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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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If we are not having sex, there is no relationship nor will there be one. You are in the friend zone babe w/o 1st call privileges.

Why do so many women not understand that. Men should not be kept at bay like a drooling dog. Women know in the 1st 3 minutes whether they are going to sleep with guy, why do they keep stringing them along? Be honest and up front.

For the guys accept the hint and move on, it is plain common sense and courtesy.

Second rule just because I am sleeping with you does not mean we have a relationship. You have to prove you are worth having a relationship with.


Sex does not make a relationship, however there will be no relationship w/o sex. If a woman thinks so. I do hope she enjoys her Cats, Knitting and Soaps.

*** I feel that sex shouldn't determine weather or not you have/can have a relationship with a person...I think if people stopped having sex before marriage and stop basing their relationship off sex there'd be a lot more husbands and wives and less babymamas and daddies...so, what's your take?***

The title asks for males to comment but statements like the ones you provided can't be answered one sided. I am female and believe that viewpoints on sex and relationships will differ all over the place depending on lots of factors. To name a few, whether its a male or female's opinion as men and women think differently, our minds view things differently, whether a person has been jilted before, whether they have a high or low libido, if they were raised with religious teachings that state no sex before marriage, fear of relationships and or committment due to viewing parents really terrible relationship growing up, etc.

I will now go through what you've written and give my own opinion based on what I've learned in life.

"If we are not having sex, there is no relationship nor will there be one." I think we may need to relabel sex to something different for some women. Women seem more geared to feel and react to romance and love and if there is a low libido and the man's is high, he may not be happy with how little she wants sex. I found the best description of this situation in an except from a book by Linda Papadopoulos in a book "What Men Say, What Women Hear" Here is that except in better explanation than I could come up with.

"Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
One Night Stands: involves maximum excitement and minimum commitment. Men are more interested in them than women because they are better at separating sex and emotion than women are. Therefore after a one-nighter with a guy the female is left wondering what their encounter meant or where it will go from here, believing there must be more to it than just sex at the spur of the moment. Men are more prone when seeing a good looking women, to feel lust. On other hand women spotting a model type guy generally think, he's hot but aren't necessarily thinking sex.
Sex Hormones: determine our drive, arousal and orgasms. Both men and women want sex as much as the other but at different times and for different reasons. Men want it more regularly, due to testosterone. Women's hormones make her response less predictable, occurring sporadically & dependent on other influences.
Influences on Sexual views: Come from ones upbringing either open minded or that sex is a sin or dirty. Or it comes from society where men are expected to make the first move and be sexually aggressive. If he doesn't he is thought to be effeminate or gay. If women do the same being open to casual sex, they are labeled as easy or slut. Always communicate during sex or you can not blame the other for getting it wrong. During a business meeting with a client, or to hairdressers for a hair cut, you are sure to communicate what you want and your expectations. He doesn't need to take the lead in communicating here."

I whole heartedly agree that this is the way it is for most people. I seem to be one of those few females for whom the emotional bond does not seem to necessarily be tied in to the sex act. I have had sex simply for sex sake just to have it regularly after a divorce with guys who were nice enough but were not long term relationship material as in a new husband. I also see sex with my now 2nd husband as the one gift we can give to each other that conveys how much we love and appreciate each other. We both see it the same way and first do things for each other and treat each other like something precious so the love is felt already there. The sex is just an outpouring of that love.
"Men should not be kept at bay like a drooling dog." I think I understand what that means. Women do not understand men here. It seems they forget that males are visually oriented and are going to respond to what they see in ways she would not if she were in his shoes. The majority of males in their teens are known to want to have their first sexual experiences with females and willing to try anything to get it, including mislead them. So I think young women are conditioned to believe that all men are like that, even when they mature and grow older. For those men seeking a relationship, it is hard to get a female to trust them now. Trust takes time to develop to the point a female may be willing to share herself sexually. So here comes in the waiting period for men wanting to experience her sexually and due to how Linda explained how women feel regarding sex, women may not be willing for some time to go to the level of having sex even if they are looking for a long term relationship. Females tend to overthink every little thing a guy does from the questions I get on here. They wonder if something he said or did was actual flirting and I have to explain there are different kinds of flirting so some wont mean he is interested in a relationship.

"Women know in the 1st 3 minutes whether they are going to sleep with guy," There are too many variations with this belief to be really taken to heart. YEs, if she is not worried about finding a guy for a long term relationship and whether after sex it does or does not turn into a relationship is fine with her, then this female is more like a male, responding to what her eyes see and just wanting sex cus he looks hot. She is more after the sexual experience than concerned with who he is as a personality. This type of female does not always make a good choice for a relationship if she's only basing her interest on sex. So there are lots of women who do not know whether they are going to have sex with a guy in the first 3 minutes, first 3 days, or whatever, until they have seen enough from that guy to know they like his personality too. They have to like or fall for more than just the sexual experience to want to continue on with a guy and believe that if they have sex too early that a guy who is truly hoping to meet the women who will one day be his wife, might be turned off, thinking she's too easy, slutty, and that she just may be like that even in a relationship with him, wanting other men for sex as well rather than committing to one. Men and women both have the capability to cheat but the thought processes that lead them to believe such a person is a good choice for a relationship can be very different.

I believe there are 2 important foundations to a relationship, mostly learned through my own life experiences but seem to ring true to what I've read about relationships from psychologists. The foundation to a happy satisfying successful relationship for both, is a two fold base, one being each others best friend (this is how you treat each other with love and care and are there for each other. The other is the sexual compatibility. Unfortunately too many men and women end up in marriages with only one or the other present. How could a guy marry a gal whom sex is not agreeable between them? I think its NRE (new relationship energy) which is a heightened awareness of feelings, great excitement which is often much stronger than the strong solid love of relationship that IS normal. Its' like being on a drug. In fact many are addicted to this feeling and once it wears off, they break up and look for the next person to get their 'fix' of relationship excitement. Don't believe me? Then think of a time as a kid you couldn't wait for Christmas to get a toy you wanted and obsessed over for months. When you finally got it, it was exciting for the first few days or weeks but slowly lost its appeal as the excitement wore off and you realized it no longered captured your attention like it once did. It happened to me several times. So I learned quickly what type of games, toys were bound to hold my attention indefinitely due it is being perfect for my personality. The same goes for humans, you want to find the person that for whom you feel that new relationship excitement is still going to be special and interest in that other person can be carried on due to how well your personalities mesh.

