I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 64991
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I'm male, single(never had a girlfriend before!), and 22! I speak English though I'm not from the US. We are a Catholic nation.
I have this officemate/friend of mine whom i am attracted to. She's pretty, witty, friendly, and kind. But it bothers me if i really like her for who she is because i find her noisy and sometimes i think i can't relate to her(she's full of positivity and jolliness while i am more of a serious- and silent-type of person).
However, i can't stop thinking of her. And it bothers me that when i think of her, its always about sex. It makes me wonder if i really like her or i just think of her as a sex object.
And yet, we are catholics; and she is a very devoted one. Thus, if i only like her for sex, then i won't be able to have sex with her coz the Catholic point of view of sex is that it is done after marriage; and she sticks to our religious principles.
I have actually courted her before, but stopped because of some issues like me being jealous (this is another topic/issue of which i believe i am overcoming now).
Do you think things will work out for us if i court her again? I am so attracted to her (though i don't know if my reason for attraction is right). Should i stop this? Thanks!
(link)
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I think a very big problem here is that you have not yet worked out how you feel about this girl. You say you really like her for various reasons but you can see a fault with her in that she's noisy. To be fair, even in the most loving relationships, you are not blind to each other's faults. What you need to suss here is whether you can stand to be with her in spite of what you perceive to be her faults.
If ultimately you decide you could not cope with her personality, it sounds very likely that this is nothing more than lust. Lust is more than just wanting sex with a particular person based on appearance. In order to feel a sexual attraction, it has to be deeper than looks. After all, you wouldn't fancy a serial killer purely because they looked like a model.
After you have worked out whether you can accept her faults, if you decide that you can, there is no reason you can't see if you would like to give a relationship with her another try. You need to make sure you are ready for a relationship and can handle your jealousy issues. As long as you are sure you can, I wish you the best of luck with her. You may not find love, but at least you will have given it a try and will no longer be left wondering "what if?"
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im 18 and my boyfriend lives in a different state. he always come to visit me. my last class is on wednesday (im in college)
i want to visit him this weekend and im taking the bus bc my car cant make it up there (its old)
i need a very good reason to leave my house for 4 days to tell my parents any ideas? they dont allow me or my sister (22) to have bfs. they are just strict so any GOOD ideas. (link)
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First off, I have to say, that's extremely strict!!
However, I really think lying would be a very bad idea. Think about it for a moment. Your parents are already very strict. Do you really believe that if you lie, you will get away with it? And if you do get caught, just imagine the consequences of your actions, knowing how strict your parents are already. It just isn't worth the risk.
You need to have a conversation with your parents. Really talk to them (unemotionally) about the situation. You need to be very calm and mature about it. Explain that you have a boyfriend that you care a lot about and you believe that you are old enough for them to invest some trust in you to officially date him because you don't feel comfortable seeing him behind their backs.
The chances are, their initial reaction will not be favourable. The groundwork for overcoming this is entirely up to you. Prove to them that you are responsible. Use good grades as an example of handling your responsibilities as a mature adult and offer to introduce them to the man in question.
Hopefully, once they meet him and you have proven yourself responsible and trustworthy, they will allow you the freedom to see him. Including staying with him.
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hey there.
i just want to ask you for advice on your first loves. do you remember them? do you remember exactly what it was like? how did you know you were in love for the first time? how old were you? did it work out, if not what happend? details are important to me so please only answer if your passionate about 'first loves'. thanks.
(link)
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Truthfully, I don't think you ever forget you first love.
For me, I have kind of had two. I had the first 'love' when I was younger. You know, the guy you think you love and it's the first time you ever feel anything close to it. What I class as my REAL first love, is the man I am with now and have been with for the last nearly five years.
In both cases, I remember exactly every little detail of the most significant moments. The nice things both guys did for me, the way I felt, the little ways they showed they cared and the moments that were particularly special in some way. The first guy, it was as close to love as I think you can get at that age. I thought about him all the time and wanted him to be happy, but especially with me! We were good friends and I remember always wanting to be at school, because that's where he was. I had what I came to call a 'thing' for him for about two years, when I was 11 and 12, although I didn't really get over him until I was about 15 or 16. It didn't work out with him because a 'friend' deliberately screwed it up for me. I was devestated and cried for a very long time. Thankfully, I bumped into him some years later and realised I actually had a lucky escape...!
