|
humorist-workshop
Does he do drugs?
Okay so my dads a major alcoholic and Im trying to get him in trouble and arrested or somehow away from my mother and i cause he is a danger and a jerk. I mean its horrible. He wont physically abuse us to the point of marks cause he dont want to go to jail. However we suspect he may be back on drugs (hes been on them in the past) cause he seems all down dissapears and come back really perky. How can I see if he is? How can I prove it? What should I do? PLEASE HELP!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Oh wow, this is serious. Okay. I say you look in your yellow pages and look for something called the Alcateen Its for teens who have adults in their life who are alcoholics. www.livin4jc.net/wrm/areas/naperville/special.html
Talk to them, go to meetings and what not, get support from them. There is something alca-(something) thats for all ages. So your mother can go to one too.
I don't really think your dad should be arrested. Maybe he should, but i'm not sure if its possible at the moment. I say you talk to his doctor privately, and get him to a rehab center, AA meetings, or something. Get him so hes sober and drug-free.
You need to support him, no matter how evil he is. If you do listen to my advice and get him to rehab or AA, tell him you love him, and you know he can do it. Even if you dont. He will need the support.
<3
]
Call the Cops.
]
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (they are there 24 hours) at 1-800-799-7233. They can help you and refer you to others who can help. Give the number to your mother or call them yourself now. Your dad sounds like he needs some help himself but you don't have to make his problems yours.
]
when no one else is home look through his stuff. if you ANY suspection of him doing drugs you can act on it. the police have the right to look through your house if you think he may be on drugs. if you have a reason to think so, you can do anything. you can also call social services and tell them about the abuse.
i hope things get better! = ♥!
]
Please, please act on this as soon as possible! Call Child Protective Services (with your area Social Services - usually found in the blue government pages of the phone book or at the very beginning of the phone book where emergency numbers are listed). If you're comfortable going to your school counselor, he or she should be able to help you make the right contacts. Also, ask your mother if she's willing to go with you to a local women's shelter to seek advice (often found in the blue pages as well or even under the emergency numbers...at the beginning of the phone book, but if you can't find one in either place, ask Social Services for a number or call the police and they'll be able to direct you to one of these shelters - they are sometimes kept secret to keep the abusive spouse from finding them). Is your mom wanting to deal with this situation as badly as you? It would certainly help if you and she could do all of this together. However, if she is too afraid (or in denial), then do this on your own and explain to whomever you speak what all is going on and that your mom is too afraid at this point to do anything. I sincerely hope that she's at a point where she can try to stop this situation before it escalates more than it has.
Both Social Services and Women's Shelters can help make the decision about whether your dad needs to be reported to the police at this time or not (I would guess that yes, he needs to be reported). They will contact the police and help you make your statement. They will also help your mother through the possibly difficult task of filing a report against your father. There will be a lot of support which you two will need.
I would NOT recommend spying on your dad in any way like hiding around corners to see what he's doing, photographing him in secret, listening in on his calls, etc. This could cause all sorts of problems and make the situation worse...more dangerous than it already sounds. But do be very observant and if you want and if you can, record what you see and hear in a small notebook that he won't find. You can then take this notebook with you when you go to the proper authorities.
You say that your dad doesn't "physically abuse [you two] to the point of marks." That sounds like he does physically abuse you both and that he knows how to stop just before he goes "too far" (he's already gone too far if he's done ANY sort of abuse) and how to hide this physical abuse. That's really scary to me and sends up a red flag about how cunning this man is. Another reason to NOT spy on him.
As far as your dad using drugs or not, there may not be any way YOU can prove that he's gotten into them again (and man, if I were you, I wouldn't try, just be observant). It's really not your job to try to prove this. Let Social Services know your suspicions and they'll go from there.
A friend of mine and her two daughters just went through something very similar to what you're describing. I helped them contact Social Services' Child Protective Services and went with them to their first meeting with a social worker. She was very kind and explained things quite well - the steps that would be taken and how the police would be involved. In their case, there was the added injustice of this man molesting one of his daughters. Too often that happens with men like this, whether their children are girls or boys. I hope that you have not had to endure something like this, but if you have, please try to be as honest as possible with whomever you speak no matter how embarrassed you might feel. They will be able to help you more than you know. Do keep in mind though that your dad does not have to have had molested you to be in a lot of trouble right now. You will STILL get help and guidance as to what to do. The situation is bad enough without molestation, so know that and continue on your quest to help yourself and your mom.
Please let me know what you end up doing and how you and your mother are being helped. I'm so sorry that you both are going through this and I pray that you'll be able to have some sort of resolution VERY soon...or at least the beginning of a resolution. I wish you lots of luck and want to tell you that I believe you are a very intelligent and courageous person. I'm sorry, though, that you are having to take an adult's role in all of this. You're just a kid and you shouldn't have to be in this position. But since you are, kudos to you for trying to do the right and safe thing. I'll be thinking good and safe thoughts for you both...
]
ok well if you want him to get arrested... maybe put a tap on the phone.... or get his cell phone monitored... or put up a camera in the house... to recorde him in the act of it... and then take that to the cops... and get them to help you...
]
Contact social services in your state. Type into an internet search engine "[your state] social services" and you should find the right page. E-mail or call and they will be able to help you. If it gets bad you can always call the police too. I hope everything turns out alright and good luck!
]
visit your local women's shelter and tell them about it. they'll tell you what you can do and see if your dad is doing anything illegal enough to arrest him. don't try to spy on him or take the matter into your own hands - it's too dangerous, imagine what he'd do to you if he found out.
]
There are ways you can like when he comes home observe his every move what I mean is to spy on him,you could take photos or have a hidden camera somewhere where he can't see it,where he usually goes and don't act all weird if he sees you around or like strange because then he'll start to suspect something is going on with you.You got to act like normal,do what you can to not get in his way becuase he can get very abusive be careful good luck!
]
More Questions: |