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should I have a last talk with my ex
I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 2 years and soon to be 2years and 3 months . But the thing is, I feel I'm still stuck on my ex . I don't always think about him but sometimes it bugs me that were not together. Me and my ex only talk like on mine and his bday.I had him for a class this school year and I feel he still likes me because he would look at me often .... but then he has a gf.... this upcoming year were both going to be seniors and might not see each other m his birthday is coming up . Should I invite somewhere public so we can juts talk for the last time or so I can tell him my mixed feeling or should I just have a long conversation on his birthday witch is july31st. ? I know it may be wrong at some point but I feel if I talk through all this with him and ask if he ever thinks of me. I will have to move on . I need to .I love my bf but like I said I often think about my ex here and there ....btw me and my ex broke up on goof terms we dated when we were 8th grade and broke up on half of freshmen year and now we're both going to be seniors
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Hi there.
First off, love can be confusing as anything. It truly can. With that being said, as much as we may feel confused about things.. our gut can usually tell us what we need to do or listen to. You not being over your ex is a sure sign that you shouldn't be continuing with your said boyfriend now. If you are able to still feel those feelings for your ex then you shouldn't be dating ANYONE. Despite you wanting to have someone. Jealousy is a sign you are not over someone completely and that the love you are feeling just may not be for you. We will love many people in our lives, but not every single person we end up loving is meant to be with us forever. Don't wait til the last minute on deciding things because in the mean time you DO have someone that you are stringing along as if nothing is wrong and that's something none of us want to feel. Time will only add to that hurt when and if you end up hurting said boyfriend.
So my advice pretty much is to get to telling ex dude what is up, and despite what he says... maybe also the person you are with just isnt the one. I feel you would absolutely know if they were. Thoughts of your ex wouldnt be brewing.
Just saying. Hope all turns out well :)
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You should have a last talk with your ex and talk to him about your mixed feelings about him and her bf.
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Moving on isn't something that you magically feel. It's a choice about how to behave.
It's okay to think about your ex, and your past, but that doesn't mean what you are thinking about doing it okay.
Honestly, talking to him about your mixed feelings now, years later, while you are both in relationships with others, is disrespectful of both your ex and your current boyfriend.
Also, it's not going to help you move on either. It's just going to make you fixate even more on the past. Your problems will likely get worse, not better.
If what you truly want is to create a friendship with your ex, then by all means reach out to him, get his email, and try to stand friends in the future.
BUT, that's not what you've said here. You don't say you want to be friends.
If what you want is to talk about the past, just don't. After two years, moving on is your job, not something he can give to you. Making him spend hours with you, on his birthday, talking about a relationship that ended two years ago, isn't at all a kind or respectful plan.
It's okay to think about your past from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that, but for goodness sake take a moment and think about other people's feelings as well. Think about your exes discomfort and confusion at having this conversation foisted on him years later. Think about your own boyfriend and how he would feel if you talked out your deepest feelings with your ex, rather than speaking to him.
If you want to build a friendship with your ex, put your past behind you. If you are struggling to put the past behind you, recognize that is something you need to work on personally, not something your ex has to help you with, and probably not even something you ex CAN help you with.
You have some more work to do sorting out your own feelings, and what it is you want from any sort of contact with your ex, before it is fair and respectful to approach him with your expectations.
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If you broke up under good terms, then it is easy and natural to see the person and have good memories come up. Thats probably whats happening when you catch him staring.
As with any relationship,, good or bad, other than a case of amnesia, there is no way to stop remembering the good or bad of a past relationship. The only thing one can work with is the emotions that come up, if they are strongly negative and disrupting your life.
I don't know the circumstances under which you decided to split up but for young people, pre teens and on, it is quite natural to go through many relationships and breakups, as they learn the do's and don'ts of dating and relationships and how to understand the opposite sex. While it may not be your situation, sometimes the mistakes are such that it tears two people apart.
SO to expect an extremely long relationship at this age range is biting off more than most can chew. You may be the exception. If you feel the only reason you broke up is that you felt you both needed to give each other a chance to date around, then maybe you need to hear my version of what the purpose of dating is.
Here goes:
For some people, dating is a social status, fitting in thing, helps you to look good or be more popular with friends.
Other than social dating, there is dating to experience the thrill of getting attention from the opposite sex, or enjoying romance, maybe even love...and for some it progresses to sex.
Then there is the kind of dating where the importance is placed more on the sex, like a frien with benefits things, a couple who have sex and unfortunately the girl gets hooked feelings wise where the guy has no feelings for her other than lust and its easy for him to dump her.
Thats the way dating is currently. But I have found that dating is a very temporary process and also a very helpful one if used the way I explain now. Dating is best used as a period of time where you check out the other person more in depth. This isn't a way to get instant love and romance, but to discover things about the other person that makes you fall in love with them. If a person is attractive enough to you, the next step is to check out if there's a meeting of the hearts and minds. You can have things in common also but if there are any behavioral or personality bad things that irritate constantly or hurt you or are destructive to a relationship, you then move on. If a person works out in the da ting stage, then you move on to 'commited couple' or as used to be called 'going steady'. FOr all rules and purposes, this may look like dating on the outside to observers but the two took the time to get to really know each other, lots of talking rather than lots of movies seen together.
SO based on all that, perhaps you never had a chance to totally explore whether you're both right for each other. WHile its seldom that school romances go a lifetime with marriage and kids, it still does happen sometimes and you most likely wouldn't care to go on your entire life always wondering the 'what if' regarding the two of you. If you feel the need to talk, my guess is that you are undecided as to whether you both are done with each other romantically. Before you decide to have this talk, my own thoughts are whether there has been any verbal commitment made between him and his girlfriend or/and you and your boyfriend. If so, I'd wait until the relationship naturally stops. With college ahead, theres a great chance your boyfriend and his girlfriend may find themselves other partners and break up with you. To me, a commitment is like a wedding vow without the piece of paper to legally prove it. Yes, even in dating, and this is called trust and being secure with where you stand with your partner. Thats how it is for my 2nd marriage, no legal marriage papers, only our commitment to each other.
Now if you do talk to him and he is over you, but you aren't, you need to decide whether you think you can easily move on and it not affect your current relationship which you might lose too. If you were hopeful that he is still wanting you but he isn't, that will negatively affect your emotions and you'll be acting different even if you dont think so and your partner may be able to pick up on it, you not being fully there for him cus you are grieving the loss and that could strain the relationship or worse, break it up if he discovers you're still mooning over your ex. Only you can make the decision to have a talk.
In the end, if its really over, then every time you have a thought of wanting, longing for, those those thoughts you must recognize the moment they appear and keep telling yourself it can't ever be cus he doesnt feel the same and you need to stop focusing on him. Then switch your thoughts to something else. Its when you get a thought and dwell on it for too long, you're feeding it energy and making it more powerful than it should be so it can take over control of your life as far as emotions go. HOpe this gives you something to think about in deciding whether to talk to him or not.
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