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Porn
ok.. so my boyfriend looks at porn. ive never had a problem with porn with any other guy ive been with, but lately its been getting to me. I just cant bare the thought of my boyfriend fantasizing about other women. even worse; their bodies are perfect && mine are far from it and i just dont want him comparing me to them. So my question is:
-Is it ok for me to feel this way?
-Is looking at porn considered cheating to some people?
-Should i say something to my boyfriend
-If so what?
(hes very stubborn)
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Porn tends to be a big issue for a lot of people. Personally, I've never had a problem with it. The way I look at is that they can look, but not touch. As long as the porn doesn't start affecting my relationship, it's okay with me.
It's completely normal for you to feel the way you do. A lot of women do feel self-conscious and wonder if their partners are comparing them to porns. When it starts bothering you, try to remember that the chances of your boyfriend actually meeting these porn stars are next to none. Also, remember that he chose you for a reason so obviously he's attracted to you as well.
Some people do consider looking at porn cheating. Personally, I don't. After all, they're not really interacting with the porn stars or touching. It's something you have to decide for yourself.
Since it bothers you, I think you should say something about it. Try to do it in a calm and tactful manner. Avoid "You always..." and "You never..." statements. I've found that avoiding these kind of statements and saying "This makes me feel..." works better. I wouldn't suggest demanding that he doesn't watch porn at all. Most likely he'll refuse. I would try to work out a compromise somehow that makes you both happy.
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You have a problem, but it isn't that your boyfriend enjoys porn. Almost all men, regardless of their level of fidelity to their partner, enjoy porn. It has nothing to do with your relationship,and everything to so with the human urge to be sexual,and fantasise many different acts of sex with many different people.
Your problem is that your boyfriend's enjoyment makes you insecure. While you are not alone in that, it is still highly irrational. Trust me, sex and "beauty" are not the same thing: your boyfriend is not mentally compliling a list of your flaws while gawping at the actresses(who are in any case heavily airbrushed). The best way for you to get around this is for you to talk to your boyfriend. Don't be agressive or confrontational-that'll only aggravate him and bring out his stubborn side. It is perfectly reasonble for you to share your insecurities with him, and to expect him not to look at at porn openly when you are there, or to leave it in clear evidence on his computer. Having said that, it might be an idea for you to look at these movies together- it can be quite an effective erotic bonding experience, one which I have enjoyed with a few of my boyfriends in the past. But failing that, you should try to leave behind your insecurities and concentrate on how sex feels, rather thatn how it looks. That way, your experience with your boyfriend will be envigorating and sensual and a million times better than any porn film.
Good luck!
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It is okay to feel like this. Porn is a very big huge deal in a man`s life. :o]
Porn isn`t considered cheating. Atleast not to me. You shouldn`t feel so insecure about this. He`ll probably never meet a porn star & go off and cheat on you with these girls. He won`t. He still loves you. And i highly doubt he`s comparing them to you. Just tell him that you don`t want him to watch so much porn. Tell him that you understand but you just hope that he can take it down a notch.
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okay...
-yes, it's okay, alot of girls feel werid with their guys looking at porn.
-it depends on the person, he isn't touching other women, he's just touching himself and he could do that without porn so i wouldn't say that that is cheating.
-you should probably ask your bf if he could watch less porn and pay more attention to you, just let if know that it bugs you, but he doesn't need to stop, just he doesn't have tell you about it and he should try not to watch as much...........or even you could try watching with him so that maybe you could get used to it more, and he might like that.
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People take porn too seriously imo. However, that is entirely between you and your boyfriend. All I want to add are the following points:
- In no way is it cheating. Anyone who claims that could not possibly have considered the full implications of that argument. By the same token you are cheating every time you happened to be aroused by a pretty girl on any kind of tv program (in a regular movie, a music video etc). Many women seem to have strong affections towards their favourite male stars (at least in my experience). That means that on a certain level, they have noticed other things than his raw acting talent. Then that too is cheating by the same line of thought (oddly enough these male stars tend to be hunky guys, never Chris Farley or Jack Black... I wonder why?).
- Secondly, you should undestand that your boyfriend is not comparing you to porn actors. He is not even fantasizing in the way I believe women define that word. Guys are visual, they get aroused by what they see. But it does not go further than that. Usually women define fantasizing as something a bit more complex, with more emotions involved. That just isnt the case. Thats why most guys cant even understand why women have a problem. Also, most guys couldnt care less if their women started watching dirty stuff themselves. It just isnt a big deal in our world.
Now, even if your boyfriend fantasizes, this will not change with the removal of porn. Really, I cant see what you can get out of it other than to frustrate your bf.
