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I want to break up with my live in boyfriend... HELP
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years (the first two years were off and on). We recently moved in with each other in May of last year. So.. almost a year. I'm 26 and he's 23. We use to fight a lot last year because I have a stable and fiscally beneficial job whereas he does not and refuses to do anything to change it. At the beginning of the year he said he would make more of an effort to find a better job but has done nothing about it. I have stopped pressuring him about it because it gets us nowhere but into pretty heated arguments. However, I pay for pretty much everything and part of me is starting to resent him. Which is probably why we get into fights a lot. You know it's crazy because I look back at the first 3 years of our relationship and I can't help but wish it was those simpler times again. We really loved each other back then... I mean really loved each other. Now I can't even stand to look at him. And I can tell he is starting to resent me too because we can't go a day without fighting. It's over the silliest stuff but it ends up in pretty big fights. I'm just at my wits ends because I've been in relationships like these before and I know how they end and I'm just trying to prepare myself for what's eventually going to be coming (both physically and emotionally). I can stand being home anymore because I know he's here and I know we're just going to ignore each other and I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own house. I guess my question is how do I go about kicking him out of the house? Both mine and his name are on the lease but I'm more than capable of paying it myself.. I just know if I kick him out he'll have nowhere to go and I'll feel bad but right now I feel even worse having him here... I don't know what to do.. Should I keep trying or just call it a day?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
some breakups are easy. Breakups with live-in boyfriends are VERY HARD. Make sure you are certain you want to breakup and once you make up your mind do not back down no matter what.
You know your boyfriend better than me. If you truly believe that he is not trying hard enough and you are unhappy then there is one one choice.
Sit him down and give him the hard facts. If he will not move then you may have to wait out the lease and that will be and very unpleasant living situation.
breaking up is probably the right move. I just want you to understand you will have to have a heart of stone until he find another place to live.
He will not be happy, there may be tears and begging and promises. For him; you are his girlfriend, you are the roof over his head, you are the food in his mouth. He will not want to lose all those things.
I will say again you will need a heart of stone.
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As long as he has someone to bail him out and take care of him, he will not make an effort. He needs to grow up and that takes tough love. There are no easy answers. But your continuing to be His Mommy and girlfriend blend is not helping him. He must have parents or relatives. He can go leach off of them a while. The problem is the lease. You could talk to the owner of the place and ask about re-doing the lease now or if you have to wait until the lease is up to make a change. Let the owner know that things are not working out between you and the bf. That he isn't pulling his weight and you are perfectly able to continue to pay the rent all by yourself as you have been all this time. You want to be able to legally ask him to leave and as long as his name is on there, that might be difficult. One of the best ways to really learn about the character of a person is to live with them. Now you know. Would he make a good husband or father right now without any changes? You need to find a man whom you don't need to wait for to mature. He should already be mature. There is no future with him, at least not a happy fulfilling one. You said the first 3 years were simpler times, so think about what changed? Was he working back then? If so, did he complain about work and hate going to work? If he lost the job, it could have been a good excuse to not find anything else. If he has no desire to have a good to take care of himself, let alone help you out, why should you be financing all your needs. If this is what you feel your role in life is, you may as well open your doors to take in all the bums living on the street who aren't doing anything to get ahead. I should know what I am talking about cus I've been homeless a couple years and it is hard to get back into an apt. but we have jobs and live in our van, have a gym membership to use the shower there, and have had a lot of vehicle repair lately so we have not been able to get ahead but we are taking care of ourselves, not leaching off other people. It is possible. It is your decision though. If you are a touchy feely person and would feel too guilty asking him to leave, then resign yourself to supporting him for the rest of your life, including any kids he gets you pregnant with. There are no other choices. Stay with someone where you have to settle for less, or cut the ties and look for the man with whom you don't have to settle for less.
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