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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello there,

A boy says,'see, you're my darling and I will do anything for you' with a smile after helping me out with a project and I told him nope, not everything with the hint of smile and we both laughed. We go to same university and became good mates. Today, he was asking me if I have a Facebook and I said, 'why do you wanna know?' so that he could add me, he said. Now, I'm aware that he has a girlfriend and he's aware that I have a boyfriend. What's going on in his mind or should I not be thinking too much out if it? Thank you.

Very interesting. Have gotten lots of questions all about the same situation on practically a daily basis. Wondering whats up. If you have written us before about this, I wonder why what we all answer has not helped and the question is reposted with a small detail different. So if thats the case for you dear, maybe you could trust enough to share what really is the issue here.

If I am wrong and this is your first time, I will say the same as I've said to others, until both of you are free, meaning single again, there is no chance of pursuing anything with each other. So both of you need to ask yourselves if you are happy with current dating partners. If not, break up and then see if you want to pursue a relationship together. It doesn't get any different than that. Since you are college age, you are old enough to know better than what you knew in High school. If his flirting is making you uncomfortable, ask him why he does it and let him know it makes you uncomfortable. If he is interested in pursuing you, he can't until he breaks up with his girlfriend. You have to be honest about how you feel about your bf and if its not working out, or all the feelings have changed, then it wasn't meant to be. Love is not an on again off again thing that changes as often as we flick a light switch. A real love will last a lifetime and weather ALL the storms that life throws their way. There's no problem with being FB friends. I still have some ex boyfriends as FB friends just as my husband has ex girlfriends, or his childhood buddies sisters as FB friends. THese are people we never see in person and do not have any heart ties to, they are now just friends. So if you are committed to your boyfriend as he is to his gf, you can still be FB friends, as long as it is just to keep tabs on each other, seeing what the other posts. But if he were to start writing things of a too personal nature regarding you, it could make trouble for him with gf. If that is ever the case, you warn him not to do that again or you will unfriend him. Easy peasy.

17/f
Im a virgin. A few days ago the inside of my vagina started itching and was really sore. Today i noticed some blood when i pee (period blood) usually what i get just before i start my period. Ive already had mt period this month and im regular because im on the pill and ive never had it twice in one month or skipped a month. Someone please help? What could this be?

Since you have what seems like two periods in one month, you need to talk to the Drs. office that prescribed the birth control you are taking. What this sound like is called break through bleeding and basically, thats when you start bleeding, usually a light period, at some point in your monthly cycle after already having a period. It means that the type of contraceptive you are on isn't meshing well with your body and your Dr. will likely want to issue a different prescription for you. Just talk to your doctor.

There's this guy in my grade who I have been friends with for a few years. Me and him liked each other 4 years ago, but never dated. We became very close this year because him and his girlfriend broke up (she broke up with him).

He went thru depression because he "loves" her. Anyway, I was there for him to get over her and I basically went through hell. We had so many fights and we dented our friendship a lot.

They were broken up for about a month and few days. I started realizing I like him again and the day I realized that was the day his gf asked him for another chance.

Since then, our friendship has been extremely shaky. I got mad at him for getting back together
with her because that girl is a total b****. She hurt him bad, and he's stupid for agreeing to date her again.

Yesterday, she actually got mad at him because of my snapchat story. His gf knows I like him (he knows I like him, too), and she hates me for it. She thought my quotes that I posted on snap were meant for her (they weren't). She got all pissed and mad at HIM for not scolding me for my story (stupid, I know).

Everything's okay today, except for the fact that I posted a pic of him on my story and she texted him and said she didn't like it, which resulted in him telling me to not post pics of him on my story ever again. I blocked her.

I got really pissed off about all this... I don't know what he sees in her, but she obviously has jealousy issues. And she doesn't want me and him to be friends, and I know for a fact that in the future, she'll ask him to stop being friends with me.

Knowing this, I asked him, "If she were to tell you that you can only date her if you stopped being friends with me, would you stop being my friend?" He said he would choose her over me because he doesn't wanna lose her again.

I decided that I'm done being friends with him. He hurt me way too many times and why would I want to be friends with someone who chooses their girlfriend/boyfriend over their friends? What do you think? Do you think I'm exaggerating? Help. :(

I am glad you asked that question dear. By his response, you can tell that you are not worth being his friend. I don't know his age, but no matter the age, he is very naive and inexperienced in relationships if he can not see that there are issues with this gf. She is need because she lacks self esteem and self confidence and that is what causes such jealousy. As for being jealous of you being his friend, I know that the majority of females in the world are going to feel jealous if a guy even has a female friend. Think of yourself in that position. Could you handle it? I am grandma age and still see jealous women at this age bracket, but not as much as the younger ages.

I don't know why she dumped him in the first place but that may be an indicator of whether she jumped to conclusions and acted too fast or perhaps wanted to date someone else and found they werent what she imagined them to be So she's come running back. Either he is right for her or not. She may just be settling for someone who isn't the best for her (not to mention she may not be good gf material in the first place) There are people who feel discombobulated if they don't have a dating partner cus they wrap up all their self esteem in the fact that someone is willing to date them, no matter how long or short it lasts. And these people can not be without a partner for long without going crazy. So if anything, you can feel sorry for her that she is so immature and messed up. Is there anything you can learn from this situation? Heck yeah, there's lots that I don't have time to write about but one thing is important to say now, look at your actions and think if anything you said or did might have sparked his anger? Think of how you like to be treated. It always helps to put yourself in the other persons shoes, to imagine what it must feel like to be them in a particular situation. If girls can imagine a whole relationship with a guy theyve never talked to but crushed on, then doing this should be much easier. So lets say, someone attacked you for going back to an old boyfriend, got angry at you. How would you react, how would you feel. This might help you figure out why you and this male friend had so many fights over his getting back with the girl. So if you've decided to no longer remain friends with him, thats probably a wise choice, even tho you hurt because this happened.
Heep this one thing in mind. People afraid of being hurt will build walls around their heart in effort to not get hurt again. Yes, its invisible walls but it sure really exists and heres what happens, no one can hurt you, but because these walls in a persons mind keeps them holding others at arms length or further away, no one will be able to love them either. I have seen this happen over and over again in couples I know. In fact, one guy was a counselor and his wife had been very emotionally hurt and frightened by an alcoholic father growing up. No matter what he did, he always felt the relationship was one sided, like a part of the deep connection a couple should have after many years together is missing. SHe still had a wall around her heart to protect herself from hurt from a male. THey were older with grown kids and still, no matter what he did, she never believed he really loved her. SHe told me these things. I finally had a chance to share that he does love her but she can't feel it due to the wall around her heart. I know you've been hurt here but don't let that scare you into walling yourself off. When we keep access to our hearts open, yes we open ourselves to being hurt, but its also the only way that we can experience and enjoy someone really loving us. So keep that in mind dear. Good luck.