As to being honest up front, thats easy only if both people know what they want or what type of person is best for them. Heck even I didn't know this when I was young and married the first time. I wish this was a concept taught to young people so they knew how important it is to finding that elusive relationship. After 1st marriage of abuse towards me and raising kids til they were out of the house, I had some knowledge of what I didn't want. I prayed and asked God to send me the right man. His answer was to make a list of what I needed and another of what I wanted in a relationship. This meant I had to understand myself very well, to the point I could sell myself in a relationship profile on line with my strengths just as one would for a job interview. Once I realized what I really needed which would be a deal breaker if not existant in the guy, I was able to come up with a list of criteria for the males. A few were put off by it or let me know which one point they did not qualify on. Others never read it at all and just wrote to say I am hot and sexy but nothing else and nothing in their profiles. I was trying to go at this logically and needed more data than that to narrow down a search for someone right for me. I let guys know where I stood sexually, what I was open for and that I required a man who wanted to fall in love and wanted sex often and would go for long times too. Most men won't find that in a profile but it intrigued enough to write me. I was looking for the whole package deal now since the first husband never was in love with me and admitted that to a counselor, he also had low libido and I had a high one. In reading a message from the man I married 2nd time around, I did not know in the first 3 minutes of reading his text or even in a phone call whether I'd have sex with him. There is such a thing as a pheromone connection and that is what makes a romantic kiss different depending on whether there is a connection or none. When no pheromone connection, a romantic kiss from such a man, and yes, I kissed each man at the end of a date, especially if I got along well with them as a person (the friendship part of the relationship foundation). A kiss in such a situation was actually gross, feeling more as if it was romantic kiss from my brother or father, just disgusting. This has nothing to do with skill or knowledge which men may tend to think, but all pheromone related. So when I met him briefly during his break time in driving a delivery truck, it was my first chance to be in his presence. It wasn't a date but I could feel a certain level of interest, although not quite sure and it wasn't the setting or timing to give a kiss. By a few days, later, he texted during the day that he needed another hug from me. I happened to be in the area of his route and said I could give him that hug quick on the route. He got the hug and I was hoping he would kiss me but he didn't and it wasn't a break time for him, so he left. It wasn't until a week later that he asked me to come by his place where I returned a book he gave me that first brief meeting and he returned a book of mine he had repaired when it was falling apart, that I had a chance to get a kiss. I thanked him with a kiss for fixing my book and I liked the kiss very much and now knew that it wasn't just that he was visually appealing to me but we also had that right pheromone connection. It got so late with us just talking that eventually he offered that I could stay over to sleep rather than do the long drive home late. I laid in his bed and he still was not making the first move. So I initiated sex.. Afterwards he told me that he had this personal rule that if a woman did not want to have sex with him, initiating it within the first 3 times they met, that he would consider they didn't have enough chemistry to make this work. It made sense to me. He wasn't asking me or making the first move because he could not trust that I was interested in him that way. I still had to know what he was like as a lover, did he have a high libido and like the same sexual things I did. So I found he was a very attentive lover. And of all the times we spent together, I was never booty call, he actually enjoyed doing other things with me, wanting to hear about my childhood, my family, my hobbies, and do other things together (as good friends would) it was an equal balance of the friend and the sex (lover) so I knew right away that he was the one for me to live the rest of my days out with. He asked me to move in with him in a month and asked me to marry him which we did right away. We were both older now and knew we didn't want to face yaers of waiting, for what, when we knew we were right for each other and as of 2 days from now, we'll have been together 8 years. It seems we are the exception to whats happening out there. I feel most people who after some time do know what they want are not honest up front for fear of scaring a person away and having no opportunities. Start with yourself. Decide who you really are deep down and based on that, what type of qualities you require or don't want. For example a kid who grew up with the horrors of abusive alcoholic parents may not ever want to trust and date a person who drinks, period!
Once you know what you want, when you fist meet someone, you can tell them you are interested in them but before you ask them out, you need to let them know what type of person you are, you are the guy or gal looking for that someone to settle down with and have kids with. Important to know before you date in case the other doesnt want to settle down or does want to marry but never wants kids but you do. You let the person know if you have no plans to marry and are happy being a friend with benefits and not to expect anything more. HOwever if feelings change for either of you along the way, that you both should let the other know and then decide whether to keep going or not. If the guy is more into just wanting a female for sex for a few times, but nothing after that, yeah, you might not get many takers but at least it won't be a messy situation. If you are female, all the same apply to you as well.

And to end, I agree there can't be a couple relationship without sex. However it also will never be a real good relationship if there is sex but you both are not treating each other like one would a best friend, then it also won't work.

As to having sex before marriage and fatherless children being raised, teens of today have so little reproductive or sexual knowledge that it is frightening and what is at the base of those baby mama/daddy problems, not the fact it occurs before marriage. There can be commitment with or without a marriage license. These are relationships where there was no commitment, no birth control was used, or only condoms used which isn't good enough for birth control as accidents can happen with condoms. Very few HS's have any health education classes anymore in the country, and it is lack of this information and teaching that has so many young people assuming that having sex is going to teach them what they need to know and that is not so. That is why I get questions asking if following cum will make you pregnant, if anal sex will make her pregnant, if as long as the penis is not inside of her but his cum is everywhere on her outer genitalia that she won't become pregnant at all, if one can get pregnant dry humping and the list goes on. It really is quite sad. I give the answers but also let them know its not their fault they didn't know, but if they don;t start to self educate and study everything they can about the physiology of our bodies and sexual organs, then it is going to be their fault if they get pregnant from this point on. I even give a good site or two for teens to start learning from. I should include college aged as plenty here also have no idea. And some of these people who still know zilch reach 30 and are still making the same mistakes with guys having gotten a half dozen of women pregnant and being the biological father to many, or women who have 4 kids, no husband and each child has a different daddy. This is where I believe society starts to fall apart, no home life or family units of a happy mother father couple as parents and good examples to their children of what a healthy relationship should be.

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So i have this "friend" (we'll call her Kayla) who basically in high school only talked to me when she needed something. I planned to cut her off after high school but i ended up keeping her around because she was funny and outgoing. However, she would take days to reply to a text if you text her and sometimes she would read the text and respond days/weeks later or whenever she felt like it. She hung out with my friend (we'll call her Haley) and i once in the winter time. Now that summer is here we've been asking her to hangout with us but everytime we do its always an excuse "i have fam over" or "not today but next time" or "no i dont want to do that" or "gas is expensive" (even though we have offered to pay for gas/or drive instead. So haley had the last straw with her when Kayla would take days to respond to a text and always cancelled on plans. So haley asked kayla to come to her birthday party and it would me the world to her but of course kayla said no but she will hangout with her next time. So haley cut kayla off and i decided to finally cut her off too, because this whole summer we've asked Haley to hangout multiple times and she would always come up with excuses i even told her to come hangout with me,haley and this guy i told her to come cause i didnt want to be their 3rd wheel and of course kayla said "no im not doing anything today" then when i asked her to come hang with us, she read the message and didnt respond till i got back saying "how was the mall?". Now here is why im asking this question. After that day i stopped talking to Kayla cause it seemed to me she didnt value our friendship, we would always ask her to hangout on days we knew she was free but she still rather stay home. So anyways 2 days ago Kayla called me about 6 times talking about some boy and then she invited me to hangout with her at her summer school cause "shes alone during her breaks" meanwhile when i was alone she always had an excuse to not to come. Whenever i texted her she took days to respond but now all of sudden shes been trying to get a hold of me to talk about this boy and ask me to hangout at her school. She even called me at work twice, i told her im at work stop calling and she said (go to the back and answer) obviously i couldnt do that bc the owner of the resturant was there when she called and he is always watching. So do you think shes using me now that shes "alone"? Also she told me her summer is boring since all she does is stay home, but when we invite her out she never wants to go. By the way im 18 and Kayla and Haley are 19

When you offered to pay her gas and she still wouldn't meet, you had your answer already....that she does not prefer you two as friends. If it really was about anything else,like gasoline, then she would have come over. It may seem like her intent all along was to find someone to use, to entertain her when she was bored, but I am betting that she didn't know when she befriended you, until after some time spent together that you didn't have enough in common for her to have any real interest or care about you as friends. Once she did know, she distanced herself and when bored, thats the only time she needs you? Doesn't she have other people in the world she knows? I am starting to think that there may be very few people she does know and is friends with if she can not find anyone she does like as a friend to spend time with instead of you two with whom she feels she has little in common. So you can feel sorry for her. I am thinking that either she has some genuine lack of how to relate to people skills, it could be an actual disorder that falls under ASD, (autism spectrum disorders) I know a couple people -one family, who have mild cases but that messes with their ability to handle relationships normally. And one of those two, uses people most the time, the other is all over the place, your best friend one minute and ignoring or abusive the next and yes a Dr. has diagnosed both.
The truth is, unless this is a parent or sibling and family that you are stuck with, you do have a choice whether to spend time with a person who has inter-personal disorders if the problem is not that you have nothing in common as friends. It is up to you to choose what you wnat. You can find other funny, outgoing people who will appreciate you as a friend.

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I m 19 year old.my menstual cycle is on now. Tomorrow I kiss my boyfriend and now I m observing continiously bleeding is it forthe kiss?

Kisses do not affect your cycle at all.

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I have a boyfriend but I also have feelings for my best friend from first grade. I don't know what to do. Things are going good between me and my boyfriend but I'm always thinking about my best friend.

If things are good between you and boyfriend, and he is the most perfect person for you and you can see yourself with him all your life and maybe having kids with him some day, then there is no reason to act upon your feelings for someone who is a best friend.

