sarraleew's advice column

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Q: 13/f
ok well, here we go. ive been going out with my bf for almost a year now, and i LOVE him so much. but the thing is i SERIOUSLY think he deserves ALOT more than me. and today i got braces on for the second time and i look REALLY bad. i dont want him to freak out on me and i dont want to be a bad gf AND an ugly one!!! should i break up with him or just keep it goin?!?1 im so confused and i give out 5's

stick with him...if he loves you than the braces won't bother him. and don't break it off with a guy unless you don't like him, not b/c you don't think you deserve him. if he is still with you than he most like you and think that you deserve him.

and i'm sure you look fine with the braces.

Q: ok.. so my boyfriend looks at porn. ive never had a problem with porn with any other guy ive been with, but lately its been getting to me. I just cant bare the thought of my boyfriend fantasizing about other women. even worse; their bodies are perfect && mine are far from it and i just dont want him comparing me to them. So my question is:
-Is it ok for me to feel this way?
-Is looking at porn considered cheating to some people?
-Should i say something to my boyfriend
-If so what?
(hes very stubborn)

okay...
-yes, it's okay, alot of girls feel werid with their guys looking at porn.
-it depends on the person, he isn't touching other women, he's just touching himself and he could do that without porn so i wouldn't say that that is cheating.
-you should probably ask your bf if he could watch less porn and pay more attention to you, just let if know that it bugs you, but he doesn't need to stop, just he doesn't have tell you about it and he should try not to watch as much...........or even you could try watching with him so that maybe you could get used to it more, and he might like that.

Q: My bf is best friends with a guy that is just plain creepy. For one thing, he is 38 years old and still lives with his mother. He is also a pedophile, and only goes for very young girls. My bf has even told me that he's a pedophile, so I'm not making it up.
The thing that bothers me is that I've caught his friend staring at me inappropriatly at parties, and he's even winked at me. I had to give his friend a ride home once (because the loser doesnt have a car ) and he told me he liked me for a long time and told me to kiss him. I told him no, and after I dropped him off I told my bf what happened. My bf just laughed and didnt seem to take it seriously. I also heard a story that his friend used to stalk a waitress.
I really don't understand why my bf is still friends with this creep. Sometimes I feel that he'd rather be friends with him than me.
Should I give my bf an ultimateum and say it's either his creepy friend or me? Or would that be too controlling?

i think you should first tell him that you really really do not like this guy and that when you are with your bf you don't want his friend to be around. try and make him see how this guy is and try to get him to not hang out with him anymore. he may get upset but if you really like this guy than try and stick it though. if he really doesn't seem to care that you don't like his friend or gets mad b/c you don't like his friend than give him an ultimateum...but try to stick it out instead of giving up just over his friend.

Q: My bf moved to another state for a job. We were still together when he left. He hasnt contacted me in 5 months, and I'm so tired of waiting around for him. I think he's been completely selfish not contacting me. I've finally come to the heartbreaking realization that it's over.
My question is how can I get over him so I can move on with my life? Everyone tells me I'm a pretty girl and can find another bf very easily.
The problem is I would feel really guilty if I started dating someone without letting my bf know. I need some sort of closure, but I have no way of contacting him because he shut off his cell and everytime I email him they get returned. Does anyone have any ideas?

if you can't get ahold of him and he hasn't contacted you, then it is over girl and he knows it. just don't think about him and start to go out with friends more and party. it may take a while for him to get out of your head but until he does just ignore your thoughts about him. you need to get on with your life b/c it sounds like he did a couple of months ago. so just go have fun and forget about him

Q: I really really like this guy Adam. We talk sometimes but usually if we do its a short conversation. We were getting really close until a few people told him I liked him and that I was telling people we were going out ( WHICH WAS A LIE) and I cleared that whole thing up but now he hardly talks to me unless I say something first and I hate having to force my way into a conversation. He just looks at me like the ackward silenced girl; usually I'm REALLY outgoing and Ive never had trouble getting guys but this guy is so much harder and I really really like him. How do I flirt with him; we never speak?!?!

you should probably try and confront him about the whole again. see how he feels toward you about the whole thing and yell at that person who told him that stuff and messed up your relationship with him. just try and be his friend again, and if he really seems to feel ackward around you then give him sometime.

hope that i helped.....good luck!

