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humorist-workshop
too nice
hey im 16 and im a male, girls.....this one is for you, is a guy being to nice to you a good thing or a bad thing, nice to a point where hes a real gentleman, opening doors for you, wlaking you to the door step, paying for your ticket and maybe sometimes dinner, depends on the occasion, is that a turn on or turn off about a guy, i thought it was a turn on???
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Being a gentleman is a lost art that people forget is something that men use to always do.It is a form of respect a man gives to a woman but opening the door and walking them to their door. Opening the door for someone and walking them to their door is a wonderful gesture, just don't make it creepy by saying something rude.
If you are on a date, this is a wonderful thing to do, but some girls don't really understand that you are showing her you care enough to do these things. Paying for dinner/event ticket will depend on if you asked the girl on a date. If you are just friends with a girl this is not ok to do.
In order to 'turn on' a girl, be yourself and the right girl will love all the wonderful things you do!
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I'm close to that age and I would say yes, that is definitly a good thing. :) girls love it when guys take care of them. Even when they can do those things themselves, they like It when they know a guy cares enough to do it for them.
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i love when a guy is nice to me but some times i like to be treated like a equal, so nice to a point but dont act to much more of a dominante.
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Just depends on what type of girl she is. If she is one of those people who doesn't want to feel selfish and likes to take responsiblity, like me, then she may not like you paying for stuff. Sometimes in some girls, if you pay for something for them, it makes them feel selfish in a way or bad because you're having to spend money on them instead of on something else that you may need.
Hope this helped you some. Goodluck!
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Hey sweetie, it all depends on if your dating this girl or not. I say this because I find it a bit awkward if a guy were to do this if we were not dating, or if I didn't even have feelings for him. I've had guys where they would buy me dinner when we went out with a group, or would do all these sweet things for me .. but it was pretty awkward for me because I had no feelings for the guy. So it was like ohhkay .. well thanks ... you know?
It also may not be a turn on because the girl may think you're being nice just to get in her pants .. trust me us girls think that alot. She may think you're being nice so later she'll hook up with you, which is what you DON'T want us thinking. Because then it's sort of like .. well thanks for being nice .. but what do you want in return now??
IF you're in a relationship, I definitely think this is acceptable and really sweet :) I would love to find a guy who would do that for me, because nowadays there aren't many out there. Has a girl told you she didn't like it for you to be thinking this? If she isn't appreciating this and you two are in a relationship boooy I don't know about her ..
Have any other questions .. let me know! Good luck ♥ LU
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In a relationship, it's a good thing. Outside of a relationship, it is not.
First, if you only do this for girls you're into, it's transparent. It's obvious that you're only doing it because you like her, not because you're just that kind of guy. Girls like the things you do because of what kind of guy those things mean you are. Being the kind of guy who is nice to people you want something from and ignore everyone else makes you seem like a dick. Just fair warning.
Second, if you're dating a girl already, it's fine to be gentlemanly as much as you want to. If you aren't, it's a terrible strategy for attracting girls. If you go out of your way to dote on them, it makes them feel unequal. You try too hard, and make them feel uncomfortable. If they aren't already really into you, they wonder why you're so into them. Or else they think you're just being nice because you think opening doors amounts to flirting.
If you're asking this, I imagine you're not seeing much success. If you like a girl, she's got to know it. Somehow, you don't walk up and "I like you" at them, you just flirt. Compliment them. Make eye contact. Smile. Ask them about themselves.
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I don't know if turn on is the right word; it gives me the image of a girl getting hot and bothered when you hold a door open. Ah, if it were only that easy.
Anyway, girls generally like that, so long as you're not overbearing and don't come across like a pussy.
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It's a turn on him being a real gentlemen proves he
has manners and knows how to treat a girl right with
the respect she deserves so it's a good thing i'm sure most girls would rather have a guy that treats them nicely & not badly the girl will most likey think highly of the guy(:
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Turn on,
It is flattering to know that a guy respects you enough that he treats you the way you should be treated.
Of course it's a good thing
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dude, trust me, total turn on. yeah i know im a guy but like gunner ive had experience with this. as one chick said, if you want long term girls, most of them get really turned on by gentlemen. if you want easy girls then treat em like shit and theyll love you for a night. ive found that opening doors for them is a personal favorite.
ky
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A definite turn on. Don't listen to that girl that rambled on and on below. There are less and less good guys in this world. If you treat a girl well and act like a gentleman, you will find the good girls that you will want to be with. Don't give in! There are so few of you left.
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I personally love, love, love that.
17/f
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Oi Christ.
Hello, Mr. Nice guy. Pay attention, I'll try not to ramble.
