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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I am 13 and my grandma bought all her grandkids season passes to a local amusement park 1 hour away for my family 2-3 for the rest of my family and I cant get my parents to take me there are free passes that come with the season passes so money isn't a problem ways to persuade my parents to take me.

When money or a cost is involved, there is nothing that can persuade a parent to do whatever it is.

I don't know what reasons your parents have given, but the cost of gasoline to drive there, and then their entrance tickets just to accompany you in, even if they never go on any of the amusement features, means they are still paying money and then it most likely will be an all day thing since one usually doesnt drive an hour to get somewhere and then spend only a short time...So....food and drinks will need to be bought on site. This also means if they agreed to take you, they can't be home to relaz or get chores done on the weekend as they probably work during the week.

Since other families also got tickets, check if any of your aunts or uncles are taking your cousins and see if your parents will arrange for them to pick you up on the way since you are closer than they are to the park.

Grandma made a nice gesture but since kids aren't able to take themselves, it should have been at least an entire family pass to be a more likely thing the parents would agree. If money is no issue, and neither is the time away from home an issue and the parents do not want to enjoy the rides, they might see it as a waste of time for them unless there is something they can do while at the park chaperoning you. If any parent loves to read, suggest the fact they could get some sunning done while reading a book. A mom who knits or crochets could bring her lastest project along. Parents cell phones can provide entertainment too, accessing games to play, watch a movie or some such thing as they relax in a way they choose. Depending on how old grandma and her ability to keep track of a bunch of kids, or even just you, you might ask Grandma to take you if you have no way to go. Otherwise, let Grandma know that you are unable to put the season pass to use so her money spent on it will be wasted. Then come up with an alternate suggestion to give her that might work better for you, perhaps a gift card to attend the nearest theater if its close enough to catch a bus and go with friends or for parents to drop you off or go along. Lots of new movies are released during the summer.

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should i wear a tampon during volleyball

I agree, clothing will shift around a bit while engaged in sport activities...talking about panties and the pads used with them, so its better to use during lets say Gym class or a game if you are on a team. Of course this would be during your heaviest flow days. If just spotting near the end, it shouldn't be necessary. If you have other questions about tampons, feel free to ask me.
I will add that for females who haven't used them before, the most common issue is not inserting it in far enough so every little movement, walking, sitting, you can feel something 'in the way' because the tampon didn't make it past the ring of muscles or hymen. Just a heads up in case you haven't used before. Buy the ones with the plastic applicator and to make it even easier to insert, use an approved lube on the applicator to help it glide in easier and push in as far as it will go. It can't get lost in there cus the vagina dead ends at the cervix, that bump at the far back that feels kind of like the tip of a nose.

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Im a 15 y/o female and I started masterbating quite young, but about 6 or 7 months ago I started using the ends of sharpies. Earlier today I was masterbating with 2 sharpies, once I was finished and I looked at them I noticed that they had some brownish-red looking blood on them. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some toilet paper and tried to clean myself, they too had some blood. It wasnt a lot lot, but enough to be alarming and be like "hey, somthings not right here". There was no pain and I haven't started my period yet, so it cant be that. I also dont think it was my hymen, I think I broke that a long time ago or maybe I just wasnt born with one. Even if it was my hymen (probably not) why would I now just start bleeding when I have fingered myself and used sharpies in the past? Either way, I am worried that it might be something big or it might get Infected. I also really dont want to tell my mom because its embarrassing even though I know that masterbating is perfectly normal and she most likely does it too. So if anyone can help me figure this out and what I can do, or if its something worse, a way to tell my mom it was an "accident" would be greatly appreciated.

Here;s my guess: As a female, I can assure you that any time I saw brown to brownish red blood either spotting in panties or on fingers or dildo, it was a sign that my period was delayed. The flow doesnt come except for a little bit that is brownish. Lots of things can delay a period, so that is nothing to worry about.
If you masturbate often and its never happened before, then its just a coincidence that your period happens to be late so you saw the brownish blood.
Also note that females tend to feel more horny closer to their period. It could be the hormones that make you have a cycle to begin with, that are the cause. In fact, plenty of women will still be horny during their period and masturbating is perfectly fine and normal at this time too.
You say you felt no pain. Pain or discomfort of some degree is an indicator when you have somehow scratched the tender flesh just outside or inside the vagina. Not having enough lube is a way to pull at the drier skin either as the entrance or inside and you attempt the friction with whatever you are using. toy or even with a partner. I still get that at some point, needing to reapply during sex. Either I or my husband will feel a burning tearing sensation which is a warning to use more lube. Rubbing too hard and too fast can make you sore and tender, and feel like an abrasion, but with both situations, one can't visibly see any nor see even a drop of blood.

The only blood will come from the elastic like skin around the circumferance of vagina/ the hymen not being stretched out slowly, and a male partner or a too large toy jammed in quite suddenly with force. That will most always tear the hymen or skin anywhere on the walls of the vagina. Lastly, blood, only a few drops of spottng may come if your cervix has been pounded directly on for too long, this from a toy but if Your'e operating the top, its not as likely as you can feel when its too hard. Its when a partner is handling the toy or the penis during sex is doing the jackhammer move, like its breaking up concrete. It may feel good and you may not even feel tender or sore later tho some do.
Now about the objects you are using to masturbate with. Anything not created for masturbating could possibly scratch or hurt you. However what is more likely and is also the case with many types of dildos and vibrators is the actual material it is made of. Certain objects are porous, even tho you can't see that except under a microscrope. Plastics are notorious for this. So
the fluids from your body, even if you clean the object, some can remain and its when what remains on the object long enough, can eat its way into the plastics or wood or rubber of whatever stuff we're talking about. Bacteria can form on the object or dildo and when you later reinsert on another day, you are transfering germs into your vaginal area. The safest substance to use without needing a special cleaning ritual is a dildo made of pyrex. As a glass like substance, germs cant linger and it can be cleaned with soap and water. For other rubbery/plastic type of toys, sex shops will sell a special kind of cleaner to use on your toys immediately after use. If you forget and clean hours later or such, germs will have had a chance to grow and eat into the rubber or plastic.

So i would suggest a proper sex toy. Since you are a minor, you can't enter a sex toy store to get one yourself and the law is that you are barred from such a place because of the fact that xrated movies are sold there. However if you can get your toys through other channels, there is no law you can't purchase or own one.
Easiest would be to ask Mom to get you one. I volunteered to get them for my girls and my sister just placed a small body massager in daughters bedroom to use externally for clit, not internally. If you cant talk to Mom, if you have your own money to get one, ask an older sister who is legally able to go purchase one at a shop, or they can be ordered on line, no age restriction that I know of. Then then are also pharmacies that sell body massage items. Non meant to be inserted but smaller hand held models can be used to massage the clit for orgasm and you don't have to be a certain age to purchase something labeled a 'massager'. I've heard of girls who say they have used the vibrating handle of a toothbrush without the brush part attached to use only on the clit. I have no idea how well that works. Lastly, there are other odd stores, usually the kind selling novelty items that may carry a dildo or two. A store in my area that does this is called Spencers gifts.

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I'm 25 years old, female, and I've always had a very young appearance. It never really bothered me before, but in recent years, it has effected my career. I wouldn't say I look 12 or anything dramatic like that... but I look like if I was about 19/20. I have a master's degree and ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a teacher. I received my bachelor's in early childhood education and worked as a teacher's assistant for two years. The first year, I really don't think I was prepared. I was not very confident in myself and I was going through some very difficult things. I had a loss in the family and a health issue of my own.

But, then I worked in another classroom where I had a horrible experience with the co-teacher. I feel like I wasn't taken seriously by a lot of the other professionals because I looked so young. I'm 5 feet tall. When I was assisting a fifth grade teacher the first year, a lot of the students were taller than me, especially the boys! And they really didn't respect me very much. Sometimes, they would get physical and push me around. Like I said, during this time, I don't think I was ready for that job. I allowed a lot of things, primarily, because my health did not support me putting up a fight.

I recently started working in an office. We were conducting interviews for potential employees to fill a vacant position. One girl had all the credentials. She was the most credentialed in the entire group. She was immediately dismissed from a second interview, simply because she was "too young." Mind you... I don't know how young she can be if she already has a college degree and a few years of experience. If anything, she may be a little bit younger than me, like 23 or 24.

I would like to go back into teaching. I really miss the children. That is my passion. Working in this office is so incredibly boring. There's no passion. I'm just constantly bored. I would love to wear heels every day, to give me a bit of height. But, I fear that in doing so, I may not be able to keep up with the children in activities, such as the playground, where I may have to come to the aid of a child immediately. I am a caring woman. I know how to be firm as well. But, I don't want to have to change my entire personality to be taken seriously. It seems unfair that a tall person can be kind and caring, yet be taken seriously, while a short person has to become the Trunchbold from Matilda (lol).