Q: Male/16
Ok i had invited 6 of my guy friends over and we were just hanging out in my room. We got sort of bored so we decided to play truth or dare (haha i know). The dares were pretty embarrassing. Everyone had done their dare, so when it was my turn i was in no position to turn mine down. They dared me to make out with my friend Derek until the song they picked out ended. Of course the song they picked was like 4 minutes long. It was odd kissing someone of the same sex, but i kind of liked it. After about a minute we got sort of into it and he started to take of my shirt and kissing my neck. The other guys were laughing so hard. So it was finally over and around 12:00 the guys headed back home. But Derek stayed a little longer. I really wanted to kiss him again so i went for it and, it went a lot farther than i expected...
So the next day he snuck out at like 5 in the morning before my parents were awake and i went back to sleep. I woke up around 8 to head to school and as i was eating breakfast my mom pointed out the hickey i had on my neck. She was like who gave you that, because you didn't have it yesterday and i was like i have to go. So i drove to school totally embarrassed. Just my luck at lunch my gf noticed the hickey and got really pissed and asked me who did it and i didn't know what to say. So now my gf won't talk to me and my mom wants to know what happened. I am also very confused how i feel. I wasn't really attarcted to my gf, but i really did enjoy being with Derek, so does that make me gay? And Derek called and asked if i wanted to go out with him but i don't know if i should. Should i tell my mom and my gf the truth?
Thank you, sorry it was long

i don't think that it makes you gay but maybe bi. you should probably tell your girlfriend...i don't know how exactly she will take it though. you should probably start out with telling about the dare and see how she handles that first before going on. i would wait to tell your mom until you are should how you feel.

and i know a lot of bi people you date a guy and a girl at the same time if you really want to be with your gf and with derek.

hope i helped....good luck!

Q: Female, 21
I was recently dating a guy I thought I really clicked with. He talked about our future on several occasions, and he really seemed to be interested in me (like I said, we clicked, and not just on my end). He recieved a promotion that requires him to take frequent business trips, though, and he says he can't start a new relationship right now, especially since there might be fights about it and he might ruin what might be in the future. To his credit, I did contact him with concern even when he told me he wouldn't be able to talk (I know for a fact he was quite busy). He also said he didn't want to deprive me of someone who could put in enough time to be a real boyfriend. He also said he's not going anywhere and has kept me posted on major events in his life. So, is he to be believed? Should I get over him? Should I date around and wait (he said it will be super busy for about 7 months)? Should I just wait? I really feel like this is the guy for me, and I'm trying to keep the faith, but I feel obsessive for believing what may be a line. Help?

i say that if he is willing to tell you that you need someone to give you their time then he wants to but can't right now. so i would stick around with the belief that he feels the same way about you and tell him that it doesn't bother you that he is away for work as long as he is willing to spend some time with you when he isn't too busy with work. stick with him if you think that he may be the one for you.

Q: I wear makeup to hide ugly scars on my face. With my makeup on no one ever knows that I have them. Only my family has ever seen me without my makeup. My boyfriend of one year is getting fed up with me. He cant accept the fact that he cant see me as sporadically as he'd like. When he comes over unannounced I make him wait 10 or 20 mins while I fix myself up. He says that he loves me no matter what.. and yet he is always saying the best thing about me is my beauty. Should I reveal to him how I truly look and risk losing him? Or save face and let him be upset?

you guys have made it this far so let him see. if he really loves you then he won't break up with you if you don't let him see, and he also shouldn't break up with you because of the way that you look. and if the scars are small enough to cover up with makeup then they can't be that bad and i bet that you still look beautiful with makeup. also if you plan to be with him for a while and posably spead a night with him then you aren't ging to be perfectly maked when you wake up, so let him see and start to let up on the makeup for yourself because too much it'sn't a good thing, and could end up like destorying your face in the long run.