Rule 1 of dating. Girls are attracted to who you are, not what you do for them.
The cardinal rule, which you are violating. Attraction is an organic process. It cannot be manufactured or created. It happens when people exhibit qualities that others like.
What does this have to do with you?
When you walk up to a girl and do something for her, hoping for an attractive response, its creepy. Young girls won't be as wise to this, by the time you hit 20 these tactics will have women running for the fire exits.
Why is this creepy?
First, its forward. Its true some people are naturally helpful. But often times help comes with strings. Its a truism we teach our kids before they hit 10. Its natural to look for them.
When you push help at a girl, she notices. If you like her, she might well notice that too. Now, if you haven't known her an hour and she knows you like her, she's more than likely not going to like you. It puts pressure on her, because she has to figure out how she feels about you and establish the boundaries of the relationship quickly. If theres no immediate chemistry, she's going to put you in the friend zone.
Next, the helping itself.
How to explain this...
Treating a girl like a queen is a terrible idea. You treat a girl like she's a prize to be won, not a person that you want to get to know, and who you want to get to know you. The helping is fake. Its not who you really are 100% of the time, its just the person you try to be when you're with a girl.
Being nice and gentlemanly in itself isn't a bad thing, but its not supposed to be your strategy for getting a girl to like you. Its just your habits and reflexes.
Now we get back to attraction.
A girl wants to know that you are attracted to her. Not to some built up ideal picture you have in your head. Treating a girl like a queen gives the "pedestal" impression. Your approach gives the same impression, you aren't sitting here saying "I know this girl and I really like her, she's awesome"
You're saying "Girls in general, I do this and it doesn't work, why?" Girls want to feel like you are interested in specifically them. They don't react well to the feeling that you just want "A girlfriend". It makes them feel like a piece of meat, if any girl will do why should she expect to be special to you? And how valuable is it to be special to a guy who will take any girl who wants to let him?
So what do you do?
First, you stop playing up the gentleman crap. Holding doors is fine. If a girl wants to go dutch, let her. Walking to the doorstep isn't something you do "because its gentlemanly". You do it because you want those few extra seconds.
Second, you work on your body language awareness. Eye contact shows interest and attention. Smiles give positive feedback. This goes for you and her. Theres a shit ton more to body language. If you pay attention to a girl, and to people in general you start to notice things people do that give away their state of mind. You notice tone of voice and the subtle changes that betray excitement, anger, boredom, sadness, etc. I could write a book.
I can't possibly explain it all here, so I'll just say pay alot of attention. The more you learn, the better you are.
To give you an idea, the last time I was in the "dating" process, I was on a first date with a girl and knew about thirty minutes in that she wanted to kiss me. Knew, with absolute certainty.
It was in her eye contact, when she'd glance down at my lips and then back up to my eyes the way a guy might check out a girls cleavage when he thinks he can get away with it. It was in her hand movements as she lightly played with a few strands of hair. It was on her lips when she bit them slightly while looking into my eyes without talking for a few seconds.
Seriously, if nothing else, start watching eyes when you talk to people. Once you get used to it, making eye contact with people actually makes you feel more confident. People who are shy or nervous naturally evade eye contact, people who look you in the eye and have no problem with it project alot of confidence outwards with a single gesure.
And its fucking fun. Seriously. Eyes tell you a retardedly large amount of whats on a persons mind. You can tell if shes looking at you, or at her watch while you're talking to her. You can see her check you out (girls do it too =p). It gives you a ton of confidence with a girl if you know enough to be able to read her. Its a great feeling to know exactly how you're going over.
Third, being nervous and pent up kills you. Stop thinking about if she likes you, stop wondering what she thought of that comment you aren't sure she noticed. If you need to occupy your mind on a date, think about something you talked about, or think about something you want to talk about.
When you're nervous, you are generic. You don't act out, you don't show your idiosyncrasies. You're just a copy of every other generic person out there. Its because you're not letting yourself be yourself.
Fourth, Conversation is the key to a woman's heart. Ask her about herself. If she smiles and seems perky when talking about a subject, ask her more about it. Always make sure you talk about her as much as you talk about you, if you tell a story end it with a question inviting her to tell one too.
And try to ask open ended questions. If she can say "yes" or "no" then she might well say just that. Conversations don't work like that.
Fifth, compliments are your friend. Pay attention to a girl. If she seems a little more put together than usual, tell her she looks great today. Find little things and let her know things about her impress you.
The trick here, is to either compliment something she specifically put effort into, or to be completely honest. Lets face it, you're a guy. So am I. My girlfriend got a pedicure three days ago, I could not care less. Her toes are of little concern to me so long as they aren't in need of medical intervention or something. But she's excited and girly, so I told her her toes look nice.