last night on Facebook when i made a comment about not wanting to have kids and since you don't know it yet i decided i never wanted to have kids and i meant it too also i posted a comment saying that i made up my mind i never want to have children and afterwards i received a text message from my brother telling me to stop commenting about not wanting kids on people's facebook pages and now i think i had it with my durn brother sending on those text messages either when i comment on facebook or instagram so is there a way to prevent it ? as in never letting it happen again ?

If he has issues with what you post on facebook, then unfriend him so he can no longer see posts that might upset him. Or he could have just done the same. I have lots of facebook friends for games and see them posting often that "If you do not like what I post, don't read it or unfriend me. If you comment on my posts in a mean manner, then I will unfriend you." It does not mean that you hate someone to unfriend them. You are just deleting them off an internet social site where they are not acting very nice and social. I have seen all sorts of arguments between family members. Responding back and forth in hateful comments until theres 30 or more comments all for the public to see. It sounds that he is at least not doing that. But still, since he is irritated by what you choose to post, its best to delete him. I wouldn't go the step to block his texts or phone calls. He sounds like a person who takes things too personally and is easily offended by things that sometimes don't even pertain to him. It is best to keep your guard up a round people like that, even if a relative and watch what you do say when together even for family gatherings, and be the more mature person. Learning how to handle a difficult person because it is likely that skill will come in handy in life cus its almost guaranteed you will run into people thru out life who take offense at the smallest, silliest things. If he ever gets upset again but in person, just drop the subject and say that you are sorry it bothers him and you will stop talking about it. Choose carefully those whom you know you can share your deepest feelings and convictions with. Maybe watch also what you post on FB but don't get paranoid and stop posting for fear of someone flaming you. Just delete them off the list.
I had a game playing friend who stopped playing the game long ago and still had her on my list on FB. When my son in law made a comment on one of the political funnies that is all a joke, she attacked him for his comment and it was going back and forth for hours before I finally had enough of the constant ding ding sounds that let you know someone else just posted on your page, so I deleted her. I don't know why so many people freak out about deleting people are getting deleted but to me, its just a natural progression in life. SOmetimes you have to weed out your closet cus theres too much clothes you don't wear anymore. Sometimes you gotta delete people off your FB acct cus you don't associate with them anymore or they don't know how to play nicely so weed them out.

Hello,
Just wondering is it actually possible to fall for another person while in a relationship for few years?? We're good mates but I can't stop thinking about her. It's crazy. I don't think it's normal! Any thoughts, guys? Cheers!

Yes it is possible. Happens to people all the time, they just don't talk about stuff like this cus they feel embarrassed and like they are a bad person. Feeling that way is one thing. It only becomes a bad thing is a person begin to date two different people behind each others back while pretending each is the only one for you. If not in a marriage, it is easier to break up a relationship and start a new one. Be very sure of what you are looking for at this point. Are you young enough that right now you want a gf more for company and socially, or are you looking for commitment level like becoming a husband and father. Dating that goes on for years without a move to commit to be together life long or long term would indicate several possible things. One or the other could be afraid of the different responsibilities, or not have any idea of what they really want, are simply living life at the moment, day by day without any goals for the future, etc. It doesn't take lots of years to figure out if the person you are with is the one who will still be by your side when you're old and grey. Depending on the amount of time with a partner, you can discover that in a few months to 6 mo. on the average or perhaps one year at the most. Living together speeds up the process of determining if this person is the one for you as it is impossible to hide anything and all is there for you to see, if you like everything about a person or not. If there are some things you do not like about a gf, don't think your love can change her. If a person has to become someone they are not just to be right for their partner, then the two are not right for each other. I've been there, done that. And it doesn't work. Since then I've read books and psychologists explain why so now I know. You need to make a decision, regardless of the fact you like this female friend. Do you want to stay with the girl friend or not. If you become single again, before you make any moves on the female friend, make sure you know exactly what it is you are looking for. That way, any girl you date after this, will be some one you are checking out to see if she seems to have the characteristics you want in a partner. Do you both have the same goals and dreams, same beliegs, morals, and both wanting or not wanting kids some day? These are things to be thought about now, even if you don't plan to marry in a few years. It is a process though from now till then, with lots of dating and figuring out who best makes the right mate for you and you the right mate for her. I am talking about mates as in marriage, not friends. Good luck!

Hi, a good friend says,' I'm only winding you up' while we're talking. He looks at my eyes and says with smiles, 'Oh, look at those eyes' coz I reckon I look really grumpy when he winds me up. Says, 'I thought you knew me, you should have known me by now' and 'I reply to him, I do know you.' I feel like he likes me and I like him too in a tiny amount. He's bought me a lunch once while we're at the college break and we just sat in the canteen and had it. He offers me a biscuits or chewing gum or chocolate if he's brought one with him. We both can be moody at times but we always have a laugh in the end. So, what's going on with him? Is he just messing about or truly likes me?? Help!! Thank you

