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Love or Lust??????
I'm male, single(never had a girlfriend before!), and 22! I speak English though I'm not from the US. We are a Catholic nation.
I have this officemate/friend of mine whom i am attracted to. She's pretty, witty, friendly, and kind. But it bothers me if i really like her for who she is because i find her noisy and sometimes i think i can't relate to her(she's full of positivity and jolliness while i am more of a serious- and silent-type of person).
However, i can't stop thinking of her. And it bothers me that when i think of her, its always about sex. It makes me wonder if i really like her or i just think of her as a sex object.
And yet, we are catholics; and she is a very devoted one. Thus, if i only like her for sex, then i won't be able to have sex with her coz the Catholic point of view of sex is that it is done after marriage; and she sticks to our religious principles.
I have actually courted her before, but stopped because of some issues like me being jealous (this is another topic/issue of which i believe i am overcoming now).
Do you think things will work out for us if i court her again? I am so attracted to her (though i don't know if my reason for attraction is right). Should i stop this? Thanks!
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I think a very big problem here is that you have not yet worked out how you feel about this girl. You say you really like her for various reasons but you can see a fault with her in that she's noisy. To be fair, even in the most loving relationships, you are not blind to each other's faults. What you need to suss here is whether you can stand to be with her in spite of what you perceive to be her faults.
If ultimately you decide you could not cope with her personality, it sounds very likely that this is nothing more than lust. Lust is more than just wanting sex with a particular person based on appearance. In order to feel a sexual attraction, it has to be deeper than looks. After all, you wouldn't fancy a serial killer purely because they looked like a model.
After you have worked out whether you can accept her faults, if you decide that you can, there is no reason you can't see if you would like to give a relationship with her another try. You need to make sure you are ready for a relationship and can handle your jealousy issues. As long as you are sure you can, I wish you the best of luck with her. You may not find love, but at least you will have given it a try and will no longer be left wondering "what if?"
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What I think it really comes down to is that you're never going to know till you court her again.
For some perspective, my boyfriend and I have sex a lot, but he means a lot more to me than just as a sex object. I still like to think about us and sex a lot it just comes with having an attractive guy/girl to be with, but you never know how much someone will mean to you until you're with them.
Because you've courted her before I'd like to think she means more to you than just sex, but you're really the only one that can find out.
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i do not find you weird in any way because its your life and im not going to judge you.i believe that you just explained lust to me well when you actually like someone you have to have at least one reason why you want to be with that person besides sex.i know you find her attractive but sometimes looks arent everything . once the relationship starts you got to be able to look past that .a devoted man like you should look for a woman thats smart pretty fun to be around just someone that makes you happy everywhere possible.your checking out the wrong ladie go for someone you wouldnt normally go for .good luck hope i helped you in any kind of ways.
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