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Need advice urgently
Hi
I've been dating my bf for for years, and Recently I had
Pregnancy signs and told him, I was so scared ,prayed for them not to be positive because we are still young. I thensaid to him that I don't want to give kids out of wedlock. This did cause him too much pain, he said that he too was born before my inlaws tied the knot, I didn't know about this, and it came out the wrong way, what I was trying to say is that it will be better if we hve kids when we are financially stable so that we won't be burdening our parents with our responsiblities.
Things started changing, are conversations are getting shorter, he no longer calls me with sweet names. He talks to me like I'm a stranger, I'm afraid he wants to end our relationship. I've never met his parents but I feel they are the only people who can talk to him and make him understand that I only meant well just that didn't say it in the right way. I want to call my mom in-law but I'm scared, I don't know where to start, that what I'm gonna say to her.
I really love this guy, He's the most wonderful thing I've ever had in life. My first love, My everything. He's in every plan of my future and all I need is to be with him. Can't eat, can't concentrate in class, I'm loosing weight. Please advice Me on how to handle this, don't want to loose him, he's my world.
#Scared to loose my Life
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Bit tricky. Your views will probably have inadvertently needled him in his own mind. The reasons you don't approve have been mapped on to him. Result, he will probably be taking it as a slur on himself and his family. Now the thing seems to hinge on the act of marriage to my eye. Perhaps the best way to tackle it may be to stress to him that you do not feel a couple should have children until they are secure and materially stable. Until they have shown they are fully committed to one another. Indeed, when they feel their partner is their life and all, and the person that underpins all their future plans and ambitions, wouldn't you say? Just how you feel about him, in fact? OK, so this level of commitment is something that you have always associated with marriage. But you see now that it can exist even if the couple have not been through the formal wedding service (with all the trimmings!). That maybe now you are seeing marriage as only the figurehead, the display of these feelings...NOT the feelings THEMSELVES? You already have them, now. His parents must have had them...the fact they had not formally 'tied the knot' seems less important to you now. And you are sorry if he took your comment as any sort of criticism, which it was not intended to be. If this smooths the waters, you will of course want to point out that YOU would prefer the marriage ceremony first, children afterwards. Say it's a childhood thing, a girl-thing, you always pictured it this way...that you're a proper 'old-fashioned girl' at heart, maybe? You see it as your 'big day' and symbolic of the start of the rest of your lives together, a family and so on. Basically, you want to portray it as a cute and traditional little bit of feminine caprice (to take off some of the pressure). Be on guard mate, don't let even the slightest trace of dissaproval of children out of wedlock accidentally creep into your comments or attitude!! The words came out wrong, you want to put things right. Good luck, I think you have a good chance of talking him round. X
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