about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I've just been wondering, how do you know if you're going to be left-handed or right handed when you're born? Is it that you just tend to use your left hand/right hand more than the other than you become left handed or right handed? Or does it have to do with muscles? And what about those people who are ambixterous?

I believe that it has to do with what the kid observes. Kids that age like to imiate what older people do. If they see their dad writing with is left hand they think that that is how you're supposed to do it and they train their left hand to be their dominant hand. I remember when I was younger I would always color with my left hand and write with my right hand. This is because my dad (left handed) taught me how to color, and my mom (right handed) taught me how to write. Now, I can't use my left hand for anything. I was trained, and trained myself to be right handed. As for kids that have both parents being right handed and they turn out left handed I'd say that it's because they just pay less attention to detail. I hope this makes sense to you and I hope I helped you! :)

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i recently got some fish one is a angel fish and another one is a big orange one i dont know what it is called! but anyways my dad just bought this air pump thing and i put it in the 10 gallon tank! and it seems to scare the fish now. and it seems like they dont have much room. i dont want them to be cluttered but i dont want them to die either! any advise on how to take care of this problem!? anything will help! thanx i rate 5 to good answers!

*KMR*

Let the fish get used to their new surroundings. They're scared...wouldn't you be if you were dumped off in a completely different country with a stranger? hahaha Seriously though, I've had lots of fish before and it takes awhile for them to get comfortable. One thing that you can do to make them feel a little better is get decorations for your tank. Fake plants, castles, rocks, etc. will make them feel safer because they can hide behind them or in them. I hope your fish feel better soon and good luck!

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Hey i am 17 and i have this boyfriend whom i care alot about. he is 19 and last thursday we went through a little problem. his friends tell him he needs to date older women because they are more experience and that they dont make no bull crap. anyways he told me that they make sense but he really cares for me to much and he dont want that to happen. he is going to cancun in 2 weeks and i asked him if we were going to break up when he goes. and he asked me why i asked that. but then thursday he said all thatand he is the kind of person who does not take bull crap and he tells it like it is. but i really care for him alot and dont want us to break up for no reason. well then last night we were on the phone and we were talking about why i asked if ihe wanted to be with me. because saturday i was feeling like he did not want to be with me, and i asked him and then we finally talked. i know i may confuse you but i am confusing myself but what i want to know is how can i get him to talk really serious to me?
Thanks

Who cares what his friends think? He likes you and he's not going to break up with you. Or is he? If you keep asking questions about it he is going to get the feeling that you don't trust him or that you are having second thoughts about the relationship. Don't talk to him about it anymore. You're probably irritating the crap out of him. If he believed what his friends told him he wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Relationships aren't about how much experience the other person has they're about the feelings you have for each other. He knows this and he has those feelings for you. My advice to you is to forget about it or you are going to end up being the reason why he breaks up with you not his friends! Just take a deep breath because everything is okay. Saying something like "I'm sorry I've been being so weird lately" might help too, but make that the end of it. The more you talk about it the more tension will build in your relationship and his friends will get what they wanted, not because they were right, but because you overreacted about it. Don't ever believe what his friends say. If you don't hear it from him, that's when you shouldn't trust it. I hope everything works out for you and good luck!

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I have been goin out with my boyfriend for justa few days now, but we have known each other for a couple of months now. Well, when I was talkin to him onthe internet today, I got a sudden urge to just be like "I love you". I'm the kind of person who, I have to know i really do love somebody before I say that, cause to me, it has alot of meaning. so, I didn't say it, but my question is,since I felt like I wantedto all the sudden, does that mean I am in love with him, or what?
I'll rate 5's for any helpful answers!!
thanks in advance!!

I had a huge problem with this too. There's such a taboo on saying "I love you" to someone. What I learned though was that all you can do is express how you feel at the time. If you feel love for him, you should let him know. Just because you say "I love you" doesn't mean he's the love of your life! There are so many different kinds of love and feelings can change over time. You don't stop yourself from telling someone that you're happy just because you may feel sad later on in the day, so why stop yourself from saying "I love you" if you feel that? I hope I helped and good luck.

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hi. umm i am 13f and i havent started my period yet.. which is fine. but umm i am completely am totally flat. im not one of those girls with small boobs who just says shes flat. i really am quite literally FLAT. and i hate it. all of my friends (again, not exagerating) have boobs. how come i dont? will they ever come? because i do see adults sometimes that are flat. i really dont want to be like that. i have never had a boyfriend. my friends have. guys like girls with boobs. and dont say its not true. sorry huns, but uuh it is. guys used to like me in 5th grade and below because i am pretty, and then, nobody had boobs. but now that they do, im just a "little girl" compared to all of my friends. i really hate being flat. i dont know what i can do. obviously i cant magically make them appear.. but aah i hate it. i dont want to wear a padded bra because if someone bumps into me it will be obvious. what is a water bra? and wtf do i do????????
i rate 5. just pleease give me some good advice.