If things are good enough but you wished things were even better between you and bf, maybe your mind is subconsciously doing the 'grass is always greener elsewhere' sort of thing.

I can say this though, the one thing you have for sure is the current bf. If you were only saying things are good in hopes to trick yourself into believing it when you don't really want him, then you should just break it off. One of the purposes of dating is to determine if in the long term, a person is going to make a terrific choice for a partner. He may be a good guy but if he is too quiet for you and you are chatty, in the long term, something like that can make a relationship not so good when he tires of you talking all the time or you tire of trying to get him to talk to you.

Our minds can imagine quite a lot and make up more of the details that are not a reality in real life.
So thoughts of someone are not enough to base any life choices on. You may not have any sort of choices to make to begin with.

The question is, has the best friend been showing signs that make you think they may have deep feelings or be in love with you? Just because you think so does not mean that something more than friends exist. Lots of signs can be misinterpreted.
Heres another piece of info that may be helpful at some point for you. Any truly great successful relationship has a solid foundation of two things but many get into relationships based on only one, which in the long term doesn't work.
One is being each others best friend, or close friend. A person who treats you like a close friend will be treating you way better than just the average person. The second is having your romantic sexual equal, having the same libido-how often or how little you both want sex, the romance, the love and both want to totally satisfy their partner. So it is not unheard of, actually quite common that a person who has been a best friend for a long time, if they at some point develop the romantic feelings for their best friend, the two share their feelings and move on to adding the romantic part of a relationship. Being a best friend isn't enough for a long happy couples dating or marriage type relationship. Likewise, just great sex only, is not enough to base a relationship on. Often the sex is great but you are otherwise ignored, neglected or mistreated.

Leaving a person with whom you have only one of those 2 foundations for relationship for another with whom you also have only one of those crucial things, is not an improvement. It may be novel for a while but it runs out fast when both are not present.
So I am saying that since you are not single, you are not able to investigate the best friend further to see if he's right for you. You'd have to be single to do that. Don't leave the current bf just to find out if there's something more with the best friend in hopes it's even better than what you have now.

There's also NRE (new relationship energy) to consider. This is a heightened excitement with your heart and head feeling they're in the clouds. All is so wonderful. But after a while, the super strong excitement dies down to what the normal feelings will be. While not the exaggerated feelings, what is left can be very real and true. Just because that unreal excitement is gone doesn't mean the love is gone. Then others who thought they were perfect for each other due to NRE, once it wears off, realize that there is nothing left at all and they break up. If you are plenty happy with current boyfriend, you may have to stop yourself every time you think of the best friend and tell yourself that he is just friend, not bf and not to keep having romantic feelings that don't belong. You may discover your mind wanders to thoughts of him every couple of minutes and trying to s top dwelling on him and telling yourself what you want to have stop can be overwhelming, as it can take a while but should happen less and less over time.
Without more info or even your age, I could only write this as generic info I would tell anyone. If there are very important pieces of info you left out that you think might change what I say, then by all means, write to me from my column and I'll try to help.

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I dated a girl about 5-6 years ago. We broke up bad but we've been friends now for the past couple years. Her best friend is now single and I'd like to date her, but my ex said her friend won't date me because they're best friends.It's been years since I dated my ex and she's engaged now so her feelings for me (if she has any) shouldn't matter. Should I try talking to my ex's friend or not?

Yes, you should talk to her. Just because your ex said she wouldn't date you does not mean its true. That could be just a line.
I do know that when it comes to a girl dating her girl-friend’s ex, most females know “The Code.” It’s that Girl Code that contains the unspoken rule that dating your friend’s ex is TOTALLY out of the question. He’s off limits…period.
So there's a chance that even if the best friend is interested in you, and she totally believes in that rule and is afraid of losing her girlfriend is she breaks it, that she may not accept if you ask her out. If this is the case, keep watch to see if the two have a falling out and part ways as friends and try again if you're still available.
You won't know til you ask if she lives by this same rule as your ex seems to.

I personally do not think it makes any sense at all and I'm a female. If the guy was not a bad guy, but the two just were not a good match, it does not mean that with a girls bestie, that a guy would still not be a match. My opinion is that women who hang out as couples with other couples in small groups would feel awkward or intimidated if their female friend were to start bringing the womans ex to these group gatherings. That might be the only reason, can't say for sure. I agree that since she is engaged to be married that it shouldn't matter as it's not like she's hoping to get back with you.
If the girlfriend wants to date you but is too afraid to stand up to her friend (your ex) she may lack backbone or self confidence or even lack wisdom to realize that if her friend found love, why can't she try to find love also if you might be the one for her and let your ex know that she is going to date you now since the ex is engaged. But you can't of course tell her what to do, only can hope and pray she does the right thing if interested in you.

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21/F

Hello, I have been getting worried because everyone I has gone through at leaat SOME kind of relationship, but at my age I haven't even gotten my "first kiss". At first I was just avoiding amy relationship whatsoever because I wanted to focus on college and I knew a lot of family members who had left college because of that, which scared me. But recently I've been thinking about it a lot since I'm almost done with my Bachelor' Degree, but the few guys that have shown any interest... I just don't see them that way. The very first guy who straight out asked me out on a date was one from a class I took last fall, but I turned him down (gently, I'm not a monster) because first, I didn't see him that way, and secondly, I actually found him a little annoying friend-wise (not saying I disliked him, he was a good person, there were just things about him I wasn't good at tolerating). There's this guy I met last summer (in class as well) who has been trying to get me to go out with him, though I'm not sure if its just hanging out or actually asking me out on dates - he would usually ask me when I wasn't available for whatever reason though so we could never match up our schedule. I didn't like him like that either though. There's this guy this semester who has been following me around and texting me a lot who I suspected might have liked me but wasn't sure. He's younger by like two years though and can be a little immature so that's a no-no for me as well.

My point here is, that I think the problem may be with me. That I'm too critical of guys and I can never approach a guy I actually like because I get shy. I'm not that much of a social person either, so I'm just afraid I will never get to experience a relationship. Just a few days ago I was giving myself a little peptalk about how I needed to get used to the idea of never having a relationship - and I actually started considering becoming a Buddhist nun, but I don't like some of their principles so that's probably a no-no.

My self-esteem as a woman is really low, and I've come to the point where I think I'm just not attractive to others. Not to mention I'm a little confused rigt now because I've noticed I started liking girls as well as guys and I'm trying to figure out if I actually would see myself with a girl or not. My family is really judgemental of homosexuality, so if it turned out I actually feel attracted to my own sex as well (I still find myself attracted to guys) that would be really hard for me.

Hi Hon, I will respond to all you've written in order as we come across it. I never had relationships in HS (i didn't go to college) for the same reason, to focus on studies. I had three daughters who I gave a choice but told them to think twice about starting dating in HS. They all chose to wait until they graduated before dating. So all of us didn't have kisses until we were 20 or a bit older. I was just at a 40th reunion. And talking to the women who dated in school, had sex many times before reaching 21. Many had a kid when they were a teen and raised theirself until later in life meeting a guy. Others, like myself who married early, were no longer married to the first guy they fell for, a lot of us were in 2nd marriages and I came across 2 in the 70 people attending who had never married, dated some but never long term. It is all ok. Don't worry about your age because most of us did not make good choices in a dating partner or marriage partner back then. Theres a good reason, the decision making part of brain isn't fully done forming until you hit the mid twenties. So those who wait until at least 25 before committing to a bf/gf relationship, are more likely to choose a better partner and not have to go the route of divorce.

You were doing the right thing to turn down the guy you did not feel any romantic connection to. When we date, it is important to make sure both the sexual attraction and the best friend aspect is there. If one of the two is great like the sex but not being treated as a best friend, then this is not the perfect match. This is not a matter of being picky but being very smart and equipped to make the best choice later.



