Gender:
MaleMember Since:
June 18, 2009Answers:
8136Last Update:
May 26, 2019Visitors:
139553Favorite Columnists
karenR
AyyItsKristen
Erinn_the_bamf
Xui
storageanddisposal
lvr
Smartone
bewise
GradingCurve
anonymous99
HildaJrCarter
more...
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Abusive Relationships
Cooking
View All
about
My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
So I've been a cashier at a certain major chain of gas stations for about 3-4 months now, and at our particular location, there has been non-stop drama, resulting in 3 people quitting and 2 people getting fired. Needless to say, it's been a stressful few months. I had been doing a great job not being involved in all the drama for a while, until I got dragged into this particular scenario.
A couple months after I was hired in, my coworker Sam (or so we'll call him) joined us at our station. He was a hard worker, and we got along great. We joked around with our similarly sarcastic humor. But it started to all go downhill. You see, I started to take notice of his shifting moods. One moment we'd be laughing, and 20 minutes later he'd be short with me. He seemed to have a hard time leaving his personal life out of his work life. For instance, he informed us one night that his brother was missing "again", and from there he was, to put it bluntly, a dick all night.
We had a heart-to-heart one night, and discovered we had a lot of the same issues in life, and we bonded. But of course the next day, he came in scowling. When he's in a bad mood, he pulls stuff like punching out for breaks and not telling us, going off to work on the cooler for an hour and a half straight, snapping at us, just being generally rude. He got into a lot of drama with our coworkers, he kept calling managers and tattling when it wasn't necessary. It got hard for me to keep up with his mood swings, so I began distancing myself a little. Just because we're friends, doesn't mean you get to disrespect me.
One day his mood was particularly foul, and I'd had enough. So I remained professional, but short in our encounters. Then I was with a customer, when I heard him punching-out. He headed for the door, and I asked "... Are you taking your lunch?" "Yup," he responded. "You know Sam, it'd be nice to know that." He then snapped "ASHLEY. I'M TAKING MY LUNCH."
Obviously I was peeved, but I calmed down by the time he came back. He then was back to relying on me with questions about how to do our job (which he did A LOT).
There then was a bit of a sketchy situation going on. A DRUGGED UP lady was ditched by her drug dealer boyfriend and was using our phone. Sam informed me (this time!) that he was taking his break. I asked if he could stay here, and not leave (go to his car, etc.), that I didn't feel comfortable being by myself in this situation. He shot me this overly-perplexed look and said "I'm just taking my break Ashley, I'm not going anywhere," in a harsh tone. I couldn't take it anymore. "Sam, I'm not yelling at you, I'm just asking. No need to raise your voice."
"Raise my voice? RAISE MY VOICE? YOU WANT RAISE MY VOICE?!!?" He then gets a foot away from my face and screams, so loud that my ears were vibrating and hurting, about how he's sick of my shit, how he's sick of everyone and sick of this whole station. I said please stop, and that I'd call a manager if he didn't. "GO AHEAD AND DO THAT ASHLEY. GOD I NEED A NEW JOB." He called his girlfriend, starting yelling at her about it and he punched out. Luckily it was 8:30p and another coworker was punching in, because I needed to go in the back room and sob. I felt like I was going to get decked in the face. Mind you I've never gotten in any fights or screaming matches. I'm a nice person, not to mention I'm a woman, and he's a man. I couldn't stop crying. My coworker got worried and called for a manager to come and talk to me. The guy wrote down my story, Sam's story, and left. I had to leave early because Sam refused.
I was going to quit for fear they wouldn't do anything about it (it's happened with previous drama mentioned), but I heard he'd been fired, so I came back. Last week he sent his girlfriend in to buy stuff for him (I recognized her and his car), but last night he came in. As soon as I saw him I went to the back room and asked my coworker washing dishes to handle him for me. As I left he yelled "Good bye Ashley!" and he told my coworker "Tell Ashley Sam says hi," and left.
He was obviously doing it maliciously. I'm afraid of what he'll do next. He doesn't have a job yet, so he can just come in anytime he wants a power trip. And I really don't give a shit how he gets his entertainment, I just can't put up with feeling like I'm going to get screamed at, hit, or like I can't go out to my car every time he comes in.
