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What should I do? Have boyfriend, but always thinking of someone else...
I have a boyfriend but I also have feelings for my best friend from first grade. I don't know what to do. Things are going good between me and my boyfriend but I'm always thinking about my best friend.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If things are good between you and boyfriend, and he is the most perfect person for you and you can see yourself with him all your life and maybe having kids with him some day, then there is no reason to act upon your feelings for someone who is a best friend.
If things are good enough but you wished things were even better between you and bf, maybe your mind is subconsciously doing the 'grass is always greener elsewhere' sort of thing.
I can say this though, the one thing you have for sure is the current bf. If you were only saying things are good in hopes to trick yourself into believing it when you don't really want him, then you should just break it off. One of the purposes of dating is to determine if in the long term, a person is going to make a terrific choice for a partner. He may be a good guy but if he is too quiet for you and you are chatty, in the long term, something like that can make a relationship not so good when he tires of you talking all the time or you tire of trying to get him to talk to you.
Our minds can imagine quite a lot and make up more of the details that are not a reality in real life.
So thoughts of someone are not enough to base any life choices on. You may not have any sort of choices to make to begin with.
The question is, has the best friend been showing signs that make you think they may have deep feelings or be in love with you? Just because you think so does not mean that something more than friends exist. Lots of signs can be misinterpreted.
Heres another piece of info that may be helpful at some point for you. Any truly great successful relationship has a solid foundation of two things but many get into relationships based on only one, which in the long term doesn't work.
One is being each others best friend, or close friend. A person who treats you like a close friend will be treating you way better than just the average person. The second is having your romantic sexual equal, having the same libido-how often or how little you both want sex, the romance, the love and both want to totally satisfy their partner. So it is not unheard of, actually quite common that a person who has been a best friend for a long time, if they at some point develop the romantic feelings for their best friend, the two share their feelings and move on to adding the romantic part of a relationship. Being a best friend isn't enough for a long happy couples dating or marriage type relationship. Likewise, just great sex only, is not enough to base a relationship on. Often the sex is great but you are otherwise ignored, neglected or mistreated.
Leaving a person with whom you have only one of those 2 foundations for relationship for another with whom you also have only one of those crucial things, is not an improvement. It may be novel for a while but it runs out fast when both are not present.
So I am saying that since you are not single, you are not able to investigate the best friend further to see if he's right for you. You'd have to be single to do that. Don't leave the current bf just to find out if there's something more with the best friend in hopes it's even better than what you have now.
There's also NRE (new relationship energy) to consider. This is a heightened excitement with your heart and head feeling they're in the clouds. All is so wonderful. But after a while, the super strong excitement dies down to what the normal feelings will be. While not the exaggerated feelings, what is left can be very real and true. Just because that unreal excitement is gone doesn't mean the love is gone. Then others who thought they were perfect for each other due to NRE, once it wears off, realize that there is nothing left at all and they break up. If you are plenty happy with current boyfriend, you may have to stop yourself every time you think of the best friend and tell yourself that he is just friend, not bf and not to keep having romantic feelings that don't belong. You may discover your mind wanders to thoughts of him every couple of minutes and trying to s top dwelling on him and telling yourself what you want to have stop can be overwhelming, as it can take a while but should happen less and less over time.
Without more info or even your age, I could only write this as generic info I would tell anyone. If there are very important pieces of info you left out that you think might change what I say, then by all means, write to me from my column and I'll try to help.
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