How can I get people to see past my height? When I was working as an assistant, there was a father who complained that he didn't want his children in my class because my size resembled that of the children. I had the older kids (sixth-eighth grade) ask me how I got a job there and how old I was. I had first graders call me a midget. I mean... it really did hurt my self esteem. I work in a university now. So, because people are adults, height is often not an issue. It is assumed that people are different shapes, sizes, colors, etc. So, I don't put up with a lot of discrimination. But, it's not fair that I have to give up what I most love because of my height.

Suggestions please?

Self confidence is the key. I know it wont entirely cure all people from thinking you may be unfit to be a teacher due to looking too young or being too short but it should cut out a lot of that.

First, I do agree that to some extent, you will have to battle with the looking too young to be trusted to be an expert in your field. My ex wanted to work as a financial advisor for people. He worked in an office where another new guy was about his age but went bald early. This sent a subconscious message to investors that this other guy was more experienced so anyone coming into the office didn't want my ex as their advisor. You will like the fact you look young when you get older. But for now, perhaps you could find a makeup and wardrobe expert who can help you with obtaining the older teacher look. It may involve makeup, how you wear your hair and even the type of clothes you wear. Thats all you can do right now, a more professional look.
As for being short, I have a retired school teacher friend who is shorter than me, at 4 ft 10 and did teaching her whole life and never had the problem you do with height.

Now I'll go into explaining the miracles of self confidence. You may have confidence in knowing your stuff. But I hope you will agree that you aren't as confident as you can be, that you will be received well due to your height and youthful looks
Self confidence is not a tangible thing. It is more like an invisible but very real energy pattern others do subconsciously pick up on and even choose their actions by, what they say and do.
I will give my personal example to show how this works. I was shocked at the results but this goes to show that what I am saying does really work.

After a divorce, wanting to get into dating again, I felt I needed a self confidence booster. I believed once people got to know me and who I am inside, no problem. But I was older now, almost 50, and could I attract attention visually?
I didn't have the confidence in my own looks so I borrow confidence from a celebrity. I decided first what my best feature was, my eyes and thought of a female celebrity with similar eyes. We see most celebs as looking confident for camera's and most are. They get attention everywhere they go, simply for being famous. So I imagined myself as actually being her and whereever I go, people would notice me for my eyes. I would dwell on these thoughts each time i left the house or before entering a building or room somewhere. Then I would forget about it and focus on what I was there for. It came as a shock when both females and males I didn't even know would approach me to compliment me on having the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen. Half the time I wasn't even wearing makeup! See, nothing had changed physically about my eyes to all of a sudden be getting this kind of response from people.

So I am hoping that this principle will work for you too. Think of an actress or celeb of some sort who is short like you and looks much younger than her actual age. You may have to do both separately at times. Picture yourself as looking like that celeb with all the confidence and attention and respect they get, yes don't forget the respect part. Keep picturing that image and saying those words like an affirmation too. I am sure you will see peoples attitudes towards you change as soon as they can pick up on your confidence the way a radio picks up on radio waves. Gain the confidence in other areas of work until you've had lots of success and no longer need to use the image in your mind of looking like that celeb. Its only a borrowing of confidence until you've had eno ugh positive experiences that your own self confidence kicks in. I truly hope this will help you. And I'd love for you to write me in the future to let me know how it worked for you. Good luck!

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Heey..! Sometimes i feel scared to just open myself to some random stranger but it feels really good and usually i get really great advice so for that Thank you darlig.. ♥♥
Now my problem. So i have this one boy i really like we used to text a lot like every night and he was so sweet. Our messages were like i won because u wish me good look (thats what he sent me) or he used ro pretend that he was mad at me and then said how he can never be mad at me and he was generally so sweet. He is actually really shy but he opened to me, he talks about his family,music his problems and we gossip a little heh.. And all my freinds say you are really cute together he likes you 100% hes just to shy to ask you out. But i cant trust that if he doesnt say that he eloves me. If those words dont come out of his mouth. My main problem right here is that these past maybe week he's been quit cold toward me and i think thats all because of his friens. When he is with his friend he acts all stong and something gets in his head, Thats just not the person i know and that not the person im in love with. So i got mad at him and he knows that im mad and he told me just to call him when im not mad anymore.. and it hurt me that he didnt do anything so i would be not mad at him and it showed me that he doesnt care that much about me as i though. And im stuck right here. I really love him and i used to be happy all the time ournd him but right now i feel really miserable.I can tell him about his friends because he wont trust me and we will be in much more of fight.. I dont know what to do.. please help. Should i stop loving him somehow? What should i do?

You've got a lot of stuff in one message. There are several separate things I would like to address.

First, your concern of not hearing a guy say "I love you." Some of us grow up in families where loving overtures like saying the words or hugs, just don't happen. But lack of those doesn't necessarily mean someone doesn't love you. I've saved an exerpt from dating advice I watched on youtube once and wrote down the following of what the person said concerning:


7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.


Secondly, I'd like to address what your friends say about him. Be careful to not get hopes up just because all your friends say you both look cute together. If looks were all it took to find a bf/gf or mate who is perfect for you, then there wouldn't be a single person in the world. YOu need to be more concerned about his character and personality. And those are things that your friends may not be able to pick up on as easily. People either intentionally or unintentionally will act one way in public and another behind closed doors or private relationship where they feel they can relax and be themselves. I have an ex like that I married at age 20. He seemed wonderful in how he acted towards and treated all other people, not just me, at least, not until we married. Once living together as married couple, his true colors showed and he was actually abusive but no one outside of our home could tell. I even heard some younger couples in later years tell me they wished they could have a marriage as great and husband as great as mine. So count don't on what other people think, decide for yourself after you've really given yourself a chance to get to know him in depth.

Next, you mention you can't trust the fact that shyness is why he hasn't asked you out. You believe he needs to be in love with you first before asking you out. Your mind may be operating on this one phrase, "Love at first sight". I am sorry to burst your bubble but tho some people do fall in love before having even spoken to, spent time with the person or asked them out, this happens very very seldom. In fact, if it happened to even 1% of people that everyone knows, I should have friends, or acquiantances where that is the case. I am grandma age and have yet to meet someone where they fell in love before starting to date. Now if you are talking about someone being attracted to you, that is how it works for just about 100% of people. We don't tend to want to even approach or possibly encourage someone to think we find them attractive when we don't. THe first stage in meeting and later becoming a couple is visual attraction. If thats there, visual attraction leads to wanting to engage the person in conversation. If that goes well, that leads to wanting to know more about the person at which point they agree to hang out together or go on dates to learn more about each other. If that goes well, they continue dating but make a commitment to each other to see only each other. If all still goes well at this stage, then at some point people move in together first, then marry or get engaged, and then live together as married couple.
So the initial dating does not require a person to love you first before dating. If this wasn't clear and you need me to explain more, I'd be glad to reword and try again.

Now to what you called your main problem, his acting cold or distant towards you. I can't say what might bring about what you are feeling or sensing. It could be as simple as you
more time from him than males are willing to give. When first meeting someone, there is a kind of excitement that spurs one on to try to spend as much time and energy in contact with the other.
Its NRE, new relationship energy. This excitement is much like a drug that one can get so hooked on because of how it feels that when we come off this high to what is normal and actually okay for a relationship, can be mistaken as things going south. It may be a lack of understanding a common male need for his time alone, man cave time, or the need to keep up his commitments to his friends, school, job, family, sport team if any he's on.

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I am f 12 almost 13 and it is summer time and I have to go to bed at 8 curfew of 630 I think this is ridiculous and because of it have stopped being invited to parties and friend get togethers I have even tried talking to her and she says last year you went to bed at 745 u got a extension my early bedtime is mostly caused by my little sisters 8 wanting to go to bed the same time as me how do I talk to her

I also agree it's too early a time for a 12 or 13 yr old to go to bed. Maybe thats what her parents did with her but that doesn't make it the wisest choice. Yes, you will stand out with friends. I know you were asked to have Mom read what the last advicegiver said. If you dont want to try that or she hasn't responded favorably, you might try going to aunts and uncles or a grandparent if they are a bit more open minded, see what they think, and if they agree its too early to go to bed, then have them talk to your Mom about it. Parents are more open to hearing corrections and such from other adults they are close to like relations. I remember my sister talking to me often about how one or the other of my kids went to her about a certain issue instead of me because at that time I was a bit close-minded about one or two areas of life. But by time they were teens though and thanks to the prayers and support of my sister, I came around and changed. If I can do it, so can your Mom. Good luck dear.