Since you haven't started your period yet, yeah, you are going to be flat. Once you get it, well technically a little before, your boobs will start to grow and you won't be completely flat. There is a chance that your boobs may not get to be very big once you do hit puberty though, so lets just say that they don't even though there's a chance that they will. If you decide to have kids your boobs will stay slightly larger than they were before your pregnancy. Padded bras aren't that noticeable. If someone bumps into you they won't be able to tell the difference, so if you want to go for that you should. You are right in that most guys your age care about boobs quite a bit, but you are not right that guys in general do and you're not right about guys as they start to get older. They're 13, guys that age care a lot about stuff that doesn't matter because they're immature. If you end up being size A or something it really is okay. It's actually better in most regards. You'll be sure that guys won't date you just for your boobs AND they won't start to sag when you get older. Saggy boobs are soooo unattractive and if you have big boobs, unless you get surgery, they will sag! I actually know a lot of guys around 18 years old and older that would actually prefer a girl with smaller boobs for that very reason! There are also guys that are younger than 18, yes even some your age, that will go out with you. You said yourself that you are pretty, that shows that you have a lot of confidence. Guys like confidence more than boobs and some guys your age will even like you for who you are over the size of your chest. They may be hard to find, but they are out there! I have really small boobs myself and even though I do feel like I've got nothing on some of those girls out there, I'm in a very good relationship with a really great guy. Sure he picks on me about it, but I know that he's joking and that he cares about it just as little as I do. So, my advice for you would be to keep up that confidence, buy some padded bras if you want, but remember that there's nothing wrong with you and you should accept and be thankful for who you are and what you have. Good luck!

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My mother has been unemployed since... 2000 I'll guess. She has been trying to start a real estate company. Every night I hear her crying and when I ask her what's wrong, she says that she's not a good mother and she's sorry she can't provide for this family. Some guy ripped her off illegally and lawyers keep ignoring her about it, so she doesn't think she's going to get the money back, and it was a lot of money. She says we probably won't have enough money to live on. She's my mom and I love her and I need a way to help her. I can't get a job because I'm too young. My father is a lawyer but they have had a rocky relationship ever since the divorce and I highly doubt he will help her for free. We have nowhere to turn.

Encourage your mother and let her know that it's not her fault and that she has been a very good mother to you. She was cheated out of a lot of money and that doesn't make her a bad person or incompetent to provide for you. She did nothing wrong! Remind her that she's probably had it rough in the past before and she's gotten out of it just fine. Get her thinking positively by telling her that everything will turn out alright in the end. Also encourage her to be persistant about talking to people that can possibly help her get the money back. About your father, you are his child. I think that you should try talking to him and explain the situation to him. Tell him that you're worried about your mother and it would be a really nice thing to do to lend her some money until she got back on her feet for your sake as well as hers. I hope that everything turns out okay and good luck!

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Okay so my dads a major alcoholic and Im trying to get him in trouble and arrested or somehow away from my mother and i cause he is a danger and a jerk. I mean its horrible. He wont physically abuse us to the point of marks cause he dont want to go to jail. However we suspect he may be back on drugs (hes been on them in the past) cause he seems all down dissapears and come back really perky. How can I see if he is? How can I prove it? What should I do? PLEASE HELP!

Contact social services in your state. Type into an internet search engine "[your state] social services" and you should find the right page. E-mail or call and they will be able to help you. If it gets bad you can always call the police too. I hope everything turns out alright and good luck!

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(15/f) Okay well I'm an alto and I'm singing a solo in Italian and my highest note is a high F but I can't reach it without struggling. I do voice warm-ups but I can't reach it.
Does anyone know how I can get my voice higher without making it crack or sound horrible?
thanks in advance!

There's lots of things you can do to train your voice, but the best thing you can do is just sing more. Sing higher songs and just practice over and over, but have a good time with it. The more you use your voice, the stronger it will get. Sing songs you like in the shower and wherever else you feel comfortable. Remember this though: some people just can't sing as high as others. Their voices just can't do it. You can stretch it a little but don't expect to be singing a high A or anything. An F is a lot higher than most can sing anyways so don't worry about it too much and good luck!