I've never heard the phrase 'winding a person up'. Perhaps that is something that is regional in the US. But saying you're grumpy, maybe it means to him that he is trying to cheer you up? I think there are parts of the conversation missing so when you switch to him saying, I thought you knew me by now, the parts missing are the things you said. Could there be something in the tone of your voice, your facial expressions, body language that is giving him the idea that you do not know him well. What is it you did not know that he is referring to. You don't have to answer me. If you can answer those questions you may have your answer. I can not tell you if he likes you as a girlfriend to date, but the fact he comes back and enjoys hanging out with you, he at least likes you as a friend. Guys don't waste their time even for a female friend if they do not like you as a person. Whether there is romantic attraction in addition, I can not say. If you like him as a friend, theres no problem, so continue to be friends and see where it goes in the future. Lots of solid fulfiling long term relationships have started first with friendship and moved on to romance or had both at the start. If only one or the other, its not enough to have a successful relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years (the first two years were off and on). We recently moved in with each other in May of last year. So.. almost a year. I'm 26 and he's 23. We use to fight a lot last year because I have a stable and fiscally beneficial job whereas he does not and refuses to do anything to change it. At the beginning of the year he said he would make more of an effort to find a better job but has done nothing about it. I have stopped pressuring him about it because it gets us nowhere but into pretty heated arguments. However, I pay for pretty much everything and part of me is starting to resent him. Which is probably why we get into fights a lot. You know it's crazy because I look back at the first 3 years of our relationship and I can't help but wish it was those simpler times again. We really loved each other back then... I mean really loved each other. Now I can't even stand to look at him. And I can tell he is starting to resent me too because we can't go a day without fighting. It's over the silliest stuff but it ends up in pretty big fights. I'm just at my wits ends because I've been in relationships like these before and I know how they end and I'm just trying to prepare myself for what's eventually going to be coming (both physically and emotionally). I can stand being home anymore because I know he's here and I know we're just going to ignore each other and I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own house. I guess my question is how do I go about kicking him out of the house? Both mine and his name are on the lease but I'm more than capable of paying it myself.. I just know if I kick him out he'll have nowhere to go and I'll feel bad but right now I feel even worse having him here... I don't know what to do.. Should I keep trying or just call it a day?

As long as he has someone to bail him out and take care of him, he will not make an effort. He needs to grow up and that takes tough love. There are no easy answers. But your continuing to be His Mommy and girlfriend blend is not helping him. He must have parents or relatives. He can go leach off of them a while. The problem is the lease. You could talk to the owner of the place and ask about re-doing the lease now or if you have to wait until the lease is up to make a change. Let the owner know that things are not working out between you and the bf. That he isn't pulling his weight and you are perfectly able to continue to pay the rent all by yourself as you have been all this time. You want to be able to legally ask him to leave and as long as his name is on there, that might be difficult. One of the best ways to really learn about the character of a person is to live with them. Now you know. Would he make a good husband or father right now without any changes? You need to find a man whom you don't need to wait for to mature. He should already be mature. There is no future with him, at least not a happy fulfilling one. You said the first 3 years were simpler times, so think about what changed? Was he working back then? If so, did he complain about work and hate going to work? If he lost the job, it could have been a good excuse to not find anything else. If he has no desire to have a good to take care of himself, let alone help you out, why should you be financing all your needs. If this is what you feel your role in life is, you may as well open your doors to take in all the bums living on the street who aren't doing anything to get ahead. I should know what I am talking about cus I've been homeless a couple years and it is hard to get back into an apt. but we have jobs and live in our van, have a gym membership to use the shower there, and have had a lot of vehicle repair lately so we have not been able to get ahead but we are taking care of ourselves, not leaching off other people. It is possible. It is your decision though. If you are a touchy feely person and would feel too guilty asking him to leave, then resign yourself to supporting him for the rest of your life, including any kids he gets you pregnant with. There are no other choices. Stay with someone where you have to settle for less, or cut the ties and look for the man with whom you don't have to settle for less.

Hi,

what does it mean when a boy mate puts a smiley face at the end of the text? I like him and been mates for a few weeks and we get on well. We do kid around however I hardly put smiley emoticons unless if I have to but he always does. What should I be thinking, guys. Everytime I see him at college, I feel like I'm falling for him which is not good because I have a bf and he has a gf therefore I feel really bad. Guys, am I a bad person? Thanks

What makes you think that an emoticon from him means something? And what are you imagining that smiley face means. I am wondering if you have a crush on him and what us to confirm he has a crush on you too. Hon, I don't know this guy. I don't even know you. I am not a psychic so there is no way to know if his putting a smiley face in texts means anything more than a real smile.
Now that brings us to reasons a person might smile and there are so many dear that theres no way to guess.
A child waking up to snow outdoors would smile. A surprise Birthday party for you could make you smile. Getting an A on a difficult test could make you smile. Your parents complimenting you could make you smile, your best friend getting you a special gift could make you smile, etc.

Your last question is whether you are a bad person for falling for him when you have a bf. NO, you are not a bad person. Until we actually are in love with the person who is to be our life long mate, dating and relationships is all about learning what you really like and don't like in a person. If you have a bf, have the feelings for him died. You dont have to answer me, just think of the answers yourself. If you no longer have feelings for bf, then why do you suppose that is? Maybe you both don't really inspire each other and the attraction has faded, or.....? If you are still into your bf and want this guy at the same time and don't want to lose either, or feel torn between choosing one, then it comes down to whether you are monogamous at heart or polyamorous. Not many people today are although in ages past, it used to be fairly common. There are some today who have multiple love relationships and each partner knows of the other. Ever hear of open marriages? Kind of like that but more. You are still young at college ages and so youre better off figuring out what type of guy you'd like to date, what kind of guy is the best marriage partner someday and would make the best Daddy. You may not be serious about any of that yet and you don't have to be ready to stay with one guy for the rest of your life, but whomever you date, if the next step is becoming committed relationship, then you need to decide early on if there are things you don't like about one and stop dating. If a guy does stuff that is hurtful to you and the relationship, thats another reason to leave. If you think both are great, you may need to s tart making a list of the qualities you are looking for in a guy. Yes, even a boyfriend should be able to meet your criteria. You don't wait until you feel ready to marry to start practicing how to spot husband material. So make your list of things that are a Must Have, if not present in him, thats a deal breaker. The one who can meet the most of your criteria is the best candidate. If you decide you need to stop dating anyone, simply tell them that you no longer feel any chemistry together with him. Or if its really early on in relationship, you can say you've given it a try but you don't feel any chemistry with him and guys seem to understand this. At least once I was divorced and dating, older men, seemed to understand this. I wish you the best.

When a friend of mine texts and I won't reply in an hour, he rings but won't leave the voicemail which is alright as I'm ok and not pushy. I don't know but seems like he's just impatient and worried if I don't reply to him immediately. Our text is just about normal everyday stuff. Just 2 or 3 texts, that's all. I fancy him and I reckon he knows that but not entirely sure. Any thoughts? Thank you all.