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My boyfriend just went to Mexico for 10 days to visit family. He said it will be hard to contact me with his cell service not working out there. We knew we werent going to talk to each other for 10 days. So he leaves and I see location activity on Facebook which basically tells me he is not in Mexico to my understanding. Now him and his dad own a business so maybe be left his phone with the dad. The thing I don't understand is active FB activity. Why would anyone else be on his FB? He contacted me mid trip on FB messenger to say hi. Telling me it was hard to get on wifi because it was slow. I wanna believe him but his traveling mobile activity on FB is making me very questionable. Why should he go out of his way to lie to me? Maybe I am overacting? What do you think? I don't know how to feel right now. Freaking out over FB seems silly but I don't know. :(

Female age 32

I know what you are talking about, and I don't know if there's a way to change what shows on FB when posts are made from ones cell. My daughter was recently in Hawaii and all her posts and pics said Hawaii and the closest city too.

It is very reasonable to have questions answered in this case. Asking him, for the purpose of clearing things up is a good thing, it has nothing to do with you being mistrustful and he shouldn't see it as such. If he does call that trust card, instead of understanding your position to know what happened, if he's truly innocent and plans changed and he does have a good explanation, he should be willing to tell you in detail, especially if he really loves you. No one wants to think they are the one responsible for making their sweetheart sad, cry or worry, etc. if one truly cares deeply about the other.

I commend you for wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt in thinking perhaps his phone was left with dad. But his dad wouldn't be using the sons phone to make FB posts. Then if he wasn't in Mexico, but in US, there are plenty places in the US where cell service in spotty to non existant, especially with big hills a nd mountains nearby. However, if he were in the US, in such areas, he would also not be able to use his cell for anything, not even calls. The fact there are posts may only mean he has been using a friends phone to gain his accts in FB and then posted. Unless it was a one time emergency to post something important or to make a call to tell you plans fell through and he had to assist dad in the business but that he'd be too busy to call you again, I can see doing that from someone elses phone if in a cell service area and he didnt have his own cell. I can come up with all sorts of scenerios myself dear. Its something thats part of my makeup, if there is a rotten apple at the bottom of a bushel, I can sense it, smell it, and won't give up until I pull every apple out to see if its really there. One bad apple left can ruin and spoil all the others. And so it is with a relationship. It's important to not let one thing like this be left alone to fester and ruin the relationship, it's a must to dig into this and find if there is truly a problem or not.
I don't know how long you've dated him. It all depends on the amount of time spent together. It should have been enough for you to see a consistancy in him. What I mean is that who he says he is in character and beliefs and morals, etc... is something that you have seen remain the same, no matter what circumstances come along. Is he supposed to be relaxed and easy going, slow to anger but yet too often while a passenger in car, you see him go into road rage moments, then he is not who he is trying to portray himself as. An inconsistancy like this is enough to give doubts about other areas in his life and of his character.

You are not over reacting. Freaking out over a very tangible proof like a FB posting location is NOT silly...I wouldn't be able to wait to find out what he has to say. What if someone attacked him, he never made it to Mexico, he's laying hurt or dead and that person is using his phone?
If something similar happened with my husband, I would've called his family after the first posting from somewhere other than where he was supposed to be, worried about him being okay. See, in my case, he's already proven his ability to be consistent with me, so I know he doesn't lie to me. So my first reaction with my husband would be to worry about his welfare, is he okay, hurt, alive, rather than thinking he was lying to me. Not trying to lay the guilt trip on you for feeing suspicious and not fully trusting. Its a two way thing. You might have past experienes with people you couldnt trust, or who broke your trust but he's a different person. Naturally, from experience, you can't help but react with mistrust until you know the truth or if he's proven himself to be consistantly trustworthy, then no matter your past experience, there wouldn't be an issue of 'is he lying' but 'is he okay?" instead. So I may be making a wild guess here, but if this is a relationship of several months to a year at least, there should be trust, and it's possible that subconsciously you've always never been totally sure about him, and that would have to be due to his character, things there that are inconsistant enough to not allow you to trust fully.
So don't feel bad about talking to him. Be careful to not accuse I statements, where you let him know how you felt but not use You statements which tend to come across as accusitory and put the other person instantly on the defense even if innocent. SO a statement like "You made me worried or suspicious cus you didn't let me know of any change in plans", will not go over well.


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Hello I'm 14 and I have a problem. There is a girl I like but she is dating a junior but in a way I think she also likes me. She's been single before and she's dropped hints but I am always too scared to ask. On the last day of school she kept calling me dads cuz her boyfriend wasn't around and held on my shoulder if she is single should I go for it?

The thing about flirting to show an interest in another person is that it is often very subtle or can be mistaken for interest when its something else. So if its a once or twice occurance, it may not be that she's interested. From what you wrote though, this sounds like an on going thing from her dropping hints, touching your shoulder, etc. So I'd say there has to be some interest in you.

If shes doing this all while still dating this junior, it may be that instead of a genuine interest in this junior, she only started dating hoping it would make you jealous enough to get past your fears and ask her out.
However, since you don't know how she feels about him, asking her out, can be the wrong thing to do.
HOwever she still needs to see signs that you are equally interested in her so if she is just using the guy to get you, she will decide on her own to stop dating him.

So if I were you, I'd find occasions to say HI to her, calling her by name. Like Good morning Jodie. And you can ask a simple question that shows you are thinking about her. "HOw did you do on the test in geography?
Just because a female is dating a guy or heck, even because a female is married, doesnt mean she can't talk to other guys. I have male friends and my husband has female friends and it is never romantic in those friendships.

So theres nothing wrong with you showing her this kind of casual attention. Observe her the best you can to discover what her favorite color is, any other favorite anything. So heres a scenerio:
You see her listening to music on her cell and you have cds by same artist. You could say, hey I like that artist too. Do you have his newest album. If she doesn't, you could offer to loan her the album to listen to, to see if she likes it too. This kind of exchange is normal, nothing the junior can be jealous of, you're not overtly trying to steal her away. But females tend to respond more to the guys who not only are romantic and acknowledge their prettiness and want to date, but even more so, girls want guys who can be their friends first before moving on to romance. So be friendly towards her. Treat her as a friend. If you can learn this now, you'll do well in the far future if you decide to find the one to marry. I wish I had known this very thing when I was younger. I had to learn the hard way but at least with 2nd husband, I have not only my best friend in him, but my lover as well.

Being a friend to a female is a lot harder than you may think for a male. They think and process things differently than guys so understanding girls is hard, unless its gay guys...they can make great understanding friends but can't be the source of romance. But this at least is a place where you can start, and hopefully, with the stress of trying to get her to accept dating off, and the lesser stress of just getting her to like you as a fellow classmate and friend, your fears should go away. Once you are used to just being a friend, then you can move on much easier to the romance part, of being her boyfriend. Don't do this just to win her over. She may have given up on you and it may not happen you have another chance. Do this with any girl you find yourself attracted to. Become their best friend first before asking them out, even if there's no other guys in competition. If you are friendly on a daily basis, then it won't take long, a few weeks, or a month before you might be ready to ask a girl out if she hasn't asked you first.

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I'm so tired of this. No matter what I do my step daughter goes and complains to my husband. I was cleaning some cupboards and my step daughter had 10 + water bottles cluttering up this cabinet. I removed them and put them in her room with a note asking her to go through them. She goes and complains....my feelings are hurt....I don't feel like she wants me here.....then my husband is down on me saying YOU act like you don't want "us" here! I've asked her that if she has a problem with things that I say or do to come and talk to me. She never does. She goes to "daddy" and it's not like she's a kid....she's 19 for Pete's sake. I've had it. What can I do to deal with thud. It's destroyed my marriage.

This may not have been an area of topic of conversation before the two of you decided to tie the knot. Often, its the same in other areas of life for all of us, we don't think about covering and discussing and having a plan for all the what ifs ahead of time. A good one many fail on is planning and actually practicing as a family how to escape the house safely in case of a fire and where outside to all meet so one can know if any is still trapped inside. I'd rather not try to come up with a plan during a fire, its likely to end in death.

So, all I can think of is what I learned as new parents in parenting classes the hubby and I took after having our newborn. One thing that still stands out is something children will do, children of any age, is playing one parent against the other. This happens whether you are both the birth parents or not. So as far as I am concerned, besides the issues of her acting like a child instead of adult, the husband verbally attacking you as if its your fault, the deeper issue here is the fact that he is not choosing to talk with you, have a plan and present a unified front to this daughter.

Why he isn't may range from feeling guilty that she doesnt have her mom and unintentionally, he has slowly found himself catering to her every whim and wish to try to make her happy or bring back happiness in her life after not being able to have Mom in her life. He may not even realize he is doing this, so counseling for couples and later, family including the daughter is crucial here. He needs to hear from a professional that what he is doing is only going to make things worse. The daughters demands will get worse and she'll be expecting you to hop to her every wish like some servant.
I wouldn't be surprised if you already feel like nothing more than a maid in the house. This guy has all the benefits of a maid, cook, wife/girlfriend, without having to put in an equal share of energy and importance to your relationship.