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16/f. Well my boyfriend and I have gone out for about 7 months, and we were good friends before that, and we have a wonderful relationship. We started fooling around about a month ago, but we're not going to have sex, at least not for a long time because we're not ready. I discussed this with him and (separately) with my mom, because I told her I'd always tell her if I was becoming more intimate in a relationship, and she was fine with it. Well, the other night my boyfriend dropped me off at my house and we were both extremely tired and we fell asleep on my bed, we didn't do anything at all. And my parents came home and flipped out, called his parents, now he's not allowed to see me for a very long time, etc...
And my mom says she doesn't trust me and she thinks we've been having sex. She fully knows my views on this and both my boyfriend and I are very ambitious academically and would not do anything that might jeopardize our education or futures. But there is mutual trust and understanding in this relationship, and I thought there was between my mom and I, and I'm very confused. Does anyone have any advice?
Sorry this is so long. Thanks.

Falling asleep together is not a big deal at all and your mom is overreacting. You told her that you were doing intimate things with him, most girls don't have the guts to do that or don't have close enough a bond with their mothers to be able to. The fact that she said that that was okay and that she trusted you then turned around and started assuming things is very wrong. Sleeping together isn't having sex and "fooling around" is a lot worse. She obviously doesn't trust you as much as you and her herself thought she did. She didn't catch you two having sex so she can't assume that you did. Why would she think you did if she had complete trust in you in the first place? Just keep telling her the truth and she'll realize that she's overreacting and will get over it soon enough. She does trust you, just not completely because that's impossible. Good luck!

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ok kind of wierd umm is ther anyways to get bigger breast in a natural way like w/o pills and stuff thanks
~bigger and better~

If you gain weight, your boobs will get bigger, but that's not something you'd want to do because everything else would get bigger too. If you have a baby your boobs will get bigger, but I don't think that's something you want to do either. Bigger is not better. Just accept what you've got and know what in the future if you decide to have kids they will naturally grow. I'm a 34A and I could care. I'm actually glad that they're small because when I get older they won't sag. When guys mature they won't care about how big your boobs are either, some actually prefer the smaller size because of the sagging problem. Taking pills is a terrible idea and probably wouldn't work anyways. If you really want to make them look bigger just get a padded bra as was mentioned before by someone else. I hope I helped and good luck!

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Im 16 and ive been going out with this great guy Jason(changed the name)for 3 years and have been best friends for 7 i really do love him .we only had sex once but i still got pregnant I told Jason and he was happy and said he wanted us to keep the baby but I still havent told my parents yet Im 5 months pregnant we told his parent and she totally freaked out so Jason* is living with a friend. My parents are really relgious so theyll want me to get married but I dontn know if Im ready to get married because I dont want to marry Jason* and then get a divorce so how should I tell my parent Im pregnant?

Your parents would rather you tell them then they notice. A baby does limit your plans for your future and there's a lot that you have to think about and decide. Your parents can help you with these decisions! The sooner they find out the better because you'll have more time to talk about everything with your parents Jason's parents, Jason, and yourself. It's your choice if you want to get married, your parents can't force you to. I think it's a good idea to wait a few years and see how things are going then. You can't know what your parents will think or say until you tell them about it, they may be more understanding than you think. You do know, however, what they can and cannot do. If you are responsible enough to have sex and a baby at age 16 you should not be embarrassed, scared, or unable to tell your parents about it. I know it's going to be really hard, but it's something that you have to do as soon as possible. Get them together and alone and say "I'm pregnant". That's all. It will go from there. Be prepared for your parents to get very upset, or very angry. Just as long as you can stay relatively calm you will be fine. I hope that everything works out for you and good luck!

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So my bestfriend is turning 17 Dec. 17th and I was planning on throwing him a suprise party. I already have everything all planned out and I already invited everyone! So everything is basically ready.


Well, last night his mom called me and told me that she didn't want me to throw him a party because she didn't want to pay for it. His parents are buying him a new car for his birthday since he had to get his older brothers car when he had first got his license. Since they were gettign the car, they don't want to speand any more money.


I told her that it wasn't a problem because I was going to pay for everything and she didn't have to worry about it. I was never even planning on asking then to pay for it.


Food isn't a problem because my mom already agreed to buy the food for us. Neither is alcohol becuase everyone always chips in to pay for that. And we already have decorations and stuff left over from past parites. And itisn't liek we have to pay for music.


I told her all of this and she still said she didn't want me to throw one becuase she'd fell like she was supposed to pay for it. How can I convince her that she doesn't and to let me throw him a party??