About men: Keep in mind now that a male will not go out of his way to ask out a girl or follow her around if he does not find her sexy , attractive. You would not either because if the person you are not attracted to assumed you really were crazy about them and they had kept hidden feelings for you, you'd find yourself with an unwanted suitor all the time. I also like that you were looking for maturity. It sounds like you are not the type to date just socially for fun and companionship but that you want to date for the other reason, to find the man who will make a good husband and great father some day and fall in love. That also is not being picky but again very smart. The thing will be finding a man who is also thinking ahead about finding his true love and marrying her some day.

Feeling shy about approaching a guy, especially if you are not shy with people in general, means that subconsciously you are likely too concerning about making a bad impression and losing a chance with the guy you are attracted to so you get really nervous and maybe even scared, tongue tied, sweaty palmed, etc. This is a normal reaction dear. When it really counts, many of us would not face our fears, even if its about a possible relationship. When I met my 2nd husband 8 years ago (we met on a dating site) I immediately thought he sounded so high IQ and intelligent that I was going to be too boring to him. Instead of worrying about that, that is one of the first thing I said to him. Yes, I confessed my fears. When I did the fear disappeared. His response though was something I would never have heard if I hadn't been brave and revealed a fear I had. That shows you actually are brave and have guts to do so. He said that tho I may not have college degrees, I had something many people do not have, true wisdom. Because head knowledge learned from books just can't stand next to those who have learned from life experiences. So when you meet a guy you are attracted to, get a chance to catch him alone and go up to him and open your mouth and let him know he caught your attention but you were too afraid of talking to him, thinking you'd be tongue tied or do something stupid. Once you get the truth out, it can't sit there in your mind, taunting you and making you even more miserable. Consider it a challenge when that shy inner voice says, you're too short for him, or you're just going to mess this up, and go say Hi introduce yourself, ask his name if you don't know it, and then confess so you can get that heavy oppressing fear out and once out, it will be gone. Any new fears, treat the same. If you are not so social because it is due to your personality type, then you'll likely want to look for guys who are also less social, and more quiet and enjoy being at home rather than in crowds.

Forget the pep talks, all it will do is frustrate you because is it didn't, you wouldn't be writing in to us now about being single, would you? If you are going to say anything to yourself at all, say encouraging things, like you can do it. You have a brand and type of attractiveness and sexy that may not attract 100% of men but it will attract enough for me to still have plenty of choices to choose from.

Lack of Self Esteem is often due to a combo of comparing yourself to other women, then dwelling on negative or distorted thoughts you generate about yourself. Even if someone tells you that you are attractive or like your outfit or your laugh, you don't believe it. Overthinking it all can come into play, wondering if someones not being honest and just trying to be nice to make you feel better.
I did the following to gain self confidence which naturally took care of my lack of self esteem. Its based on an article in a woman's magazine I read long ago. I tried this and it worked. If you do not have self confidence or esteem, borrow it from a female celebrity. Obviously we aren't going to look like any one actress in whole body entirety. Just focus on what you see as your best attractive trait, and for me it was my eyes. Maybe for you, you will find the sound of your laugh, your lips, your hair or just the hips, or the boobs to be very nice, then use that one thing. Find an actress or other celeb who comes close to having the same quality as your one attribute. I chose an actress whose eyes I always admired. Not exactly looking like mine but very expressive as mine. Once you have chosen a celeb, you are going to borrow their self confidence to help jump start your own. So every time I left my house, and went anywhere in public, I would imagine that I looked exactly like that actress and garnered the admiring looks that she would while I walked everywhere feeling confident like her as a celebrity most likely is. You have to keep focusing on that thought several times a day, reminding yourself that you look like and are confident like ....(celeb of your choice) Then suddenly, everywhere I went, not just men but women also, even strangers would stop me and blurt out that I had the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen, or the most beautiful, most gorgeous, whatever positive adjective can be used. At first I was stunned to be getting this attention especially since most the time I wasn't even wearing my makeup. Just plain untouched eyes. Then after a while, I started to enjoy and look forward to the next compliment and finally, I realized at the end that I was no longer using the actress and pretending to be like her and that I was doing it all on my own. I suggest you try that, but really apply yourself to it for it to have a chance to work. Why does it work? People who complimented me, were not seeing something as much as they were feeling something. They were picking up on how I felt about myself, even though they did not know I had borrowed self confidence from a celeb. Its like a radio signal that people can pick up loud and clear.
Don't feel confused about liking girls. It all depends on accepting yourself and that there is nothing wrong no matter at what level you have interest. I love to look at the beauty of other women, I can be quite fascinated, just like viewing a breath taking scenic vista. But at the same time, I do not feel sexually attracted. That's one type of interest, and the other is feeling sexually attracted, that's not the same as recognizing her as a sexy person, but actually being turned on by thoughts of women. Then again, for some, its simply only in thought life that works for them, something about the different naughty or forbidden feeling to it if you feel that way that makes it so sexually exciting. I know of women who called themselves bi curious and once they tried sex with females, they realized they like everything about women except actually having sex personally with them. No matter where you fall, its all normal. In fact thru a bi neighbor, I met some of her friends, all bi and learned that all were married or had a boyfriend and while they liked men, or the only male they'd ever been attracted to was their husband, that they also liked any and all kinds of females. The husbands who learned of this were very supportive as they don't feel any jealousy in general when it comes to their wife being with another female. Its a different story if it was a male. Don't try to talk yourself out of it or out of exploring this to see if it holds true for you when actually having sex with a female. But I'll say this, most met and married their husbands long before they mentioned being attracted to females as well as him and curious if it these feelings could translate to a real love relationship with females. If you marry a great guy who is secure in his own sexuality, he shouldn't have a problem if that arises. Right now, since attracted to males, I'd would think it best to concentrate on dating men and leave the issue of women for later if the interest is still there.

You were advised to see a professional for help. You can always try what I have told you and see how it goes for you. The things I told you do really work, and just depends on the individual doing it and whether their own thoughts defeat them over and over even though you try not to. In that case, if you can't get anywhere with what I've shared, I'd go for some counseling. IT doesn't mean you are crazy or a mental patient, it is simply a relational and personal issue that is off track and needs another person a professional, helping your mind to get to personal freedom.

He also advised you try dating sites on line. I did say earlier that's how I met my 2nd husband. By time I had learned the hard way in an abusive relationship and from watching the things that went wrong in friends relationships. So by now I was even pickier, extremely so. In fact I had a list of criteria a man had to be able to meet to write to me. In prayer I got an answer to make a list of what I was looking for in a guy. It wasn't whipped up overnight but over months as I added and subtracted from it until I had a list of things that would be a deal breaker if not present in the guy. Other things that would be nice but I wouldn't mind if I didn't get was for example, getting a guy who wore his hair long. 2nd choice, I didn't like the bald look with the ring of hair as it makes a guy seem older. But a totally shaved head was sexy too, although long hair had first place.
I also would recommend you go to dating sites to find a man. It is a wonderful way to meet someone who does not move in the same circles or go to the same places as you so theres's no chance to meet otherwise. If a guy writes to you, you'll need to determine if he even read your criteria. They can lie in print or on the phone but in person, they can't keep up a false personna any longer than a couple dates to a couple months. I was fooled a few times and went out to get to know better and after a few dates the guy relaxed, felt secure that he had hooked me, I wasn't desperate, but I was more like a CSI investigator, watching and digging to find out if he was as good as he initially seemed. If I as an older adult could be initially fooled, don't worry if it happens to you. As soon as you see something that is destructive behavior to a relationship, let him go. If you choose to try it, the paying sites are way better cus any poor guy looking for a supposedly richer than him, women, will go on free sites, which is what I used but I had some life experience already under my belt. I would be willing to be available to answer any and all questions to help you along if you choose to try internet dating. It is the best way I know to hunt for the needle in the haystack so to speak and eliminate right off the bat those who are not good options. One biggie I'll give right now is that if any guy writes or in person, has first words of how hot or sexy looking you are, You might want to avoid every being alone with them if you decide to give them a chance and date. Alway drive and meet them so you aren't stuck in their car at their wish and whim. Its ok for a guy to notice and compliment that you are pretty or look beautiful. granted, men have to be sexually attracted to a women, attracted to her looks to approach her or write her in the first place. Its a given. So for him to point that out is like Duh, of course you wrote cus you liked my photo or you like how I look. Its in bad taste for a male to start a conversation with a strange women by stating that he finds her extremely sexy and likely lots of fun in bed. Oh yes, I have heard plenty of that. My 2nd husband did not open with that, nor did he say anything other than not to misunderstand and think he didn't find me fair on the eyes but that he looks for those deeper qualities like.... and he went on to explain in very thoughtful insight what is important to him. It was in those words I already knew he would be a very sensual person. I know this was alot, but you did have a lot to address in enough detail to actually help you some if you were willing to try. I'd like to hear back if you do have success or if you'd like to know my opinion on other things related to starting a dating profile online. I learned much of what I wrote the hard way refining what I did by what I learned or experienced.