My current love, my one true love, is very different in many ways. I knew I was in love because..it's like nothing I ever imagined because it's a million times better. I want to be with him as much as possible. I can talk to him about literally anything. We support each other and don't judge each other. I look at him and I know my present and my future are with him and could never be with anyone else. I was 17 when I met him and am 22 now. We started off as very good friends, fell in love over time and now live together. We aren't engaged as there is no obvious hurry and we are very happy with each other as we are.
I truly believe that first loves are very important. The difficulty is in distiguishing those feelings that seem like love from true love. It's something nobody can describe accurately, because it's something you feel. Something you just know.
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ii really like this boy :( (link)
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Oh what a horrible thing to have happen to you. I'm so sorry!
I really wish I could say something that would make all the pain go away, but the truth of the matter is that I can't. I can't tell you to flirt with him until you can win him over, because in reality, it would be a terrible thing to do and ultimately, may cause him to lose all respect for you.
Instead, the only thing I can recommend to you is that you get in a few soppy films, a LOT of ice cream, pizza and any other junk food you like. Get a huge box of Kleenex and spend a weekend locked in your room with the whole lot, eating and crying it all out. If need be, write down everything you're feeling and burn the piece of paper (in a well ventilated area, perferrably outdoors!).
After this, go outside. Go for a walk, hang out with some friends, do anything that you enjoy that you can do. Smile, even if it feels forced to begin with. You will accept the loss of this boy eventually, but it will take time. As long as you accept that you won't get over him overnight but you WILL get over him, you will be halfway there.
I really hope that helps. I know how horrible heartbreak feels.
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16f.
im not bi or anything but i know a girl who is and like evry time i talk to her she likes a new person... he even likes 4 ppl at once and i dont get how she can... i stuck up for her when ppl were calling her a slut and saying shit about her but now im begging to think she is a slut like cos she goes out with one person and likes another and she will break up with a them and have another boy/girl friend the next week... is she a slut? im not bi i no im not... but i keep thinking about her like since i saw her last but im not sure why...?
do i like her cos i that she would probably break my heart if i did anything about this... i dont think i like her cos im not bi and i never have been. so i dnt get what is going on...?! (link)
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You're 16 so this is about the time in your life where hormones are really starting to kick in and it is the general time where people do start to question their seuxality. Not necessarily because they are homosexual or bisexual, but because it is natural to explore your sexuality to a degree and experiment with your options. As this is possibly the first person with homosexual tendencies that you have met, it makes sense that you are intrigued. It doesn't mean you're gay; just that you are curious.
This girl's behaviour implies a lack of self esteem, above everything else. It sounds as though she is seeking validation from other people by dating around. It might also be that perhaps she is not yet settled in her sexuality and is testing all the waters available. Plunging deeper still, it could be a form of rebellion againsst her childhood. The point is, you won't know her reasons without talking to her. So why not try that? It could well be that with everyone calling her names, she has nobody to talk to and with the amount of general problems 16 year olds have, it's important to always have a friend. So spend a little time with her. Talk. Let her know you are there if she wants to talk. You don't have to date her but there's no reason you can't be friends. She'll get a lot from it and I expect you will as well.
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What flavors do guys like when kissing a girl? Like what flavor lip balm or gloss would you like the gilr to be wearing? (link)
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Most guys really don't care about the flavour of lip balm/gloss. They're pretty much just glad they're getting kissed!!
The problem with what you're asking is that it is impossible to tell because everyone is different. Say you go for strawberry flavour, or kiwi flavour, but then it turns out he hates those flavours.
My advice would be not to bother with any balm or gloss of any flavour. Wear whatever you want to wear on your face. Nothing if that's what you prefer. At the end of the day, it's coming off when you kiss the guy anyway!