If he refuses to go for counseling, I have no idea what to tell you. You have a marriage in paper only, but its not really a marriage and wont be without intervention. So if it comes to this point, you'll have to decide whether you're ok with saying nothing more and watching your Ps and Q's around both of them and just basically being miserable the rest of your life, or do you feel so miserable you are willing to put up the continueing of this marriage as the stakes in an ultimatum to hubby. Either he go to counseling with you or the marriage is over and you divorce him. You'd have to be willing to go through with the threat. Its scary, your future is unknown, and it may feel like admitting you've made a mistake in marrying him. Realiae that this kind of thing happens to more people than you would know, we just don't talk about it, and that it takes two to tango, so the choices he is making is what is causing the problem, its not what you are doing, the example you gave sounded reasonable

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26/F
He's 33

He and I started talking on Facebook in 2013. We lived across the country from one another, and kept it going for almost 2 1/2 years. It was basically a long distance relationship without the actual title. Phone sex, FaceTime sex, sexting, nude photos, etc. We were both busy with our lives and couldn't seem to make a visit happen either way. We had talked about me moving there to be with him and we had exchanged "I love you's" for over a year. I began making plans to move there, but didn't tell him because I wanted it to be a surprise. Right before I was going to tell him and follow through with the move, he admitted he began seeing someone there. I backed off immediately, but still moved anyway because I had already set everything up to move; I didn't want my money and efforts to go to waste. He could've said "you're coming here? I choose you" but he didn't.

I've been here a few months now, and he suddenly reached out to me yesterday. He knows I ended up coming here. But he's still with that woman he chose over me. Why is he reaching out when he's still with her? I don't get it. Is he trying to be friends? Is he testing the waters to see if I still want him because his relationship isn't working out? I haven't said anything to him. I left his text unanswered. If he wasn't with anyone I might consider responding, but since he is still with her I feel like that's not appropriate.

Can someone, a man preferably, explain why men do this? We're not friends on Facebook anymore, but he liked a couple of my posts right before the text happened. Which means he looks at my profile. One of the posts he liked was one where I talked about how I made the best of the move and it's worked out for me so far, and that I feel really happy. Could it be that he realizes I'm moving on and doing fine here in a city I came to specifically for him? It's just confusing to me. I wish I understood how the male brain works.

The fact you are confused is natural as far as understanding the differences between the sexes.

You did mention only the sex as the basis of this relationship and not the rest of what goes into the makeup of a happy long lasting relationship. If it was there and you just didnt mention it, then so be it. But if it was really just a sexual connection, then perhaps the first thing I thought of, a book for women to help understand men, is what you need to hear something from right now.

Personally, I don't believe LDR's are successful much at all, only in special circumstances of having known each other in person before having to be separate for different colleges, or one off in the service. And the internet and dating sites, etc, used as a tool to get to know of the existance of a person IS good, its how I met my 2nd husband, but it should be used as a tool, and once you've met and talked on line enough for a couple weeks to know you're still intrigued in the person, its at this point that its critical to move this into the real world asap. Even after a couple weeks or talking on phone every night to guys I met thru dating sites, when I finally met face to face, we both realized immediately that something was missing, no pheremone connection or chemistry as friends, at lesast, not until I met the guy I am still with 7 years now.

I read a book checked out rom my library, by Canadian author and psychologist Dr. Linda Papadoupolous, a book geared at teaching women about the differences of men and some of misconceptions or problems in relationships simply due to how we think. I highly suggest you check out and read this book. If not at library, you can ask your local bookstore for it and if not carried on the shelf, they can order it.

Heres an excerpt from it:

What Men Say, What Women Hear
By Dr. Linda Papadopoulos

A great self help book on relationships using the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) method of improving relationships and bridging the communication gap.

We need to acknowledge that to a large extent, the way we interpret what is being said is based on the pre-existing beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us, not always based on the others intent.
It is impossible to tell somebody what they want to hear, when you can't understand what they're saying in the first place.
CTE's (Common Thinking Errors) are actually negative or distorted thinking. They don't appear overnight but after years of peoples influence on us that have shaped these CTE's and they go unchallenged. Once en-grained in our minds, they become automatic and you don't even realize the havoc your are causing to your own happiness. You need to learn to reprogram these thoughts or replace them.
Some of the chapter topics covered.
Interpreting what's said differently than the original intent, Flirting and courting
First dates, Becoming a couple, Talk about sex, Commitment Issues, Meeting In-laws,
Moving in Together, Fighting Fair, When One of you cheats, The need to talk, Marriage Material? And a Happy ever After.

SEX: Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
One Night Stands: involves maximum excitement and minimum commitment. Men are more interested in them than women because they are better at separating sex and emotion than women are. Therefore after a one-nighter with a guy the female is left wondering what their encounter meant or where it will go from here, believing there must be more to it than just sex at the spur of the moment. Men are more prone when seeing a good looking women, to feel lust. On other hand women spotting a model type guy generally think, he's hot but aren't necessarily thinking sex.
Sex Hormones: determine our drive, arousal and orgasms. Both men and women want sex as much as the other but at different times and for different reasons. Men want it more regularly, due to testosterone. Women's hormones make her response less predictable, occurring sporadically & dependent on other influences.""

Me again:
Based already on what she says about sex, I can see how you were having expectations that he probably did not. HIs reaching out to acknowledge you are in the area is likely not sexually related, or interest in a relationship with you, just common courtesy of acknowledging the comment or presense of another person.
I know you both exchanged "I love you's". But thered are two very different feelings behind those words spoken. I can love lots of things about a past boyfriend so when I said I love you, it was true, but it wasn't the kind of love, the deep 'in love with' type thing where I could see myself living with or married to for the rest of my life. And yes, sex was involved but I happen to be one of few females who can separate sex from emotion like men can. We have things we prefer greatly in life, so we tend to say, I love chocolate, I love scary movies, or love salsa dancing, but as strong as those love feelings are, and as true as they may be, they are not the kind of love required for a healthy happy relationship, for that one needs to be 'in love'...cus that is something that can't be stopped by loss thru death, or lured away to love someone else, its the kind of love most women want but because they don't understand, they end up with the other kind which is a sad replacement. To be better equipped to navigate a relationship in the future, I really do suggest you do some reading, if not the book I suggested, then others. I know what I know from a combo of what I have read and studied plus experiencing the stuff for myself so I can see that what I read is spot on.

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This has been going on for about a year now, I here a sound that's similar to scratching inside your ear when I listen to music or here somebody talking, basically noise in general. It doesn't happen all the time, only a few times a day. It only goes on in my right ear, and can measure in intensity. Sometimes it's soft, and other times it's like a buzzing. Any ideas on what thus means?

No ideas. I have to say its best to see your Dr. and have them refer you to an ear specialist. Some people suffer from tinnitus, ringing in the ear. So if thats possible, I am sure a scratchy sound is possible too. Its worth seeing a Dr. to find if there is a way to be cured of it.

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I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 2 years and soon to be 2years and 3 months . But the thing is, I feel I'm still stuck on my ex . I don't always think about him but sometimes it bugs me that were not together. Me and my ex only talk like on mine and his bday.I had him for a class this school year and I feel he still likes me because he would look at me often .... but then he has a gf.... this upcoming year were both going to be seniors and might not see each other m his birthday is coming up . Should I invite somewhere public so we can juts talk for the last time or so I can tell him my mixed feeling or should I just have a long conversation on his birthday witch is july31st. ? I know it may be wrong at some point but I feel if I talk through all this with him and ask if he ever thinks of me. I will have to move on . I need to .I love my bf but like I said I often think about my ex here and there ....btw me and my ex broke up on goof terms we dated when we were 8th grade and broke up on half of freshmen year and now we're both going to be seniors

If you broke up under good terms, then it is easy and natural to see the person and have good memories come up. Thats probably whats happening when you catch him staring.
As with any relationship,, good or bad, other than a case of amnesia, there is no way to stop remembering the good or bad of a past relationship. The only thing one can work with is the emotions that come up, if they are strongly negative and disrupting your life.
I don't know the circumstances under which you decided to split up but for young people, pre teens and on, it is quite natural to go through many relationships and breakups, as they learn the do's and don'ts of dating and relationships and how to understand the opposite sex. While it may not be your situation, sometimes the mistakes are such that it tears two people apart.
SO to expect an extremely long relationship at this age range is biting off more than most can chew. You may be the exception. If you feel the only reason you broke up is that you felt you both needed to give each other a chance to date around, then maybe you need to hear my version of what the purpose of dating is.
Here goes:
For some people, dating is a social status, fitting in thing, helps you to look good or be more popular with friends.
Other than social dating, there is dating to experience the thrill of getting attention from the opposite sex, or enjoying romance, maybe even love...and for some it progresses to sex.
Then there is the kind of dating where the importance is placed more on the sex, like a frien with benefits things, a couple who have sex and unfortunately the girl gets hooked feelings wise where the guy has no feelings for her other than lust and its easy for him to dump her.