Q: Okay, well like a couple months ago i liked this one friend of mine named Nick. Anyways, just New Years Eve he finally asked me out. we've been going out since, but we never hang out, we barely talk, and in school when we pass eachother he doesnt say anything. hes not shy though, atleast not that it seems. Today he didnt say anything to me until the end of the day when we passed eachother he said "hey" and i stopped him and said "i really need to talk to you" and he goes "well hurry up i hafta be at practice for 2:25 and its 2:20" so i said forget it and walked away, and he said something about he'll talk to me later? I really cant take this, and I cant break up with him because I really really like him a lot. I dont know what to do though, and if I do talk to him I dont know what to say. help? please.

first, you guys just started going out, things aren't just going to start happening and guys act werid around their girlfriends so be easy on him. if he is like most guys then he is probably going to be a stand offish because he doesn't know what is allowed yet and he doesn't know how fast or slow you want to move. i do think that you need to talk to him though, make him see that you want things to move just a little bit differently.

Q: There is a guy named John I recently met who has really taken a liking to me. We've gone on a couple of dates, we get along well and I know that he'd probably be very good for me, but of course, I'm still hung up on my ex, Tom. What's more, Tom and I are still kind of seeing each other, too. We've decided to just go with the flow and seeing what happens, rather than just jump back into something or decide against it.

I made this clear to John on our first date so that I would not be maliciously leading him on. This didn't change John's stance at all and he still seems to want to pursue me. Even though I've told John everything, am I still leading him on by talking to him on the phone and texting him a lot? John and I haven't even so much as kissed but I still want to be careful about this.

if you have been completely honest than you aren't leading him on. it seems to me that he really likes you or isn't looking for a completely committed relationship. so as long as he is fine, become good friends and see where goes from there, and maybe he will be able to help you get past your ex.

Q: What do you do when you've liked a guy for a really long time and are finally dating and you decide that you don't want to date anymore, but then after you break up with him, you like him still and now your best friend is going out with him?
Age: 13
Gender: Female

this is a hard one but i went though something similiar once. i dated a guy,lost interest, we broke up, and then we started dating again. we dated 4 dates. so my advice is leave it unless you want to go though an on-again-off-again relationship. because guys don't change and chances are that you will loose interest again. sorry.

Q: this is what happened..

an hour and 10 minutes ago my phone rang and my caller ID said it was my boyfriend so i was all excited and im like 'hayy' and my 'friend' answers so im like what? She goes 'hey its ***** im at the mall with *my boyfriends name* ahahhaahahhaha ok bye' im like what the hell that was really mean and i start hysterically crying.
so i call my boyfriends phone and she answers nd im crying nd im like 'can i talk to *my boyfriends name*' and shes like 'why are you pist' nd im like 'because you call me and your like 'oh yea were at the mall and im with *my boyfriends name* and your not haha'

Im like 'can you put him on please' shes like no why are you pist' im like 'can you put him on please' nd shes like no nd im like can you just put him on! and she goes YOUR A BITCH and hangs up!!

so now im crying 10x harder

I call one of my good friends for support and when she answers i hear their voices in the backround talking about it so im like OMG SHES WITH THEM! I say 'are you at the mall' nd shes like 'yea why are you mad at *friends name*' nd im like 'is *my boyfriends name* there' shes like yea nd im like can i talk to him shes like r u crying? im like yea and then she screams '*my boyfriends name* YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS CRYING COME HERE NOW AND TALK TO HER!!"

I hear "*my friends' name* screaming NO NO NO DONT TALK TO THAT BITCH and MY BOYFRIEND IS LAUGHING!!!!! and she hangs up on me like taking the phone from him. so now im crying 10x than before

I call him nd hes like 'why is *'my friends' name* so pist at u' nd im like 'howcome when i ask to talk to my boyfriend i get called a bitch' and hes like 'i dont know because your being..nevermind im not gonna say it *our friends name* you say it' and hands the phone to our friend.