My question is, do I have the right to say "The other cashier will service you, otherwise please leave," or something along those lines? I feel small and unsafe when he comes in. I'm afraid he'd going to catch me when my coworker is on break so I have to confront him. I want to talk to my manager about it, but I'm afraid she'll say "Tough." I guess I just want to know what my rights are? I can't service him, I just can't. I'm prepared to quit over it.
Pleeeaase help, this whole thing is so unfair and unwarranted, it just hurts.
Thanks, and sorry for my lengthy question.
Short answer is; No I do not think you can refuse him service unless he is doing something, at that time, to warrant that refusal
What you can do is go to the district court and ask for an order of protection from him. If your fear of him is justified. The court will issue an order of protection ordering him to stay a certain distance from you at all times. This would mean he would have to stay away from your place of business, your home and anyplace else you might be or risk being arrested and going to jail. These orders of protection usually last for a period of one year.
The best chance of getting an order of protection is to have a lawyer draw up the order and accompany you to court. If you cannot afford one you can have one appointed for you. Speak to the Clerk of the Court at the District Court House.
I recently started this new diet and I have been exercising a lot. Now I am 5 days late on my period. My boyfriend and I decided to wait til I am a week late to get a test. I started this diet 5 days about and lost 5 pounds. I feel really pressured to do this diet. I have actually done well and stuck to it for once. I am an athlete but it is extremely hard for me to lose my belly fat because My family is all diabetic and they think I am too. I also am going through an extremely stressful time with my stepmom. That causes me to stress eat. I am not ready for a baby. Is it possible for my new diet to have delayed my period?
Short answer yes.
Exercise and dieting can cause you to miss or be late with a period. In your case based on what you have written you have lost to much weight in one week. You should lose no more than 1 to 3 pounds in any given week.
Have you ever heard the term Anorexia? It is a severe eating disorder. The problem with this disorder is the same problem people have with dieting when they do not need too. It is actually more harmful to be 10 pounds underweight than 10 pounds overweight.
The reason for this is, the body needs a certain amount of calories each day in order to operate all of the bodies systems. The bodies primary system is the brain. If the body does not get the calories it needs each day to operate it will protect the brain at all costs. To do this it will shut down different systems one by one that it can't maintain in order of least important to maintaining life. In a woman it will be her period first.
You are by no means an Anorexic. Though by exercising heavily and dieting at the same time. You are doing to yourself the same thing that an anorexic does to themselves by not eating. You are not taking in enough calories by dieting for your normal activities. Add to it you are exercising as well and your calorie intake is way to low. You could be damaging, unknowingly, other vital organs. You also feel you may be diabetic which further compounds the problem.
My advice is: STOP DIETING AND EAT PROPER MEALS STARTING NOW. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COMPLETE PHYSICAL WITH YOUR DOCTOR TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE NOT HARMED YOURSELF BY DIETING AND EXERCISING IMPROPERLY. ASK THE DOCTOR IF YOU ARE THE PROPER WEIGHT FOR YOUR HEIGHT, FRAME SIZE AND AGE. GET CHECKED FOR DIABETES.
Once you have the okay from your doctor if you need to diet do so under the doctor's supervision as you are an at risk patient and need to be monitored for Diabetes, for the rest of your life.
There are specific exercises to tone up muscles. You will gain some weight but it will be healthy weight as you will be turning fat into muscle and muscle weighs more than fat.
If your still in high school, and do not need to lose weight, speak to a gym teacher about a proper exercise program to firm up your stomach muscles.
If you are not in school go to a gym and sign up with a professional fitness counselor to help you firm up your body with proper exercise. My son did this. He needed to lose weight and tone up different muscles. He is a firefighter/paramedic and he had let himself go and he was feeling it. In 6 months working with a fitness counselor who also planned his diet, which has him eating more than ever. He has lost 8 inches around his waist and over 20 pounds. Two more pants sizes and he will be down to his high school pants size.
He has not lost as much weight proportionately to the number inches on his waist. As I said he has turned much of the fat he was carrying into muscle. He looks a lot thinner than you might think from my description.
The best part is the results were almost instant. HE did it the right way under supervision without harming himself. You have a risk that needs to be monitored. You need to do exercise and any dieting if needed properly. What I have written about is the proper way for you to do this. Exercise with a gym teacher or a fitness counselor monitoring you and with your doctor's supervision..