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ok so im dating my best friend she asked me out yesterday and ok well its nothing serious and its not public. im middle school most people are not ok with gay people yet so yea. the thing is i only said yes to her because well every guy shes ever liked has rejected her and i kinda felt bad. i dunno if she really likes me. she said she doesnt and that she just wants to make sure she is bi by dating a girl. okay but ive never had a girlfriend or boyfriend before and this is all new to me. somehow it doesnt feel right and i dont wanna end up hurting her. its the last thing i wanna do. maybe she does like me but is just covering it up so i dont wanna break up with her. ugh and well i just got over a guy friend - my other best friend- and he and i flirt around a lot, so she might get jealous? i dunno please someone anything works. im just so confused at this point. ahhh thanks. (link)
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I once did a similar thing with a guy I knew. He asked me out and he was a genuinely nice guy but never really dated before and he really liked me, so I said yes.
I went on ONE date with him because I worked out that far from being attracted to him, he actually kinda gave me the creeps.
My point is, most people would do this. It doesn't mean you're really a bad person, it just means your good intentions were a little misguided. This girl is probably thinking "Yay! A girl who wants to date me!" and has no idea what you're thinking.
You need to talk to her and let her down gently. Just explain to her that the relationship isn't working for you. It's not that you don't like her but you just feel like there's no chemistry. The spark isn't there and it's better to tell her now than to keep letting her believe something that isn't true.
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I'm in love with my boyfriend(15) who I leaving for a month and a half long trip to Europe soon. We've been dating for nearly eight months and its getting harder and harder to think about saying goodbye. I was wondering if there's anything special I can do for him. (I'm planning on making him a little journal thing with letters from me and pictures of us) Also, what should I do for the month he's gone, of course I'm going to catch up with old friends, but it'll be summer and I'm used to spending every day with him. I'm sure this is going to be hard, how should I handle this? (link)
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There's one idea I once thought of which struck me as nice. Make him a cassette tape with you talking on it. You can record yourself saying something funny or singing something or whatever you feel like that's vocal. If he has a cassette player, he can play it any time he misses you or wants to hear your voice.
I also very much like your idea of the journal with letters frm you and pictures of you both. I really think that's a fantastic idea and he can keep it with him and look at it as many times as he likes.
It will be hard but you know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. Don't worry, he will come back.
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okay i can help people with there problems but i cant solve my own....i am 16 years old female and i have an 18 year old boyfriend...the other day he broke up with me and said i was talking to guys on the internet...then a few hours later after i said i wasnt he comes back to my house and says okay i believe you...should i take him back or what???
signed
confusedmyself (link)
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In my experience, guys who display jealous/possessive behaviour such as this, where they act on suspicion rather than fact, are always best avoided. The main issue is, he's done it once with no evidence to support his theory and how many times will he do it again and what will his jealousy lead him to do? You have to think long term with guys like this and try to work out what their behaviour might be say, six months down the line. Will he get enraged because you talk to a guy who is just a friend of yours?
I can't tell you what to do but I would like to suggest that if you can imagine he is the sort of person who would fly into jealous rages some time down the line for no reason at all, you need to think seriously about whether or not you want to be having to handle that.
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ok so here's the deal:
i have a crush on my girlfriend's best friend. . .and i'm pretty sure she's likewise, with the way she acts around me.
anyway, i really love my girlfriend, and i don't want our relationship to end. i need some advice on how to get over her.
it's not that i want to date her. it's that i have a crush on her.
she's my friend too if that helps.
thanks (link)
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Generally, crushes are no real danger. However, what you need to do is decide whether this is a crush that could turn into anything serious.
There is no way you can distance yourself from your girlfriend's best friend without making it look like there is a reason for the distance and if you do this, your girlfriend will get suspicious. If, over time, the feelings you have for her best friend get stronger, you will need to reconsider your current relationship.
In most cases, however, crushes go away over time. You can't force them and you can't speed them up. I'm sorry to say that but there's no magic cure for these things. If it is just a crush then it WILL pass.
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ok so i FINALLY got over this guy i liked for FOUR WHOLE YEARS..and i felt soo free and liberated, but then all of sudden his msn-name was the lyrics for OUR song and my mind directly thought "aww he likes me again!" and i started likking him again and now i cant stop thinking about him (even though I KNOW he doesnt like me) so whta do i do? do you suggest i delete him (i realllly dont want to!) (link)
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If you really do like him again then there's only way to resolve this situation and it's not by running away. You need to talk to him about this. Either tell him straight out how you feel about him or ask him about the lyrics, perhaps just reminding him that they're the lyrics to your song.