So then our friend says "why are you mad at *'my friends' name* nd i told him nd hes like ohh or whatever and my boyfriend gets back on the phone nd im like 'you know what go go be with them because i dont give a shit. go have fun'

He goes 'no' nd im like YES **** BECAUSE I DONT CARE AND NEITHER DO YOU SO HAVE FUN' nd he goes 'sorry bye' nd i hang up! that makes me 305894085940865 times worse because he doesnt even care

i was crying for so long. this is soo horrible! what should i do? and he always says to me 'what are you doing later/tomorrow want to hang out?' and im always like 'yeah' but we never wind up doing anything and now he goes to the mall with my best friends and he doesnt invite me, neither do me so called 'bffs'. im so effing upset right now. any advice? anything at all. oh and if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all'

thanks for reading all of this. xo byee

if i were you a would have been flipping out on there asses. i wouldn't take this. you need to talk to that boy of your's face to face in private. then you need to bitch out your so called bff's because if they are willing to do that and not be able to figureout why you are upset than they don't really know you. so settle down tonight and talk to them when you have your head and are able to see them.

Q: so. this was my first year in high school and in public school. i was "shy" and quiet in class. I did make soem friends though. It just feels like in school all the girls look the same and than u have me who has my own style and stuff. People are saying im "weird" and making up rumors just because i stick out. I have brown hair and green eyes and people just think im weird because im not afraid to be myself. Am i doing the right thing?

you should never be afraid to be yourself. all my friends are really out there. some wear wigs and tops, mountian dew can belts (don't ask), and the most out there and bright eye makeup. they get comments and rumors but the key to it is ignoring them and sticking to being you. most of them will stop once they see that you don't care, and the other who continue are jealous that you are yourself and that they have to hide behide fake clothes and fake selves. so start rumors about them or just tell them that they're pathetic, and just jealous. so stay being you and fuck them that they're not cool enough to do the sme.

Q: 13/F

okay well me and this guy Jordan dated for 6 months and he dumped me in August. I know I had my chance before and everything but now i realize i still really like him! I really never stopped liking him acctualy. But now my best friend Chelsey is dating him!! What should I do? I can't tell Chelsey that I still like him becauase then She'll hate me forever. Should I try to break them up? Should I talk to Jordan about it or maybe straighten things out with Chelsey (( prefferably not )) ? Please help me. I'll rate 5's unless you're mean.

Sincerley,
Broken-hearted lover

well since he is now dating your best friend it is best not to say anything yet. hangout with them alot and see if you really do like him or if it's just that you don't like him going out with chelsey. since he dumped you there it's much of a chancd that he still likes you but you never know, he might. try and find that out first. talk to his friends but not so openly to where they knw and say something to him. and hint and flirt with jordan a bit, but not infront of chelsey or in front of people that might tell. if he still likes you and thinks that you like him, then he'll probably break it off with her for you. but is that what you, is the really question.

Q: When you give a guy a hnd job, do you take there pants off or just leave boxers on

it all depends on you and him. if you don't want to see it just put your hand down his pants. but if you want to you can take off his pants and/or boxers. it's all up to you.

Q: so there is this kid... lets call him bob... and ive been hanging out with my friend lately. we will call her jane. now jane and bob went out for like 8 months. and then they broke up but they still act like they are going out. so i have been hanging out with bob and jane a lot and im starting to really like bob. but i think jane would get mad at me if i told her even though she is REALLY into this other kid. i think she is just using bob. do you think i should tell jane that i like bob or no?

jane might get mad but she has no right to if she likes another guy. what i would do is find out first if bob is worth it. do you really want her mad if nothing happens between you and bob? keep it from her for now, find out if he might like you and flirt. if he does then good for you, and nicely ask jane if she would be mad if one of her friends liked bob, not saying that it is you. and if she says no then tell her, and if she says yes for a GOOD reason then either forget or nicely tell her and be careful around her, if she seems mad. Good Luck. keep me updated?

