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humorist-workshop
Anything but lonely....anything but only me...
I don't attract guys at all. It's been said that I'm a lesbian (which I'm not), and I have an extremely brutal (but with purpose...I don't just say "Fuck the world" for no reason and think it's funny) sense of humor and wear all black. Are these turn-offs? But I'm a nice person. Though I can be a little morbid, I'm generally pretty friendly, I consider others' feelings, and I try to make friends, but nobody at my school wants to be around me. It's inevitable someone will say "Marian, I REALLY wanna sit next to Joe Shmoe. Can you move over?" at least twice a day. I just hate that. Whenever we have to choose partners/teams in gym, I'm always the last person. I feel so lonely, I cry sometimes in the locker room when nobody is around. There's only 1 friend of mine that's a guy who actually appreciates me for who I am, and I now have such a huge crush on him. I don't want to sound conceited at all, but I think I'm a nice-looking person, so that eliminates the idea that guys might not like me because of my looks. Does anyone understand? How can I make more friends? Even though he doesn't like me back in the same way, should I tell this boy I like him, and if so, how?
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Don't listen to people who tell you to change. Imagine how pissed they'd be if you suggested they wear all black. oh no! The fact that you AREN'T like everyone else is what makes you rock. Who wants to be some cookie-cutter, brand-name, artificially cheerful phony? Those people make fun of you now, and then they graduate and fade into the crowd. People FORGET them, and there's no amount of clothing or jewelry or fake tanner that can bring it back. You, on the other hand, will receive as much attention as you can handle. You have nothing to look forward to except being wholly accepted by a diverse and open-minded crowd of ex-high-school-outcasts. Holding on to your individuality is the best decision you'll make. And if people don't approach you, if they can't understand you and it makes them afraid, if the color of your CLOTHING is all it takes to reject you as a person, IT'S THEIR DAMN LOSS for being so biased.
p.s. go for the guy. It takes a lot of guts to go against the norm, and he's stuck with you for who you are underneath the label.
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From everything I have read above, you sound like an extremely unfortunate victim of stereotyping, as some people that have already answered though, and I agree with them.
Sadly, the only real way to get out of a stereotype, is to become another stereotype and change yourself (which I am sure you probably don't want to do.) Don't let yourself get let down by people judging you by how you act, or what you wear. Everything you do makes up yourself, and if that is a descriptive trait snapshot of you above, there isn't anything wrong with wearing all black, a brutal sense of humor, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a little morbid, after all, aren't most people anyway?
From what you've told me from your above question, I would absolutely change nothing about yourself. If people don't want to be your friend, then it is their loss. You'll find the more you truly act like yourself (and from what you said, you sound like a very friendly person) and try and make friends, eventually you are going to get those friends. Sure it might take time, but having that close group of friends that you are extremely good friends with over that large group of friends you just hang out with, makes the time worth waited all the better. School sucks and it is gonna suck, mostly because most of the kids there, are idiots with nil to non maturity (mind you, there are some with it).
As for this guy. DO NOT BOTTLE UP EMOTIONS. I have alot more than once and in the end of holding it all in you are near a breakdown and the like, and it doesn't paint a pretty picture. If you like someone, tell them. Don't worry about "I don't want to lose the friendship we have" because almost all the time, that will never happen, especially if your good friends with this person.
If I wasn't clear on anything, please feel free to IM me at Alpha0mega345 or leave something in my inbox, or if you just have anything else you want to know. I hope I helped you though, it sounds like you really could use a good help right now ^_^.
-Ryan
P.S. Oh and about the "can you move so I can sit next to Joe Shmoe", just don't move. Tell them to sit somewhere else, or for Joe to move. And don't worry about the partner thing in class/P.E. It's just partners, nothing more.
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It seems that its not you at all pretty much. Im guessing that you are stereo typed as like the dark .. stay away from that person. Im on the other side.. im stereo typed as a "prep" by like all the rockers and such. I certainly dont want to be labled but everyone is. Im nice to most of the "rocker" type clique. I was talking to one of them ... and she was pretty much the leader of her whole group. I talked her into showing up to school all preppy. She didnt have any clothes so I let her borrow some. When she walked in ... everyone was shocked. Underneath her dark clothes, she was gorgeous. Maybe you should shock everyone bye showing up to school in more preppy clothing. Show people who you want to be and shock your school. Shock your crush. He might see your inner beauty by showing that you are happy. No offense but maybe the reason boys may have not approached you is because of what you wear. I wouldnt approach someone that is all dark and quiet ... that tends to draw people farther away.