I know your friend is a male but since females can have male friends, and you didn't specify, I have no idea if you are male or female. Age might change my answer. HOw long you've been friends and the past history of how he usually acts and if there's been a big recent change in his behavior or he has always acted this way, would be info I'd need to know. Here's some conclusions I could guess at which show how much the extra information to us will help.

If you a male and unknown to you, he's hidden that he is gay and he is very into you, then he may be afraid to ask you for fear of losing you as a friend if you are not into him as well. He may not be able to read subtle clues that you like him back. In fear of losing you to someone better, he acts the way females usually do, testing and calling over and over because they actually feel in secure.

17/female
Ive been having pain where your wisdom teetb usually come in. If i touch it its really sore. Its only on one side so im not sure if it was wisdom teeth would it be all my teeth? How can i know if its my wisdom tooth or something else?

I had wisdom teeth removed at just a few years older than you. What happens is that the wisdom teeth are located at the very back, laying hidden under your furthest back molars. So when one starts to slowly work its way up it can hurt because the molar that belongs there is slowly being pushed out of place so it can hurt. Where it hurts and how it hurts may be due to the persons roots and how they lay in the jaw and actual place of the molar.
If not wisdom teeth, then a nagging soreness could be the first stages of something more serious, an infection in the gums and jaw below the tooth or a cavity that can't be seen by your eyes. A visit for check up to the dentist will show in exrays if its wisdom teeth and then your dentist could refer you to a Dr. who does oral surgery. In case its an infection in the gums and jaw, You may want to discover that now at the beginning before it becomes a raging pain that pretty much is way worse to me than period cramps. Also at that later point, the infection could have spread through the body to the liver and people have died of this kind of infection. If you've been seeing a dentist regularly, a wisdom tooth could have begun moving since your last checkup. It's better to make an appt to see him to find what is going on.

Hi ya,

Just curious, we're having a joke and out of nowhere he asks do you reckon I'm handsome. I said not handsome but fetching and charming and he said he's never been told like that and I was the first person not to think he's handsome with a laugh. We just laughed so much afterwards. Is he being insecure? However, I can't tell even though we know each other well. Is he asking for my approval? Cheers!

It's not as well known, but men just as women can be insecure about their looks. But not all are. Fetching and Charming are great compliments. I do not know if guys today would consider asking a question like that to be flirting, but it may count to them as such. If he laughed with you after your answer, then by his actions you should have been able to see if his eyes looked troubled, and his laugh sounded fake and forced. Did the energy he put into hanging with you change after you answered him? If none of those things happened, I am sure he was not offended. We live in a society sooo afraid of offending others because people today take things much too seriously or take things too personally and are in a touchy mode to begin with. If all falls apart and he does have problems with what you said, its all the better to know that now cus those would be signs that he is an insecure man and even a special woman can't change that in him. A person will believe what they want to believe and stubbornly ignore the truth when its staring them in the face. So if he's all that insecure its up to you to decide if you still don't mind being friends but I personally wouldn't consider any man so insecure as good solid long term relationship material. Maybe its okay for a short fling but that would be it. Although it could be dangerous getting that close to an insecure person, as they might latch on to you as their support and never want to let you go, ever.
In the future when a strange or awkward feeling question is posed to you. Don't feel you have to answer it right away. Instead answer with another question: "Just curious but why are you asking that?" Then if there was a special reason behind it he could explain, such as a buddy of his saying he overheard some random girls saying he was not handsome, or maybe they all agreed he was handsome but he'd never heard himself described that way before. So being his friend, then he would have been asking for your opinion. Then easily you could have said, I can see how females would find you handsome. Knowing you as I do, I would instead describe you as Charming and fetching. however that is the past. If it is still bothering you so much, you could go to him and say so, that you had thoughts after that meeting, where you wondered if you had upset him with your answer to his question. Then its up to you what you say from there on. I feel I would say, I am sure I surprised you by not saying the word Handsome. And thats because I don't prefer to be a Parrot just saying what anyone else says. I took it as you trusting my opinion as your name to give my honest answer. And thats what I did. Charming is good cus even in fairy tales and romances, the Prince Charming type is mentioned. Discerning woman want more than the pretty face but how a man acts as well. As for Fetching, that is honest and truly conveys how I see you as someone for the girls to go after...go after...fetch...you know? The Handsome polished types of guys in media are the counterpart to the polished Beautiful female model type. Both are unrealistically altered so that their look is unattainable. If I personally called you Handsome, I'd be seeing you as having that fake made up beauty that the media has brainwashed us with.

If it gives you peace of mind, it may be worthwhile to bring it up. Its not odd really, days later to say, Hey you know I was thinking about our conversation the other day. Thats how minds work, going over the past trying to analyse if things might have turned out different or what something meant, or trying to figure out how to learn from mistakes. So be brave and bring it up.

Hey,
I accidentally touched his thigh twice while we're in the car coz he was giving me a lift to town. I said sorry. we're kidding heaps but he pointed out saying, oh,you touched my thigh, you got a soft hand and soft pinky. He's a neighbour and a friend. We go to same university and we are quite frank to each other. He's just crazy, I reckon, jokes a lot. I feel like he's flirting with me or is he messing around? What do you reckon guys? Thanks a bunch!

Some people flirt just because it's fun, and from doing the same myself at times, I'd have to say it often feels like 'feel good' endorphins are released in me. So I am sure that even though not serious about pursuing a relationship, many do it cus its fun and feels good. Then there are others who are seriously interested in another and will flirt as a way to give the other a hint they are interested.
There's no way to know which he is doing from this one time occurance. You would need other signs like his expressions and body language. The least amount of communicaton between humans is verbal. The rest is all tone of voice, expressions, body language. Bldy language would be a good study for you. Pull up a couple different people on you tube who show "body language when a guy likes you". Put those exact words in a search on you tube and start watching. Some will be similar, keep going until you feel you have learned more examples as not every person posts all examples and many do skits to show the actions and what it looks like, subtle...but if you know what you're looking for, you will see it.

Where is the line between being selfish and taking care of your own needs? Because I often feel like, in trying not to be selfish, my own needs get left behind. Like, to a point that isn't okay with me. Is that a thing? I don't even know what I'm asking, I'm just confused.

