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MEN IS THIS TRUE OR FALSE, THIS CAME FROM ANOTHER SITE...THANKS
If we are not having sex, there is no relationship nor will there be one. You are in the friend zone babe w/o 1st call privileges.
Why do so many women not understand that. Men should not be kept at bay like a drooling dog. Women know in the 1st 3 minutes whether they are going to sleep with guy, why do they keep stringing them along? Be honest and up front.
For the guys accept the hint and move on, it is plain common sense and courtesy.
Second rule just because I am sleeping with you does not mean we have a relationship. You have to prove you are worth having a relationship with.
Sex does not make a relationship, however there will be no relationship w/o sex. If a woman thinks so. I do hope she enjoys her Cats, Knitting and Soaps.
*** I feel that sex shouldn't determine weather or not you have/can have a relationship with a person...I think if people stopped having sex before marriage and stop basing their relationship off sex there'd be a lot more husbands and wives and less babymamas and daddies...so, what's your take?***
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The title asks for males to comment but statements like the ones you provided can't be answered one sided. I am female and believe that viewpoints on sex and relationships will differ all over the place depending on lots of factors. To name a few, whether its a male or female's opinion as men and women think differently, our minds view things differently, whether a person has been jilted before, whether they have a high or low libido, if they were raised with religious teachings that state no sex before marriage, fear of relationships and or committment due to viewing parents really terrible relationship growing up, etc.
I will now go through what you've written and give my own opinion based on what I've learned in life.
"If we are not having sex, there is no relationship nor will there be one." I think we may need to relabel sex to something different for some women. Women seem more geared to feel and react to romance and love and if there is a low libido and the man's is high, he may not be happy with how little she wants sex. I found the best description of this situation in an except from a book by Linda Papadopoulos in a book "What Men Say, What Women Hear" Here is that except in better explanation than I could come up with.
"Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
One Night Stands: involves maximum excitement and minimum commitment. Men are more interested in them than women because they are better at separating sex and emotion than women are. Therefore after a one-nighter with a guy the female is left wondering what their encounter meant or where it will go from here, believing there must be more to it than just sex at the spur of the moment. Men are more prone when seeing a good looking women, to feel lust. On other hand women spotting a model type guy generally think, he's hot but aren't necessarily thinking sex.
Sex Hormones: determine our drive, arousal and orgasms. Both men and women want sex as much as the other but at different times and for different reasons. Men want it more regularly, due to testosterone. Women's hormones make her response less predictable, occurring sporadically & dependent on other influences.
Influences on Sexual views: Come from ones upbringing either open minded or that sex is a sin or dirty. Or it comes from society where men are expected to make the first move and be sexually aggressive. If he doesn't he is thought to be effeminate or gay. If women do the same being open to casual sex, they are labeled as easy or slut. Always communicate during sex or you can not blame the other for getting it wrong. During a business meeting with a client, or to hairdressers for a hair cut, you are sure to communicate what you want and your expectations. He doesn't need to take the lead in communicating here."
I whole heartedly agree that this is the way it is for most people. I seem to be one of those few females for whom the emotional bond does not seem to necessarily be tied in to the sex act. I have had sex simply for sex sake just to have it regularly after a divorce with guys who were nice enough but were not long term relationship material as in a new husband. I also see sex with my now 2nd husband as the one gift we can give to each other that conveys how much we love and appreciate each other. We both see it the same way and first do things for each other and treat each other like something precious so the love is felt already there. The sex is just an outpouring of that love.
"Men should not be kept at bay like a drooling dog." I think I understand what that means. Women do not understand men here. It seems they forget that males are visually oriented and are going to respond to what they see in ways she would not if she were in his shoes. The majority of males in their teens are known to want to have their first sexual experiences with females and willing to try anything to get it, including mislead them. So I think young women are conditioned to believe that all men are like that, even when they mature and grow older. For those men seeking a relationship, it is hard to get a female to trust them now. Trust takes time to develop to the point a female may be willing to share herself sexually. So here comes in the waiting period for men wanting to experience her sexually and due to how Linda explained how women feel regarding sex, women may not be willing for some time to go to the level of having sex even if they are looking for a long term relationship. Females tend to overthink every little thing a guy does from the questions I get on here. They wonder if something he said or did was actual flirting and I have to explain there are different kinds of flirting so some wont mean he is interested in a relationship.