Whatever you decide to do, if you were finally over him, you wouldn't start liking him again so quickly, so there are clearly some residual feelings and they won't go away until you confront them and see if it can go somewhere so take a deep breath and jump in head first.
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well my boyfriend and I (I'm 16 and he's 17) have been dating for almost 5 months now. He said he loves me a lot. He wanted to get married , etc. We've known each other before. I met him 3 years before this and we sorta gone out for a little bit but things weren't working out. But now he says things are going to be different. For some reasons I don't trust him. I seem to have this feeling like we wouldn't last. I can't talk to him about it. He thinks we're meant to be. But I feel like our relationship has so many flaws that we shouldn't be together. Don't get me wrong, I love him though. So I'm just really confused. Someone help me?.. thnxx. (link)
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To be absoloutely honest, you are both very young to be contemplating something as everlasting as marriage. You have to bear in mind that marriage is meant to be a permanent thing and at 16 and 17, you still have a lot of time ahead of you both to grow and change as people. In four years time, you could find that you are both totally different people to the people you are now and that you no longer fit together as a couple.
One of the reasons I say this is because with such a high divorce rate, you need to be absoloutely sure that you want to marry someone before you leap in. From what you have said, you don't sound like you are ready or that you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man.
The thing you have to bear in mind is that love does not mean the relationship is right. You can love someone with all your heart and fear being apart from them...but if they don't want the same things you want or if that relationship is not one built on trust, honesty and communication, love does not mean you have to be together. Sometimes, if a relationship is detrimental to our mental or emotional growth as a person, or if it is bad for you in some other way, no matter how much you may love that person, you have to walk away.
Please bear in mind that you are still only 16 and he is still only 17. There is more than enough time for you both to move on and find the people you are both to spend your lives with. If you really feel you can't trust him now then the chances are you will never feel you can trust him and the relationship will not work out. It is, of course, entirely up to you as to how you deal with this and what you decide to do. However, my personal advice would be that if you know the relationship has no future, the kindest thing would be to end it now.
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23/m
I got married young... while I was still in high school. Shannon wasn't pregnant, we just thought we were ready... probably because we both wanted to get away from our parents. We've had it good and we have a few kids now... but I'm not in love with Shannon anymore. I'm in love with one of my best friends, Tonya, who is also now married. I know things between Tonya and I won't work out, but if I'm not in love with Shan anymore, should we get a divorce? Am I just leading her on? Should we get counseling? I'm ready to let go. I'm done. But I don't want to break her heart... and what about the kids? They'll hate me. Please help me! (link)
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I'm actually going to disagree with the advice given so far, because I personally believe it would be more detrimental to all those involved for you to stay in a loveless marriage.
Let's look at this as a What If scenario. Say you stay married to Shannon, even though you don't love her. Eventually, you will come to resent her because you will feel trapped. You're ready to move on but won't feel able to because of your obligation to her and your children. At 23 and with most of your life still ahead of you, the chances are you will eventually meet a woman you could love and will be lured away by the prospect of real love. At the same time, Shannon will probably be picking up on how you feel and depending on whether or not she feels the same way, you will end up arguing a lot of the time, which will upset both of you and the children.
The way I see it, there is no benefit to staying in a loveless marriage, as it will all be about illusion, deception and will inevitabley lead to a significant amount of resentment on both sides of the relationship. However, if you separate and/or divorce now, you have the opportunity to part on amicable terms. Children will ALWAYS find the transition difficult and I'm not saying your wife will necessarily take the way you are feeling calmly. However, if you part now, you have the opportunity to both go off and find the people you are meant to be with, rather than living a lie. It also means that your children can grow up seeing Mummy and Daddy apart but happy, rather than together and miserable. Also, separating on good terms now, before all the fighting starts means the children have a chance to get used to it as they grow up, rather than dropping it on them when they are old enough for it to have a serious effect on their lives.
