male while trashing the female. This is the old double standard which has been around for ages.

Since you now know the origin of the word you could if you like educate others to the fact both males and females were the original definition of the words usage. Maybe if they know the correct usage the word will eventually disappear at least we can hope it will.

19/f
My uni female housemate has invited me and our other housemate to her birthday party. The issue is its over 180 miles away (3hrs by train).
The party is spread over 2 nights and basically shes said the other 2 females in the uni flat are allowed to sleep over-but not me as theres just not enough room.
Tbh I don't want to pay my rail fare and hotel accommodation for two nights when the others arn't-plys I'm not as close to her anyway and my parents won't aklow me to travel/stay alone.

Theres no one I can stay with. I don't want to let my flatmate down on her birthday but think if I do the other 3 girls will become closer and segregate me as a result. The others are all turning 21 soon and I already feel left out due to my youngness.
However going would cause alot of stress for my mum who simply won't allow me to go-fearing for my safety.

What should I do?

First of all I think it is very rude of her to accommodate the other two and not you. This act alone shows further separation of you from them. It is possible she deliberately invited you in this manner knowing you could not attend because of the cost involved but felt leaving you out would be rude as a roommate to do so. It is not all that hard to accommodate an extra person. One just needs some floor space and a sleeping bag at the very least.

You do not have to say anything about your mom. Just thank her for inviting you but because of the cost involved you will not be able to attend. If you really want to make her feel bad, have a small inexpensive gift waiting for her when she returns to the flat.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>