So I have to give a little bit if background. I went on a birth control, shortly after I was feeling really sad and didn't want to be around anyone. Eventually I just found myself crying randomly everyday and just inhappy with everything and I was insecure. Of course this led to problems in my relationship, I was insecure and no longer trusted my boyfriend of 3 years( he did absolutely nothing different from before). Now I am off the birth control and am getting much better but I still have really big problems with trusting him and I would just like to hear some suggestions on how to rebuild that trust and maybe get back to the way we were before. I am a female and i am 20
I have never heard of birth control medication causing depression though I'm sure it is possible. What you write about how you felt sound very much like you were suffering from some type of depression. As I am not a doctor and since your were not screened for depression we will just have to assume that was the problem.
Should I be correct in my assumption the best way I know to regain what you've lost would be through professional counseling with a qualified therapist such as a psychologist. For in order to regain what you lost you must first identify why you lost it and what triggered the loss.
People who suffer from depression also suffer with problems of perception. I know this as I suffered from depression for many years before seeking treatment. Perception is reality regardless if it is true or false. The problem with depression is the reality of what we see or hear is twisted by the depression making it true to us but false in reality. A somewhat over simplification. A therapist can explain it far better than I can.
I do not believe the medication was the cause more so the catalyst for depression that was just needing a trigger. What I suggest is you make an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical. You will need one anyway before treatment for depression to rule out any organic cause. Ask your family doctor to screen you for depression. The screening is simply answering a bunch of questions the doctor can use to make a diagnoses. Make sure to tell the doctor about when you were on birth control and how you felt while on birth control. Then follow your doctor's advice should talk therapy be recommended.
At 20 you should still be on your parent's health insurance or have your own, Either way your health insurance will cover most if not all of the costs.
I have an issue which I have never revealed to my friends at work, mostly because I have gotten rather self conscious about it. Basically I have an abnormally fast metabolism which causes me to eat an abnormal amount. I was born with this. People talked about it all the time I was growing up. In high school and college I was a serious athlete which definitely added to my appetite. It could be embarrassing and even my understanding friends who didn't mind me cleaning out their fridge would constantly remark on my appetite, tell me I was SO lucky, and generally make me feel like a freak when I felt like a snack at odd times. I have seen several doctors about this and had many tests with no results. I am not fat. I am 5'10" and about 150 pounds. I am 25 years old and I do a lot less athletics now but I still eat 6000-7000 calories a day.
In college I got tired of all the comments and questions so when I got a job I decided to keep my diet to myself. I work in marketing running booths at trade shows which does give me time escape and have a snack. I carry a couple of sandwiches in my purse to satisfy afternoon hunger pangs and I usually go out for a late night second dinner after everyone else is asleep. No one really has any idea about it.
Now there is going to be a 3 day retreat for training at a camp near Santa Cruz. They asked us if we have any special dietary needs, by which they mean allergies or religious needs. They don't want us to take food because it is not allowed in the cabins, but if we have to, they will store it in the kitchen for us.
This whole thing really has me worried. I really don't want to tell them I need to eat 2 or 3 times what anyone else does. That will bring questions, comments, expressions of amazement, and all the attention I don't like. I don't know what the food situation will be but my body is used to a snack around 3:30 to 4:00 in the afternoon. If I don't get it, I get extremely hungry. I also need my late night meal or I will wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
I really don't know what I should do - well I should probably just tell people about it, but I don't want to. I have half a mind to skip the thing be claiming sickness or something.
I'm sorry this is so long but if anyone has a suggestion I would be glad to hear it.
It sounds like you work for a fairly large company which should have an HR department or at the very least an HR Manager. The HR department or manager is where you need to bring your situation to the attention of the company you work for.
The Human Resources Department is charged with keeping personal information about employees confidential. Your concerns are something that need to be kept confidential not because your are strange or because you might consider them some sort of freakish but because you feel embarrassed about it. You really shouldn't feel this way about your high metabolism. Your problem is truly a medical condition that you must be dealt with just as I and others must deal with food allergies. Your employer is supplying the food for this outing which is not an option for your attendance. They must make allowances for your medical condition just as they would for a diabetics or a vegetarians.
Talk to the Human Resource Department or Manager about your problem and stop being embarrassed over something you have no control over . Yours is a medical condition. One that fortunately is one you can live with which is far from life threatening. This is not something you should be ashamed about or something that should ruin your love life either.