Like, I'm doing a group project, and there's a girl in my group who insists on doing a lot of things her way, and when I ask if we can do some things differently, she claims she can't because she has anxiety and she has to do things in her way. She has a point, and I know I need to respect her needs. However, at our last project meeting, I nearly had a panic attack because I couldn't deal with the way she was doing things, but I didn't want to cause problems for her either. I feel like she uses the fact that she has diagnosed anxiety as a reason to need things a certain way, and because I don't have it, my needs doesn't matter.

I'm just confused. I don't really know what I'm asking with this question.

Actually hon, you do post a good question. Let me share my story and perhaps that will shed some light for you. My first marriage was not a good one. I knew I had to leave. I had stayed 30 yrs even tho he had treated me badly from about 6 mo. into marriage.
I finally realized i had to leave. Had prayed and heard from God that if I did not leave, I would die within 4 more years of the stress with cancer or heart attack. Thats what got me to decide I had to go. My kids didn't want to leave but I had to for peace of mind and to heal. However I felt that maybe I was selfish in planning to leave thinking of my own needs. It was a friend who told me that it is not selfish to think of yourself first if heart is in the right place. Then bible scripture came to mind where it says paraphrased to love God with all your heart and mind and your neighbor as yourself. Then it was explained to me that people latch on to neighbor and have to love your neighbor but Pastor said we have to love ourselves first because if we can't love ourselves, then Gods love can't pass thru us to others, think of an obstructed garden hose where no water can pass. That made sense to me. I realized that tho I did love myself to a degree, the area where I failed to love myself was by subjecting myself to this daily verbal abuse. It was literally making me sick all the time, the stress. Thats not a nice way to treat myself. I realized I had to remove myself from this situation before I would be able to love others. So yes there are situation in which it is not selfish to think of yourself and your needs.
In yours, a team or group means just that, it is made up of many members and all are partly contributing, whether this is for school or work. It is not meant to be a platform where one member decides to run the whole thing and everyone else must go along with their needs and wants. If her anxietys interfere with the ability to do good work, and get it done on time, it is an obvious issue. Who ordered the group project, a teacher or supervisor? You might just ask them how they expected the group to function, if there are any rules about how the members participate. Must all contribute equally or is it okay for one to lead and dictate how the team will work and everyone follow and support the ideas of one who wasn't voted to be leader. If they wonder why you ask, then I would explain. A good reason to say something even though it may sound petty or selfish is if there are problems with the team such as a teen whose team had a dictator student ruling over the others and the project failed and they all got bad grades. It is not fair in that case. If its for work, all the more important to make sure who ever is the boss is okay with how your group is handling the project. It seems like you do not have a choice who is in the group and this gal is always a member. I haven't heard of companys bending over backwards to accomodate those with anxieties. That is why so many with anxieties do not work is because if they can not do the work as the boss wants, then the anxieties interfere with their ability to do the work.
You are not selfish, only wanting to feel more assertive. Talking to your boss or teacher is one way you can iron this out. If they are okay with her work, then perhaps you need to find a new class or job where you'll be happier.

As far as relationships, your needs matter there too. If you ever have a partner who doesn't think of your needs first before getting his taken care of and you have the same attitude with him, then no one gets left out. Never give up on having your needs met. People may tell you thats being selfish but they are busy bodies who haven't a clue and should be working on their own life.

In the past I've gone out with quite a few guys, but only seriously dated 3. Unfortunately I've run into some rough situations and now I feel like I'm a little paranoid and still kind of scared even though my last relationship ended early last year.

I started dating somebody new about a week and a half ago. We really clicked and have already gone on four dates. He was super polite, paid for everything, funny, and seemed to be everything I'm looking for (aren't they all in the beginning though).

We had an awesome date today and spent most of the day and night together. Then when he dropped me off at my home and it was time to say farewell he wanted me to invite him inside (past midnight). I didn't want to do that, because I knew what he wanted. Then he kept saying he wanted to spend more time with me and that he was wide awake, but I told him I was tired and cold and needed to wake up early to do work. He still kept me outside for an hour and kept kissing me and I was really bored and wanted to stop. I told him I really needed to go to sleep and he said "Well I can come to bed with you and just hold you." I laughed it off, but inside I was really aggravated and still am. I feel like men think I'm stupid and that I don't know that they want sex. What really drives me crazy is that we're not even official. Why would I have sex with somebody I knew for less than two weeks and wasn't even officially with?

Now I feel like the whole facade "honeymoon period" has been shattered. To make things worse the last guy I dated who was the same nationality as the guy I'm currently seeing coerced me into having sex with him way before I was ready by taking me to a location where I was alone with him and couldn't get away from him and then insisting on it even though I said no multiple times. I wound up breaking up with him as soon as I got back to a safe place, but he never understood what he did wrong. Since then I was in another relationship where the guy kept guilt tripping me into sex, would get increasingly angry until I gave in and then would blame me after. I'm so sick of men doing this kind of thing. I'm really upset now because I thought this guy would be different...

I don't know what to do now. I really liked him, but now I feel like he ruined it.

I also don't know whether maybe I'm holding the men in my past against him. It just sounded a lot to me like he was asking for me to invite him inside to have sex. Now in the future I'm going to be worried that's what he's always going to want. I know I could talk to him about it, but in the past when I've done this the men get offended and then it makes things awkward and we wind up not seeing each other again.

I feel like maybe I should just call things off now?

Help?

I think you are doing just fine and your woman's intuition is steering you true. While some people unfairly blame a new person for something another person did in the past, the difference is the blameless one is doing nothing wrong, but the person you see a potential problem in, is actually doing behavior or saying things that clue you off that this may be a problem for him. And usually the first time you see a bad behavior, there is more where that came from. I'll explain more in a minute.