Thats the way dating is currently. But I have found that dating is a very temporary process and also a very helpful one if used the way I explain now. Dating is best used as a period of time where you check out the other person more in depth. This isn't a way to get instant love and romance, but to discover things about the other person that makes you fall in love with them. If a person is attractive enough to you, the next step is to check out if there's a meeting of the hearts and minds. You can have things in common also but if there are any behavioral or personality bad things that irritate constantly or hurt you or are destructive to a relationship, you then move on. If a person works out in the da ting stage, then you move on to 'commited couple' or as used to be called 'going steady'. FOr all rules and purposes, this may look like dating on the outside to observers but the two took the time to get to really know each other, lots of talking rather than lots of movies seen together.

SO based on all that, perhaps you never had a chance to totally explore whether you're both right for each other. WHile its seldom that school romances go a lifetime with marriage and kids, it still does happen sometimes and you most likely wouldn't care to go on your entire life always wondering the 'what if' regarding the two of you. If you feel the need to talk, my guess is that you are undecided as to whether you both are done with each other romantically. Before you decide to have this talk, my own thoughts are whether there has been any verbal commitment made between him and his girlfriend or/and you and your boyfriend. If so, I'd wait until the relationship naturally stops. With college ahead, theres a great chance your boyfriend and his girlfriend may find themselves other partners and break up with you. To me, a commitment is like a wedding vow without the piece of paper to legally prove it. Yes, even in dating, and this is called trust and being secure with where you stand with your partner. Thats how it is for my 2nd marriage, no legal marriage papers, only our commitment to each other.

Now if you do talk to him and he is over you, but you aren't, you need to decide whether you think you can easily move on and it not affect your current relationship which you might lose too. If you were hopeful that he is still wanting you but he isn't, that will negatively affect your emotions and you'll be acting different even if you dont think so and your partner may be able to pick up on it, you not being fully there for him cus you are grieving the loss and that could strain the relationship or worse, break it up if he discovers you're still mooning over your ex. Only you can make the decision to have a talk.

In the end, if its really over, then every time you have a thought of wanting, longing for, those those thoughts you must recognize the moment they appear and keep telling yourself it can't ever be cus he doesnt feel the same and you need to stop focusing on him. Then switch your thoughts to something else. Its when you get a thought and dwell on it for too long, you're feeding it energy and making it more powerful than it should be so it can take over control of your life as far as emotions go. HOpe this gives you something to think about in deciding whether to talk to him or not.

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I'm turning 16 soon and I like a 17 year old exchange student who will be here until March 2017.
We speak most nights on Facebook (I've almost always been the first to talk) and his English is quite good but there is some mistranslations here and there. I have never actually spoken to him in real life, I tend to avoid eye contact with him, but we have smiled at eachother and he brought it up as a Conversation starter.

Last night was Prom night and I didn't end up going because I'm a year below. He asked if I was going to go next year and I said I think I would and he replied with "I hope you'll go with your boyfriend haha" (RIP)
But at the after party he had gotten quite drunk and befriended my brother and they hung out most of the night. So my brother and best friend were telling me how he would add in random Japanese words into his sentences due to how drunk he was. I had mentioned it to him and he denied the fact and said he didn't even drink much (if he is lying, why would he?). And My brother told me how a girl had approached him and tried to hook up but he quickly pushed her away by her shoulders.
I realise I'm probably nothing more than a friend or more appropriately an acquaintance, but is it useless having this crush on him?

I think you may be focusing on his statement of hoping you'll go to prom next year with your boyfriend. That is not how guys tend to act. They could care less what girl is goingn to prom unless this is a girl they are interested in, or its a girl his best bud is interested in taking to prom and he cares about his friend.
Yeah, there's always exceptions to the rule but in this case, I am positive he was wushing it could be him talking you. Since he's an exchange student, he probably won't be around to take you even if he wanted to. When he said "Your boyfriend", it may have been his way to find out if you have a boyfriend, or thought it might be good sublte way to let you know he's interested.
So if you aren't brav e enough to talk to him and find out if he is interested, you'll never know and this will only be a crush. So how to get to the point....just speak as if you are just starting to become interested so in case he isn't it doesnt feel as awkward for him to tell you he doesnt feel that way. Its way harder when someone says, I have a crush on you or I think I'm in love with you. So, hey I wanted to let you know that I am starting to have stronger feelings than just for a friend with you and wondering if you feel the same.

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I'm 12 in the 6th grade going to 7th. And I kinda already know what to be in the future. I have 2 options I chose.

1. Be an actor on Nickelodeon
or
2. Be in a band and play guitar

I'm already in a band right now and doing a cover with my friends so that's starting the musical career. But I'm going out to find places to audition with my mom. So that's sorta starting the acting career.
Which one should I choose? Thanks 💘

You are 12 and its fine that you know what you want to do right now. There are plenty of kids your age who can't get a regular job at 16 who want to earn money already now. If either venue can do that for you and its something you enjoy, then starting now is a good thing.

I will say one thing about the acting. I don't know how picky they are with selecting new people for acting but the more talents you have, the better for possibly landing an acting job. So those who have a great singing voice or can play an instrument are already a step ahead of others.

If you get selected for an acting job, I would encourage you to still find time to keep improving your skills with an instrument, even if you can't really find the time to be in a band.
The reason is that once you grown much older and can no longer portray kids or teens on Nickelodeon, you'd have to move on to other acting roles IF you are chosen. Not all child and teen actors move on to do the same in their adult life. Or if you get type-cast, it
is just as hard to get the acting career to continue when an adult and you may need to fall back on working to get into a band again.
The acting would be more money right off the bat but if your band is unique and becomes popular, you can earn as much being in a band, as long as its not gigs done locally every once in a while. That won't support you once an adult and could only be extra money on the side and you'd still need to work a job days to be able to pay your bills.

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Hello! I am 17 (about to be 18 in a month), and I have recently been talking to a family friend who I have known for over 5 years now. I graduated high school in May, and he came up with my cousins to go to my graduation party. We have known each other for so long because he's been my cousin's best friend since they were children, and he is almost seen as part of the family at this point. They live a few towns over (about 3 hours away) so we see each other a lot at family events, but not too much otherwise. Since my graduation party late May he has reached out to me on multiple occasions just to talk. He gave me his number, and we've been texting a lot this past month. He is usually always the one to initiate a conversation by texting first, and he throws in a lot of flirty compliments really nonchalant. The other night he told me I was stunning, and he loves how much I make him laugh. He pays so much attention to what I like, and he is always throwing in little things he remembers about me into the conversation. He also told me that he can open up to me so easily, and that a future with me in it is a bright one. He's very cheesy, but I adore that childlike sense of wonder about him. I think the biggest issue is his age because he's 23 (which is a big age difference for me). I really like him, and I enjoy how fun it is to flirt and talk with him. I don't expect this to necessarily turn into something so I'm going with the flow to have fun with it, but there's a small part of me that hopes it could potentially turn into something more. Am I being naive to think that an older man would want to be more than friends with me because he genuinely cares for me? In the hypothetical situation anything did happen it would be strange for my family because of how close he is to my cousins and my uncles. Is there any way to work around that or would it be smarter for me to stay away from the situation altogether? I understand he is in a completely different stage in his life, and I am also understanding that I may just be asking for trouble by getting myself involved with him. Thank you for listening, and I appreciate/am open to any advice! :)

Its not important between those of legal age, as to how far apart in years a couple is, but more importantly if both are mature and there can be a meeting of minds. When it gets to the point of a generation or two of difference in ages, there are very few with that great a difference in ages that will find they have anything much in common.

Since he has somewhat known you growing up, I don't find it odd at all that he feels comfortable with a 5to 6 year difference. Since your cousin is close friends with him, and the whole family knows him, I don't think he'd risk treating you badly and falling into disgrace with the whole family.

I believe you would be safe to at least start seeing him as friends and get to know him better. Because you are younger and have more exploring yet to do as to what you want to learn and do with your life, hopefully he will allow you to do that without forcing you to make any decisions about him sooner than you are ready to. If he does, remind him to think back to where he was at when 17/18 and that you need time to just experience life before making any real decisions such as he hinted at with the future in mind.

You could always ask your cousin what they think of him as a guy, not a friend but a potential date as he has shown interest of that kind towards you...and see what they have to say.