<33 CANDii x KiiSSEZ
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ive gone thru the same thing!!! and i know its hard. i used to be like depressed and stuff and i wore all black and cried a lot n blah blah blah you know how that goes.i got called all sorts of names. yes even the lesbian thing came up. for some reason highschool students seem to think that just because a girl wears a lot of black that she is a lesbian which isnt true at all. but yea well...guys didnt like me...most of them were afraid of me coz i used to wear all black and just seemed rough edged and stuff. it was intimidating i guess? i dont know..but what i did was just talk to people. let them see that im a nice person. its school and it sucks i know hun. i hate my school. most of the people in it are jerks and there are times i just cant take it. but its life and you get through it. maybe try dating an older guy? like a senior or someone who has already graduated from highschool. chances are that they are more mature than the lil boys at school. if i was you id hold off on tellin that guy that you like him. if you do it might make your friendship awkward and that wouldnt be a good thing. trust me. just try to flirt around with him a lil bit when you hang out with him and see if he flirts back. if something is meant to happen between you and him it will. just let it flow sweetheart. i know i prolly wanst much help but i hope i made you feel a lil better. good luck.<3
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Well hun, it has nothing to do with you per-say. This is school. People are assholes and judge people by the clothes they wear. I'm guessing you are pretty shy when it comes to stuff at school and since you wear all black, it kind of makes people think that you are anti-social, a rebel, someone who wants to be left alone... all of which are stupid ideas people come up with to stereotype people. High school is nothing but cliques and trust me, don't get worked up about it. I think your confidence could be the issue. Instead of putting these people in the equation, figure yourself out first. Figure out who you are. Find out your likes and dislikes. Get your style. Once you become comfortable with yourself and who you are, the more outgoing you will be and the more happy you will be. When you are confident with who you are, the more people will be attracted to getting to know you. It takes time. And right now just focus on making friends and finding out who you are and your comfort zone. When I was in middle school I did not fit in at all. All my life I had been excluded. My only friend was my twin sister. We clung to eachother to get by with all the criticism and cruelty in school. Many times I came home and cried because no one talked to me. Me and my sister were always the last people picked for games in the gym. Our classmates talked behind our back and made fun of us. We were known as odd and weird. But I ignored it and eventually toughened up. I learned not to care what people thought of me. They don't know me and I don't know them, so why should I care? Exactly. If they aren't willing to get to know you, then they aren't worth your time. Cliques are so over-rated. The "cool" people are really not cool at all. They just give in to what others do, and really don't know who they are. Don't get caught up in all this drama. You don't need to deal with this. You will make friends, just give it time. Things will be better soon. Just don't worry about what others think of you. You are who you are, and that is all that matters. If others don't except that then they aren't worth your time. Good luck and if you ever need any more advice about this or anything else or just need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to note my inbox.
~Sherah
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High school is really hard with all these stereotypes and ways to fit in, and you're now going through it. Welcome to teenage life. Making friends is sometimes simple, yet sometimes hard.
Colors matter, and I know it sounds weird, but it's true. Black is sort of a dark and negative color, and bright colors are more positive. [Although this doesn't apply to me, because black happens to be one of my favorite colors.] I guess, if you wear black, people will think you're a negative person sending a negative message. I'm not saying to wear bright colors constantly. At least wear black every other week. You can still be you and dress differently, also.
I hate it when gym teachers let kids pick teams, it's so dumb. Although I was always picked first, I hated it. A lot of kids in my class were left out and I felt bad for them, because everyone deserves to have fun, be accepted, and be liked.
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is don't change so much, just wear different colors but black is still okay every once in a while.
As for telling your friend you like him...I wouldn't do so just yet. Think about you first, and then go for him. If he rejects you, just move on and don't let it get to you, because really, you can't lose something you never had. And last is never least.
&TiNA;
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Let me tell you about myself, and maybe you can relate and learn ways to deal with these situations.
I have always hated how teachers and coaches allow other students to pick teams. It was always the best althletes or popular kids who were chosen to be captain and therefore they picked their own friends first. I was always last and I too would cry for hours--because I felt I could do well at anything if I was given the chance.
No one ever gave me a chance so I realized that I had to make my own way. I tried different hobbies and activities until I found things that I could do well at--and the majority of my school mates could not.
Around the summer before 10th grade I had my own awakening.
I couldn't play basketball well, but I could roller skate. I couldn't play volleyball, but I could ride horses and even win at barrel racing. I sucked at kickball but I could ride a motorcycle, drive a boat, drive a tractor, race a car, drive a 4X4 on very rough and muddy terrain.
Even the guys were envious. Something amazing happened that summer..I had really improved my self esteem and the rest followed. I started to make new friends (not the captains of the team) but friends that shared my interests, and a lot of them were guys. I dressed like a girl, had a great tan and long blonde (bleached) hair. I didn't try to look like a guy--but I wanted them for friends.