Of course if it really bothers you that much, you should talk to him and explain it. Tell him why it bothers you and so on (because I am pretty sure that he does not understand), then you may well get him to stop due to feelings of guilt. However he will not think you are being fair to demand that of him and he will always see it as a concession of some sort.
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-Feeling like this is normal && it is okay..I can completely understand where you are coming from..But really i don`t think you should let it bother you as much as it does..I would think if he constantly talked about those girls && compare them to you then i can understand getting mad but if he doesn`t then don`t let it bother you so much..Also I don`t think every guy watches it for the ladies some guys actaually watch it to learn stuff..Not just cause their sick perverts..
-Looking at porn isn`t considered cheating in my book..For one thing the guy isn`t doing the girl or touching her..He is just watching it..To some people it might be considered cheating but their stupid in my book..
-If you feel okay talking to him..Then,I would mention how this makes you feel..Don`t hold anything in..Or maybe tell him he can watch it but don`t mention to you that he did..I highly doubt he`ll completely stop watching it..
Since he`s stubborn then it will be very hard to get him to stop watching it..
♥Dez
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for most guys when they cant get any ass from any girl the looka t porn and it some how turns them on. i go through the same thing you go except my bf doesnt watch porn more then half the time he watches movies that lead to sex. if you get me? i personally dont get affened by it because it is a pron star and there really isnt a chance that they will meet and have a realtionship. hun dont worry about it. porn is porn it isnt cheatin on people because physically he isnt doin anythin except watch. if i were you i wouldnt say anythin unless he brings it up and askes you how you feel about. but i would watch my words when answering him. hope this helps.
*~Stephanie~*
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I am going to be realistic. Sure, there are guys out there that don't look at porn. The ones that do, however, aren't going to stop. The fact that he's not keeping it secret from you is a good sign. He's being open with you. A lot of guys that you could have dated instead, would have said they would stop to make you happy and then just keep looking in secret. THEN, maybe, you could consider it cheating. It's okay to feel the way you do, it's very okay, but if you want things to work with this guy you're going to have to either ignore it, try to understand it, or just deal with it. He's going to feel like you're trying to control him and that you don't trust him or his feelings for you. If you can't bear the thought of him fantasizing about other women you are going to have jealously and relationship problems your entire life. Think about that statement a little. Doesn't it seem kind of silly? Sure you don't look at naked pictures of guys, but you can't say that you've never, ever, while with him, looked at another guy and thought to yourself, hey he's kinda hot and smiled to yourself. It's not very different than what he's doing. You can't stop him from looking. Once your relationship progresses he will become more "exclusive". Be patient. It's his choice what he wants to do and if it causes that many problems for you, the only thing you can do is break it off with him and try to find a guy that isn't into porn. Guys tend to be more visual with sex and girls tend to be more emotional. Porn is a sexual outlet for people when they can't have the real thing. Would you rather he looked at porn or cheated for real? He has no emotional attachement with these girls whatsoever and hasn't done anything with them. It's not cheating in the slightest. It's quite the opposite. He'd much rather be with you than his porn no matter what the girls look like because for one, he'll be able to experience senses other than sight, such as touch and smell, and he has an emotional connection with you. That makes it better. My advice to you is to talk to him about it with the intent of understanding, not trying to get him to stop. I think that if you can understand it, you will be able to live with it, like lots of people do including myself. Porn doesn't mean the same thing to him that it does to you. A good relationship involves constructive communication and compromise. Ask him for his opinions and don't let your own opinions get in the way from understanding his. Even if you don't agree with him, you can still understand him and have a great relationship. I hope that I helped you and good luck.
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It's sad that women even have to wonder whether or not it's okay to be bothered by porn. Just because people watch it and it's legal, doesn't make it right. You should be glad that it bothers you, it should!
My advice to you is this, tell your boyfriend how it makes you feel but fully expect that he will try to justify it and say that it doesn't mean anything. I would try to avoid this sort of argument that centers around why it is or isn't okay, because that's not even the point. The bottom line is that he is doing something that is hurtful to you and it needs to stop.
He'll probably try to pin it on you and say it's not his fault you're insecure. DON"T BUY IT! This isn't about you and don't let him make it about you, it's about him having sexual fantasies about other women while he is supposed to be committed to you. Everyone probably has fantasies about someone else at some point and that is human nature, but it's not something he should conciously CHOOSE to do over and over which is exactly what he does when he watches/purchases porn. It's not like he's just having a daydream once in awhile and goes with it, he intends to do this on a regular basis and the worst part is that he's not even ashamed of his behavior and he should be.
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