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please help me someone
Hey i am 17 and i have this boyfriend whom i care alot about. he is 19 and last thursday we went through a little problem. his friends tell him he needs to date older women because they are more experience and that they dont make no bull crap. anyways he told me that they make sense but he really cares for me to much and he dont want that to happen. he is going to cancun in 2 weeks and i asked him if we were going to break up when he goes. and he asked me why i asked that. but then thursday he said all thatand he is the kind of person who does not take bull crap and he tells it like it is. but i really care for him alot and dont want us to break up for no reason. well then last night we were on the phone and we were talking about why i asked if ihe wanted to be with me. because saturday i was feeling like he did not want to be with me, and i asked him and then we finally talked. i know i may confuse you but i am confusing myself but what i want to know is how can i get him to talk really serious to me?
Thanks
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A true relationship should have conversations flowing easily. If he truely loves you he'll tell you everything striahgt out mean while be truthful to yourself and him as well.
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Guys hardly ever take anything seriously. Chances are, if he's going to Cancun..he won't want to be "tied down" and in a relationship. Atleast that's how my boyfriend was. Since I don't know him or how long you have been with him..It's hard to tell. Depending on how much you can trust him, will determine how to get him to talk serious with you. Have him come over one night and tell him when he gets there that you want to talk about some things. See how he acts when you say that, and then tell him how you feel. Usually it's harder for them to lie to your face. Hope this helps.
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Who cares what his friends think? He likes you and he's not going to break up with you. Or is he? If you keep asking questions about it he is going to get the feeling that you don't trust him or that you are having second thoughts about the relationship. Don't talk to him about it anymore. You're probably irritating the crap out of him. If he believed what his friends told him he wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Relationships aren't about how much experience the other person has they're about the feelings you have for each other. He knows this and he has those feelings for you. My advice to you is to forget about it or you are going to end up being the reason why he breaks up with you not his friends! Just take a deep breath because everything is okay. Saying something like "I'm sorry I've been being so weird lately" might help too, but make that the end of it. The more you talk about it the more tension will build in your relationship and his friends will get what they wanted, not because they were right, but because you overreacted about it. Don't ever believe what his friends say. If you don't hear it from him, that's when you shouldn't trust it. I hope everything works out for you and good luck! <3
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First, his friends are stupid because just since a girl is older doesn't mean that she is more experanced nor that she spits less bull shit than someone that is 17. Second, if he breaks up with you because he's friends told him to, then the boy has no brains of his own and believe me, you don't want that. But to actually answer your question, you need to get it though to him that you are being serious, and sit him down just the two of you and make him listen. That's really all you can do.
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Your aren't confusing me and neither is he. His no bullshit = I want sex without strings. With you he has to put effort into a relationship and talk about things that are important to you. He wants to break up so he can hump what he wants on the trip without guilt. You actually care about him and that is difficult for him to deal with when his friends seem to think sex it the be all end all of life right now. He's got to make a choice, sex or relationship. He could truely screw up his life right now. Luck!
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you shouldnt be sensitive with him you should tell him straight forward if he wants older weman then screw......tell him to get lost because if he really liked you then he wouldnt even think of other girls this guy does not diserve you ....you should read your column you seem so worried about this realationship soo much more than him which he can probably already see tht by now so if he wants to see older weman tell him to get lost....and start seeing other guys......well thats all i have for you good luck
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OK, tread lightly here. This guy already sounds like he talks seriously with you. I mean, he told you about the "advice" his so-called friends gave him and then told you that he really didn't want to do what they were suggesting because of how he feels about you. Secondly, it seems that he has now asked you twice to tell him why you're asking him questions such as will you two break up before he goes to Cancun and whether or not he really wants to be with you. Be careful because your questions are really sounding like you're completely insecure, that you don't trust him and his feelings, and that you're not listening to what he's telling you. Maybe you are insecure, and that's pretty normal, unfortunately. But, if this guy is talking to you like he is, and interested in why you're asking these questions, then you could easily push him away by continuing to ask these sorts of questions. Take a big breath and appreciate how he is trying to relate to you and believe the guy when he answers your questions. Do you really have any reason to question his intentions with you other than the knowledge that his "friends" think he should date older women? Did he seriously act like he didn't want to be with you on Saturday or maybe, just maybe, did you misread his behavior because you're feeling so insecure right now? And then there's the thought that maybe the guy wasn't in the greatest mood on Saturday for reasons that have nothing to do with you. You might want to rephrase your questions and when you're feeling strange about his behavior, instead of asking him if he wants to be with you, ask him if he's okay and and if not, then is there anything you can do. If he says he's okay or that he's not okay but there isn't anything you can do, believe him and try to let it go. Don't give him the "bull crap" his friends are trying to tell him he won't get from older women. (Actually, that comment is bull crap in and of itself. Women of all ages [and men] can give "bull crap," but yes, more mature women aren't usually so desperate to keep on the guy about stuff he's already answered.)
I understand your concerns (insecurities) about his going to Cancun. Especially after his friends told him he should seek out older women. However, the guy is only going to be gone two weeks and it's not like he's apt to hook up with someone there and then just drop you. I'm sure he has more invested in this relationship than you're giving him credit. If he were to drop you after his trip for whatever reason, then you need to try to look at it as something that hurts, yes, but that would have happened at some point or another because he wasn't as committed to your relationship as you'd thought or hoped. It would be better to be rid of him in that case. But I suspect that your guy is NOT going to drop kick you from his life just because 1) he's going on vacation, and 2) his friends are telling him what they think he should do. If he's any kind of secure guy with a mind of his own (!), he's going to do what he wants and it sure sounds like he wants to be with you. Now don't ruin that by going on and on re: whether or not he still likes you, wants to be with you, plans on breaking up with you, etc. Please don't push him into doing something he might not have originally planned on doing...or wanted to do in the first place! So now what you need to do is just LISTEN to this guy and HEAR that he does seem to be taking YOU seriously and that he seems to be talking to you maturely and in all seriousness. Breathe...
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