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Should i stop loving him?
Heey..! Sometimes i feel scared to just open myself to some random stranger but it feels really good and usually i get really great advice so for that Thank you darlig.. ♥♥
Now my problem. So i have this one boy i really like we used to text a lot like every night and he was so sweet. Our messages were like i won because u wish me good look (thats what he sent me) or he used ro pretend that he was mad at me and then said how he can never be mad at me and he was generally so sweet. He is actually really shy but he opened to me, he talks about his family,music his problems and we gossip a little heh.. And all my freinds say you are really cute together he likes you 100% hes just to shy to ask you out. But i cant trust that if he doesnt say that he eloves me. If those words dont come out of his mouth. My main problem right here is that these past maybe week he's been quit cold toward me and i think thats all because of his friens. When he is with his friend he acts all stong and something gets in his head, Thats just not the person i know and that not the person im in love with. So i got mad at him and he knows that im mad and he told me just to call him when im not mad anymore.. and it hurt me that he didnt do anything so i would be not mad at him and it showed me that he doesnt care that much about me as i though. And im stuck right here. I really love him and i used to be happy all the time ournd him but right now i feel really miserable.I can tell him about his friends because he wont trust me and we will be in much more of fight.. I dont know what to do.. please help. Should i stop loving him somehow? What should i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Friends may say that someone likes you just because it seems like it to them. Now if he hasn't said he loves you and you two are actually dating. just be aware that you do not need to say I love you, to know that they love you. it is also in their actions. how they speak to you. how they treat you.
Guys are always showing off to their friends. they do not want to come off as wiped or a pussy. so they show off to their friends as strong and silent. I would not take this personally. He may act a little bit different when it is just you two because he cares for you in a different way then he cares for his friends.
I think you are just being a tad silly for being mad at him for acting a little different in front of his friends then how he acts when it's just you two.
Ask your self what is it that you are unhappy with? has something changed in your relationship that is different from when you first started going out?
I'm not quite sure what you mean about tell him about his friends?
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You've got a lot of stuff in one message. There are several separate things I would like to address.
First, your concern of not hearing a guy say "I love you." Some of us grow up in families where loving overtures like saying the words or hugs, just don't happen. But lack of those doesn't necessarily mean someone doesn't love you. I've saved an exerpt from dating advice I watched on youtube once and wrote down the following of what the person said concerning:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
Secondly, I'd like to address what your friends say about him. Be careful to not get hopes up just because all your friends say you both look cute together. If looks were all it took to find a bf/gf or mate who is perfect for you, then there wouldn't be a single person in the world. YOu need to be more concerned about his character and personality. And those are things that your friends may not be able to pick up on as easily. People either intentionally or unintentionally will act one way in public and another behind closed doors or private relationship where they feel they can relax and be themselves. I have an ex like that I married at age 20. He seemed wonderful in how he acted towards and treated all other people, not just me, at least, not until we married. Once living together as married couple, his true colors showed and he was actually abusive but no one outside of our home could tell. I even heard some younger couples in later years tell me they wished they could have a marriage as great and husband as great as mine. So count don't on what other people think, decide for yourself after you've really given yourself a chance to get to know him in depth.
Next, you mention you can't trust the fact that shyness is why he hasn't asked you out. You believe he needs to be in love with you first before asking you out. Your mind may be operating on this one phrase, "Love at first sight". I am sorry to burst your bubble but tho some people do fall in love before having even spoken to, spent time with the person or asked them out, this happens very very seldom. In fact, if it happened to even 1% of people that everyone knows, I should have friends, or acquiantances where that is the case. I am grandma age and have yet to meet someone where they fell in love before starting to date. Now if you are talking about someone being attracted to you, that is how it works for just about 100% of people. We don't tend to want to even approach or possibly encourage someone to think we find them attractive when we don't. THe first stage in meeting and later becoming a couple is visual attraction. If thats there, visual attraction leads to wanting to engage the person in conversation. If that goes well, that leads to wanting to know more about the person at which point they agree to hang out together or go on dates to learn more about each other. If that goes well, they continue dating but make a commitment to each other to see only each other. If all still goes well at this stage, then at some point people move in together first, then marry or get engaged, and then live together as married couple.
So the initial dating does not require a person to love you first before dating. If this wasn't clear and you need me to explain more, I'd be glad to reword and try again.
Now to what you called your main problem, his acting cold or distant towards you. I can't say what might bring about what you are feeling or sensing. It could be as simple as you
more time from him than males are willing to give. When first meeting someone, there is a kind of excitement that spurs one on to try to spend as much time and energy in contact with the other.
Its NRE, new relationship energy. This excitement is much like a drug that one can get so hooked on because of how it feels that when we come off this high to what is normal and actually okay for a relationship, can be mistaken as things going south. It may be a lack of understanding a common male need for his time alone, man cave time, or the need to keep up his commitments to his friends, school, job, family, sport team if any he's on.
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