I really hope that helps and I'm so sorry things have turned out this way for you. However, I'm sure if you take this leap now, you will find things improve in the future. Good luck to you both.
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I'm really scared for my friend, she's going out with a guy who is like WAY older than her! SERIOUSLY OLDER by like, EIGHT or NINE years! well at least that's what she told me she might not REALLY be going out with him, she does lie a lot to get attention, but please i need advice to give 2 her (link)
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Have you told her how concerned you are about this? If not, you really do need to talk to her about it. If she is not just doing it for attention and she is younger than 16 or 17, this is a cause for concern and you need to talk to her about it. However, that being said, you shouldn't expect that it will necessarily make any difference. If she likes him, she won't take your concerns on board until something happens.
If she is sleeping with this man and she is a minor, stress to her the position she is putting herself in. Unfortunately, other than this, there is precious little you can do. You may feel this age gap is a problem and you may be concerned about what is happening but if she really likes him, nothing you can say will make her stop seeing him. If this is the case, the only thing you can do is tell her you don't feel it is a healthy relationship with such an age gap, so that she knows how you feel and then you will have to be there to help her pick up the pieces when things go wrong. It's a horrible situation to be in but if she is like most people in her position, the more you try to convince her he is unsuitable, the harder she will dig her heels in.
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what should i get my boyfriend for his birthday?
(link)
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Ask him what he wants. It's always difficult to find guys things that they like for their birthdays but I'm afraid perfect strangers aren't the people you need to ask about this. Just go up to him and say "What would you like for your birthday?" and see what he says. Every birthday and Christmas, I get my other half to do up a list of things that he likes or has had his eye on and then I work out what I can get for him.
It also helps to go on personality. If he likes football, get him something to do with football. If he likes a certain TV programme, see if you can get it on DVD. If he likes sweets, get him something sweet. But as I say, the best way to know what he would like is just to ask him straight out.
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A girl at school just found out who i liked. She went( right in front of me) and told the schools Big Mouth who and he shouted it! I'm afraid that she went up and told him. I really want to ask him out but i'm afraid that he'll laugh at me. What should I do? Please Help!!!! I am 13.
How can i get him to notice me??? (link)
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I've been in pretty much exactly your situation before and I know how humiliating it is to go through, although, if it's of any benefit, a few years from now, it won't seem like such a big deal to you any more.
Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to prevent this from getting back to him because the damage has been done. This girl already spread the word and Big Mouth Kid did the rest of the work. You can do NOTHING about it so you need to stop worrying about that. Instead, beat them to it. I know that sounds awful but trust me on this. It's FAR less embarrassing to tell someone you like them under these circumstances than to have someone else tell them on your behalf.
Take my word for this. Next time you see him, regardless of how well you know him, stride STRAIGHT up to him, look him directly in the eye and say "Hi. You may have heard the odd rumour going round about me liking you. Well, it's true and I wanted you to hear it from me, rather than just from a bunch of mindless gossips. That's all!" Then flash him your best smile, turn on your heel and walk away. He'll think your confident and witty and people won't care enough to keep gossiping once the gossip got back to the guy in question. I know it probably sounds really embarrassing but it's the best way to nip this in the bud.
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Is it weird that i am 13 and i still never had my first kiss or boyfriend ever in my life? i think i'm like the only person in my SCHOOL that never had a boyfriend. i always like all these guys but i never tell them because i am scared and i don't want to get hurt. but i don't want to be like most of my friends that go out with a different guy every week. i've had some many guys ask me out before but i always so no, i don't know why. i even said no to this guy i liked for a very long time. i' just don't want to get hurt. i always wanted my first boyfriend, kiss, date or whatever to be with someone that i will always remember. my best friend doesn't even remmeber her first kiss, and i don't want that to happen to me. i need advice to make me feel better about this. (link)
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It's not weird at all. It's sensible. Okay, so everyone else seems to have a boyfriend and everyone else seems to have had their first kisses and so on. As you have said, a lot of them probably don't even remember their first kisses, or remember it being distinctly unpleasent. Why should you waste your firsts just because they did?