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As i told you i had fingering for first time but my boyfriend stays in different place and asked me to do it myself so i tried it for first time but the next i m sick and headache and slight abdomen pain not soo much and throat pain ... Is this normal .. And i didnt washed my hand before doing it 😔

Hindsight is always the better informed. You already figured out to mention you didn't wash your hands before doing this. You are correct, that having germ free hands is important as it could transfer germs to the balanced mini ecosystem of your vagina. However it is important to also check for any rough edges or corners to your nails that could scratch you inside and make it even easier for germs to get in. And it is best to use a nail brush to clean under your nails to remove any germs lurking there. A washed hand isn't necessarily enough.

The white you saw can be explained in the link to this article as to what kinds are normal and why and what kinds are not. Yeast infection looks a lot like cottage cheese. Burning sensation doesnt go way if you have an abnormal discharge, it only spreads and gets more painful.

http://www.webmd.com/women/guide/vaginal-discharge-whats-abnormal#1
The best you can do is to set up an appt and go to see your gynecologist. If you dont have one, call the family Dr. and let the office know what your issues are and whether the Dr. can see you for that or recommend a Dr. who specializes in womens medicine.

worse and more painful until even sex is painful.

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I'm 18 years old and my mom keeps controlling my life. I cant leave the house unless its to go to work or hangout with my elementary school friends that she knows. If she doesnt know the friends i cant go out. Also i cant go out if shes at work and shes always at work. When shes home and im out as soon as the clock strikes 9pm she literally sends my sister to call me until i get home. As mentioned earlier i have a job right now and to this day i havent seen the money ive earned because my mom has my debit card, ive asked her repeatdly for it and she always says "what do you need it for?" like what the hell its my card just give it to me. Then when we get into an arguement about it she says "fine i'll give you your card just dont ask me to buy you anything" and then the cycle continues (also she made my own personal bank account a joint account with hers) .if youve seen my previous posts you'd know last year during my freshman orientation week for university i paid 140 dollars with my own money for it (the only reason i saw that money was cause i got a check instead of a direct deposit). She only let me go to 3 of the 10 days of the orientation she didnt let me go to any of the parties cause (the school isnt safe at night) meanwhile she was the one that forced me to go to the school cause it was a commuter school because she didnt want me to live on campus. What should i do? She always says "you have to be bold and talk to strangers and go out more" meanwhile shes holding me inside all freaking day and its affected my social skills because of her my sister and i are afraid to walk down our own neighbourhood by ourselves because in highschool she wouldnt let us walk to the bus stop 5 mins away from the house by ourselves. How am i supposed to know the value of money if she wont let me handle my finances? How am i supposed to improve on my social skills if all i do is go to work and stay home cause she wont let me leave? Did you know nobody really invites me out anymore? Cause my mom used to always say no and now its happening to my younger sister (shes 16) im not saying that now that im 18 i have to be a fully independent adult cause im not but i just dont want to be controlled over everything, yes shes still a good mother but i need freedom, my dad is the complete opposite of her but i dont want to make this longer than it is. Thank you if youve read this far and answered

If Dads the opposite, has he tried to reason with her or is it that he won't because he wants to keep peace with her. Yes, we live in a dangerous world and it's good to be aware of your surroundings, but your mom has gone so far overboard in keeping you house bound that it points out to me, something is wrong with her thinking. It may simply be distorted thinking that leads her to make her choices concerning her children. Her over protectiveness may also be due to her having some very real phobia's that need treatment. Dad can't force her to go see any specialists but he can at least encourage her and say something about her being too overprotective to the point that its totally unnatural now.

As for bank accounts, if it was set up before you turned 18, then yes it's customary that a parent be a co-signer on the records for your account. But that is until you turn 18. You now no longer need her on there. The bank won't automatically change it over so you need to ask to have them change the account. While you're at it, Mom knows too much about the current account and may just take your card without asking since she seems to think its her privilege to do so. I recommend you not only close the old account but open a new one just for yourself. If there are any special requirements such as having a parent come in to the bank to be able to transfer money into the new account or to close it, then you might ask Dad but I don't see there being a problem. If you don't drive, then in the little bits of time in between classes and work, you need to find a bank that is really close to either school or work as it may mean setting up a new acct. If you go to a new bank, they will require some kind of deposit to open it. You could borrow the amount needed from another relative and promise to give their money back after your next paycheck is direct deposited to the new account. I actually had to do the same when leaving an abusive husband and my paycheck was direct deposited to our mutual account. I did not want to alert him and got the money from friends to open new account and as soon as my own paycheck went into the account, I pulled out the money I'd been loaned and gave it back. So you will need to let your HR dept. know that you need to change their direct deposit info as you have a new account.
As for the rest, as long as you continue to live at home, Mom will have control over you or least harass you for control even if you fight her over it. So to not complicate things for school, I'd say the best thing is to find a different living arrangement for free as I am sure it is with the parents. Try other relatives whom you know won't bend to do your Mothers will. Another way to find a place to stay is through your church or if you don't attend, start somewhere close by. My oldest when wanting independance from us, even though we were not a problem, asked her church pastor who announced it one Sunday and they got an older single woman volunteering. She stayed there for a while and saved up money for an apartment which she got into with a couple roommates soon after. She wasn't in college though.
I hope you realize that Mom is in the forever parenting mode and this may never change on her part. So you will have to nicely reassure her that though you love her, you are an adult and as such, I am going to make decisions for myself. That will include everything and you can go into details like where you go to school, what degree you go after or whether you will quit school and work full time for a while so you can get your own car or apartment with perhaps another college student. What matters more at this point I feel is getting the independence from Mom and the banking is one step, but then the other will be no longer living under the parents roof. That's why if its not possible as long as you are going to school and working part time, it may be better to let school go temporarily and start working full time or two p.t. until you can get into an apartment and that's also why you want a new Bank and account so Mom can't dip into your hard earned money meant to go towards your freedom. Having been sheltered as you were, you may really not know enough about what it all takes to be independent and how to make the best decisions. You did right to ask here. But it will be much better if you can find an older adult, friend or relative you knows you well enough and you respect their mind, and you rely on them to go for the more constant little things. Example, if you don't have a drivers license, you will need an adult who cares enough to help give you driving lessons or at least to use their car for your driving test. Try to do all these things without your parents help so your Mom can't say that you are relying on her in some way and her reasoning that gives her some right to meddle in your life without giving you any choices. I know this is hard to do. You aren't the only one who has ever written in asking for help to get away from meddling parents. Some are on their own in apartments and Mom still calls constantly or drops by unannounced at their door. Your Mom may go to those extremes as well. Just tell her what the boundaries are. If you want a call from her only once a day, say so, if only once a week, tell her so. You can answer but ask if its an emergency if its the 2nd call, and if its not like Dad in the hospital, then her, she is not observing your boundaries, this is the 2nd call this week, so I am going to hang up and do so even if she is still talking to keep you on the line. Or....you could change your cell number, make it private number so you can contact them but they won't have any number showing to call you back. If they are paying for your phone, you may want to hunt around for a plan you can afford, something basic like just calls to start, no internet or texting and work up to that when you can afford to. If theyre currently paying phone, you can't make these changes either. This is all just quickly off the top of my head. If you have a question about a what if situation on something I am not aware of, please let me know and I will do my best to give you some advice that will help.

