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I Need advice urgently
Hi
I've been dating my bf for for years, and Recently I had
Pregnancy signs and told him, I was so scared ,prayed for them not to be positive because we are still young. I thensaid to him that I don't want to give kids out of wedlock. This did cause him too much pain, he said that he too was born before my inlaws tied the knot, I didn't know about this, and it came out the wrong way, what I was trying to say is that it will be better if we hve kids when we are financially stable so that we won't be burdening our parents with our responsiblities.
Things started changing, are conversations are getting shorter, he no longer calls me with sweet names. He talks to me like I'm a stranger, I'm afraid he wants to end our relationship. I've never met his parents but I feel they are the only people who can talk to him and make him understand that I only meant well just that didn't say it in the right way. I want to call my mom in-law but I'm scared, I don't know where to start, that what I'm gonna say to her.
I really love this guy, He's the most wonderful thing I've ever had in life. My first love, My everything. He's in every plan of my future and all I need is to be with him. Can't eat, can't concentrate in class, I'm loosing weight. Please advice Me on how to handle this, don't want to loose him, he's my world.
#Scared to loose my Life
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As to the problem you have written about. Yes things you said could have been said better. How could you have known his parents conceived him prior to marriage if he did not tell you. He should not be holding this against you.
He has been hurt not so much by what you said but how you said it and what you didn't know. This was caused by a lack of communication between you and a bit of fear on your part as well as a bad choice of words.
You say recently but not how long in a measurable time recently represents. Without a measurable amount of time I can't say if his being hurt has gone beyond what could be considered reasonable. To me reasonable would be time for him to sulk a bit then get his head straight; say maybe a week to ten days. If it is longer than this it is time for you to start the conversation to make things right.
In any relationship for it to be a good relationship one that is long lasting there must be good communications. That may be lacking in your relationship at least at the moment. So you need to open that line of communication. You need to remind him you were not aware of his parents conception of him out of wedlock and that it makes no difference how you feel about him. You also need to tell him that what you said came out wrong though he needs to understand that at that time you were scared and rightfully so.
At this point in a win loss column you two are about even. You are both hurt for different reasons due to a lack of good communication and trust. Now you need to explain what you meant, that you were scared to bring a child into the world before you were financially ready. I think what he might have heard is that you were giving serious consideration to aborting his child. It would not be hard for him to jump to that conclusion and given his start in life one could understand his being upset.
If I am correct in what I assume he may have thought; you need to convince him this was not what you were thinking. This is probably going to be harder to do than it sounds because circumstances have changed and you are not pregnant.
Once you get passed these points then I believe you two really need to sit down and talk about your future together. You see him as a future husband, nothing wrong with that. You say you two have been going out for a long time. If you are adults and old enough to marry then I believe it is reasonable for you and he to talk about the future and for him to tell you of his intentions.
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