People like you because of who you are not what you are. The same is true of those who love you and will love you. You didn't mention your love life but I have a feeling if you are letting it affect you work life it affects your love life. Don't let for you are really a very normal person. Let people get to know you and if they ask tell them. They will understand and may even envy you.
My wife give birth to a baby girl in the last dec 27 ,ie now 35 days appx.now i had sex with her through back side,is it lead to pregnency or infection to the vaginal area..pls an urgent answer is requested...
A woman cannot get pregnant through anal sex. The anus and the vagina are not connected in any way. The anus is the waste disposal part of the digestive system connected to the intestines. The vagina is connected to the urinary tract and the womb. The vagina is the only way by which the woman can get pregnant as it is the only access to her eggs that the semen you possess have access to.
As for causing infection to the vaginal area. IF you have anal sex and then have vaginal sex without stopping to thoroughly wash your penis in warm soapy water then the answer is yes. Just having anal sex should not cause harm to the vaginal area. It is possible that a tear could open in the membrane between the two areas though it is remote and I have not heard of that happening from just having anal sex.
FYI - IF your thinking you see porn stars going from the anus to the vagina without stopping to wash that is in the movies and the actress would not allow it. What happens is they stop the action. The actors penis is washed and disinfected then the action starts again. The same if he goes from the anus to her mouth. There are far too many germs in the rectum for any actress to allow what you see on the screen to actually happen.
I want to move but my husband doesn't. We've been living with my grandmother for over 2 years now. Shes elderly and needs some care. We have two children, age 11 and 18 months old. My oldest son has his own room but the baby doesn't. My grandmother has another piece of land connected to hers and told us we could have it. I want to buy a mobile home and put on it and my husband doesn't. He says hes worried about paying the bills but I think we can afford it. I really need to get out of this room we live in and have my own place, not just for me but for my kids and our dog. (Basically we're all forced to live in a very small room) I feel like every time I try to bring it up he just cuts me off and we start arguing. He has a job and a decent credit score. I don't. I'm a stay at home mom with very little income on my own. I can not get anything without his signature. We would still be close enough to my grandma that I could check in on her and another plus we wouldn't be paying rent! If we move somewhere away from here, which is most likely the ONLY way he will agree to move, then we will be paying out even more a month in rent. The place Im interested in purchasing the mobile home gave me an estimate of $150 a month. We cant find rent that cheap. I don't know how to convince him to move or if I should just give up. I need someone to give me advice. Thanks
I also want to add: We are 30 years old, been together for 10 years, and Ive been looking into a mobile home for over a year. Other places have asked those questions. I also have a monthly income MYSELF, excluding my husband of $300. Its not a lot, but its enough to help pay our bills.
One thing to bring up to your husband is that owning the mobile home has some equity built into it if you keep it in good repair especially if it is a double wide factory built home and not a trailer. There is no equity in paying rent unless your grandmother has willed her home to you. In which case you may have to get a mortgage to pay any estate tax or capital gains caused by receiving the house. Those taxes would be offset by any loss you would have in the sale of your mobile home if you any.
It also appears your $300 monthly income would pay the mortgage, the required insurances and the utilities for the mobile home. You would recoup the money going for rent to your grandmother in whatever amount that is. It has to be close to even. So you lose nothing and gain the freedom of having your own space and still being close to your grandmother if she needs you.
To my mind if you grandmother really needed you as a caretaker she would not be asking you for rent but paying you for being her caretaker. At the very least just asking you to live with her rent free in exchange for being her caretaker.
What I'm saying is approach your husband logically with the facts and figures. Use a spreadsheet if you need to. The estimated monthly cost of the mobile home mortgage is $150 a month. Call the Electric & Water companies and ask then for and estimated monthly cost for their services based on a family of four in your model mobile home. You will probably cook and heat with propane call a propane supplier and get estimates. You will also need a cost for the required insurance which would be fire and disaster insurance in the amount of the replacement cost. You should have insurance on your belongings but that is optional.
Once you have the numbers than work the numbers against what you are paying in rent. What it will cost you should you inherit your grandmother's house. You will most likely have to get a mortgage to pay the taxes on the inheritance and that mortgage is going to be higher than the one for the mobile home.
Having a place of your own now gives you options in the future. This is the logic of what I suggest you present to your husband rather than just ask him to buy something he may feel is not necessary.
