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Having a trust issue
My boyfriend just went to Mexico for 10 days to visit family. He said it will be hard to contact me with his cell service not working out there. We knew we werent going to talk to each other for 10 days. So he leaves and I see location activity on Facebook which basically tells me he is not in Mexico to my understanding. Now him and his dad own a business so maybe be left his phone with the dad. The thing I don't understand is active FB activity. Why would anyone else be on his FB? He contacted me mid trip on FB messenger to say hi. Telling me it was hard to get on wifi because it was slow. I wanna believe him but his traveling mobile activity on FB is making me very questionable. Why should he go out of his way to lie to me? Maybe I am overacting? What do you think? I don't know how to feel right now. Freaking out over FB seems silly but I don't know. :(
Female age 32
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First off... get off face book. Facebook is ruining your relationship. And unfortunately it ruins a lot of relationships! there is no reason for you not to trust him. he is in mexico with his family. end of story. Facebook could be glitching for all you know.
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I know what you are talking about, and I don't know if there's a way to change what shows on FB when posts are made from ones cell. My daughter was recently in Hawaii and all her posts and pics said Hawaii and the closest city too.
It is very reasonable to have questions answered in this case. Asking him, for the purpose of clearing things up is a good thing, it has nothing to do with you being mistrustful and he shouldn't see it as such. If he does call that trust card, instead of understanding your position to know what happened, if he's truly innocent and plans changed and he does have a good explanation, he should be willing to tell you in detail, especially if he really loves you. No one wants to think they are the one responsible for making their sweetheart sad, cry or worry, etc. if one truly cares deeply about the other.
I commend you for wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt in thinking perhaps his phone was left with dad. But his dad wouldn't be using the sons phone to make FB posts. Then if he wasn't in Mexico, but in US, there are plenty places in the US where cell service in spotty to non existant, especially with big hills a nd mountains nearby. However, if he were in the US, in such areas, he would also not be able to use his cell for anything, not even calls. The fact there are posts may only mean he has been using a friends phone to gain his accts in FB and then posted. Unless it was a one time emergency to post something important or to make a call to tell you plans fell through and he had to assist dad in the business but that he'd be too busy to call you again, I can see doing that from someone elses phone if in a cell service area and he didnt have his own cell. I can come up with all sorts of scenerios myself dear. Its something thats part of my makeup, if there is a rotten apple at the bottom of a bushel, I can sense it, smell it, and won't give up until I pull every apple out to see if its really there. One bad apple left can ruin and spoil all the others. And so it is with a relationship. It's important to not let one thing like this be left alone to fester and ruin the relationship, it's a must to dig into this and find if there is truly a problem or not.
I don't know how long you've dated him. It all depends on the amount of time spent together. It should have been enough for you to see a consistancy in him. What I mean is that who he says he is in character and beliefs and morals, etc... is something that you have seen remain the same, no matter what circumstances come along. Is he supposed to be relaxed and easy going, slow to anger but yet too often while a passenger in car, you see him go into road rage moments, then he is not who he is trying to portray himself as. An inconsistancy like this is enough to give doubts about other areas in his life and of his character.
You are not over reacting. Freaking out over a very tangible proof like a FB posting location is NOT silly...I wouldn't be able to wait to find out what he has to say. What if someone attacked him, he never made it to Mexico, he's laying hurt or dead and that person is using his phone?
If something similar happened with my husband, I would've called his family after the first posting from somewhere other than where he was supposed to be, worried about him being okay. See, in my case, he's already proven his ability to be consistent with me, so I know he doesn't lie to me. So my first reaction with my husband would be to worry about his welfare, is he okay, hurt, alive, rather than thinking he was lying to me. Not trying to lay the guilt trip on you for feeing suspicious and not fully trusting. Its a two way thing. You might have past experienes with people you couldnt trust, or who broke your trust but he's a different person. Naturally, from experience, you can't help but react with mistrust until you know the truth or if he's proven himself to be consistantly trustworthy, then no matter your past experience, there wouldn't be an issue of 'is he lying' but 'is he okay?" instead. So I may be making a wild guess here, but if this is a relationship of several months to a year at least, there should be trust, and it's possible that subconsciously you've always never been totally sure about him, and that would have to be due to his character, things there that are inconsistant enough to not allow you to trust fully.
So don't feel bad about talking to him. Be careful to not accuse I statements, where you let him know how you felt but not use You statements which tend to come across as accusitory and put the other person instantly on the defense even if innocent. SO a statement like "You made me worried or suspicious cus you didn't let me know of any change in plans", will not go over well.
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If you guys have good communication and honesty in your relationship you should be able to tell him what is bothering you. And it's not overreacting at all. We live in a world where cheating is beyond easier than it use to be. Social Media actually being the reason why. So if something like this sends a red flag don't let it go and don't let them build up over and over.
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