She knows I don't care, but she appreciates the effort and attention.
In other things, I'm honest. These are easier once you've gotten a good response (like she said yes to a date). Compliments to hair and eyes are tricky, if she giggles you've got to be prepared to goof it off. I tell her she's brilliant when she makes me laugh, I tell her she's sexy when she dresses up for me, complimenting is really just the art of saying what you already think about her at the right times.
Lastly, self control and confidence are attractive. The reason "the asshole always gets the girl" is because girls like confidence and assholes have plenty of it (however unjustified)
Self control amounts to not telling her you love her in two weeks. Yes, you think she's awesome, you're stoked she's gracing you with her presence. She doesn't need you to give her a five minute speech or ten e-mails and texts telling her so.
Instead of sending her "God you're awesome, I can't wait to see you tonight" you can just drop a nice little "Thinking of you"
Its all a matter of pushing yourself in someone's face. Its all fine once you're both falling head over heels, but you've got to give her time to figure it out for herself. You crowd a girl, she goes somewhere else where she doesn't feel pressured to make a decision.
Confidence means you need to have a life other people can be interested in. My confidence comes from stories. I've got hundreds of them, I'm a talented storyteller and I can crack up just about any audience.
I have these stories because I got out and lived. I went out with friends, I did my share of partying, I played football(Noseguard) and computer games in the comp sci lab after school almost every day.
And I expanded my friends circle. If you don't have a girlfriend, don't look for one. Go make friends. The more friends you have, the more people you can possibly get to know. Every friend you have knows people you do not who you might then be introduced to. Thus, the opportunities for meeting girls (who are friends with your friends, thus girls you probably share interests and such with) grow exponentially.
Confidence comes with experience. Its not about being confident in your dating skills (though that too comes with experience) its about being confident in yourself. Its about liking yourself, enjoying being who you are, and being out and about enough that people can see that about you.
People who go out and have fun are attractive. Go have some fun, and when you see a cute girl in the vicinity see if she wants to join in.
::Edit::
Final Final note (Sorry again for how effing long this turned out)
Holding yourself back is bad for one final reason. When you're all nice and everything, a girl might not like you, but might not have a reason to respond badly to you. She might even feel a little sorry for you.
When you don't start acting gentlemanly until AFTER she reacts well to you, you give her the ability to not give a shit how you feel. If you do something wrong, she's more likely to kick you back. Stronger reactions are easier to notice, and come up more quickly. Its alot easier to figure out what actually went wrong in these cases, than when a girl is just nice to you and shows no interest in taking things further than casual acquaintance or "just friends".
Ever heard the saying, you learn more from a failure than a success? If you ever get the nerve, ask a girl why she rejected you. Tell her its nothing personal, you don't want to start a fight, you just want to know where you screwed up so you can work on it. If she tells you, thank her and walk away.
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If your like sucking up to me I would just roll my eyes but if you are smiling and not taking it seriously but you DO do it, I'd like it
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I know this is probably a chicks only question, but I've had too many experiences with this that you should probably hear me out. I've done that whole "gentleman" thing for a long ass time, and it doesn't really get results most of the time. chicks will complain "oh, I'm a fully capable human being, I can vote, blah blah blah," when you do it, but when you don't, all you hear is "why aren't there any gentlemen anymore?". its like everything having to do with women, a catch 22. sure, taste varies among them, but most of the time its true. my buddies treat women terribly and get ass like you wouldn't believe, I think chicks are masochists when it comes to dating. anyways, its always better to come off as a chauvanistic dick(another name chicks came up with to describe gentlemen), than a complete asshole.
-gunner
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Too me its a turn on! I like a guy who is gentlemen like and shows that he cares. I also believe that any relationship should be 50/50 sometimes the guy pays for a dinner and sometimes the girl pays for a dinner or sometimes going halves on the whole thing. but for a straight answer not many girls like a guy who is going to be a jerk!
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Definately a turn on. But you have to think about who you want to attract. If your into nice and polite girls, then they are going to be attracted to that. If that is your goal,then you are doing nothing wrong.
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omg its a definate absolute turn on...I meen what girl wouldn like that
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well, it is important to be nice. but it is also a known fact that girls also overlook nice guys. i don't know why, probably because we suck. my advice is to be a gentlemen, but don't be to clingy and make fun of her some too, maybe slip and ass-holeish comment in, but not too offending. and laugh too, don't be obnoxiously nice.