My friend is 14 and is probably about 85-90 pounds. She almost completely refuses to eat and when I ask her if she wants help she always says no. Who should I tell? And any advice for me to give her would be great.
What your friend may be suffering from is called Anorexia. In short is a mental illness of sort where people think they are fat and refuse to eat to get slim. In most instances they are like your friend terribly underweight. Anorexia kills 100% of the time if not successfully treated.
If her parents are aware of the problem and feel it is only a phase she is going through they are dead wrong. If you know this for a fact then child services needs to be contacted for this is a case of child abuse as well. There are several ways of having Child services intervene.
You should discuss this with your parents and if they agree you could call and report this to the police as a case of child abuse. The police will immediately investigate and based on what you have written. I would say they will intervene immediately removing your friend to a hospital for treatment and having child Protective services intervene.
Another other way is to your school principal and talk to him or her about your concerns. Once notified they would need to take some type of action. I would think the first thing they would do is call your friend into the office to talk to her. Based on that conversation they would decide what steps if any they would need to take next.
On other way to handle this is if your parents know her parents. Then mom or dad could speak to one of them asking about why she is so thin. Then based on the answer they could decide if they need to intervene for your friends safety.
So, Throughout my entire life I have been a pretty quiet boy, sticking to myself and my close friends and that is about it. I enjoy playing video games and sports with a group of close friends, and outside of that my other social expiriences are pretty limited, especially when it pertains to a female. However, at my High School (I'm a junior, 17) there is a Sadie Hawkins dance, ( a sadie hawkins is a less formal dance, where the girl is supposed to ask the guy). Now, if this were like prom, you wouldn't see me near the school and it would not cross my mind once to ask anyone, but since its vice versa now I'm fair game. And what I thought might happeened, a girl asked me. And I can't say no to that, so I said yes. But the problem lies in that I a. have never been to a dance and don't know how to act b. can't dance like at all c. the "group" I'm supposed to go with I know litterally no one. I'm not a social butterfly, and the opportunity to meet new people and go to a dance does not appeal to me in the slightest, in fact I would rather be stuck in a plane to europe with donald and hilary then go to this dance. So the advice I am asking for is what to do, how to get myself ready for this social trek, what to talk about maybe" I am pretty lost on the subject and none of my friends are going bc they didn't get asked. Thank you for any response and fml.
I am going to advise you to relax, suck it up and in and go to the dance. What you write about being a problem for you is the biggest problem facing this country’s youth and most of the Western world’s youth today. Too many of you sit with your X-Box and other video gaming devices and play online all day and night. Doings so you have wasted what high school and your teenage years are meant to give you; which is the opportunity of learning the social graces you will need later in life.
I'm sure you have heard your parents say something to the effect of, "Put down your video game and go outside and play. Well the play is a fall back to when you were much younger but the inference is the same. When you went out to play you were learning to interact at you age level. In high school dances and other activities the school sponsors along with dating is the next level of interactive and communicative learning.
College brings the next level and prepares you to go out into the real world were communication and interacting with others is the key to success. Communication is the key to success in business and in love. If you cannot communicate with your lover everything from dating to sex does not work out for you no matter how much you may love someone.
I'm not only old enough to be your grandfather but you being 17 statistically I am old enough to be your great grandfather. Use the wisdom of my years and the fact that I have already gone through what you have and will be going through. So when I tell you that you need to get out from behind the video games it is in your best interest to listen to me if you wish to be successful as an adult. Go out and learn to communicate and interact with others. Use this dance as a first stem and then continue to move forward.
I've been on placement a few days a week with a small company as part of my uni course for 4 months.
Normally the people there are nice however yesterday I got snapped at for essentially being slow and that I needed a greater sense of urgency.
I am offering my services for free and the way I was spoken to by the boss made me upset and feel undermined. What's more i never get a thank you for the work that I do only chased on days I'm not meant to be in to finish off bits of work.
I feel unappreciated- is it acceptable to treat a work experience in this way? I know I'm there to learn but I'm certainly not there to be insulted!
You're right you are there to learn and your employer should be teaching not shouting or insulting you. He should also encourage you for coming in on days you are not expected to finish you have not completed.
Unfortunately the workplace is not Uni and your boss is not a qualified instructor. Few employers today what to take the time to train a new employee. They expect an employee to come to them ready to hit the ground running fully up to speed and deliver projects on time.