Okay...let me get this straight...your friend's mother is going to deny her son a birthday party with his friends because it would make HER feel bad? Why doesn't she think about how HE is going to feel if he doesn't get to have a party with his friends? It's his day, not hers! She's being really selfish and your friend shouldn't be denied a good time on his birthday because his mom will feel bad about something that's pretty petty. Try to get her to understand this without being mean or hurting her feelings. If all else fails, it doesn't have to be a surprise party...you can tell your friend about it and he can get his mom to let it happen. I hope I helped and good luck!

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okay im a f/16 and i shave down there. is that weird if im not having sex at all and dont plan on it any time soon? does anyone else?

Not at all. There's lots of reasons why you'd want to shave other than for sex. Lots of girls that aren't planning on being in a sexual relationship do it. Some people are just more comfortable or like it better to not have hair there. It's completely up to you what to do and when you do it. You're not weird at all!

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what does quarantine mean? i just know it has to do with a virus program

When you get a virus, your virus program will put it into quarantine. It means that the file is still on your computer but it's in...like a bubble. It can't do anything to your computer while it's in quarantine. The reason virus scanners do this is to make sure that they don't delete important files off of your computer automatically. It lets you look at the file to make sure that it's not something you want on there. What you need to do when something is in quarantine is to delete it off of your computer from the quarantine. Even though it can't harm your computer there's no reason to keep it on your computer. Maybe if you add what kind of virus program you have someone can give you a more specific answer. I hope I helped and good luck!

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Just yesterday I got my first period, and I'm unsure how to tell my mom, or if it's even neccessary. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know how to tell her this because she's not one of the cool moms that are easy to talk to, and I'm the youngest of four, at 13, and I just want a way to tell my mom.

Your mom needs to know and she'll find out sooner or later...it is a hard thing to do though. Since you are the youngest of four do you have an older sister? Talk to your older sister about it and see what she has to say. She'll know your mom better than me and she's been through it before with your mother. Maybe she'll even tell your mom herself! If you don't have a sister you've just gotta work up the courage to walk up to your mom and say "I got my period yesterday". Quick and to the point...that way you don't make it any more awkward than it has to be. Trying to talk your way around it or into it will just make you feel really uncomfortable and miserable for longer than you have to. I hope I helped and good luck!

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Theres a man who is married that me and my best friend are friends with and I feel he has been acting inappropriatley with us. He winks at me when his wife isnt looking and I've caught him staring at my chest. This one time he invited me and my other friend over when his wife was at work and he started offering us both wine. Then he said 'lets play strip poker". We both looked shocked at him and he started laughing and said he was joking but the fact that he said it made me a little uncomfortable. I also found out that he confides in my other friend about his marriage and all his problems with his wife. According to my friend he tells her that his wife is stupid and that he hates her kids.
Does anyone else think this is strange behavior for a married man?

It could just be his personality...lots of guys, and girls really, are perverts or have a perverted sense of humor. A lot of times people need someone to talk to that's outside of the problem about it to feel better. It doesn't seem that he actually means anything by what you've said. As a precaution though, don't let yourself get alone with him and since he's your friend try talking to him about it. I wouldn't worry about it too much, but don't ignore it because you don't want to get into a bad situation. Good luck!

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I AM IN MY LATE TEENS. NOW I CANT REMEMBER IF I PUT A TAMPON IN OR NOT. THEIR IS NO STRING. I HAVE HAD INTERCOURSE SINCE. is it true that a salt water bath will just make it slide out. i cannot check myself as my nails are long!!!!

Okay...I think it's kind of weird and a little disgusting to have sex when you're on your period, but it's your choice and I'm not one to judge. There isn't that much room for it to go, and if you had sex it's more than likely not in there. Have the person you had sex with check for it if your fingernails are too long. If you feel any pain or are still really worried that it's in there you should see a doctor. The chances of getting TSS are no different than wearing tampons at all so that's nothing to worry about. There is, however, a good chance of getting some kind of infection. I hope everything works out for you and good luck!

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Okay, im only 14 and i wanna have a baby SO bad. My parents dont really love me((ive been told)) so i think this would help me alot. i've babysat for YEARS and LOVE children. I wanna feel loved when i come home and a baby would do that, and i think teen moms are closer to their kids. I plan on gettin pregnant in 10th or 11th grade.Am i making a mistake by wanting to do this.