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I am a girl, and thats the FIRST thing I look for in a guy. If they're not polite, sometimes I look for other qualities, but im my opinion thats a major turn on, others may not like that. But either way, I think every boy should be a gentlemen to their girlfriend/date! I hope I helped! <3
Megan
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Hey! My sisters boyfriend does that stuff for her, I think its really cute!! It just all depends on the type of girl you are with though, some girls don't like it when you open doors for them or pay for them, or anything. But, on the first date, open the door and if she doesn't like it, then don't do it again. It just really depends on the type of girl. But, I think its sweet.
xoxo Kourtney
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It really depends on the girl. Maybe you could suggest opening the door for her, and if she seems annoyed at that, you know not to do it again. If you go out to eat or see a movie, offer to pay - ask her. If she wants to pay for herself, or split the bill, then you know that's how she wants things done. Personally, how a guy treats me or whether we have a good time is more important than him always picking up the bill.
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personally, i find it a little annoying, but i'm sure that plenty of girls think it's sweet...in my opinion, i'd rather have a guy who's down to earth and real instead of one who concentrates on how to be a gentleman ~ that does NOT mean that u shouldn't use manners tho and offering to pay is kind of common courtesy for a guy on a date......then again, if you really like a guy then i guess anything he does and any effort he puts into things can be seen as totally adorable
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aw.. wel its reele cute ta do that and for me itd b a turn on.. people are different tho. some people dont like it and some people think its sweet. its just you dont hafta get carried away cus then its not cute anymore. when you act like the girl has no hands and she cant open the door by herself.. cute is one thing, but when your still doing everything for her even after a cuple weeks n all, then its just anoying.. hope i helped?
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For some girls its a turn off but for others its a turn on.
~*~shannon~*~
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only a really nice guy would do that. and those are def. some turn on's for me when I'm on a date but everyone is different and people have different ideas on what a guy should do on a date. So the next time ur with a girl, it doesn't matter if she's just a friend or girlfriend but look to how she reacts when u say open the door for her. And just take it from there
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i think it's REALLY sweet when a guy does that, but don't get carried away
sumtimes if ur so sweet, and we end up not crushing on u anymore, we end up just dating for pity, take it to a level where on anniversary's u pay for dinner, or where it's a special occasion u pay, but other then that, split the meal, or get 2 seperate checks!!
we love that in a guy, as long as they don't get carried away!!
Heck, if i was single, i'd date ya ;-)
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I think it's sweet when a guy does that...my boyfriend's that way - all chivalrous and stuff. There are very few guys who are genuinely chivalrous like that - mostly it's forced, and just kind of a thing to make a girl like a guy - and chivalry is a good thing.
I think it's a turn on.
-Siren =)
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I consider it a turn on, but everyone is different. You might also be over doing it a little. Try to be more casual with the things you do and if she doesn't like it... well then stop doing what you're doing.
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hello! i dont think its a bad thing to be a gentleman. i think that type of deal is sweet. in my opinion, that is SUCH a turn on. any girl who doesnt think a sweet guy is a turn on has major mental problems.
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Well its a good thing to a certain point. After a while..a couple weeks or maybe even 1 week, it gets to be too much! We, well most of us, get bothered by it! With me, I can open my own doors...i dont need to be walked to my doorstep...and the guy paying for the ticket and dinner...well it's nice once in a while, but not all the time!! So, I guess it all really just depends on the girl! Cause I know that I'd rather a guy that wasn't "too nice" =)
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now why exactly would that be a turn off? actually, we need more guys like that..
but you know.. then again, some grls like a tough guy that doesnt want a guy to take care of her, only in some occassions. i guess its different for some grls.
different strokes for different folks
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It is sooo a TURN ON. Whoever told you it was a turn off?!?! I wish I met a guy like you. So many guys that are 16 over here are such weirdos. Like they live in a different planet and are lost and don't know what to do with the rest of their lives. They treat girls like they are trash. It is so mean (that is probably how it is everywhere, but finding real gentlemen are hard to find). If you're with a girl and she doesn't appreciate you well then screw her. I'm sorry for my language, but I mean come on...who wouldn't want a real gentleman. You sound romantic too. You are one of a kind!! Stay that way. Trust me, girls want a guy like you (unless they are lost and live in a different planet...LOL).
**[Ania]**
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to me, i wish there were MORE guyz like u..ive been looking for a decent, polite guy, similar to what ur describing yourself as, for a longgg time!!! but i guEss if i think bout it, ALOTA girls are attracted to the bad boy type, so maybe the girl u took out is one of those girlz who are more attracted to tha bad boyz...keep up what ur doing, just dont over do it. when we all get older,into college, etc, girls will appreciate alot more how much of a gentlemen u are cause we will be more mature, etc..but in my opinion,keep up what ur doing =]
~kristin
aim=pureluver143
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