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Hello, is sharing a ciggie mean anything at all between friends when out having drink? Is it intimate as i've heard so. Told him he can have the last one but he was the one who suggested to share before I go buy a new pack also he was the one who asked me if I'd fancy a drink. We both smoke but we've never shared a ciggie before. We talked and joked while sharing ciggie and I felt like there was a bit of flirt going on. We do joke loads but I don't know but felt different when we went out for a drink. What do you think? I mean I don't know if it's a date or not. He does say you're a good mannered girl and we both go to same college. Thankyou

This is dictionary's explanation for intimacy:
1. closely acquainted; familiar, close.
"intimate friends"

2.
private and personal.
"going into intimate details of his sexual
encounters"

Based on all that, just the sharing of a cigarette is an intimate act between close friends.

If you feel there was flirting, there probably was, women's intuition is pretty good at that. You might want to bring up some you-tube videos to watch on what body language signs a guy shows when interested. This is also a much needed sign to know if the flirting is a show of interest because sometimes people do not flirt because they are exactly attracted and want the other person in a close relationship. Even married couples will do harmless flirting just for the joy of it and to keep up their flirting skills. So there's always a chance the flirting isn't a serious enough factor to take in on its on. If you are considering the time spent with your male friend as an official date due to things that occurred, be careful, you may be overthinking it. I know of guys who never ask a girl out on an official date, like my 2nd husband and it just evolves from friendship to adding in being sexual partners and then both knowing that 'this person is the one' and both committing to a life long relationship with or with rings. If you want to know exactly where he stands, if he sees you only as a close friend and has no stronger feelings, or whether he is wanting you as his girlfriend but too afraid to ask you need to pose a question so it seems like a thought that just came to mind and not a planned question to gain information. Here's what to say:
We have been doing really great together as friends. It just made me wonder how we would do together as 'more than friends'. What do you think?
Its important to ask what he thinks for two reasons. One is that it will reinforce more that this was a thought that came up on the spur of the moment, not revealing that you might already have stronger feelings for him than just friends.
and 2. He will see this as his chance to say its a good idea if he is that into you and afraid to ask and so its easier to just slide easily into the relationship he may want. But just as well, because you asked his opinion, he may say he only likes you as a friend and nothing more so it wouldn't work as there are no romantic feelings towards you. Of course his words may not be exactly as I stated but will make the answer plain for you to see. You though must ask your question just as I stated, or you may not get the true answers you want. Then you'd know whether this is someone you can date or if he only remains a friend while you keep the feelers out looking for a guy for romantic interests.

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Lets start my saying that I don't identify myself as crazy or a sadist or anything like that, and being called that really hurts. When I try to get help from people about this I hear crazy quite a lot. I have two pet cats that I adore! I'm great with cats and usually become friends with one in a very short amount of time. Sometimes though, I get a little out of hand. My older cat doesn't like to be held. Sometimes when she makes me mad I'll hold her until she starts crying. If they don't eat their new food and then complain about being hungry my meowing really loudly and begging for table food, I'll hold their heads over the bowl until they eat and get used to it. If they make me really angry I'll pull their tails, or back them into corners. One time when I was really little I held them my their tails, until my mom screamed at me to put them down. I never did anything like that to tem since then, only the stuff I mentioned before. But when I do it, my heart feels funny. Like when you get a complamint from someone you admire. I really don't like what I'm doing, but sometimes I just lose control. I really don't want to talk to anyone about this, I'd rather deal with it on my own, but if I must, I'll try. These situations don't happen often, only about every month or less, and never to anyone else's cat, only mine. After an incident happens I feel extremely guilty. I'll give them treats, catnip, play with them, and pet them. Why do I do this, is there something wrong with me, am I really crazy?

Life is nothing but a school in which you pass thru 'grade levels' as you learn and mature. i am not talking about elementary, middle or HS. I am talking of the school of life. So granted, there will be those of us as souls who are less mature and have learned less than us or those who have learned more.

There are probably going to be things that right now you and I agree on and things that we don't as you may not have progressed to the level I am at on some things.
I am glad to see you've written in concerning this and its a hopeful sign that you feel guilty sometimes. Hate to bring in the church here in case you don't follow it, but there is a saying that applies, "God hates the sin but not the sinner'. If that is so, how can I do less. Yes, I feel there is a better way to handle your cats. I'll bet that you will agree that bullying is wrong if another person is forcing you to do something you don't want. I will agree with you on this though, when it comes to cats and dogs as pets, it can be very frustrating understanding them and knowing how to modify their behavior in ways that the animal chooses to do what you're hoping they will do. I also have never studied how to communicate with animals. I hope that growing up, your parents didn't force feed you if you refused to eat your dinner or Mom giving you long hugs and wet kisses right in front of your friends, embarrassing you and refusing to let you go until you actually hugged and hissed her back. This is as close as I can come to giving you a situation to think about if roles were reversed and you were feeling what your cat is feeling. So right off thats my first advice, put yourself in the other persons, or animals place. Inagine what its like for them by being them even if only in your imagination. This helps a person to have empathy, to be kinder, etc

Second, look for books and you tube videos on how to understand cats and how they communicate. I know from experience that cats and dogs will act as if they know what you are saying but they pick up on the pictures in your mind that accompany the words, mental telepathy. You've heard of the dog whisperer and now there is someone who does the same with cats. In all those shows, its rarely the pet that is a troublesome animal but the human who needs to learn how to treat the animal and how to communicate with it. So if books or videos don't help you, you might want to ask for professional help from a person who does this for a living.

If you find that after all this, you still feel yourself losing control and feeling angry enough to use force, then you may want to check in with a human professional, not for the pet but for you as there may be an anger issue. If you do, that's not strange at all. Anger comes about for many if they simply think thoughts that lead them toward anger, often distorted, untrue thoughts. Hey, all humans have these kinds of thoughts and dismiss them. But some of us will hold on to and dwell on them, the emotion growing, so in this case anger and frustration. I can't know what your thoughts are that lead up to these events but if this is going on at all, then like many others of us, you may need to talk to a professional and get anger management help. I do not see this as simply a cat issue. If what causes you to break down and treat them forcefully isn't dealt with, whether its training and learning for you or counseling for you, then this kind of thing can spread into other areas of life later with humans and cause problems there. There are men who treat women like this and they are considered abusive. HOwever, I had a past husband like that and he had no remorse and didn't feel any guilt. You do. so I know there is hope for you hon. Just know that this is not a good way to treat your pets and yes, animal lovers will label you as abusive. Don't let that s top you from seeking knowledge so that your future with your pets can be a more enjoyable one.

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So last summer I was gone for four months and a lot happened over the summer here at home. But me and this girl were dating for six months before hand and I had to leave for BCT, but before I left we've had plenty and I usually go down on her, so i know a lot about what it's like that there. Anyways, when I return back home she taste different, and smells different and has become loose. I don't really know if loosen has anything to do with sex, I'm pretty sure it starts to tighten back up shortly after sex. But I'm just a little concerned because she was going to the gym while I was gone, so the tightness of her vagina shouldn't have changed right? She also was doing drugs while i was away, which brings me to more worry. She told me about two incidents, both she said she was only given oral by a girl and another time a gay guy that i know gave her oral. Which she hid the gay guy situation from me for a little while. But what i am asking is did she do more or am i just way over thinking, too many rumors have hit my ears and I really just need some help here. I will throw in more details with answers that come.

Whoa there...let's not start assuming anything just because she tastes and smells different or feels tighter or looser. There can be scientific reasons why so I am listing a link to an article on why a vagina can smell different. So if any of the issues written about exist, then they could cause a difference in taste too.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/47318-why-does-my-vagina-smell-how-to-know-if-odor-changes-mean-you-have-a-problem

I do know that diet will change both how mens and womens body fluids taste. Saliva and cum to get to the point have differed greatly for me when with different men in the past. Those who are heavy meat eaters will taste different than those who eat little meat or non. If she has changed her diet, I am guessing a month is enough to change how she tastes, smells. I tend to also change my diet for the seasons and in summer I have more smoothies and fruits and salads and hardly any meat so if the fall/spring diet is different from summer, that could easily affect a person too.