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So I am 25/f and I have a really good friend that I've been friends for the last 2 months. She's also 25. Now She's a recovering alcoholic/drug addict who's been arrested numerous times and has even had her son taken away from her. Now she has a job and she's starting school. However I noticed from the beginning of friendship she has gotten very insecure, possessive and tries to use me for rides because she doesn't have a car. I told her how i felt about her asking me for rides and she said well I want to hangout with you and I don't have a car, and you're my only friend (basically guilt tripped me). Now I made the mistake of telling her about this guy I met while we were swimming one day at her apartment complex. He's 41 and we've been hooking up and she's super judgmental about it. We've even gotten into arugements about it. I told her to stop judging me. I forgot to mention ever since she's gotten clean she's become a born again Christian and feels the need to judge me and tell me I should go to church and stop looking for love! The other day I told her about this guy I'm going on a date this weekend, and oh my god her reaction was so ridiculous! She started saying OMG! there's always a new guy every week! first it was so and so and now this guy! and I told her it's called dating and that's what people do in their 20's. She told me I was making excuses and that I needed to stop using dating site apps like Clover and Tinder and find a real guy, "a man of god." I was like are you scared of losing me if I start dating? and her reply was no not at all I have other friends, although I doubt it since she uses people and sits in her apartment that mom pays for. She also told me that I need to go to 12 step program, that's what she's doing. She says it's not just for people with drug/alcohol problems. It's like she doesn't want me to happy. And I had a friend like her who became Christian and she would say the same things to me. But I finally stopped being friends with her. But anyways I told her I might be moving If i get a job in a specific area of our town and she was like ugh why do you want to move there? I was like uhh because it's closer? I don't get it, is she jealous or something? It seems like she is, and can't seem happy for me. I don't judge her at all for her past. She told me once after a fight that I brought up her past even though I didn't. I basically told her to stop judging me, because that's not very Christian of her. I am sick of this, I know I can't change her but should I try to talk to her about it? I mean I'm not sure If that'll do any good, so does anyone have any ideas? Should I just end the friendship? Please help! thanks!

I used to attend church so maybe I can shed some light. What churches do, they do with good intentions. They beleive strongly what they are told. For someone who like a pendulum has swung so far the opposite direction where their life was out of control, people like this can tend to go to the other extreme opposite instead of swing to a more middle ground where their life is better but they don't judge others. I used to be close with both those who grew up in church and those who came in later in life, either looking for themselves or invited or pressured to come by a Christian.
I love God and live my life to be as much like him, Godlike as I can be. But I no longer attend churches nor hang out with Christians because I just don't have much in common with them and everything I say or do or how I live my life will come into question by them. This sounds like what she's doing with you.
I hate to call it brain washing cus no one forces it on a believer, but many do choose to stop thinking for themselves and just believe what is told to them from the pulpit. The Bible has been misinterpreted many times throughout history. There is plenty of information in literature to support that statement. However I was told to simply believe, and if I question anything taught in church, then I was disappointing God, making Him sad, and I didn't really believe. Basically, no matter which church I attended and I've been long enough in five of the major religions churches to know that to a great extent, one thing is the same everything, you are subtly steered towards researching for your self and choosing to "Blindly Believe". And yet, in each of these churches, I also found real true believers who were as loving as the Lord and hanging around simply to be good examples for the others in case they "finally woke" and realized they were kinda off the right path.
It's easy to find those who call themselves Christians but they never ever once in life developed their own beliefs or convictions about GOd.
LEts see if I can make it more clear. Think of a child, often male children who won't just accept that a mechanized toy or small appliance works. They want to know why and will tear it apart to see what makes it work. They will test it too to be sure that other configurations will work also or not. However when it comes to faith, this is exactly what we need to be doing to have our very own beleifs that we actually know to be true by experience or by our research. Too many never go this route and simply accept what they are told.
One thing believers are told is that sex before marriage is wrong, and some places actually tell you to let Jesus be your lover instead, that Christians need to associate only with other believers so that people who dont believe the same can't lure you down the wrong path.
I suspect she's heard plenty of this and that is why she's harping on you to not date anyone and also not to attend any meetups groups. It is also highly stressed that if you really love and care about someone (even if you really don't) it would be a shame to not encourage them to go to church and accept Jesus as their savior. You are made to feel guilty at every turn by stories, plays even, and teaching at bible studies or from pulpit if you are not reaching out to those you know and convincing them of their wrong and convincing them to accept Jesus, then you're sleeping on the job and will be judged on judgement day by God for not really caring and loving other people by choosing to not do so.
I have to admit that as a teen and young adult, I did some of this, usually a cassette video of the Easter story we where supposed to give to neighbors we knew didn't attend church. I knew it was wrong when some one from another church came to my door and when I said I was a believer and already attended a church, they grilled me about it, thinking it was my tricky way as a non beleiver to push them off. I answered their questions correctly and was friendly towards them but recieved the opposite from them, suspicion, unfriendly and pushiness. Now i knew what others felt like when I did it. Never did it again. I later learned from my own research that it is indeed the job of the Holy Spirit to move the hearts of people to grow spiritually and to learn about their creator and come to want to start acting and living their life just like their 'heavenly parent' much as kids will watch and try to act just like their earthly parents.
Another problem is that we are taught to not read anything but the Bible, to not read anything else labeled Spiritual or in the religious section of bookstores or librarys cus its always stuff from the Devil and his teachings, unGodly literature meant to lure you away from God, and in most cases, I've found it to be not the case. What I have learned has answered the questions the pastors had no answers for and asked me to just believe. Heres an analogy: ANd I've heard older mothers say this before to younger ones, "Nonsense, its okay to give your kids aspirin or honey at a young age. I did it for mine and they turned out okay." You counter with, "But current medical data has proven that it is risky and can be very bad for and maybe even deadly for my kids."
Then they come back at you with, "Oh, but you shouldn't be going out and reading all that medical nonsense. You should just be trusting in God to keep your kids safe."

You have to use common sense and make your best decisions for yourself based on where you are at right now in life. We all hopefully change and grow into better and wiser people as we get older. We all make mistakes out of innocense such as parent who used to feed their kids honey, but when there is data to support that concern for a childs health and to ignore it in choice of blind belief, its kinda nutsy,, isn't it. And yet, that is what many CHristian do and I used to be there once and I wanted more than anything to be pleasing to my heavenly Father so when I began talking to God, I was gently and slowly shown other things that opened my eyes to the fact that I was only choosing to force my so called beleifs on God when God had proven to me by giving me assingments that I actually doubted God would be there for me, that I was hearing Him right when told to go tell a stranger that God shared with me that they felt unloved and needed a hug, for example. I felt dumb and foolish and repeatedly for many other incidents, always doubted. It took Gods gentle but constant working with me to show me where my weak points were faith and belief wise and to help me learn to trust Him fully. I can't say that all CHristians cam claim that. Some yes, but a great majority from my experiene don't even really believe what they claim to believe and whats even worse, they don't even realise that they don't really believe but they have never had circumstance in their life where they were tested such as I was.

I could have simply said, don't try talking to her cus it won't help. But in my story, I hope you see why you will never get anywhere with her. You both are walking two very different paths now and will never see eye to eye on lots of things. If you decide to stay in close touch with her instead of letting her acquaintence with you just drop away, then likely you're a stronger person than me, cus I personally don't like being harassed about what I currently believe and I would never dare interfere with another persons beliefs. Looking back, I was once there. I can understand and I also know, its for god to work with showing them a better way to behave, not me.

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I was wondering how common it is for a husband who wants his wife to have sex with other men and a wife as in my case actually does do it. During the last several years I have had sex with several men at my husband's request. The past two years I have been with the same lover and am intimate with him several times a week. I have, with my lover's permission, created several videos of us having sex and my husband has watched them prior to us having sex. I would have never imagined that I would have ever done something like this however it is enjoyable for me and am glad I agreed to it.

Its as mentioned, as long as between consenting adults and one doesnt feel forced into doing something they don't really want or like, then it is fine, no matter what one does.

It would be difficult to track how many married couples actually do this as not all would be willing to make it known or admit to it.

For a while, I attended a swing club with my husband, and it was at his suggestion. I had my doubts but once I jumped in, I actually enjoyed it far more than he did. Often I did ask other couples whose idea it was first, to start down this path and surprisingly, the majority of wives or girlfriends were the ones who came up with the idea and had to convince their guys. Just to give a number, it was usually 8 out of 10 where the female initiated this.
There are not many places that offer nice clean well run facilities, so most resort to the internet for sites like Swappernet to find other couples if it is to be both mates switching partners for fun. It is also common in these circles to find people who just like to watch others live, engaging in sex, or watch their mate with another, soft swing which is everything but penetration, females who are bi sexual going after each other,(they have husbands but want sex with females only for the sex outside of marriage. Then there's a step further to something called polyamory which doesnt stop at sex so its just a lover, but a person you become involved in doing other stuff with as well but keeping your core relationship/marriage stable and healthy at same time.
This is called polyamory. It basically means more than one love, so having other people that you love. Yes, you have sex with and they are your lovers, but unlike swinging where it stops at lovers, this has the potential of being another full fledged relationship in all matters just like the one with the husband/wife or your domestic partner, but the big difference is that there is genuine love for the extra partner/partners. In this arena you will find all sorts of combinations in relationships, whatever you can imagine, it likely exists. The most common is triads, or one couple both interested in the same partners of another couple or each one finding their own partners, single or married, on their own. But the one important thing is that all poly relationships are not hidden from each other, no sneaking behind backs which is cheating then, but having the full knowledge and consent of current partner to be with someone else.
At least, now you know that you're not the only one.