"Women know in the 1st 3 minutes whether they are going to sleep with guy," There are too many variations with this belief to be really taken to heart. YEs, if she is not worried about finding a guy for a long term relationship and whether after sex it does or does not turn into a relationship is fine with her, then this female is more like a male, responding to what her eyes see and just wanting sex cus he looks hot. She is more after the sexual experience than concerned with who he is as a personality. This type of female does not always make a good choice for a relationship if she's only basing her interest on sex. So there are lots of women who do not know whether they are going to have sex with a guy in the first 3 minutes, first 3 days, or whatever, until they have seen enough from that guy to know they like his personality too. They have to like or fall for more than just the sexual experience to want to continue on with a guy and believe that if they have sex too early that a guy who is truly hoping to meet the women who will one day be his wife, might be turned off, thinking she's too easy, slutty, and that she just may be like that even in a relationship with him, wanting other men for sex as well rather than committing to one. Men and women both have the capability to cheat but the thought processes that lead them to believe such a person is a good choice for a relationship can be very different.
I believe there are 2 important foundations to a relationship, mostly learned through my own life experiences but seem to ring true to what I've read about relationships from psychologists. The foundation to a happy satisfying successful relationship for both, is a two fold base, one being each others best friend (this is how you treat each other with love and care and are there for each other. The other is the sexual compatibility. Unfortunately too many men and women end up in marriages with only one or the other present. How could a guy marry a gal whom sex is not agreeable between them? I think its NRE (new relationship energy) which is a heightened awareness of feelings, great excitement which is often much stronger than the strong solid love of relationship that IS normal. Its' like being on a drug. In fact many are addicted to this feeling and once it wears off, they break up and look for the next person to get their 'fix' of relationship excitement. Don't believe me? Then think of a time as a kid you couldn't wait for Christmas to get a toy you wanted and obsessed over for months. When you finally got it, it was exciting for the first few days or weeks but slowly lost its appeal as the excitement wore off and you realized it no longered captured your attention like it once did. It happened to me several times. So I learned quickly what type of games, toys were bound to hold my attention indefinitely due it is being perfect for my personality. The same goes for humans, you want to find the person that for whom you feel that new relationship excitement is still going to be special and interest in that other person can be carried on due to how well your personalities mesh.
As to being honest up front, thats easy only if both people know what they want or what type of person is best for them. Heck even I didn't know this when I was young and married the first time. I wish this was a concept taught to young people so they knew how important it is to finding that elusive relationship. After 1st marriage of abuse towards me and raising kids til they were out of the house, I had some knowledge of what I didn't want. I prayed and asked God to send me the right man. His answer was to make a list of what I needed and another of what I wanted in a relationship. This meant I had to understand myself very well, to the point I could sell myself in a relationship profile on line with my strengths just as one would for a job interview. Once I realized what I really needed which would be a deal breaker if not existant in the guy, I was able to come up with a list of criteria for the males. A few were put off by it or let me know which one point they did not qualify on. Others never read it at all and just wrote to say I am hot and sexy but nothing else and nothing in their profiles. I was trying to go at this logically and needed more data than that to narrow down a search for someone right for me. I let guys know where I stood sexually, what I was open for and that I required a man who wanted to fall in love and wanted sex often and would go for long times too. Most men won't find that in a profile but it intrigued enough to write me. I was looking for the whole package deal now since the first husband never was in love with me and admitted that to a counselor, he also had low libido and I had a high one. In reading a message from the man I married 2nd time around, I did not know in the first 3 minutes of reading his text or even in a phone call whether I'd have sex with him. There is such a thing as a pheromone connection and that is what makes a romantic kiss different depending on whether there is a connection or none. When no pheromone connection, a romantic kiss from such a man, and yes, I kissed each man at the end of a date, especially if I got along well with them as a person (the friendship part of the relationship foundation). A kiss in such a situation was actually gross, feeling more as if it was romantic kiss from my brother or father, just disgusting. This has nothing to do with skill or knowledge which men may tend to think, but all pheromone related. So when I met him briefly during his break time in driving a delivery truck, it was my first chance to be in his presence. It wasn't a date but I could feel a certain level of interest, although not quite sure and