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is this person using me?
So i have this "friend" (we'll call her Kayla) who basically in high school only talked to me when she needed something. I planned to cut her off after high school but i ended up keeping her around because she was funny and outgoing. However, she would take days to reply to a text if you text her and sometimes she would read the text and respond days/weeks later or whenever she felt like it. She hung out with my friend (we'll call her Haley) and i once in the winter time. Now that summer is here we've been asking her to hangout with us but everytime we do its always an excuse "i have fam over" or "not today but next time" or "no i dont want to do that" or "gas is expensive" (even though we have offered to pay for gas/or drive instead. So haley had the last straw with her when Kayla would take days to respond to a text and always cancelled on plans. So haley asked kayla to come to her birthday party and it would me the world to her but of course kayla said no but she will hangout with her next time. So haley cut kayla off and i decided to finally cut her off too, because this whole summer we've asked Haley to hangout multiple times and she would always come up with excuses i even told her to come hangout with me,haley and this guy i told her to come cause i didnt want to be their 3rd wheel and of course kayla said "no im not doing anything today" then when i asked her to come hang with us, she read the message and didnt respond till i got back saying "how was the mall?". Now here is why im asking this question. After that day i stopped talking to Kayla cause it seemed to me she didnt value our friendship, we would always ask her to hangout on days we knew she was free but she still rather stay home. So anyways 2 days ago Kayla called me about 6 times talking about some boy and then she invited me to hangout with her at her summer school cause "shes alone during her breaks" meanwhile when i was alone she always had an excuse to not to come. Whenever i texted her she took days to respond but now all of sudden shes been trying to get a hold of me to talk about this boy and ask me to hangout at her school. She even called me at work twice, i told her im at work stop calling and she said (go to the back and answer) obviously i couldnt do that bc the owner of the resturant was there when she called and he is always watching. So do you think shes using me now that shes "alone"? Also she told me her summer is boring since all she does is stay home, but when we invite her out she never wants to go. By the way im 18 and Kayla and Haley are 19
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
When you offered to pay her gas and she still wouldn't meet, you had your answer already....that she does not prefer you two as friends. If it really was about anything else,like gasoline, then she would have come over. It may seem like her intent all along was to find someone to use, to entertain her when she was bored, but I am betting that she didn't know when she befriended you, until after some time spent together that you didn't have enough in common for her to have any real interest or care about you as friends. Once she did know, she distanced herself and when bored, thats the only time she needs you? Doesn't she have other people in the world she knows? I am starting to think that there may be very few people she does know and is friends with if she can not find anyone she does like as a friend to spend time with instead of you two with whom she feels she has little in common. So you can feel sorry for her. I am thinking that either she has some genuine lack of how to relate to people skills, it could be an actual disorder that falls under ASD, (autism spectrum disorders) I know a couple people -one family, who have mild cases but that messes with their ability to handle relationships normally. And one of those two, uses people most the time, the other is all over the place, your best friend one minute and ignoring or abusive the next and yes a Dr. has diagnosed both.
The truth is, unless this is a parent or sibling and family that you are stuck with, you do have a choice whether to spend time with a person who has inter-personal disorders if the problem is not that you have nothing in common as friends. It is up to you to choose what you wnat. You can find other funny, outgoing people who will appreciate you as a friend.
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