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I am 12 almost 13 and I have had my period since I was 10 my mom told me everything before I got my period and she also told my that she hates tampon because they took her virginity I know that is not possible and so a few months ago at a gymnastics meet I used one of my friends tampons well now I have a swim team tryout and I need some tampons and no I cannot buy them myself because I have no store of shop to go to right away help please

Just in case you aren't ready to believe all of what adviceman said, I am an older female and all of what he shared is correct and right on.
In case your Mom still isn't sure about or not willing and your coach is a male so you don't want to ask him to speak to Mom, I've got a video from a you tube blogger, Laci Green who does sex educating and talks on relationship related things. She has a short video on what she called Hymen 101 "You can't pop your cherry" and used a visual to explain what the hymen is and isn't. She's funny and jokes alot so she's entertaining for the younger generation being in her twenties herself but she does the research and does share the facts so I feel this one particular video may be a way to get the info across to Mom without there being much issues.
Here is a link to the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA

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Hello :). So, I am 25/f and I've been friends with this girl since I was 17. We'll call her Nancy. We went to different schools but met at a homecoming dance senior year of high school. Before me, she was "best friends" with this girl, Marla. But, it was kind of weird how they became "best friends" so fast. Like a week after they met, they were doing everything together. She even set her up with one of her friends. One day, my mom was driving us somewhere and she told both me and her about how the guy thought she was really ugly because he only dated supermodels. At the time, I was young and I probably didn't even give it a second thought. But, looking back, it just brings the story full circle, because if she talks bad about her "best friend" to other people, whose to say that she's not talking bad about me to them?

Well, anyway, fast forward. She had a huge fall out with Marla. It was all over myspace and facebook. Everyone in my school knew about it and she didn't even go to that school. She slandered Marla. I don't even know, looking back, if she had anything to do with this, but I remember Marla almost getting expelled from school for illegal substances and she's just not the type of person who would do that. She's a dancer, for many years. Marla was good friends with my sister. They went to the same academy of dance. It's not like I know her SUPER well, but I know that dance is her life and the whole thing just doesn't add up.

I became Marla's replacement. But, it happened so quickly, that I didn't even realize it. Suddenly I was her "best friend." But, being her friend became strenuous thing. She always wanted to go to the beach and go to the mall. It was constant. One day she wanted me to sleep over and my mom didn't let me. And she had a FIT. When they told her that she couldn't go to my graduation because they were turning people away at the door, but that she could come to the dinner, she threatened my grandmother. Needless to say, she doesn't take things very well! But, we've never had a serious fallout like she had with Marla. She's just always left me with fear of her reactions. I'll get into that in just a few moments.

She left the state for college and I stayed here, in the same state. Her roomate in college, Lily became my replacement "best friend." I don't know what happened, but I know it was bad. My mom was friends with her on facebook, too and she brought it to my attention because she was worried. Apparently, Lily had a boyfriend and Nancy got jealous because she was spending too much time with him. I don't know all the details, but given the past circumstances, I can only imagine that it was a reaction of Lily not following through with plans. I know that Lily had to leave the room, and if I'm not mistaken, even the school. The message is loud and clear: don't make her unhappy. And her demands, I would argue, are unreasonable.

I maintained contact with her, but it was very superficial. Only recently, has been contacting me more. But, this time, I'm actually quite hurt by her. About six months ago, I fell in love with someone and I personally feel we went too far, too fast. He was also a fake...a jerk in disguise. I actually met him because she introduced me to him. I legitimately thought I was pregnant. I was throwing up and exhibiting pretty much all the symptoms. When I reached out and told her about it her response was that he had been in love with her for two years... with a grin on her face. Now, whether or not this is true is irrelevant. The point is that it's not really the most appropriate thing to say when someone confides in you that they think their pregnant. They are already vulnerable. It just seems so selfish to me that this would be her response. She's just the epitome of a mean girl!

So, fast forward to now. She apparently is also "best friends" with a co worker. But, she threatened her to break up with her boyfriend so that she could go clubbing with her. The boyfriend didn't know she was the cause of the break up. So, he spent time talking to her as a friend!!! When the co-worker found out, her and her boyfriend got back together. It was then that the boyfriend fount out about the threats that drove her to the break up. So, he outed Nancy. He told his gf all of the bad things that Nancy had talked about her.

Prior to this fight, these two "besties" decided that they wanted me to go with them across the country for fourth of July weekend. They even bought my tickets and took care of all the travel arrangements. So, I felt compelled to go. Particularly because of what I've seen all these years about Nancy's reactions to things not going her way. I'm genuinely afraid. I know what she'll use against me, and it's the guy that I mentioned above. It gets worse. She even presented me with going on a trip two weeks from now. Apparently, the people going on this trip are very wealthy and she told them "not all my friends are as rich as us." While I applaud that she recognizes that not everyone has the amount of money she has... I think it's also a weird way to express it. It just makes me feel like in that trip, people are separated by the rich people and the poor people. It makes me feel uncomfortable. But, I'm afraid of making her unhappy because of her threats and behavior in the past. I genuinely am worried, but I really don't want to go. There was recently an earthquake in where we are traveling too, there have been three major events that happened in my state, one which was an attack. Today, there was an airport attack in Turkey. I'm just not in the mood to travel... particularly with someone like her.

Can anyone offer me some advice?

This all depends on how great your fear of her is, as to whether you will turn her down.
I don't know if you realize this, but something is very off balance with her. She has no real friends.

Her so called 'friends' seem to all sound like people she has forced herself on and then either out-rightly verbally threatened or threatens by her erratic, unreasonable and vengeful behavior.

A person can't be forced to be friends with someone they don't like. You always have a choice even if it seems like you don't. The real problem is when we give away control of our life or at least that part of it to someone so they can then call all the shots and tell you when to jump and how high to jump. This person is anything but a friend. And we know you are not the only person who has pissed her off which seems real easy to do. I would imagine that not smiling enough in her presence is enough to piss her off. This is nothing other than allowing yourself to be enslaved by her. If you can't pass this test and learn how to be self confident enough and back in control of your life, not letting someone else like her call the shots, then you will keep running into way more people like her, maybe even in guys, until you learn to turn them down.
If you can't learn this, I suggest you dont ever have children. The reason I say this is that when a parent is training a child to follow house rules, proper way of conduct in life and the kid throws a fit, parents who are where you are now in life, afraid of 'the brat' coming out in their kid, of their kid threatening to make up stories to authorities if you don't get them what they want, so parents cave in and the kids become little hoodlums so to speak.