it wasn't the setting or timing to give a kiss. By a few days, later, he texted during the day that he needed another hug from me. I happened to be in the area of his route and said I could give him that hug quick on the route. He got the hug and I was hoping he would kiss me but he didn't and it wasn't a break time for him, so he left. It wasn't until a week later that he asked me to come by his place where I returned a book he gave me that first brief meeting and he returned a book of mine he had repaired when it was falling apart, that I had a chance to get a kiss. I thanked him with a kiss for fixing my book and I liked the kiss very much and now knew that it wasn't just that he was visually appealing to me but we also had that right pheromone connection. It got so late with us just talking that eventually he offered that I could stay over to sleep rather than do the long drive home late. I laid in his bed and he still was not making the first move. So I initiated sex.. Afterwards he told me that he had this personal rule that if a woman did not want to have sex with him, initiating it within the first 3 times they met, that he would consider they didn't have enough chemistry to make this work. It made sense to me. He wasn't asking me or making the first move because he could not trust that I was interested in him that way. I still had to know what he was like as a lover, did he have a high libido and like the same sexual things I did. So I found he was a very attentive lover. And of all the times we spent together, I was never booty call, he actually enjoyed doing other things with me, wanting to hear about my childhood, my family, my hobbies, and do other things together (as good friends would) it was an equal balance of the friend and the sex (lover) so I knew right away that he was the one for me to live the rest of my days out with. He asked me to move in with him in a month and asked me to marry him which we did right away. We were both older now and knew we didn't want to face yaers of waiting, for what, when we knew we were right for each other and as of 2 days from now, we'll have been together 8 years. It seems we are the exception to whats happening out there. I feel most people who after some time do know what they want are not honest up front for fear of scaring a person away and having no opportunities. Start with yourself. Decide who you really are deep down and based on that, what type of qualities you require or don't want. For example a kid who grew up with the horrors of abusive alcoholic parents may not ever want to trust and date a person who drinks, period!
Once you know what you want, when you fist meet someone, you can tell them you are interested in them but before you ask them out, you need to let them know what type of person you are, you are the guy or gal looking for that someone to settle down with and have kids with. Important to know before you date in case the other doesnt want to settle down or does want to marry but never wants kids but you do. You let the person know if you have no plans to marry and are happy being a friend with benefits and not to expect anything more. HOwever if feelings change for either of you along the way, that you both should let the other know and then decide whether to keep going or not. If the guy is more into just wanting a female for sex for a few times, but nothing after that, yeah, you might not get many takers but at least it won't be a messy situation. If you are female, all the same apply to you as well.
And to end, I agree there can't be a couple relationship without sex. However it also will never be a real good relationship if there is sex but you both are not treating each other like one would a best friend, then it also won't work.
As to having sex before marriage and fatherless children being raised, teens of today have so little reproductive or sexual knowledge that it is frightening and what is at the base of those baby mama/daddy problems, not the fact it occurs before marriage. There can be commitment with or without a marriage license. These are relationships where there was no commitment, no birth control was used, or only condoms used which isn't good enough for birth control as accidents can happen with condoms. Very few HS's have any health education classes anymore in the country, and it is lack of this information and teaching that has so many young people assuming that having sex is going to teach them what they need to know and that is not so. That is why I get questions asking if following cum will make you pregnant, if anal sex will make her pregnant, if as long as the penis is not inside of her but his cum is everywhere on her outer genitalia that she won't become pregnant at all, if one can get pregnant dry humping and the list goes on. It really is quite sad. I give the answers but also let them know its not their fault they didn't know, but if they don;t start to self educate and study everything they can about the physiology of our bodies and sexual organs, then it is going to be their fault if they get pregnant from this point on. I even give a good site or two for teens to start learning from. I should include college aged as plenty here also have no idea. And some of these people who still know zilch reach 30 and are still making the same mistakes with guys having gotten a half dozen of women pregnant and being the biological father to many, or women who have 4 kids, no husband and each child has a different daddy. This is where I believe society starts to fall apart, no home life or family units of a happy mother father couple as parents and good examples to their children of what a healthy relationship should be.
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