Next, you mention tightness vs. looseness. The vagina of some women not having any sex can slowly shrink to be tighter from non use. If the female knows how to use her muscles, she can contract and tighten the vagina at will. If she has used a dildo while you were gone that was a larger size than you and used it alot, perhaps that stretched her out and made her seem a bit looser. She had 4 months for all these things to change in her while you were gone.
Be careful about accusing her of anything. If 6 months is all you had together before you were gone, it may not have been enough time for you to gain trust in her. It takes differeing amounts of time to gain trust depending on the person. So all this may just be due to your not yet having gained full trust and that is okay but to accuse her of screwing around behind your back when not true, is a very fast way to shut off her emotions for you and possibly cause damage to the relationship, such as her leaving you.
I won't say she did not do something while you were gone and the link does mention how some of the problems can come up by sexual contact. It is entirely possible that perhaps you were the one who passed something on to her, even if you never had symptoms but were a carrier. If you don't believe this, start researching on the web yourself. So unless you have a check up and Drs have a way to screen you for anything that could have been passed to her to cause a condition that produces bad smells, best not to assume she was with someone else.
I am concerned because you titled this 'cheating girlfriend' as if this is something that can be backed up in court with solid facts. It sounds to me as if your mind is already made up that she cheated. It may not be a matter of trust but simply that one of you is the wrong person for the other, as in she's wrong for you or you are wrong for her. If her behavior towards you hasn't changed and she seems to love you as much as before, then I'd say, its likely as is well and that more of what you believe you are feeling, smelling, tasting is only distorted thoughts based on how you feel, meaning mainly, having lack of trust. Tho do keep your eyes and ears open and observe her closely. If she is acting too cool towards you, maybe she's lost interest and is afraid of doing the "break up' conversation. Keep in mind that how you treat her can also make her cool off towards you. I have experience with this in my past. If the man treats the women the same but his mind and emotions are feeling she cheated, she may not know exactly what you're feeling but womens intuition can pick up on that and she may interpret it as you having lost interest in her and not having broken up yet, or wonder if perhaps what she is sensing mean you are hiding something, not being honest and may have cheated on her yourself.

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Did anyone else have a boring parent but still love them? It sounds like a silly question. I guess what I mean is have a good relationship with them.

I can only guess since what I consider to be boring may differ from what you feel it is or what the actual situation is.

Just to help you out, heres how I see boring: a person who talks in monotone, someone hard to draw into conversation, a person who doesn't talk much, lnly half listens to you and gets lots of what you said 'wrong' due to inattention,only some basics but never going into detail. Too quiet, too predictable, always follows a routine and never veers from it. No hobbies or interests and not interested in trying anything new. That's just off the top of my head. If this is what you are facing, then likely you will never enjoy spending big amounts of time with them. I assure you that everyone has as least one family member like that. So there will be a tolerance level. You may be able to handle hanging out, doing something or even just talking with such a person for only an hour before you are tired of it, maybe hours, or maybe a day or days. This does not have to affect loving them. You can love a family member but not prefer to be around them often or for any great lengths of time. I have family like that. See, with friends, or a life long mate, you can choose someone who is more your personality type and actually enjoy being around them for great lengths of time, like it is for me with my mate. But family you are born into, you don't have that choice of having them be the right fit to feel as close with as a close friend. So don't worry. I have differing tolerance levels for lots of my family. One sister I can hang out with for half a day but after that, I get antsy and tired of parts of her personality and I want to get away, another sister is coming into town later this month and hasn't seen me in a long time but I have talked with her on phone and just that drives me crazy. I will likely only last an hour or two if that when she wants to see me. I love my daughters too, but after hanging out with either one for an entire day or a whole weekend, I need time away. These are all nice people but to be honest, every person has their own personality traits or idiosyncrasies that after a certain amount of time, will start to bug me. So thats normal and nothing to feel guilty about.

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17/female
For the last 3 weeks ive had headaches from when i wake up and it lasts the entire day. I feel nauseas at least once a day. Im always tired and i get dizzy easily. I get out of breath quickly (usually i go to gym and i dont get out of breath but after 3 minutes on the bicyle i felt like i was gonna pass out). For about two days ive been getting weird pains especially by my feet as if my toe feels like its going numb and its sore.
Today i went to the beach and my back started paininh badly and now i have pains in the centre undet my boobs (i think its where the heart is). I googled it and i saw a picture about "how woman can tell if they're heading towards a heart attack" and all my symptoms was on the picture not one symptom i didnt have. Is it possible that i can get a heart attack? I drink a lot of redbull and lately ive been drinking coffee. Im not over weight or near to overweight my bmi is 20.1 which is normal.

I have read stories of teen athletes where one who seemed healthy and ran, collapsed due to heart issues. It was discovered that they had a congenital heart problem they were born with that doesn't cause problems and show itself until the conditions are right. I also know of a family with twin boys where one day, one twin did not wake up. He died in his sleep. It was a congenital heart issue as was discovered in autopsy. These boys were not in sports as far as I know.
So I advise going to your Doctor and I would stop the exercising until you see a Dr. regarding your heart to make sure it is okay to proceed. If exercisng is what's causing the added stress to your heart, you don't want to take chances. get checked out first and see if its something else and based on Drs. recommendation, do only whatever exercise or diet change, etc that Dr. recommmends.

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Can I put my Coach purse in the dryer?

The internet is a wonderful source of information. If you don't like the link i am pasting, seek one out yourself. To do a search these days is pretty easy. You can put in short phrases and get lots of hits. I put in a search for "Cleaning of Coach Purses", it's that simple.

http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-a-Coach-Purse

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So I have this granddad who's a horrible racist. He grew up in a time and place where black people didn't have the same civil rights that they do now and it was completely socially acceptable to treat them like $#!?. He's very stuck in his ways and doesn't realize how much things have changed nor does he like seeing how some things have changed. He hates it in fact and has this conviction that the way things were done back in his day (not just when it comes to this, but when it comes to anything) is the right way to do things.

I apologize if this offends anyone, but you'll never heard my granddad use the term African American and will rarely hear him say black. To him, they're n!&&ers and c@@ns. It makes me mad that he is such a horrible racist and makes so many racist comments and jokes because I have friends who are African American. I had an African American counselor in school who I met with once a week every week from the 7th Grade to the week before I graduated high school. She was amazing. She changed my life so much on ways that nobody else ever could. I had a lot of social and academic problems in school and she fixed them all. There's no telling what my life would've ended up like if it weren't for her. She passed away last August and it broke my heart. I loved her deeply. But if my granddad knew about any of this, he wouldn't care.

He feels that white people should have nothing to do with them. He says he considers himself a Christian, but once when my mom told him all about this Church sermon we heard that was discouraging racism and encouraging tolerance and unity between different races, all he had to say was, "Birds of a feather flock together" followed by a discussion about why he doesn't like black people.

He acts like he just doesn't understand white people who become friends with black people, but one thing he really hates and finds immoral is interracial couples. He boycotts TV shows with interracial couples on it and products that use such couples in their advertisements.

Now I have a problem. My darling son, Ewan is engaged to an African American girl named Jordan. Jordan is an angel. Coincidentally, she's related to the aforementioned counselor who changed my life. All I've ever wanted for my darling children when it came to marriage is to find someone who they were compatible with, who they loved more than anyone else in the world, who loved them every bit as much, who made them immensely happy, and who treated them well. Jordan has all of those qualities and more that I love about her. But we're all scared to death of my granddad finding out.

So far, we've all hidden it from him, but it hasn't been easy. My son, Dan (who Ewan is very close to) and I have talked about this and cannot figure out the best way to deal with this. We can't figure out who all should tell my granddad and who all should be there when he is told. My son, Jude thinks the whole family (including Jordan) should be there to help Ewan tell him and defend him and Jordan if my granddad flips out on them. My daughter, Lexi thinks Jordan should not be there or even know it's happening. My niece, Avery thinks Ewan should tell him alone and finally, my niece, Collins thinks no one should tell him.

