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he asks do you reckon I'm handsome?
Hi ya,
Just curious, we're having a joke and out of nowhere he asks do you reckon I'm handsome. I said not handsome but fetching and charming and he said he's never been told like that and I was the first person not to think he's handsome with a laugh. We just laughed so much afterwards. Is he being insecure? However, I can't tell even though we know each other well. Is he asking for my approval? Cheers!
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It sounds as though your friend could be having some insecure problems or ego problems. My question to him would be: Do you think that you're handsome? If people have been telling him that he is handsome, what does it matter (to him) what your opinion of his looks are...Unless, he's looking for the truth from a friend. By the way, you took the smart way out with that response to him. You gave him a totally different approach to him image or physical attribute. You might want to ask him if your opinion of his looks are really important to him. Also, tell him that beauty (in his case: Handsomeness) is in the eye of the beholder. Your perception of his looks may be totally different from others. In other words, what may be handsome to some, might not be handsome to other.
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It's not as well known, but men just as women can be insecure about their looks. But not all are. Fetching and Charming are great compliments. I do not know if guys today would consider asking a question like that to be flirting, but it may count to them as such. If he laughed with you after your answer, then by his actions you should have been able to see if his eyes looked troubled, and his laugh sounded fake and forced. Did the energy he put into hanging with you change after you answered him? If none of those things happened, I am sure he was not offended. We live in a society sooo afraid of offending others because people today take things much too seriously or take things too personally and are in a touchy mode to begin with. If all falls apart and he does have problems with what you said, its all the better to know that now cus those would be signs that he is an insecure man and even a special woman can't change that in him. A person will believe what they want to believe and stubbornly ignore the truth when its staring them in the face. So if he's all that insecure its up to you to decide if you still don't mind being friends but I personally wouldn't consider any man so insecure as good solid long term relationship material. Maybe its okay for a short fling but that would be it. Although it could be dangerous getting that close to an insecure person, as they might latch on to you as their support and never want to let you go, ever.
In the future when a strange or awkward feeling question is posed to you. Don't feel you have to answer it right away. Instead answer with another question: "Just curious but why are you asking that?" Then if there was a special reason behind it he could explain, such as a buddy of his saying he overheard some random girls saying he was not handsome, or maybe they all agreed he was handsome but he'd never heard himself described that way before. So being his friend, then he would have been asking for your opinion. Then easily you could have said, I can see how females would find you handsome. Knowing you as I do, I would instead describe you as Charming and fetching. however that is the past. If it is still bothering you so much, you could go to him and say so, that you had thoughts after that meeting, where you wondered if you had upset him with your answer to his question. Then its up to you what you say from there on. I feel I would say, I am sure I surprised you by not saying the word Handsome. And thats because I don't prefer to be a Parrot just saying what anyone else says. I took it as you trusting my opinion as your name to give my honest answer. And thats what I did. Charming is good cus even in fairy tales and romances, the Prince Charming type is mentioned. Discerning woman want more than the pretty face but how a man acts as well. As for Fetching, that is honest and truly conveys how I see you as someone for the girls to go after...go after...fetch...you know? The Handsome polished types of guys in media are the counterpart to the polished Beautiful female model type. Both are unrealistically altered so that their look is unattainable. If I personally called you Handsome, I'd be seeing you as having that fake made up beauty that the media has brainwashed us with.
If it gives you peace of mind, it may be worthwhile to bring it up. Its not odd really, days later to say, Hey you know I was thinking about our conversation the other day. Thats how minds work, going over the past trying to analyse if things might have turned out different or what something meant, or trying to figure out how to learn from mistakes. So be brave and bring it up.
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