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I can't get over my best friend hating me!
My best friend used to do everything together. I loved hanging out with her. When a girl on her basketball team moved into the neighborhood, whenever I came over, she'd greet me with," don't bother. I'm inviting my NEW bestie over." after a while, i stopped going over. After a while, she apologized. Then she gave me the book we wrote together. She said, "write a new entry, then give it back. Then I'll write one.". But when I tried to give it back, she smirked and told me it was mine now. She had passed off her junk onto me. It has been half a year now, but I can't get over it. I've thought about burning the book. Can someone please give me some advice, because even though she is a jerk, I still cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. Thanks, ~M&M
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
People can be the most lovingly hateful person and that can change based on the circumstances surrounding their life. While their is no excuse for you to be treated in such a way by anyone, much less someone you care for, she may be going through something that makes her feel better by hurting you. Their is very little you can do when someone chooses to not be in your life, but in this situation, it doesn't have anything to do with you and everything to do with her. Move on with your life, make new friends, and maybe in time and if you wish, the opportunity will present itself to be friends again.
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Wow, that's awful! I'd cry myself to sleep every night if I were in your position too. I've had good friends leave me for seemingly no reason over the years and it is very painful. I cannot imagine if it had been someone who was that close to me. The thing is, there's not much that you can or should do. The more you try to be friends with her, the more she will use your kindness against you and the worse you will feel. The more pathetic you look, the further it will drive the two of you apart. She might be feeding off of the idea that you are so "pathetic" and "obsessed" with her. You're DEFINITELY not, but who knows what she's thinking.
You'll find that these sorts of things will happen throughout your life. You never get used to it, but you will come to accept it. Don't think it has anything to do with you. The actions of other people come from within them. If someone is mean to you, it doesn't mean that it's in reaction to who you are. It's a result of who they are. Trust me, this will catch up to her. At some point, even if it's years from now, she will think back to how she treated you and feel really, really bad about it.
You may not like what I'm about to say, but anything else is just not the truth. The only thing that can make things better for you in this situation is time. There is not a solution for you. Whether you like it or not, that's the reality. The only thing you can do is stay in touch with her. Since she will eventually feel bad about what she did and miss the friendship that you had, you want to keep a very small line of communication open. If you don't, when she does start to feel bad, she won't reach out to you.
Staying in touch doesn't mean trying to talk to her a lot. In a few weeks, send her a message online that does nothing else but remind her that you're still there. Send her a link to a website or a page that you think she'd like. If something happens to her or someone in her family, send a message of support. "I heard about what's going on with your brother and I'm praying for him. Let me know if there's anything I can do." "I heard Stephanie saying some really nasty stuff about you and I felt like the right thing to do would be to tell you about it." "Good luck on finals!" Don't send more than one message a month. It's really important that you spread this out. As time goes on or if she gets annoyed, send the messages less and less. Send one every 2 or 3 months. Remember that the only reason for doing this is to give her the opportunity to talk to you if she wants to without having to be the one to reach out. Do not let this become something that you do for yourself. It's for her. Be very guarded if she does respond and remember back to what she did with the book. After a year or so, your messages can be a little more personal. "I was at the park yesterday and it reminded me of the time we at a lot of candy and acted like complete goofballs. Good times!" Don't mention anything about what she did to you or the hurt she caused you unless it seems like she's genuinely trying to apologize. Even then, be guarded.
There's nothing you can do except wait for her to reach out to you. It sucks because you have no control over what she does and there's nothing that you can do to try to make the situation better now, but this is really the only thing that could work. Most anything that you do now could result in ripping the two of you apart forever. You have to leave it up to her because as I said before, anything that you do will become a new joke to her right now and make the situation worse.
Don't burn the book. Put it in a place where you won't look at it and try to forget that it's there. In 10 years when you find it, you will be glad that you kept it. I wish you the very best of luck and stay strong. As awful as you feel right now, the feelings will subside over time and you'll be alright. Just remember that it's okay and totally normal to be emotional and be hurt by this. You may think that you're alone in your sorrow, but you're not the first or the last to go through this type of loss. You will recover and the world will be better once you do.
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Ok, so I'm going to guess you early teens. Now sweetheart, really all i have to say is that she isn't worth it. I know it's hard but you will have to give her up. She doesn't deserve you. Make new friends, it will make it easier to move on. I speak from personal experience :)
Good luck!
-Hardcore-Band-Geek
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