It is possible your boss expected to receive a fully trained employee who is working for free to gain hands on experience. He may not have fully realized that in gaining the hands on experience meant you would need additional training or that you might be a bit slower in completing assignments.
While this is no excuse for his behavior it may be an explanation for why he is the way he is. What I suggest is since this is a school work study program that you discuss this with your teacher as your boss's report will most likely figure into your grade. If his behavior is any indication of how he sees you then his report will not help your grade in this class. Let the teacher discuss this with you and then your boss.
I am beginning to think that my husband is a sex addict. We could be making love for a good while and 5 minutes after he ejaculates he is handing me a bottle of baby oil to give him a hand job. Honestly, we are having sex of one kind of another atleast 5 times a day and maybe 10 times a day if we are not working. In between having sex he will make me orgasm a few more times rubbing me with his hand down below. Even if we are out somewhere he will find some hiding spot for us to do it. Am I wrong thinking he is addicted to sex? Is it abnormal for a guy to ejaculate sometimes 10 times in a day?
You have asked one of the questions that we can not give a definitive answer to for there is no norm to your question.
What I can say is if his need for or desire for sex is that great and is causing you discomfort then something is wrong. If his need for sex is put ahead of all other activities then yes something is wrong. So you know if between the 5 and 10 times a day he asks you for sex if he also masturbates? Is so then I will admit something is wrong. Is he a sex addict? I would not want to put that label on it as it brings up images of him having sex with other partner not just you. Something that I understand most sexual addict people are prone too. You don't seem to have that concern.
As I said if his need for sex is more than you are comfortable with or more than you can comfortably provide then it is time to see a doctor. I would first seek the help of your family doctor who would do a complete physical to see if there is an organic reason for this. If not then a sex therapist, no not one he would have sex with but a PHD Psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction.
There is one other alternative that you probably don't want to go to. Which is to find a woman you approve of, maybe a friend of yours to take some of the sexual workload off of you. It may be that your husband just has a very high sex drive. If so this alternative may be something you want to consider. If you do I would suggest you talk it over with the therapist before discussing it with your husband. There are pitfalls to this alternative.
So basically I'm 18, almost 19, years old and I've already pretty much completely fucked up my life. I had a very good paying part time job for about 3 months but I just stopped showing up because my anxiety was so bad. And I got suspended from my college for 6 months because my GPA wasn't high enough and Ive managed to keep this all from everyone in my life up until today when school started and my dad found out i wasn't registered. He basically told me I either register for school, get a full time job, or move out. I've also been dealing with depression and anxiety for my whole life along with an eating disorder. And just at the beginning of my first year of college my grandfather passed away, whom i was very close with. Dealing with my grandfather dying along with starting my first year of college with depression and anxiety was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I know this is very confusing but I feel so helpless. My family hates me for what happened with school and I've managed to distance myself from all my friends because of my severe depression and anxiety. And now all I have left is my boyfriend who is amazing but I've been lying to him about school because Im too embarrassed to tell him the truth because he's so smart and it makes me feel like an idiot. I just need a lot of help because I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts. How do I make all of this right? Where do I start? I don't even know how to ask for help
First, your not an idiot. You have a problem that can be corrected with the right type of help. If your parents have health insurance you are still covered under their health insurance as a student or should be as you can't be dropped until the next enrolment period or you have your own insurance through your own employer.
Your family doesn't hate you that is the depression talking I know for certain. As for your boyfriend tell him the truth, if he truly loves you he will support you and you need his support.
I want to first address the suicidal thoughts as this is most important. IF you are having these thought NOW stop reading and call 911. This is exactly the reason 911 is there to help people with this type of an emergency. Help will be sent to you. You will be taken to a hospital emergency room where you will be properly evaluated for depression and if needed given medication. You will also be advised to seek the help of a psychologist for talk therapy to deal with all the anxiety and stressors causing the depression.
I know how depression hurts as I too have suffered from it and I am know in recovery. Because of talk therapy I now know what the triggers are for my depression and know how to deal with them in a positive way. Yes I took medication for a while. No it did not make me all goofy feeling.
The medication is prescribed by a psychiatrist. Why because a Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best medical doctor to prescribe for depression. Depression of the type I believe you suffer from is like mine caused by a lack of hormones secreted in the brain. Because of this the psychiatrist is the better doctor to prescribe medication.