I see a red flag with his behavior. There is a rule that when the lady says no, that no means no. There is no wheedling, pleading or trying to force her to change her mind. So for one thing, he does not have good manners and is not a gentleman, secondly--he is thinking only of himself and what he wants. If this man were a good potential loving life long partner for you, then he would have been concerned when you said you were tired. He would have been more concerned that you get your sleep than getting his jollies through kissing and then trying to invite himself into your bed blatantly trying to say nothing would happen. If you didn't see this behavior at the start, the reason you see it after a couple weeks and with some people after a month or two, is because to impress another, we all tend to be on our best behavior. Those with very little of good characteristics will pretend to be someone they are not. It takes a great amount of personal energy to keep up a false facade. So as soon as the person believes they have you won over so you won't notice the bad behavior, they let the facade crumble and thats when you begin to get glimpses of the real character of the guy.
I don't know of a foolproof way to 100% always know right before even spending time with the person that there is a problem. Even the best of us can be fooled at first, happened to me, but if you keep on the alert, always looking at all his behavior to decide which is bad and which you like, that is part of why we get together with, hang out or date a person, to discover if they will make a good partner. If you spend lots of time with a new person like weekly, then you can easily see a potential problem within the short time you've known him. I had 3 different guys who showed their character flaws on the 2nd date already and we are talking older men cus this was after my divorce. So the first time you think you see a problem, don't react and jump down his throat or you would be judging by past experience.
But watch and wait to see if he hangs himself and repeats a bad behavior like not respecting your wishes and then at that point, it is best to split up with the guy. And yes, there are some men that ignorant who never grow up and will never see that they were in the wrong. So to safely break up with them, I wouldn't give the real reason as that will only make them angry and you might then get harassed in the future. Best to let them think that you just don't feel any 'chemistry' together with him or if you've been together a bit longer, that the chemistry is not strong enough for you to be happy though you've tried. It seems to be the univeral excuse that all men seem to understand and have no problem with. I agree that you'd be better off calling things off either right away or giving him a second chance without him knowing that you are watching for a bad behavior from him so he wont try to be on best behavior again yanking the false facade back in place.
Some younger guys can make a serious mistake in their nervousness or if they were under the influence of something, or simply being a bit too naive and not experienced so making a stupid mistake. It becomes up to you to decide if you have seen enough good traits in him that you want to give another chance to see if he will repeat. The only time I don't use this wait and see plan, is if the relationship has been a longer one and the guy is really good person and you are happy with him a great majority of the time. He may blunder and do something thats never come up before that bothers you or hurts you and not even realize it. This is when instead of waiting to see if its repeated, in this established relationship, you mention to him how it made you feel and you know that was not his intention and ask him to never repeat that because it is so important to you that it would harm your relationship to the point you might leave if it continues.

I have a feeling that you are a strong women with a healthy self image and self confidence. The duds will be attracted to you as well as the good guys. Happened to me too and i did internet dating. After a 1st marriage where the mate was verbally abusive, I wasn't going to settle for less. I actually had a written list of criteria the guy had to pass to be able to write to me. So from the get go, guys knew I would be going over them with a fine tooth comb to see if they truly match up. Heres another bit of advice to help screen out the wrong guys.
Most who are into gals just for lust and sex right now, need to be screened out. These types of guys are not the ones who want to think of the girls needs and wants and feelings, they don't want commitment or the idea of anything permanent, feeling tied down, becoming a father or husband will usually scare most these types away.
I see no problem with the woman being on the offensive with guys rather than waiting for bad behavior and having to be on the defense.

So come up with a list of what you need in a guy. It can be simple, five major traits which if present also cover many other areas. The moment a guy is talking interestedly and asking for your number or a date, you thank him for his interest but let him know you have some criteria for men to meet to be able to stay with you and if not memorized, you might have this written on a notepad or on your cell so you can read it off to him. Let him know you are serious. If he knows he can't meet your criteria, he is free to go and you won't think any worse of him, it is after all his own choice on what he wants to be like as a person. If he does want to still date you, you let him know before all the dates in either written form or in person at a coffee shop that you are giving him your rules and boundaries now. This way he can't say you are unfair and that he never knew of your rules. What you establish at the beginning is important because it will screen out those frightened by commitment. If I were you, whether ready to find a marriage partner/life time partner or not, I would say tell the guy that you want to eventually marry and have children so you are looking at a guy as to whether he'd make a good husband, good provider and a good daddy. Since I was specific on what I wanted at the start, that screened out losts of guys immediately. Some tried to lie in hopes to slip by past my eagle eye...lol but it didn't work and when called on their lie, they blew up. Thats why to stay safe, I suggest just quietly breaking up with the excuse of no chemistry. I know you'll be able to ace this. Don't be disappointed going in, it can take a long time, even a couple years to find the right guy.

I know you are worried about fighting him off sexually if you do out again. If you do decide to give him the chance, turn all the conversations to questioning him about his childhood, what are his siblings like, what are his parents like. A guy who is reluctant to talk of family and his hobbies or interests and memories from childhood may be shy but its more likely the guy is only thinking lust and sex and family and talking of hobbies is not going in the direction he likes. A guy who respects you will take delight in being asked to share about himself and his past and will light up and share his stories with you. I know it seems that all guys want one thing.

to be honest, they all want a rewarding sex life but the guy that matters, also wants to be your best friend and treat you like it too and is always looking to take care of your needs before his own in every situation, even in bed. They are the fewer of whats available but they are out there. I had gotten pretty disappointed and almost given up on finding someone when a week later the right guy wrote me on dating site.
Oh and if you decide on using dating sites, I have lots more info to share to help that be more successful. Goodluck dear.

Hello there, sorry it's bit long, I was having a chat with my friend, told him I've missed him as I hadn't seen him for a week, he said,'he didn't miss me,'turned bright red and laughed, he kept having that nervous laugh, I said sarcastically no, why did you have to miss me, i only missed you because you help me with my projects, he then said,'of course (says my name) I've missed you too, I said OK, he then smiled. Also, there were few other students at the college at the time among us, he accidentally used my name when he was talking to one of the student, he said sorry to the girl, he then turns to me and says, see, your name is always in my mind with laugh, I said, I know, I can tell, we both looked at each other and smiled. We joke and tease plus he has a gf and I have a bf. Does he like me or is he just messing around? I'm starting to have a teeny tiny feelings for him and wondering if has the same. Any advice are appreciated. Thank you

Sure sounds like he likes you. If he is all that close to his girlfriend, I would think that it would've been easier for him to subconsciously use her name when talking to the other girl student instead of using yours. The person you spend the most time with, even if not liking them due to how they treat you, can be the name that comes to your tongue when not thinking about it. I used to be married and the man I was with mistreated me. But as I was constantly having to talk to him day in day out, subconsiously, his name was what my subconscious provided sometimes early on in new relationship with 2nd husband. He also has a few times used his ex's name too. too many people get jealous and think feelings are still there. But I know the situation and he's only got feelings for me. So glad He understood when I accidentally called him by ex's name a time or two.