I was exactly the same as you right through school. I had a couple of short term boyfriends but I never kissed them because I knew deep down I didn't really want to. I didn't feel enough for them. Then, when I was 17, I met my boyfriend and I finally hd my first kiss. Three and a half years down the line, I'm still with him, very deeply in love, living with him and you know what? I can remember every single thing about that first kiss. I could tell you where we were, how it happened, what aftershave he was wearing and exactly how I felt. Out of all the people I once knew when I was at school, I am the only one I know who wouldn't change anything about my first kiss. It might have been a long wait but it was worth it.
I suspect it will be the same for you. No matter what you do in life, it is always better to wait until YOU are ready and ignore what everyone else does because they aren't the ones who will have to live with the consequences of your actions. Wait until you find someone you really want to share your first kiss with and no matter where it is, what you look like or what is going on around you, I promise it will be special.
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okay...well this might take a while but i really need to know what to do...okay so during the summer i went out with a guy but then when school started a lot of things were happening and my parents were going through hard time and it was my sisters and my dessicion if they get a divorce or not. So with all that and just confusing i stopped likeing him and i eventually broke up with him. after a week or so we becamoe friends again. Then i realized that i really likmed him still and i regreted everything. I went to a party and he was there and i ended up bawling infront of him and he hugged me and stuff and he was accually there for me. I was going to ask him back out but then the next day he got a gf. I want him to know that i regret breaking up with him and stuff so i wrote a note but i dont know if i should give it to him && im scared that if he knows i still like him that he wont want to be around me all that much anymore. Cause thts what happend to someone else. But anyways i was just wondering if i should talk to him like write a note or smthin i dont know i just really dont know what to do. && i dont want his gf to get mad at me or anythign liek that so if i should talk to him what should i really say? w/o it sounding retarded?
Sorry if it sounds a lil retarded....but yeah idk what to do.
thanks if you can help at all.
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I'm so sorry for what you went through with your parents. It really wasn't fair of them to place the future of their marriage in the hands of you and your sibling/s. I can understand under the circumstances why you broke up with your boyfriend. All the stress is going to make maintaining a relationship very difficult.
I know that you really care about him and you want to be with him, but (as much as this may hurt)you broke up with him and he moved on. As much as you deserve to be happy, so does he and if he has moved on, you can't in good conscience do something that would take that away from him. If you were to write a note or let him know how you feel, the only thing it would do is confuse him and there is a chance it would only end in further disappointment for you.
The best thing for you right now would be to try to move on. If he breaks up with his girlfriend at some point, by all means tell him again how you feel but it isn't worth putting yourself on the line right now and telling him how you feel. It would be too much of a risk and it would be unfair to him and his girlfriend.
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I love Matt.We have been together for 4 years. Were both 22 years old.He is my love,my life, literally.We had a child together 2 years ago and gave him up for adoption right after i had him.I chose not to see his face after i gave birth for i might want to keep him.I did this because i know that i couldnt afford a child and i didnt want to put him through tough times.We found the perfect family and he is theirs now.We never told anybody about this and now its starting to bother me.im not getting into detail but Matt has decided that he feels married and doesnt want me anymore.Do you know how bad it hurts to hear that from someone that you would take your life for? Our house got raided by the swat team for marijuana and Matt is getting sentenced on 10/20/06. Im scared that he is trying to get rid of me before this happens.And his friends have no respect for me.They all diss women and make me feel like a piece of crap.Im deeply depressed and i am afraid that i need help.All i want is matt.I cant eat, sleep, barely talk.I have no strive for life.He says im holding him back!from what? HE IS A FELON.He cant really do ANYTHING.I just gave him 1200 cash in september for his birthday so he could buy the sr20det engine from Japan.I love him so much.I need help before i hurt someone.Everyone says,Jes you can do better you dont deserve to be called retarted,stupid,annoying,dumb,idiot,etc.from the love of my life.He keeps kicking me out of the house and i just cant leave.Now he is going to buy a half a million dollar house with the guys that put me down.How can someone fall out of love like that.Our sex life is great.He wont ever get better than me(and i say that because i know that im his"fit")alright im done.THanks (link)
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I'm not surprised you feel so depressed right now. For a woman of just 22 years, you have been through a lot and over the last two years, you have been up and down an emotional rollercoaster, with no soft bottom to it.
