|
Stressed-out mother
My mother has been unemployed since... 2000 I'll guess. She has been trying to start a real estate company. Every night I hear her crying and when I ask her what's wrong, she says that she's not a good mother and she's sorry she can't provide for this family. Some guy ripped her off illegally and lawyers keep ignoring her about it, so she doesn't think she's going to get the money back, and it was a lot of money. She says we probably won't have enough money to live on. She's my mom and I love her and I need a way to help her. I can't get a job because I'm too young. My father is a lawyer but they have had a rocky relationship ever since the divorce and I highly doubt he will help her for free. We have nowhere to turn.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Your mother needs to call the Legal Aid Society which gives free or low cost help to those who cannot afford it. She can also get help from AFDC which is Aid to Families with Dependent Children. These numbers are in your phone book. Also, your father needs to pay child support. These problems belong to your parents and they need to take care of them now before it gets worse. You can help only by pointing them in the right direction.
]
The advice you received from "lulabelle" and "sizzlinmandolin" is filled with very wise things to do and think about. I don't exactly want to repeat everything they both have very kindly suggested, however I may repeat a little of what they said only to emphasize the need to do these things.
First of all, I would be very aware that your mom is most probably suffering from depression right now and that she needs help. You can begin by letting her know how much you love her and how much the two of you can make it together. No one can get her out of her depression or help her unless she's willing to get help herself. You can suggest ideas to her, but she ultimately needs to make the decision on her own. It is NOT your responsibiliity, especially as her child, to try to get her out of her depression. There are places for her to go where it will cost her little to nothing to get help for her depression. For instance, there is a state run mental health clinic in my area that accepts anyone and reviews the finances of a person, then puts them on a sliding scale as far as paying goes. That means, according to your mom's income, she will only pay a very small percentage of the normal costs of the counseling, often as little as $1.00. This IS something you can do: ask your school counselor or doctor (call him/her and leave the message that you have something urgent to talk about so that he/she can call you back as soon as possible) for names of clinics such as this. Call the clinic, let them know how old you are and that you're very worried about your mother who seems to be in a very depressed state. Talk to your mother with the information you get from the clinic and see if she's willing to go there. But as often is the case, some people suffering depression (or other mental illnesses) have a hard time getting or wanting help while they're in the throws of their illness. Try to be patient with her and encourage her as much as you can. Do NOT feel that YOU have failed if she is in denial or isn't ready for this kind of help. You can only do so much about this. Oh yes, if there is a family member (or even a good friend of your mother's) who you trust, try talking to that person and see if he or she, as an adult, can talk to your mom and help her through this difficult time. This should not be something that lies solely on YOUR shoulders. She is the adult and you are the child...a young one at that.
As far as that jerk who cheated her out of a lot of money, she should be very assertive with her lawyer about going forth with the suit against this guy. And yes, there are organizations that provide legal services for free and you could try to look that up in the phone book, or better yet, go again to your school counselor for help. She or he should be able to find someone like this perhaps easier than you could. And, there are law firms who have attorneys who do pro bono (free) cases if they deem the client has a good enough case and really can't afford to pursue the case. More often than not, these are large law firms because they can afford this more easily. However, as is too often the case, people who lose money to others, can't get it back without paying out a lot of money, or the case is just impossible to pursue especially if no written contract was involved. If you think your father can help you, then YOU should approach him because you are his child and your welfare is at stake. He would be doing you an injustice if he charged your mother for any services. Remind him that he would be helping YOU in the long run.
Also, a question: does your father pay child support and alimony? If he's an attorney, he should be paying a fairly decent amount to your mother. If he's not paying child support, then he needs to be reported to the police who can go from there in reporting him to the proper authorities.
You say your mom is trying to start a real estate business. On the surface this sounds very admirable and this particular profession can provide a lot of money if the agent is successful AND it can provide a single parent with flexible hours to be with his or her children. However, I wonder if this is such a wise decision at this time if things are not working out. Has your mother investigated doing anything else for now, before delving into a business of her own which indeed takes a good amount of funds to get off the ground?
Another thing your mom can do if she's up to it right now (and she may not be), is to go to Social Services and sign up for various programs that are aimed at helping people who have very little income and are in a difficult situation. For one thing, she could sign up for food stamps. Yes, I know there is a stigma attached to food stamps, but in reality it is a great program for people like yourselves. (Yep, too many people abuse the system, but I wouldn't put you guys in that category from what you've said). And, nowadays one does not receive paper food stamps, but instead they receive a lovely plastic card that looks just like a credit card and is used in the credit card machines at grocery stores. That helps a person's self-esteem a lot because no one has to know what kind of card they are using except the cashier. And, you guys do NOT have to be on food stamps or receive any other kind of financial help forever! These programs are designed to help people get on their feet.
