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Feeling left out -could party make it worse?
19/f
My uni female housemate has invited me and our other housemate to her birthday party. The issue is its over 180 miles away (3hrs by train).
The party is spread over 2 nights and basically shes said the other 2 females in the uni flat are allowed to sleep over-but not me as theres just not enough room.
Tbh I don't want to pay my rail fare and hotel accommodation for two nights when the others arn't-plys I'm not as close to her anyway and my parents won't aklow me to travel/stay alone.
Theres no one I can stay with. I don't want to let my flatmate down on her birthday but think if I do the other 3 girls will become closer and segregate me as a result. The others are all turning 21 soon and I already feel left out due to my youngness.
However going would cause alot of stress for my mum who simply won't allow me to go-fearing for my safety.
What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
True friends will never put you into a situation that is unaccommodating and avoidable. Trust your instincts and if doesn't feel right, don't do it. If they react negatively, then it'll only help in showing their true colors. Your an adult, trust yourself and your decisions.
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First of all I think it is very rude of her to accommodate the other two and not you. This act alone shows further separation of you from them. It is possible she deliberately invited you in this manner knowing you could not attend because of the cost involved but felt leaving you out would be rude as a roommate to do so. It is not all that hard to accommodate an extra person. One just needs some floor space and a sleeping bag at the very least.
You do not have to say anything about your mom. Just thank her for inviting you but because of the cost involved you will not be able to attend. If you really want to make her feel bad, have a small inexpensive gift waiting for her when she returns to the flat.
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You say you don't want to let your flatmate down, but what is she doing for you? She is asking too much of you. You're worried that the other girls will become closer and segregate you...haven't they already? They've put you in a very terrible position. How is there not enough room? If she can afford a 2 night party and isn't cognizant of the cost for you in having to travel and book a hotel, she can certainly afford an air mattress or some sort of sleeping pad to put you on. I would be very angry at them if I were you, but I do have some ideas to help make it work. Since they are your housemates, even if they're not treating you well, it's a good idea to stay friendly with them. Tell the host of the party about your issues. Tell her that it would be too much money for you to come and not have a place to stay, but that you really want to. Tell her that your parents are worried and even though they don't control you, you don't want to do that to them. Ask her if there's any way you could stay at the house. What if you brought a mattress pad? Would it be possible for you to go to one night of the party rather than two? Two nights of partying does seem a bit overboard. In those sorts of situations, it's much too easy for drama to occur especially if there's going to be a lot of alcohol. If your housemates are good people and they care about you, they will find a way to make it work. If not, don't go. She is really asking way too much of you and there's no way she doesn't know that. There's no point in throwing down that much money to go to something that they don't want you at. Find out how willing they are to work with you and make your decision from there. If you decide not to go, don't blame yourself. They have set up impossible circumstances for you and anything that results from you not attending is on them, not you. Good luck.
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