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I need some advice for my brother
Hello advicenators, I just need a few advice to share with my brother. He is 29 and has been under a lot of pressure lately. My whole family wants him to find a girl and get married. I personally believe that they shouldn't be forcing him to. Now there are two girls that he has been talking to and my family wants him to choose one of those girls but they want one of the girl most than the other one. Let's just call them girl a and girl b. Girl a is very shy and antisocial and doesn't really talk to our family members that much or try to get to know us better and my parents don't like that about her. My brother is deeply in love with her but my family want him to choose girl b because of how social she is and how she wants to know everyone in the family. My brother doesn't love girl b as much as he loves girl a. Personally I believe he should choose girl a who he's madly in love with despite of how shy and antisocial she is. I just need some advice that I can share with him so he could really think about what's best for him and not our family. After all we are not the ones who will marry the girl, he is and he needs to be happy.
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It's HIS CHOICE. He doesn't have to get married yet if he doesn't want to. Who cares if his "biological clock is ticking" or whatever people say to convince you to get married. When he does feel ready, he should propose to girl a, the one whom he truly loves.
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I believe you know the answer to this question though if you want additional support I will be glad to supply it. Let me start by saying that arranged marriages are rarely happy marriages. What your parent are trying to do by pushing your brother towards one girl and away from the other is close to an arranged marriage. He will not be happy and the girl will not be happy, at least not for the long haul of a marriage.
Girl "A" on the other hand who he loves is the better choice for any number of reasons but mainly because your brother is deeply in love with her. Her shyness should not be taken as antisocial. She is probably aware that she is not your parents’ first choice for a daughter in-law. This adds to her inability to open up to your parents and be the girl your brother knows and loves. I would go as far as to say if your parents were to see her in a different social setting with friends of hers and your brothers. Your parents would see an entirely different girl.
Question for you to put to your parents: Why should she open up to them and further endanger the relationship she has with your brother by talking to them about herself? As I see it talking to your parents is not a win/win situation for her so she stays quiet. This is not being antisocial this is protecting herself from being hurt.
My son is a little older then you brother and single. He has brought home a number of different women he has dated and I have said nothing to him about the ones I didn't care for. Surprisingly he has seen the same flaws in them after dating them for a while. Now one of his problems is that he is a great date but the one or two women he would have loved to have a long term relationship with were very fearful of doing so because of his job. He is a firefighter and they could not live with the question of would he be coming home in the morning. Now that is my sons’ problem and he will find a woman strong enough to deal with it.
Your brothers’ problem is your parents. They are not going to live with him and his wife. He is the one that needs to be happy. What you or he needs to do is to tell your parents that in this particular case it is not them that need to be pleased. In this instance where his life happiness is concerned they have no really say in the matter and should back off.
I believe that once they back off and welcome girl "A" into the family she will be less shy around them and less guarded about herself. Once that happiness they will see the same girl your brother sees.
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Hi there! Yikes your poor brother is in a sticky situation. I say he should choose who he loves. Girl a is only anti social because shes afraid to say something wrong or make a bad impression to your parents. She will come around in time. If he loves girl a, let him love her till the end. I can assure you that soon, she will turn around and become social. I really hope this helps! Ask me anything else on my advice column if you need any more advice.
~glasses
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