So I hope you see that fear has you bound up, fear of what will happen if you turn her down and don't go. It doesnt sound like you ever agreed to go. She was foolish to buy a ticket that may not be able to be refunded, thinking that the knowledge of that is the lever she can use to force you to go. That and the knowledge that if you do this, she'll be angry and try to slander you.
Here's another thing to think about....the people who really matter to you, who really know you, are going to know you well enough to know she's making it all up and a mature person even if they don't know you all that well but know of her, are going to know she is the one who obviously has some problems.
My ex has always and still has problems with relating to people. He is unable to hold any really good relationships. This didn't just affect his marriage, but shows todays in lack of relationships with his kids, girlfriends who keep leaving him, losing one job after another for what I suspect was his inability to relate well with other co-workers, thus self destructing his chance to work anywhere. It doesnt take long for a person with a brain to see that shes the one with the problem.So when I left, a friend of mine wrote to tell me of all the horrible stories he was passing around about me to mutual friends, all made up and to make him look good. My reaction was, Thats great because this will weed out those who never were worth the blessing of being considered my good friends. Those who do not believe her, are the only ones worthy of being given your time and friendship. If it seems the majority of people side with her, thats probably going to be right. The majority of people one calls friends are really not the kind of people who will stay loyal and love you through good and bad times. Do not accept referrals of friends or boyfriends from her. She wouldn't know how to tell if a person was a healthy minded and loyal good person. If you find a guy willing to date you, Spend more time in the beginning talking to each other about your past and recent experiences, tell about yourself and in that time, ask if he's ever had any person force themselves on him as a friend or girlfriend? If he has a story, listen to it. And wehn its your turn, tell him yours. It depends on your tone of voice and where your heart is when you tell him. Essentially, this will be a warning to him so if she does somehow discover of his existance from someone else who knows you, she can't spoil things by coming up and trying to ruin your relationship with him. It might be best to let him know that the only reason you allowed her to manipulate you for so long is that you were terrified of what she might do if you didnt jump to her will. ANd give him examples. If you feel sorry for her and wish that she could realize that she's the one with issues and needs to be a professional for a psychological testing, so that hopefully she could live a normal happy life and actually be a GOOD friend, then this will not come across as gossip or tattling on someone, but concern from a mature person who cares but also knows there is nothing the average person can do to help her. Pretending to be her friend and going along with everything she demands of you, is only prolonging the time from her hitting dirt bottom in her life, with no people who will interact with her at all and realizing that she has a problem and needs to get help. Even if its not mental illness, it may be a personality disorder which for all rules and purposes is just as destructive on relationships of any kind.
So tell Nancy no, you are not going. Give her the valid examples of why you dont want to go. It doesnt matter what she says about the ticket or not getting money back. It is in bad taste to choose to make a time commitment for you. You can make your own arrangements, deciding for yourself what club to go to, what party to attend, and when and where you will go on vacation. You understand that to her this is a gift to you and while its nice to give gifts to friends, this is over the top because you have to take time away from work or school to go. She didn't allow you an option to choose where you wanted to go on vacation, when you wanted to go and to be able to make arrangements for time away from work, or if having a pet, for finding someone to care for it,etc. (I am still giving example of what to say... cus if she doesnt hear it truthfully from enough people, she'll never know that she is the problem.) Don't yell, dont raise your voice, if she starts yelling, talk slow but loud enough for her to hear over her ranting and raving and warn her to stop the yelling or you will leave, or hang up depending on whether on phone or in person. I would not go thru the bother to meet her in person to tell her this, not someone who has forced themselves on you.

I do know what an unwanted friend is like. Dont have it to the extreme you do right now but everytime I am worked at my job at a fast food place or hanging out there for the internet, she's a street person who forces her attention on you. I have seen her slide into the booth of anyone who is sitting alone and try to chat as long time friends. Then she starts asking for favors. All the management know her. SHe's come here for decades and met a rich lady who spoke with us and told us she got this lady an apt of her own all furnished, didn't have to live on the street but she ignores what the rules are, what peoples wishes are and still tries to take up your time expecting you to give her your full attention. If someone offered me an apt. all paid for, I'd grab it. The fact she turned it down says something isn't right in her head, and I believe the same goes for Nancy. As I said, if you can't get past your fear of how she'll be revengeful after wards, then you're bound to a lifetime of many more people like this in it. You will be tested on occasion afterwards with someone coming into your life and starting to act up like Nancy and you have to nip it in the bud and say, I thank you for your interest in me but i don't feel I have enough in common with you. And stop communicating, don't answer their texts or calls. Better yet, don't hand out your number instantly just cus someone asked for it. no one is holding a gun to your head to force you to do it, so don't.

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Hey there. I'm a 21 year old female and I have struggled with bulimia off and on for about 4 years. It started when I got to college and used it as a way to deal with stress. I was dating a guy at the time and he was the only one who realized that I had a problem because I was mostly bulimic with anorexic periods mixed in so it was pretty easy to hide and I got very good at it. Leaning on my boyfriend and only my boyfriend made me very dependent on him. I should have seeked help much earlier on but refused to admit that it was a real problem until after we broke up. In a way I think this issue was part of our breakup. I have never been in counseling but I confused in my doctor and he will often put me on a very mild dose of Prozac when I'm going through a stressful time because my bulimia only really surfaces when I am stressed out even though I work out every day and do other stress management practices, I suffer from pretty intense anxiety and I really like the months that I'm on the Prozac but don't like being dependent on medicine. I'm not sure all of this is relevant. I suppose I just don't want to get any responses that urge counseling or other suggestions related to the bulimia because it is not really what I'm asking here.

My problem is I have been with my current boyfriend for quite some time now and he is the love of my life. But I keep these issues from him. Granted, the majority of our relationship I have had it under control and been completely free of bingeing and purging. I have been starting to struggle recently and have told my two closest friends and discussed starting on the medication again. And I feel guilty. Like I'm lying to him by not telling him what's going on. It's a deeply personal issue and I am so scared to tell him and have it ruin our relationship like the last one. And I know I know, if it's truly meant to be he should be able to work with me/support me blah blah I know this... But it's so difficult to work up the courage to tell him. It's the worst thing about myself and I don't talk about it anyone, ever, anymore besides my doctor or to let my friends know I'm back on medication (my doctor said this is a safe thing to do for antidepressants). I guess I'm asking if this is something that I truly need to tell him... and if it is, how? Because I physically don't feel able.

Any suggestions appreciated.

The great thing about having a partner you're in love with and they with you, is that this person loves you despites your spots and wrinkles. They know your strengths and also your weakness and still accept you. If its true Love, then love conquers all. He may be shocked, disturbed at first, but if he isn't just the love of your life, but you are the love of his life, then he will come around to supporting you, either immediately or after he's had some think to process this information. I suppose it depends on how long you're been with him cus 'quite some time' doesnt give me a clue how long. It could mean 3 months to you and 3 years to me. So if its still a relatively new relationship, and you are afraid you might start to lean on a person too much again, then give it a little more time but actively look into ways to deal with your problem.
You mentioned depression and anxieties as being at the root of what brought on bulimia and anorexia. YOu may be embarrassed about the fact you're struggling with this, but don't be. The fact you'r able to tell us and asking for advice tells me that you really want to find a solution for this so that you can move on in life, worry free about it affecting any future relationships.

I used to have an extreme anxiety as a kid, finally getting rid of it forever in my last year of high school when I was finally tired of how it affected my life. My parents didn't have health care and I couldn't afford to see a Dr. So I prayed and asked God what I needed to do. The steps He gave me, cured me. ITs only recently that I read a book by a Psychologist turned teacher and author on the subject and come to realize that the exact method he recommends for an anxiety like mine was the exact same steps in print in his books. Talk about chills running down your spine. I was floored. So I know his style of dealing with depression and anxietys works. It has for many other people too who have written in to his website. I found the two books I have now read, amusing, interesting, helpful information but its still a difficult task to self diagnose as the books are meant to do. What I see them as is encouragement to those suffering that there is something else to try that is non pharmaceutical, with medicine being just his last option to help a patient whereas it used to be his first option until a colleague asked him to try a new method with one of his patients first before prescribing medicine.
The name of this psychologist and author is David D. Burns. He has many books. I've read "When Anxiety Attacks" and "Feeling Good--The New Mood Therapy". The latter deals more with Depression and distorted thinking. As far as what your Dr. said to you, he is sharing only out of what he has been taught and knows, just as Dr. Burns. Until he personally chooses to check out and try the other non medicinal therapies, he really belies that medicating is the safest way to deal with it. But medication only masks the illness, doesnt cure it. WIth medicine, some people eventually get side effects that are worse than the illness they are treating so they stop medications and suffer in silence and in fear of others discovering their deep dark secret.

In todays world, depression and anxiety issues are actually very common. I don't suppose that 200 or more years ago, people suffered from depression and anxiety as much. The world was a much slower paced place without the problems we have today that bring on these issues of depression and anxiety.
They had a different set of problems but its expected that life comes with its difficulties and hard work to achieve any progress. HOwever depression and anxiety are getting too common today for you to stand out as the oddity, its pretty common even tho many may not know much about it or even the eating disorders. I don't have eating disorders but I am naturally fine boned and have plenty enough weight, even at the border of going overweight and yet have bony areas like wrists, elbows knees so they stand out and I still get people asking friends and family if I'm anorexic. ITs sad how little people truly know. But regardless, there may be an alternative for you. If it doesn't work for you, then medicine will still be a choice. I am posting the website of Dr. Burns and encourage you to get a copy of his books both on depression and anxiety, or better yet, write to him and ask which book might be the better. At the least it may encourage you to seek out a psychologist in your area who deals with these innovative methods to solve anxiety and depression and then move on to the eating disorders, which likely won't have a reason to hang around if the first two conditions are treated. He may be able to advise you of Drs. in your area who use these methods, one of which is called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy and a newer one that uses CBT but is even better, T.E.A.M.
Here's his website dear, and I wish you the best.
Once you've read his website and decide this is something you want to try as a part of getting better, then might be a good time to let the boyfriend know, especially if a very likely solution is in the mix, then he can help encourage you to find the right Dr and work thru the books or better yet, the books were somewhat overwhelming and confusing for the average person to solve their issues but he could read a book aloud with you cus its having the extra perspective that will help more. In the end, it's still the best to have a Dr. with his profession background skills to help you through it and even so, it's a matter of discovering which exact method will work best on you and that is hard to figure out sometimes for the person with the issues.
https://feelinggood.com/

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