A baby isn't a toy or a pet, it's a real person. You don't want a baby for the right reasons. The reason you want a baby is for yourself. Think of what your child's life will be like. Probably no dad, poor, kids will pick on your child in school because he/she'll have old clothes and no money, your child will want to have a father. If you had a baby and stayed in school your parents would end up raising it and it wouldn't really be yours. If you drop out of high school, you'll have very few job opportunities and won't have a very large income. You'll be putting a lot of pressure on your parents if they choose to help you at all. I know this may sound a little mean to you and I don't mean to sound mean, but you are being selfish. Having a baby before you're out of high school is definitely be the wrong thing to do especially on purpose. If you had sex with someone to conceive the baby think about his feelings. What if he didn't want to stay with you, but felt he had to because of the child? Are you planning on telling him about it or just using him as a sperm donor? You'd put a lot of pressure on him too. Think of all you'd be throwing away and missing out on. I hope you feel better and I believe that even if your parents don't always show that they love you or tell you that they don't that they really do...just like you would love your own child. Don't have a child when you are still just a child yourself. I do wish you had seen that episode of Dr. Phil that was mentioned by someone else. If you can get a copy of it or something. Before you decide to have a child if you still want to there's something that you should do first to make sure you can handle some of the responsibilities it involves. Take care of a mechanical baby for a week or two. Keep track of how much money you would be spending on it...for example every time you have to change it's diaper write it down then add up how much it would cost for diapers. Think about clothes, food, toys, a bed, everything you would need for a baby. There are lots of people that would love to have children, me being one of them. I know though, that it wouldn't be the best for my child, for me, for my boyfriend, for my family and for his. Feeling the way you do is very normal, and perfectly okay. Acting on those feelings though is different. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother one day, not in the next few years. Waiting won't hurt you, not waiting will. I hope that everyone that answered this question was able to help you and that I was too. Good luck and remember that you are loved by friends and family.

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I'm sure almost all of you have heard rumours that Walt Disney had many right-winged racist views. There are even rumours that he was addicted to pornography. The fact that a man who created such wonderful movies for children, and founded a billion dollar company based on making people smile, could possibly have a dark side is extremly intriguing to me. I've searched online for information about it but for such a popular rumour...I can't find any articles about Walt Disney's "dark side". I even checked out www.snopes.com only to come up with nothing. Can somebody please refer me to a website or even a book I could check out that would give me more information on where these rumours formed and if Walt Disney really did have a dark side? Thank you so much.

I've heard all this stuff too. I think that society seems to have a problem with men that are into children's entertainment. It has a lot to do with stereotypes. Remember all that crap about Steve from Blues Clues and how he had a drug overdose and died? None of that is true and the poor guy is having a terrible time getting his reputation back. Maybe there are things in Disney movies. That doesn't mean that Walt Disney himself had anything to do with it or knew about it at all. He didn't actually make the entire movies himself. They're all things that are very hard to detect that could have been slipped in there by other employees. When they were discovered it becomes Walt's responsibility. Even though he has nothing to do with it, because he is in charge he has to pay the consequences for other people's actions. It wouldn't make him look good if he denied everything and whined about the people that worked for him. He dealt with the situation(s) very professionally as he should have. Also, things like "sex" written in the stars may have just come out of people's imaginations. A bunch of dots can form whatever your imagination wants them too. If you post your "findings" on the internet soon everyone will hear about the huge "scandal" and believe it not to have been just a coincidence. People want to find problems in children's entertainment and they look for them. If you're looking for something there's a good chance that you'll find it whether it is really there or not. I don't think any of this has to do with Walt Disney's character. Like you said, he created wonderful movies for children and founded a billion dollar company based on making people smile. I think it's very wrong to judge Walt Disney and unless someone shows me Walt himself confessing to all this garbage, which I believe he would have if it were true, I'm not going to believe it and am going to take it for a load of crap just like what was done to poor Steve. I don't think that there's much information on the subject other than stuff on the internet that you can't trust to be fact. This being the case only proves how invalid the information is. I know I didn't really help you that much in finding more information, but I really don't think it's out there, sorry. Good luck though, it is interesting stuff!

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Every time I wake up, my throat is really really dry and kind of hurts [in an annoying way] and I can't figure out if maybe i didn't drink enough water before I went to bed? It didnt start till a week or so ago. I think it might have something to do with the temperature or something? Does anyone know and if so, how to make it not dry?

Whenever my throat is dry when I wake up it's because I slept with my mouth open. It usually happens during the winter because the air is dryer then. When you're asleep you tend to breathe slow and heavily. Open your mouth and try breathing as if you were asleep and you can feel your mouth getting dry right away. There's not much you can do about it except have a bottle of water next to your bed. If you wake up in the middle of the night take a sip of the water and when you wake up your throat shouldn't be so dry. Have something to drink before you go to bed and that should help a little too. Good luck!

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