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Fooling Around
16/f. Well my boyfriend and I have gone out for about 7 months, and we were good friends before that, and we have a wonderful relationship. We started fooling around about a month ago, but we're not going to have sex, at least not for a long time because we're not ready. I discussed this with him and (separately) with my mom, because I told her I'd always tell her if I was becoming more intimate in a relationship, and she was fine with it. Well, the other night my boyfriend dropped me off at my house and we were both extremely tired and we fell asleep on my bed, we didn't do anything at all. And my parents came home and flipped out, called his parents, now he's not allowed to see me for a very long time, etc...
And my mom says she doesn't trust me and she thinks we've been having sex. She fully knows my views on this and both my boyfriend and I are very ambitious academically and would not do anything that might jeopardize our education or futures. But there is mutual trust and understanding in this relationship, and I thought there was between my mom and I, and I'm very confused. Does anyone have any advice?
Sorry this is so long. Thanks.
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well when i waas reading i was really happy to see that you guys would wait to have sex because you werent ready..i mean thats totally responsible. you and you mom talked about it..she should kno that you didnt do nething..i mean if you were a parent and yuo saw that you would get a lil freaked out..but i dont tihnk they should have made you guys stop seeing each other for quite a long tyme. you guys are obviously binded to each other by like makin that promise that sex is guna wait..it obviously means you guys care about each other. do whatever you have too.i mean there is like a way you could get a test to show you havent had sex but i dont kno if you wanna go that far. thats about all i can think of about actually like proving it not true..talking to his parents could help to..maybe..because theyll see that your an honest girl thats not afraid to hid nething from either your parents or his. just stick to what you guys think is right. try hard and work for the love you havee. hope everything works out.
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That's really great that you guys have decided to wait for sex, that's a responsible decision. It's really hard to say no when you are in a strong relationship for that amount of time. Personally, I keep almost everything from my parents with my boyfriend and it seems to be better that way, but in your situation, I really think your mom should lighten up a little bit. If she has talked to you about it and was prepared for it and everything, even if you guys have been having sex, it shouldn't come as that much of a suprise to her. But she should learn to trust you. You didn't give her a reason not to. If the two of you were fully clothed when you were asleep, then why should they assume anything? That is, assuming that you were fully clothed. I suggest just trying to talk to your mom when you two are alone, maybe on a car ride somewhere so she can't just walk away. Explain to her truthfully what happened and make sure she knows exactly where you are coming from, the reasons why you are choosing to wait. Make her understand that if anything does happen between you and your boyfriend, you will always be able to come to her and you really want her to trust you again. Then, I think your parents should talk with your boyfriends parents because not allowing him to see you is a little dramatic. You really seem to have something deep with him, and they shouldn't be able to take it away from you. ♥
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It's ok if your not ready, wait, don't rush into things you're not planned for. I like how you say both you and your boyfriend are "ambitious academically and would not do anything that might jeopardize your(s) education or futures." You don't find alot of people that say that anymore and just for that I look up to you. If your parents don't seem to trust you then gain their trust back. Find some way to prove to them that you guys never slept together and you're not gonna for a while. Both you and your boyfriend need to confront both of your parents(his and yours). They probably think you already had sex because in society today that's basically what is on everyone's mind through media and all. Show them you're different and you mean well and respect one another.
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first off.. i honor you for waiting and being so responsible! n also for being honest n open with your mom! n i know how you feel when your parents cant trust you n all that good stuff! but you ahve to sit your mom down n have a one on one talk with her n tell her EXACTLY what happend! dotn get ne attitude or smart! just say "mom i want to have a mature conversation woman to woman about what happend with me and (whats his face) and what happend. now i know what you thought, but this is the truth..." n if she raises her voice say "i dont think we are ready to have this conversation, maybe some other time." hen get up and walk away slowly! eventually she will come around, i promise and the sooner the better! hope i could help! if u need ne thing else then drop it in my box!
x3 alwais H a N n A h
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I think the best thing for you to do is to just talk to your mom about it. Tell her how you feal about school and your future. Hopefully she will understand that you are a mature person and would not jeopardize your future. Good luck with your boyfriend and parents!! <3 Cara
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the best thing you can do is have your mom take you to a doctor and get a test showing that you are indeed a virgin. then when it shows that you are have her call his parents and tell them. im glad that finally you hear about people my in my age group wanting to wait till its a better time. good for you. plus i no how this is. me and my bf fell asleep im my basement watching tv on the couch. and they thought sumthing happened. but no. so try this and let me no how it goes. hotrod
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Well, what you Don't want to do is sneak around to see him because that will just encourage your parent's suspicion. Continue to tell them that You didn't do anything and tell you mom that she should know that you wouldn't. But don't yell, try to sit down with your mom/parents and talk with them. They probably are just nervous and don't want you to do anything. Hope I helped!
<33lyds
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you really need to sit down with your mother and talk things out. your mother should not have over reacted as much as she did. you need to tell her how you feel and what happened. that is the only thing you really can do and maybe even get him to talk to her and his family. hope everything works out for you.
*~Stephanie~*
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you should talk to both your parents and the way you explained it in here is very mature and responsible. They should know this and see it and realize it is not what you did. you have a good head on your shoulders keep it up.do what you can to let your mom know your innocent
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Falling asleep together is not a big deal at all and your mom is overreacting. You told her that you were doing intimate things with him, most girls don't have the guts to do that or don't have close enough a bond with their mothers to be able to. The fact that she said that that was okay and that she trusted you then turned around and started assuming things is very wrong. Sleeping together isn't having sex and "fooling around" is a lot worse. She obviously doesn't trust you as much as you and her herself thought she did. She didn't catch you two having sex so she can't assume that you did. Why would she think you did if she had complete trust in you in the first place? Just keep telling her the truth and she'll realize that she's overreacting and will get over it soon enough. She does trust you, just not completely because that's impossible. Good luck!
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Okay. Talk to your parents. Both of them. Tell them calmly that you did not have sex, you just accidently fell asleep. And I would add that its your choice to have sex or not, even though that might make the situation worse. Tell them its the truth and thats that.
<3
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Your mom is understandably upset and probably even feels a little betrayed by what she sees as you going against your word, but you have a solid bond with your mother and both you and your boyfriend seem to have a lot of sense.
So give your parents a bit of time to get over the shock. When my parents realized I was sleeping with my boyfriend of two years they flipped out (even though I was an adult living in my own place at the time.) Sex will always be a tough thing for parents to deal with, even if it didn't actually happen.
Stick by your guns and continue to remind them you are innocent. At the same time work to convince your mother of your ideals and choices. Try to work out a compromise or new rules, like not being alone with your boyfriend or not being out too late.
Your parents are frightened for you both, which is understandable. If you can keep your cool and negotiate I'm sure they will let you see him again.
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It sounds to me your mom and you really have a special bond.For you to be able to tell her your becoming more sexually active and for her to say "ok" is a big thing! *to me anywaay*
i think your mom will come around..you have to admit it doesnt look so good to find you guys asleep with each other lol.
explain to her "mom, i told you i would let you know when im going to have sex. why would i talk to you about all the other things and not sex? we have trust in each other right?" try that..let me know how it goes
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