First off, I really have to say that no man should ever be your whole life. It's fine for them to be the largest part of it but who are you living this life for? The number one person you should be living life for is you. If you hang all your hopes and dreams on one other person, who is going to hold them up when they let you down? You have to be more dependent than that, stronger than that and you need to find that strength right now because you deserve better.
Let's look at the facts, this guy had a baby with you, spent the last four years with you, then got arrested for posession of illegal substances and may be going to prison. In the meantime, he is bad mouthing you with his friends right in front of your face and taking your money for something he doesn't need and probably won't make use of if he ends up in prison because he was irresponsible and didn't consider the consequences to YOU.
I highly suspect the reason you stay is because deep down, you're worried you don't deserve better or can't get someone better than that. I know you say he can't do better but what about you? What do YOU want? Ask yourself that and think about it for a minute. Do you really want to be with an immature man who wastes both your time, treats you like dirt and then discards you like he has? Hopefully the answer is no and if so, you need to do something about it. Get out there and find that someone better. Be the great person you obviously are and do something that is right for you, for a change. Sometimes, we have to accept that however much we love a person, our relationships with them may be doing us more harm than good. When this happens, you have to let the relationship go, or you could end up trapped like that forever.
You know, life is all about the choices we make. Do we go to that college or do we work? Do we move there or stay put? In your case, you made one of the hardest decisions a person can make and you gave your baby up for adoption. It may not have been the happiest decision but it was right for you at the time. I know it must be so hard for you sometimes but, and this is the painful part, there will always be a part of you that will regret it, at least from time to time. You knew you couldn't give your child the life you wished for him, so you gave him to someone you knew could. That's a GOOD thing. That being said, you really need to talk to someone about this, be it family, friends or someone professional. Giving up a baby is a VERY difficult decision and not always something you can deal with alone. If your boyfriend won't help you, you need to find someone who will and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your doctor you need help. The bravest people are the ones who ask for it.
Now, there's one thing that's bothering me. You say your sex life is great. I could be misunderstanding this and I hope I am misunderstanding this but it sounds as though he is trying to kick you out of the relationship but is still happy to have sex with you. If that's true, you have to stop. He doesn't deserve you and if he won't be with you properly, then you can't lower yourself to sleeping with him simply because you think it is the only way to be with them. There are a lot of men out there who think solely with their genetalia and if an attractive woman is happy to sleep with them, many of them will do it, regardless of the situation. Don't mistake sex for love. The two are very different and if he refuses to be with you but still wants to have sex, that isn't love and sleeping with him will only lower your self esteem and allow him to use your body as he wishes.
I really think you need to make a clean break with your life and give it a chance to start. You say he is the love of your life but you have been with him since you were 18. Your life has barely started. Don't limit yourself to the possibility that you will only ever love one man in this way. Love knows no bounds, so go out and find someone good and decent and true and kind, who doesn't treat you like dirt and let him love you the way you deserve to be loved. I promise that it will happen if you are open to it. In my opinion, this guy isn't the one for you. Please, break away and start over. You owe yourself another chance.
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i have this guy friend called Chris and i think he's just the best. he's so funny and caring and just so amazingly awesome!
the other day we were hanging out and just before he left he said he had something to tell me. he told me that he loved me and that he had done ever since the first time he'd met me. then he kiss me and ran out. i realised after he'd left that i'd fallen in love with him too, and it just took him saying it to make me realise that i did. but have i left it too late to tell him?? i don't want him to think that i don't like him and miss my chance but i just don't know how to say it now, the moments kind of gone?!
thanks (link)
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It's never too late to tell someone you love them. If you really do feel that way, just tell him. There doesn't need to be a moment or a time or a place because he will just be pleased to know you feel the same way.
I would, however, suggest that you tell him in person. You need to sit him down, look him straight in the eye and just say it.
If, on the other hand, you really want to create a moment, get him to go for a walk somewhere with you. Get him to hang out with you at home if you like and put some soft music on. Go out for a meal and tell him there. Moments can be made anywhere, so use that to your advantage.
Good luck to you both.
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