What this experience tells me is that it isn't from his conscious mind that he used your name when addressing another. It could be simply that the amount of time you spend together has gone on longer than his relationship with gf so when the subconscious tries to help with providing words, it chose the most familiar one. But then again, this could mean that the girl he is dating isn't as special to him as she once was or perhaps she never was and he just wanted to get out in the dating scene and went for the first opportunity whether he really connects with her or not. And you can't assume that he likes you more than gf by his doing the name mishap. Sometimes a person can be torn between two people. Maybe thats what is happening. IN a relationship, there are two things people need to feel fulfilled and happy. One is having a best friend and also the most compatible sex partner and romance. Too many people go for one and find the other part doesnt exist in that person. So they have a sex partner with one and best friend in another. this means neither one is right for the person. The object here is to find the partner for you who is not just your best of friends but can also develop into your romantic love and sex partner.
Heres what you might say if you really are curious: We do pretty well as friends together and I realize we both already have dating friends. But have you ever wondered if it was possible for us to become something more than just friends? Either he'll say yes, say no, or just say, maybe we should spend more time together and find out. If this happens and you both want to try to see where it goes, you'd have to ask the gf bf's for a time off from your relationship as you need time to think about whether you really want to stay with them or move on.

There is also such a thing as crushing on a person. This is a 'what if' scenerio, all imagined in ones head as to what the other might be like. Heck I did that as a teen and early 20s. Although I knew that I really had no clue what they were like so I knew I was imagining all of it and I was okay with that as I was too shy back then to approach any people, having had social anxiety back then.

Your situation is different. Both of you already have dating partners. One does not cheat on or break up with such a person simply out of curiousity if something could work with them.

If dating is a process to get to know a person enough to be sure this person is a right match for your needs and will make a good father and husband, then you date until you are sure that it is time to let the person go, or you commit your heart to them without any what ifs rolling around in your mind about others you come across. Some times, we make these decisions too early in life, long before we've had enough experience

Can sperm travel to boy's mouth and enter the girl's mouth while kissing?

It used to be common knowledge for all kids aged 10-11 and thru High school to learn all about the changes to their bodies and how it was normal and what to expect and then being taught the basics of how a baby is made. this way a person would know how to avoid getting pregnant. Some schools may still have sex ed but due to budget cuts, in most schools, it is no longer offered. this means you will need to study and learn on your own hon, cus there is a lot yet to learn beyond why kissing will not make you pregnant. Parents are no help if they aren't open minded and able to discuss sex and such themselves. So your generation knows little to nothing of sexuality. I do have a suggestion and will provide a link. I did mention learning on your own. I know of a gal on you tube who did just that, starting as a teen, though now she's in her twenties. She doesn't just post her opinion. She actually gets info from the experts to post. So even though I am old enough to be her mother, I find her sex ed. info online to be wonderful, entertaining and short enough to work will all attention spans and you will learn something. Please consider going to her youtube channel, saving as a favorite and at leisure going through all her videos to see what you can learn. She had to do this the hard way on her own but for you, all this info is gathered in one place.
Here's the link dear:

https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Is there any chance of missing period due to heavy,deep and longtime kissing or any physical changes?

No. A missing or better called a 'late' period is due to the following reasons:

Sickness, recent overcome or an on coming

Stress: Mental stress due to worry or too much on ones plate or quality of ones life if poor.If you simply worried that you could become pregnant from kissing, then that worry is enough to delay a period.

Physical changes: Only ones i know of that stop a period or make them a lot fewer is if a girl becomes very athletic and competitive in sports where she is in training all the time and has built up muscles. Lots of female athletes do not have a period, and some still do. Depends on how much of the physical stress is going on.

Lastly, females with cycles who spend the most time together whether friends at school, co workers or family members like Mom and sis, will find a strange thing of science happens to them. All the females period slowly change their time to coming earlier or later so that eventually all the women are getting their period at the same time. I can't say why this is but it is so. I have worked with females who asked if one of us had a pad or tampon cus theirs started at work and one by one, each of us admitted to having our period at the same time. People just don't tend to talk of awkward things like this but it is entirely a natural thing.
Well, there is one more reason for not having a period, and that would be if one was pregnant.

Hello there, didn't know and never noticed before but recently when my friend was taking to me he just blushed during our conversation that he looked away and looked back, blinked, maybe he was gazing at me for long while we're talking but his face was red and I was left wondering, this is new, eh, as we're both straightforward. But I dot get it. I'm thinking maybe he has a crush on me or likes me? Or something there in his head? Thank you.

I think your question was just as much about his change in behavior as it was wondering if he's crushing on you. It may look strange if he's always been comfortable with you as close friends. However, once the love bug bites, a persons behavior will change. They still see you as the friend they get along with so well, but now the feelings are deeper, more romantic. This is always a hard transition for those who have been friends a while without the romantic feelings. Its really bad when one has the romance feelings and the other does not. This of course means there's no chance of becoming a dating couple. The person who has the deeper feelings may not wish to tell their friend for fear of losing their friend once they declare their feelings.

Some statement or questions can be worded in a way that does not make the other person feel so awkward, especially if they don't have the same feelings. SO if whats said is kinda open ends asking the other person for their opinion, they can still answer and not feel bad.

So if you like to try being more than friends with him, pretty much, that's what you say. "We've done really great as friends. It makes me wonder if things would work out if we tried being more than friends." then lastly its important to ask his opinion. "What do you think?" He should feel no awkwardness answering a potential change that is not based on you being in love with him already, this way of asking portrays you as still a friend but a curious friend.
It allows him to answer with confidence and confess right then that he has feelings for you or just a simple agreement that yes you both should try dating and see how it goes, when its what he wanted but didn't know how to make the transition.