This might sound cowardly, but I'm almost wondering if Collins is right. It's extremely unlikely that he will be in good enough help to make it to the wedding and, not to sound insensitive, but it's not likely that he had that much longer to live. I feel like I'm digging myself a deeper hole, but honestly, it may be possible that he'll never find out about this. My granddad has congestive heart failure and I'm seriously a little scared of what it might do to his heart if he finds out that his great grandson is engaged to an African American woman. I a little worried that it may literally kill him.

What do you think? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Or Ewan's?

If I were in your shoes, I would never tell him. If he is that set in his ways, and you already know how he would react, why tell him at all. I know you all may feel guilt not telling him but I think you'd all feel a heck of a lot worse if finding out made him have a heart attack or die. That would bring on guilt. Or how about if he is so angry at the rest of you who are okay with the mixed marriage and he refuses to have anything to do with the rest of you for the rest of his life, refusing toe see you or anyone in the family. That would make you feel anguish, your hearts breaking. THats another negative emotion. All this boils down to is a choice of picking your poison so to speak. There is no way to avoid having to deal with some kind of negative emotion. In your position, I'd rather deal with my own feelings of guilt at hiding it. Actually, considering the circumstances, I would probably not feel too guilty considering all the other things that would happen if he were told. Remember, nothing has changed his view all these years so unless one of you knows how to cause him to have amnesia, he is still going to react the same way, no matter which family member told him. If you all are so bent on telling him, how about letting Jordan just walk in and announce herself as his future family member? I'll bet he'd react the same way with any of you as he would to her walking in. So don't go looking for trouble. Don't mention he is engaged. Don't even mention that any of you are going to a wedding or that Ewan is even getting married. There is no way for him to find out unless one of you slips up and tells him. It doesn't sound like he is able to just get up and come visit any of you on his own if he's that ill.

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17/female/south african
Im in a really small school with only 13 people in a class. In grade 8 we got a teacher and we were her first class ( so she was 24 and is 26 now) and me and her became really close. She told me a few times im like the little sister she never had and she helped me through so much like breakups or just being there for me when i cried and she knew stuff not even my friends know (like molest and when i use to cut and stuff). She was my teacher for 2 and a half years then middle last year she moved to a different continent but we kept in contact and is now back here visiting for her wedding. She visited my school today but i wasnt able to talk to her as she was busy with other teachers and i had my friends and i didnt wanna be annoying because i knew shed wanna catch up with her friends. So i said hi and bye and she asked how im holding up. But i kinda feel bad now for incase it seemed like i didnt wanna talk to her. I really wanna catch up and talk so i wanna message her and ask if we can go for coffee sometime as im on school holiday after today and she only leaves in august. But will it be weird if i ask since she was my teacher?
Ps: shes the same age as my older sister so im used to being around older people

Not weird at all. She had a special connection with you already in your 8th grade. When I was in High School, the school nurse had several girls who took turns helping her out for a class period. All those girls, including me, wanted to keep in touch. This woman was somewhere between the ages of my Mom and Grandma. So when I had a reunion party of sorts a couple years after I graduated and invited them all, the school nurse showed up too and was very happy and honored to be remembered by us. So go ahead and enjoy.

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I have a friend who lost her great grandmother last week, she is so sad and I don't know what to tell her, I have no great grandparents at all, but I did lose all 3 of my grandfathers, 1 I didn't even know, and the other 2 I did.
I don't want to see her upset any more, but I don't know how to talk to her to make her fell better,when I lost my last grandfather it, felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, but I just don't know what to tell her!! Please help!!



Just be there for her. Just your presence is enough to let her know you care. Losing anyone, from sibling to parent, grand or great grand parents will bring on grieving in those left behind. If you have lost grandparents, then you already know what it is like to lose a loved one, no matter yours is grand and hers great grand. Allow her as much time as she needs to go through grieving, during which she will be sad as you were once. Don't expect her grieving to be over in the same time it took you. Its different for everyone.

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What does it mean when you remove a blanket from a mirror and the glass is gone

The glass of a mirror does not remove itself or disappear under any circumstances, and that includes if a blanket was draped over it at first.

Do a web search for why mirrors are covered in the home of the deceased

Here is just one:
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2969340/jewish/Why-Are-the-Mirrors-Covered-in-a-House-of-Mourning.htm

You can look for more. I have heard its covered to keep the deceased soul from getting stuck in the mirror. These are all myths with no scientific evidence that it is so.

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How do you know if he actually is into you through all this light humour manner? Known for a while. Can be hard sometimes to know what he's been up to but how do they simply behave or chat once they know they are interested in their female friend?? Do they try to hide?

Taking your questions one at a time.
First one: How do you know if he actually is into you

To know 100% for sure is to hear it from his own mouth followed by actions that show he has deep feelings for you. Humor can't be counted on to tell if a person likes you as a friend or as more than a friend. But wanting to and choosing to talk with you and hang around with you does mean there is a level of interest, whether as a friend or more. Even you would not choose to hang around a guy you did not find interesting as a friend or more. No one would. Guys are no differeent.

2. how do they simply behave or chat once they know they are interested in their female friend?

I'll tackle the last part first 'once they know they are interested in their female friend' cus to me just at base value, it assumes the guy will actually realize he has deeper feelings for a girl than friendship. Next the word 'interest' is too loose a term since males find it easier to fall into lust with a female than to fall in love. Both are important but it would be a mistake to assume a guy is in love when his interest is much more shallow. Don't think that isn't so. I was married to a guy who in the end after decades told a counselor he had never been in love with me.
As to whether a guy changes his behavior once he realizes it. Put yourself in his shoes. How easy is it to point blank confess your feelings when there is a possibility the other persons feelings don't go any further than friendship. Too many women and men have no idea what to do because of a fear that once they say something in such a case, that the other would stop being friends because of how awkward it makes them feel. So I am not just answering for how a guy would act, it's really no different than how a female would act. If there is genuine interest of the kind you are hoping for, body language may give you better cues. There are things we do subconsciously without even thinking about it, motions, actions, without realizing that these are glaring clues. Most the signs are the same for both sexes but there are a few unique to women such as tossing their hair back and exposing their neck for him to view. It never looks deliberate because women don't know they are doing it. If you search on you tube for videos of body language that someone has interest in you, you should have plenty to watch and learn from. I periodically go and watch more of these so I don't forget anything.

3. Do they try to hide?
If by chance a guy really is crazy about you, he just might hide it if not sure you feel the same. So his actions or talk do not change here. If he only says I like you, that may not mean love, its too weak a word as it can be taken several ways. If he only says I love you but never shows it in his actions, in fact treating you the opposite of what those words mean, then he cancels them out. Some guys won't try to hide it but the clues still may not stand out to a girl. I suppose it depends on how well you know a person to spot subtle differences. You have seen romantic movies of a guy who buys his lady friend some roses, opens doors for her, takes her out. This would not sound like he is hiding anything. This looks like a sign that a guy is crazy about the girl. Yeah, some guys know for sure right from the start that they have deep feelings for the gal. But how they show it might not resemble what you see in movies. Purchasing a gift for you isn't the only way people show love. If interested, you can research for yourself on the web to read about the '5 love languages' originally written by a Christian author and now its popularity for its simple but right to the point teaching stands true no matter what beliefs a person has so everyone has something on this. A person will show love in the way they want to receive it instead of paying attention to signs of what love language their person of interest needs to feel loved. Too many may have feelings but are showing them in a way that the other person doesnt comprehend. So the love languages is also an important study besides body language. When you can lean back on the knowledge of these things, I believe you'll feel better equipped to figure it out correctly for yourself. Good luck.

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What is Digital Marketing?

Looks like no ones answered any of your questions. Well today I came across a website on my Facebook feeds and am putting the link here for you. I am not sure but some of your questions may get answered here or at least you may be able to find where to re-direct them.

https://www.facebook.com/digitalconceptsbiz/

Good luck.

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