|
I hate my bf's creepy friend
My bf is best friends with a guy that is just plain creepy. For one thing, he is 38 years old and still lives with his mother. He is also a pedophile, and only goes for very young girls. My bf has even told me that he's a pedophile, so I'm not making it up.
The thing that bothers me is that I've caught his friend staring at me inappropriatly at parties, and he's even winked at me. I had to give his friend a ride home once (because the loser doesnt have a car ) and he told me he liked me for a long time and told me to kiss him. I told him no, and after I dropped him off I told my bf what happened. My bf just laughed and didnt seem to take it seriously. I also heard a story that his friend used to stalk a waitress.
I really don't understand why my bf is still friends with this creep. Sometimes I feel that he'd rather be friends with him than me.
Should I give my bf an ultimateum and say it's either his creepy friend or me? Or would that be too controlling?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
What Cary said :)
Why your boyfriend would be choosing to spend his time around a pedophile is beyond me. As if that isn't bad enough, the guy hits on you and your boyfriend laughs it off. A man like that hitting on you and he doesn't take it seriously. I'd have a REAL problem with that.
I can definitely understand why you'd want to issue an ultimatum. If it were me, he wouldn't be left with a choice, he'd just be left.
]
The kind of company a person keeps speaks VOLUMES about their own character and values. The fact that your boyfriend is not just friends but best friends with this creep is not a good sign. In fact, I think it's a massive and waving red flag that you should not ignore. It would be one thing if you boyfriend didn't know what a sicko this guy is, but he does know and it's okay with him even when it concerns his girlfriend. Any guy who allows any of his friends to behave in the way you described with his girlfriend should be kicked to the curb pronto.
]
i would just tell him that your not going to hang out or be around him when hes near that friend because you do not feel comfortable around him.
]
As his girlfriend, you have the right to speak up. After all, it's making you uncomfortable & as your boyfriend, he's obligated to your feelings. Decide carefully what you're going to say & explain it calmy & kindly. If you are too harsh with it, he may spin the whole thing around & think you're jealous of his friend. Just tell him that he makes you uncomfortable & that he should talk to him & tell him that you're offlimits & to stop hitting on you. He will understand if you just talk to him. After all, you two are dating & the most important part of dating is communication (& kissing because that's fun too ;D)!
]
You need to talk to him about it deffinately. And tell him that if he cares about you he should ditch the friend, because he is a bad person and makes you feel uncomfortable. And I think the idea of giving him an ultimatum is a good idea, because you have reasons to. So I don't think it would be controlling.
]
i think you should first tell him that you really really do not like this guy and that when you are with your bf you don't want his friend to be around. try and make him see how this guy is and try to get him to not hang out with him anymore. he may get upset but if you really like this guy than try and stick it though. if he really doesn't seem to care that you don't like his friend or gets mad b/c you don't like his friend than give him an ultimateum...but try to stick it out instead of giving up just over his friend.
]
In my opinion, you should certainly ultimatum your boyfriend. Under normal circumstances, our partners' tiresome friends are just an unfortunate fact of life that we have to put up with. These are however, far from normal circumstances. Indeed, I would go further than that, and say you should dump your bofriend without an ultimatum. The attitiude already displayed by him , plus the very fact that he is friends with this creep, make me think you'd be better of with someone else.
Having said all that, I know it's pedantic and only tangentially related to your question, but I don't like the word "pedophile" being used for someone who likes girls(or boys) in early adolescence. Such a person is a creep and a weirdo, more than undesirable. But a pedophile is someone who likes pre pubescents, children, sometimes as young as five or, sickeningly, even babies or toddlers. I presume that your boyfriend's friend is not one of these-if he is, then you need to involve the police. At once. Indeed, if you have any evidence of him intefering with anyone underage, you should perhaps let someone know. But whatever happens there, you need to take care of yourself. Leave your boyfriend and this guy to enloy each other's company, and move on.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
Lucretia x.
EDIT
I have recently come upon the correct term for a man such as the one described in this question. The term is "Ephebophile". From Wikepedia:
Ephebophilia has been defined as a sexual preference in which an adult is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to postpubescent adolescents.
(Ephebophilia)is used in contrast with pedophilia, which is an attraction to pre-pubescent or pubescent individuals.
]
No, no, no don't do that. He can be friends with who he wants. However, (yes there's always a however) he needs to stick up for you. You feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and completely weirded out by this guy and your boyfriend has done nothing about it but laugh! It's not the friend that's the problem, it's your boyfriend for not doing anything about it. You can make an ultimatum that he has to tell his friend to stop or you'll break up with him. That would be very appropriate. After he tells his friend to leave you alone, if the friend keeps being inappropriate to you, then it's a problem with the friend. You have a few options if this happens, one of them does include making your boyfriend decide between you two, but since it then isn't really his fault that's kind of harsh. Once things have transpired, it should be easier to see the options available to you. For now, just make your boyfriend tell him to leave you alone. That is important. This friend of his sounds kind of dangerous! I hope that everything turns out well and good luck!
]
More Questions: |