Ok so I have this friend lets call her Sam and she has a boyfriend. She told me that she thinks she has feelings for someone else other than her boyfriend. She also told me not to tell her boyfriend because she thinks he'll get mad. But me being me I pushed her into telling her boyfriend. Now I feel like if I made things worst for them because they both look sad and they won't even talk to me. I only did it because I knew that the guilt would overwhelm her and if she told him it would be better. What do I do? I don't want them to break up but even worse, our friendship to fall apart.

It is perfectly normal for this situation to occur where one has a bf/gf and while committed to that person, they come across someone else they have interest in. I dont know your ages so i don't know if it would work but when I was divorced and looking for someone, I told every guy that I was considering spending time with to get to know better, that I was not locking myself in to dating only one guy. I told every man I met, that I would date whomever sounded like a potential boyfriend or future husband until I had decided I found the one or not. I even had one man say, Please pick me, pick me! He was to desperate and not strong in character as I found out. The only trick to doing this, is that with each new person you are interested in, you need to tell them upfront what you will be doing and if he can't handle it, he's free to leave. I never found a guy afraid of competing while dating, with other guys dating me. I had plenty who were willing until I decided.

You were not asked for advice. But i know your heart is good as you never meant for it to cause more problems. Her bf would eventually have learned that she likes someone else. If only crushing but there is no real relationship with the other guy, it wasn't a real thing, no way to know if the other guy felt the same. If however shes met with and knows the other guy likes her back, then she has 2 guys that like her at the same time. Apologize as her friend for interfering and then ask her questions, get some straight answers until you know for sure whats what. then ask her if she still trusts you to tell you what she thinks and if she wants to bounce her thoughts and ideas off you in regards to the 2 guys. Always ask her if it is okay to share with her something you see that she may not since its coming from a different viewpoint. this is how most people end up making better decisions, always asking others for their advice but in the end, with all the new learned aspects, the decision is still hers. Just let her know it is normal to date several the same time as long as all the guys know about it from the beginning and are okay with it. This is a good way to screen out a guy with low self esteem and low confidence who gets jealous and possessive easily. Such a guy will not agree to others dating her at the same time. Such a guy may demand that she tell the others to go if she really wants him and force a girl to make a decision to stick with him instead. that would be a mistake. Females have more control over dating and relationships than we know. Most times we simply give away our power and when that is done, the power of and over our lives is being given to someone who will misuse it. She may be upset with you right now but you don't know that. She just looks sad. If not ready to pick up with you at this point, then after things have blown over, she may be more ready. A real true friend if mature enough will see that you did this only because you cared so much about her not making a mistake. So she most likely will patch things up with you. If not, then you have just learned more about your girlfriend that she holds grudges and doesnt like to forgive, etc. And someone like that is not mature enough for you to be happy with as a friend right now. So don't feel too bad about this and look at it as a learning experience. I am sure you will do fine. But you can always ask more of me as things occur.

Hi, a friend says I'm drove him mad and instead I said, no, u drove me mad over a situation that I called him Narky and he called me cocky. When we are having chat,he looks me in the eye, holds the eye contact for few seconds but turns red and smiles at the same time and looks away and looks back. I feel like saying, what's the matter, are u shy, the thing is he's not shy at all. I fancy him but not quite sure if he does. He lightly touched my shoulder and ran his fingers from my arm to shoulder and shoulder to arm while we're sat next to each other the other day. He recently started to give me a high fives and fist bump. I hear that's he's got a girlfriend. I'm 22 and he's 24. So, why is he acting like this? Turning red, saying I drove him mad?? we just disagree sometimes. Guys, any suggestions, please?! Thank

Ever notice how it is harder to approach, look at in the eyes or talk to someone you have a crush on. If you haven't experienced that, then ask your girlfriends. It counts more to us to make a good impression with certain people (like those we are crushing on) and we tend to fear doing something to mess it up, thus acting shy or unable to carry through on doing any of the things I mentioned. This kind of shyness only happens with the one a person is interested in and not with any other people unless they are truly shy. So he can be very confident and outgoing, just not with you until he knows where he stands.

This could very well be his reason for how he's acting with you. I can't say for sure. But for what you said, even though he has a girlfriend, he is finding something he likes when seeing you. He may be avoiding breaking up with her if he doesn't know he has a for sure thing with you so he is only dabbling right now with you. Problem is if his girlfriend sees that and gets jealous and vindictive against you. We don't want that.
I don't know what you've heard about his girlfriend and that fact that he has one is only info passed on to you from what I read. You only heard he has a girlfriend, but you've never met her or know her, correct? So you really don't know if there are any obvious problems with his relationship with her. Just because someone is dating does not mean they plan to stay with that person long term. When we are young, it takes some time to figure out who we want in a life long relationship whether married or not. Once we decide a person no longer is right for us, then we need to break up and move along. He may be having trouble doing so.
Do you find yourself fancying him? If so, try complimenting him as your friend. I think his picking fights is the only thing he can think of to say with you cus his mind goes blank. With his touches and high fives and fist bumps, he is trying to drop hints of how he feels about you. I'll bet he's looking for an excuse to leave the girlfriend. Being comfortable near you and wanting to have excuses to touch you is a sure body language sign that someone is interested in you.

What you need to discover is whether he is interested in both you and the girlfriend at the same time. If he's lost interest in her, he needs to break it off no matter if he gets together with you or not. It isn't nice to string someone along.
Lots of good relationship start as best friends and later move on to being something more. So there may be a possibility. It will be scary to bring up such a convo with him and thats probably why he hasn't made any firm move yet. So if you like him, next time he touches you, thats the perfect time to mention that you heard he has a girlfriend. then ask him how his girlfriend would feel to see him looking for excuses to touch you. If you don't mind, let him know you don't mind him touching you and you enjoy his friendship, and a few compliments like loving his smile, sense of humor, how he thinks.... but let him know that you would never worm yourself in to steal a guy from another girl. This is a time you can ask if things are not going well with the girlfriend. If not, encourage him that its the right thing to do, to let the other person go so they no longer have false ideas that they are important and have opportunities to move on themselves. Don't worry about what you consider fighting...that isn't true fighting and more of a serious teasing that isn't all that fun to you. Guys are teachable. Bring up different subjects to see what he'd like to talk about. But you will have to say something eventually. Better he break up with the other girl than her come to attack you because you're with her boyfriend.

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