Q: hi i am 17 and i am trying to find my half-brother. i have never met him and he is 2 years older than me and see here is the story.Before my dad met my mom he was in a relationship with this girl, and she ended up pregnant. well when she had him, she gave him up for an adoption. well i want to find him and reunite with him. all i know is he got adopted and was in Alaska. i have no clue where to search for him over the internet. i dont have any credit cards or anything like that. i was wanting to know if anybody knew a website to got to and try to find him and it dont cost nothing. my dad does not know i am doing this and i know if i reunite with him it would probally mess his life up. they told me it would. but i just want to find him . if anybody can help then please do. i mean this means alot to me. please help me

~Punkbaby69~

not tell your parents is going to make it hard to do this. cause if it was a closed adoption then you probable won't find much. but if you know what is whole was before he got adopted then you can google his name and see if you can get adoption websites to pop up. and maybe he kept his name and you can find something on him though his school because most school stuff is on the intert. but finding out details from your father "just because you want to know" will help and most adoption places have websites so see if you can find that out too. and even if you find him, without your parents you probable won't be able to go and see him. good luck though.

Q: I'm 15/M/TX & shes 13/F/FL

well... it starts out that I'm talking to my friend's cosin on AIM, & we where up talking all night... & so she fell in love with me, & I just liked her... but I knew it would never work... & so now, afew months later, where just friends, & she has a boyfriend now... but now, I'm acctuly in love with her... & I don't know what to do... & I was invited by my friend to come up there & stay a while (& I would meet his cosin), & I think I'm going to go... but I don't know what I would do, I would go out of state & put myself on the line for this girl I love, who has a boyfriend, & I have never met her, & I don't know what would happen... & her cosin seems to get really protective of her...

so, what I'm asking is... is it worth it? to go up there & risk so much? for a girl who is with someone else? but I love her?

just, what do you think?

thank you, & sorry its so confusing, theres more, but thats all you really need to know, its a very complicated situation

first don't tell your friend just incase they flip. 2nd want until you've been around her for a while untill you put yourself out there, maybe you only like the online her and not the live her. and wait until you can tell if she still has feelings for you. Good Luck!

Q: Hey all..My parents are REALLY strict and when I say really, I mean REALLY. They wont let me go over ANY guys house, nevertheless even let me hang out with guys. But they'll let them come here but id rather not have that because I have SO many kids living in my house (7 girls, 4 boys) that we would never get privacy at all. What can I do to sneak around without getting caught? Or how could I persuade my Mom and Dad to let me hang out with boys..

to get them to change their minds is going to be hard, but you can try and convience them that you aren't doing anything with them and that other people are going to be there. or promise that parnets will be there even if there aren't. or go somewhere and don't tell them that guys will be there. to keep from actually lying you can hang out in a really big group of people and just tell your parnets (if and when they ask who will be there) that some of your girl friends and the guy friends that they may like, trust and/or know are going to be there. Good Luck!

Q: Would you take offense if your gf/bf said that although they find you attractive, they would never want to see a "Picture" of you, or see you in your underwear? I'm sure you can guess of what nature.

My gf said this to me and I felt offended. I don't really know why. I guess it's no big deal, really. We were only kidding around and she said that. I'm pretty insecure about my looks, which doesn't help I suppose. So would you take offense, or am I making a big deal?

depending on how and where this conversation took place is whether or not you should offence to it. if it was in front of friends then maybe she didn't want to seem werid by saying that she wouldn't main. or maybe she just isn't ready to see you like that. just give her a break and don't take it so hard. it's not really that big of a deal.

bio

I'm Sarra, I'm 15 and in 10th grade. I like to give advice and I'm generally pretty good. But my only problem is I can't seem to give myself advice so if you guys could help that would be great. Hope I'm helpful.