At the beginning of that school year our class played baseball against all the teachers. I caught an outfeild ball that had been hit by one of the coaches which caused our team to win the game. A year earlier I wouldn't have had the guts or even the physical ability to catch that ball.
I was never picked last again! My grades improved, I became a cheerleader...and the rest is history.
The moral of the story is, work hard on developing your own self esteem. Everyone has talent, everyone deserves to be treated well, but it all starts with you! Sometimes people treat us the way they do by the energy that we display. Meaning if we give off negative energy, they will treat us in a negative way. If we are positive and upbeat, we will be treated in a positive way.
Oh by the way...work on yourself first, then tell the boy that you like him. Life is about taking chances and if you don't chance it you will never know. If he rejects you, you haven't lost anything because you didn't have him in the first place. Don't take it personal, just move on.
Best of luck and remember "Last is not least"
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Well I think having a brutal sense of humour, being a little morbid, and dressing all black is probably very intimidating to most guys. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Most guys are already insecure enough about being rejected by girls; so would probably be more comfortable firting with or asking out the girls that look more approachable.
When I was in highshool, guys only dated the girls who dressed feminine like, and had sweet dipositions. And I'm not saying that you don't have these qualities, but your appearance would probably seem otherwise. I also remember that the guys seemed to be disgusted with the girls who acted or dressed differently. There was one girl who had a purple fro and she always wore black. The guys teased her mercilessly.
There is a saying: Don't judge a book by it's cover. I've always believed this, but unfortuneatly, not every person; especially in highschool is this open minded.
If you really want to fit in, you'll have to dress more conservatively, and be less morbid; basically; not being YOU. And do you really want to compromise who you are just to fit in with some immature, superficial teenage boys?
So my advice is to just be true to yourself. You say that you have one true friend? Well that is better than having 20 phoney, superficial friends. I think you're doing fine. I was sort of an outcast in highschool too, so I know what you're going through, and how lonely it is. But you know what? After highschool, people grow up. You'll meet tons of people in college and in the workplace that you can relate to without having to change who you really are. Besides, most guys in highschool are too immature to be in a serious relationship anyways.
I hope that what I've said has made some sense, and that you'll feel better about things.
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I've had some of these problems before. People think I'm angry and they always seem to get an impression from me that I don't intend to give. My own cousin, whom I'm very close to, used to joke with my uncle about how they believed that I was a lesbian. The problem was that I was terrified to let other people know the true me. To make that sound a little less cliche, I tend to keep my emotions to myself. You're not sending the wrong, or mixed signals to guys, you're not sending ANY signals! If you think a guy is just going to just walk up to you, call you hot, say he likes you, and ask you out, you've got another thing coming. That's not how the world works and it's a hard lesson to learn, trust me. What you need to do is start sending out signals. The thing is, a few guys probably want to do what I just described, but a guy isn't going to ask you out if he doesn't have any clue that you like him. Try to think of yourself in a guy's position. It's kinda scary! Start sending OBVIOUS signals. Don't throw yourself at a guy, leave a little to the imagination, but give yourself a little nudge and then give a little more and a little more until you come out and tell him that you like him. I know that this probably isn't "you", but that's how it's done. I really regret not pursuing some of my crushes in high school. If you like the guy do what's necessary to get him or you'll regret it too. Step outside of your shell. This guy that you're talking about for instance, yes definitely let him know how you feel. It will be a really great start for you. Even if he rejects your advances, it's a step forward for you that should soon lead you to a relationship, if not with him, with someone else. I'm not telling you to turn into a flirt, a slut, or desperate loser. Just try to express yourself a little more. I have a feeling that things with your friend may turn out better than you think. Good luck!
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It's not easy being different at your age (middle school,high school)because just about everyone is desparately trying to fit in. It sounds like you've been labeled by your peers as "wierd" and right or wrong that is going to make others hesitant to be your friend. For the most part, at this age no one wants to be associated with someone who is wierd or their "friends" might decide they're wierd too. This is called immaturity.
If you want to make more friends, I think it will help if you stop wearing all black. While it's true that real friends will not care what you wear, it's also true that your clothing and appearance do send out a message and all black is not sending out a positive vibe. Also, people like to be around people that make them feel good about themselves. Without overdoing it, compliment people, everyone wants to be liked. Smile, even though you think you are friendly, your body language may not be.
As far as telling your friend your feelings is concerned, you have to decide whether or not you want to take the chance that doing so may ruin your relationship. If he's your only true friend right now, I think it's a bad idea to risk losing him.
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