The suggestion that you try to get a baby-sitting job is a good one. You could also investigate whether there are any neighbors who would be willing to pay you for any pet care you may be able to provide, or even lawn work. Now remember, you should not be thinking about trying to support your mother. Again, you're just a kid. But, you can help out by getting some small job and just be a contributing family member. If for some reason this makes your mom upset and more apt to say that she's a bad mother because you "have" to work, remind her that she's NOT a bad mother (we all make mistakes and she's surely had it rough by going through a divorce) and that many kids get jobs whether their families need them to or not. Tell her you really want to help out because you're in this together.
I sincerely hope that your mom considers the help that is out there. She needs support and lots of love - from you and those who are willing to be there for her. Counseling can really help her get back on her feet, and perhaps an antidepressant drug will be prescribed to help her over this hump.
I wish you both lots of luck and encourage you to contact me if you need anymore support or suggetions. I'll help in any way I can. My e-mail address is soysusana@verizon.net. You seem like a very caring, thoughtful and supportive daughter/son. Anyone would be proud to have you as their child. I know things will turn around eventually. It just may take a little time. Bless your heart for being so concerned and caring. You're great. Just remember that YOU can't solve these problems. You can help, but you need to know that there are adults who should be taking care of you. Start asking for that help and begin with your father.
]
You don't have to be a lawyer to file suite. She can go to the courthouse and file a law suite against this guy who swindled her money out from under her all on her own. Also, in every major city there are services where you can get free legal advice. It is usually a law student that you will be seeing, but they look up all of the laws for you so you know what you can site in the complaint. A little footnote on lawyers, attorney's, esquires.... these guys don't do anything unless they can see a quick buck. If it's not fast and easy they aren't going to do it. So, it doesn't mean your mother doesn't have a case, it just means it may be a difficult one to prove which is why no one will take the case.
Your mother is probably suffering from clinical depression right now. This is something that comes upon people under times of stress and the fact that she is crying everynight is a clue that this may be what is going on. Your mother may not be making the best decisions right now. It's not because she isn't smart enough, it's because she is letting her emotions control what she does. She's not listening to her instincts. She's a bit lost since the divorce. In her mind there was security in a marrage. She's floundering because she is struggling to make it big because she doesn't want you to loose your standard of living because of her. She needs to start out slow. Take baby steps. Make each move a calculated risk. I'll bet if she thought about it the deal with that guy didn't feel right, but she went against her instincts. But, first things first, you need to get her out of her mental slump. Talk to a grandparent. There are usually free support groups for all kinds of problems. Check around in your area. You need to get her emotionally stable first before you can get anything done. This will be hard. I have included a few online support groups for her to choose from. It will be extremely hard to get her to do this. While people are suffering from depression they usually don't do what is best for them. It is also very hard to convince them to try anything. I do believe that her first step out of this is to get back to mental clarity. This can be done. You're a great son/daughter. Reaching out is your first step. Good luck. If there is anything further I can do to help feel free to contact me.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location);
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Namaste,
LULABELLE
]
Encourage your mother and let her know that it's not her fault and that she has been a very good mother to you. She was cheated out of a lot of money and that doesn't make her a bad person or incompetent to provide for you. She did nothing wrong! Remind her that she's probably had it rough in the past before and she's gotten out of it just fine. Get her thinking positively by telling her that everything will turn out alright in the end. Also encourage her to be persistant about talking to people that can possibly help her get the money back. About your father, you are his child. I think that you should try talking to him and explain the situation to him. Tell him that you're worried about your mother and it would be a really nice thing to do to lend her some money until she got back on her feet for your sake as well as hers. I hope that everything turns out okay and good luck! <3
]
Wow..i wish i could help. This might get your mom even more stressed out but she can try working more than one job.She can also sell stuff from your house to antique shops or something.You can maybe baby sit if someone near you needs a sitter. Also i'd advise your mom to sit the lawyer down and tell him clearly that she has a problem and he needs to actually help her.Maybe he'll listen..if he doesnt you should fire him i mean he sux! Hope i helped! ♥
]
Wow, that's a doosey of a pickle. When you're under 16 there really is nothing you can do. The only thing I can think of is try to cheer her up.
I love you,
The Waffler
www.unlimitedstupidity.tk
]
More Questions: |