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Falling Out of Love... in a lifetime commitment!
23/m
I got married young... while I was still in high school. Shannon wasn't pregnant, we just thought we were ready... probably because we both wanted to get away from our parents. We've had it good and we have a few kids now... but I'm not in love with Shannon anymore. I'm in love with one of my best friends, Tonya, who is also now married. I know things between Tonya and I won't work out, but if I'm not in love with Shan anymore, should we get a divorce? Am I just leading her on? Should we get counseling? I'm ready to let go. I'm done. But I don't want to break her heart... and what about the kids? They'll hate me. Please help me!
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If you dont love her.. then i think you should get a divorce. Its not good for you, her, or your kids. You two could start arguing a lot and that will just put the kids and you in more pain. Its a rough thing to go through but if you dont love her anymore, you dont have a better choice in my opinion.
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Well, how long have you been feeling this way?
I'll help you. IM me if you want.
AIM:KayleexLikexWhoa
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I'm actually going to disagree with the advice given so far, because I personally believe it would be more detrimental to all those involved for you to stay in a loveless marriage.
Let's look at this as a What If scenario. Say you stay married to Shannon, even though you don't love her. Eventually, you will come to resent her because you will feel trapped. You're ready to move on but won't feel able to because of your obligation to her and your children. At 23 and with most of your life still ahead of you, the chances are you will eventually meet a woman you could love and will be lured away by the prospect of real love. At the same time, Shannon will probably be picking up on how you feel and depending on whether or not she feels the same way, you will end up arguing a lot of the time, which will upset both of you and the children.
The way I see it, there is no benefit to staying in a loveless marriage, as it will all be about illusion, deception and will inevitabley lead to a significant amount of resentment on both sides of the relationship. However, if you separate and/or divorce now, you have the opportunity to part on amicable terms. Children will ALWAYS find the transition difficult and I'm not saying your wife will necessarily take the way you are feeling calmly. However, if you part now, you have the opportunity to both go off and find the people you are meant to be with, rather than living a lie. It also means that your children can grow up seeing Mummy and Daddy apart but happy, rather than together and miserable. Also, separating on good terms now, before all the fighting starts means the children have a chance to get used to it as they grow up, rather than dropping it on them when they are old enough for it to have a serious effect on their lives.
I really hope that helps and I'm so sorry things have turned out this way for you. However, I'm sure if you take this leap now, you will find things improve in the future. Good luck to you both.
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Yes, you got married young so like most mid-20 year old men, you want to get out there and explore your options. But, honey, you're married and getting a divorce right now is probably going to make the situation way worse. Especially when you have kids to worry about.
Don't consider yourself out of love with her just yet. I've seen so many people fall out of love, get separated or divorced and then get back together after years.
Counseling is an excellent idea; you should urge Shannon to try it out. If that doesn't work, maybe a temporary separation may help? Or maybe the kids are actually the problem. Have you found yourself looking at Shannon less and less as a soul mate and more as a housekeeper? You should try spending more one-on-one time with each other to kindle that love again. I know it's tough when you're young and you spend most of your time working, but try to take at least half an hour of your day to talk to each other.
And please stay away from Tonya, she's just a little fancy you have because she reminds you of your high school days. You can't break up her marriage too. Never mind the fact that life will be extremely tough for Shannon as a single mother who always depended on you to be her other half. I have seen so many women rejected just because they're so young and they have kids. Men in her age group aren't looking for a woman with the entire package. They want to make their own package. Statistically, I can see her drudging through her twenties and maybe marrying a much older man when she is 35-40ish.
Don't be a part of the 50% of divorced couples. I'm sorry I'm being tough but you have to take all your commitments into account. Making mistakes when you were young is no excuse for abandoning everything and starting over. At least try to make it work. Go get a number for a counselor, talk to him/her about your options.
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divorce is a harsh thing for kids to face so I suggest you stay with Shannon. Try and rekindle your marriage or love for each other and try to do something romantic. Marriage counseling might work but I don't know. Just odn't make rash decision and think things out. Maybe this is just a temporary pahse
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