|
I want to kill myself want advice while i still think a litt
I love Matt.We have been together for 4 years. Were both 22 years old.He is my love,my life, literally.We had a child together 2 years ago and gave him up for adoption right after i had him.I chose not to see his face after i gave birth for i might want to keep him.I did this because i know that i couldnt afford a child and i didnt want to put him through tough times.We found the perfect family and he is theirs now.We never told anybody about this and now its starting to bother me.im not getting into detail but Matt has decided that he feels married and doesnt want me anymore.Do you know how bad it hurts to hear that from someone that you would take your life for? Our house got raided by the swat team for marijuana and Matt is getting sentenced on 10/20/06. Im scared that he is trying to get rid of me before this happens.And his friends have no respect for me.They all diss women and make me feel like a piece of crap.Im deeply depressed and i am afraid that i need help.All i want is matt.I cant eat, sleep, barely talk.I have no strive for life.He says im holding him back!from what? HE IS A FELON.He cant really do ANYTHING.I just gave him 1200 cash in september for his birthday so he could buy the sr20det engine from Japan.I love him so much.I need help before i hurt someone.Everyone says,Jes you can do better you dont deserve to be called retarted,stupid,annoying,dumb,idiot,etc.from the love of my life.He keeps kicking me out of the house and i just cant leave.Now he is going to buy a half a million dollar house with the guys that put me down.How can someone fall out of love like that.Our sex life is great.He wont ever get better than me(and i say that because i know that im his"fit")alright im done.THanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm not surprised you feel so depressed right now. For a woman of just 22 years, you have been through a lot and over the last two years, you have been up and down an emotional rollercoaster, with no soft bottom to it.
First off, I really have to say that no man should ever be your whole life. It's fine for them to be the largest part of it but who are you living this life for? The number one person you should be living life for is you. If you hang all your hopes and dreams on one other person, who is going to hold them up when they let you down? You have to be more dependent than that, stronger than that and you need to find that strength right now because you deserve better.
Let's look at the facts, this guy had a baby with you, spent the last four years with you, then got arrested for posession of illegal substances and may be going to prison. In the meantime, he is bad mouthing you with his friends right in front of your face and taking your money for something he doesn't need and probably won't make use of if he ends up in prison because he was irresponsible and didn't consider the consequences to YOU.
I highly suspect the reason you stay is because deep down, you're worried you don't deserve better or can't get someone better than that. I know you say he can't do better but what about you? What do YOU want? Ask yourself that and think about it for a minute. Do you really want to be with an immature man who wastes both your time, treats you like dirt and then discards you like he has? Hopefully the answer is no and if so, you need to do something about it. Get out there and find that someone better. Be the great person you obviously are and do something that is right for you, for a change. Sometimes, we have to accept that however much we love a person, our relationships with them may be doing us more harm than good. When this happens, you have to let the relationship go, or you could end up trapped like that forever.
You know, life is all about the choices we make. Do we go to that college or do we work? Do we move there or stay put? In your case, you made one of the hardest decisions a person can make and you gave your baby up for adoption. It may not have been the happiest decision but it was right for you at the time. I know it must be so hard for you sometimes but, and this is the painful part, there will always be a part of you that will regret it, at least from time to time. You knew you couldn't give your child the life you wished for him, so you gave him to someone you knew could. That's a GOOD thing. That being said, you really need to talk to someone about this, be it family, friends or someone professional. Giving up a baby is a VERY difficult decision and not always something you can deal with alone. If your boyfriend won't help you, you need to find someone who will and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your doctor you need help. The bravest people are the ones who ask for it.
Now, there's one thing that's bothering me. You say your sex life is great. I could be misunderstanding this and I hope I am misunderstanding this but it sounds as though he is trying to kick you out of the relationship but is still happy to have sex with you. If that's true, you have to stop. He doesn't deserve you and if he won't be with you properly, then you can't lower yourself to sleeping with him simply because you think it is the only way to be with them. There are a lot of men out there who think solely with their genetalia and if an attractive woman is happy to sleep with them, many of them will do it, regardless of the situation. Don't mistake sex for love. The two are very different and if he refuses to be with you but still wants to have sex, that isn't love and sleeping with him will only lower your self esteem and allow him to use your body as he wishes.
I really think you need to make a clean break with your life and give it a chance to start. You say he is the love of your life but you have been with him since you were 18. Your life has barely started. Don't limit yourself to the possibility that you will only ever love one man in this way. Love knows no bounds, so go out and find someone good and decent and true and kind, who doesn't treat you like dirt and let him love you the way you deserve to be loved. I promise that it will happen if you are open to it. In my opinion, this guy isn't the one for you. Please, break away and start over. You owe yourself another chance.
]
hiya jess i understand that matt is the love of my life iv only been with my boyfriend for 2years + thats along time to me my boyfriend had a bike crash in april this year + he almost died i swar if he died i would kill myself but he live + doin well he cant walk but i still love him the same i think you are very depressed witch i think you no yourself you've been through alot together i think thats why your finding it hard to let go even tho deep down you no the best thihg to do would be to let go think if you still had your little boy you would have walked out along time ago for the sake of your baby i dnt no if any of this will help but stay strong if u would like to e.mail me my address is katie.piglet804@hotmail.co.uk good luck i wish you all the best in the end i hope you do whats right for you x x x
]
More Questions: |