Besides calling 911 if you are feeling suicidal there are some life lines you can call for help as well.
The National Suicide Prevention No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you'll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
Suicide Prevention center - Hotlines:
(937)-229-7777
1(800)320-HELP (4357)
Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
What is
Kids Help Phone?
• Phone counseling
• For ages 20 & under
• Free, 24/7
• Anonymous & Confidential
• Non-judgmental
The KHP Promise
Anonymous means you don't have to tell us who you are.
Confidential means whatever you tell us is safe.
All the hot lines off anonymous confidential help. Call one or call 911. Suicide is never the answer it is the wrong solution to any problem.
So I just started the job that I'm at last November and I love it. Great benefits, great pay, and the people I work with on second shift are fantastic. I used to live in a small town in Maryland where I also worked second, but it didn't bother me since there wasn't much I was missing out on. Now that I live in Austin there's SO much to do, and I've made a few friends that love to go out. Beyond that there's so much to do that I feel that I'm only 23 and I should be letting myself experience it instead of burying myself in second shift just for a $0.75 difference. Now I mentioned it to one woman that I've been growing close to and she immediately said no. That I would hate first shift, and that the people are dramatic (which they are). And that they would pick on me (which they would) and I couldn't come back to second if I switched. I wanted to argue that I'm only 23, not in my 40s like the rest of the people I work with. I want to experience life, and if I have to put up with a few bitter people to do it then I will. But I just need a second (third, fourth) opinion from maybe someone my age. What would you do? Stay on second for the comfort and the money? Or go to first and deal with the drama, but gain my social life back.
I'm not your age in fact I'm old enough to be your grandfather or great grandfather. So maybe the wisdom of my age will aid you in your decision.
The nice thing about second shift is the drama you don't deal with stems from not having the bosses around constantly looking over your shoulder. You don't say what you are doing though what ever it is it must be something important to warrant a $0.75 per hour pay differential. That differential is why you have people so much older on your shift is worth $30 a week or $1,500 a year. That pays a lot of bills for a family.
You can be on second shift and still have a social life it just has to be on your days off and in the period before or after work. What you miss by not being on the first shift is micromanagement by the bosses. Again not knowing just what it is you do though whatever it is you could be going hard at it hours and stop for a minute to rest or figure out what is next on your list. A manager walks by sees you standing around doing nothing and you get a tongue lashing for goofing off. That's part of the drama of first shift.
When I was in the Air Force I was a maintenance controller. Why, because I was an aircraft maintenance person with a career code that gave me knowledge over the primary flight controls. The Deputy Commander of Maintenance(DCM) asked me to take that position.
We were a transit station so I had to decide what maintenance needed to be done and what could be held until the plane returned to home base. There is lot of a paper work that has to be done as well. I had my own way of doing the paperwork during my shift it was not the Air Force way but it was fast and at the end of my shift I would redo the paperwork to meet the Air Force standard.
This worked fine and the DCM who arrived between 0400 and 0500 in the morning got use to it and would tease me about my paperwork asking such things as what language was I writing in. On first shift there were too many bosses around sticking their noses in where they really shouldn't have been. Drove me crazy. It got to the point that the DCM had to give them a direct order to leave me alone and let me do my job.
That is what first shift can be like. Too many bosses around to let you do the job the way your comfortable with so in the end it works out the way it should.
I'm female, 19 years old. I started college on the 19th, and have been feeling... rather horrible. That wasa Tuesday, and I was fine, then Wednesday came, and that night I felt like I was dying. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating, but I had this sudden... sadness overwhelm me at night, it was horrible. I went into the bathroom and the minute I was in I broke down and started crying like crazy, trying to keep quiet as I had my roommate sleeping in her room. I have had this feeling before but it was just so strong... I don't know how to describe it. I felt hollow, hopeless, and at some point, while in the shower, I had to sit down inside because it was too much. I have been feeling as if life has no meaning, like I don't really matter to anyone. I'm a pretty shy girl who doesn't make that many close friends, not even in my own English Department. I remembered it started when I considered going to the US to study Animation, and when I saw the trailer for Zootopia felt inspired and wanted to try applying; now for some reason every time I see the trailer for the movie I get that similar feeling inside. I'm not proud to say this, but I have considered suicide, only momentarily, just because I feel like... nothing really matters. I thought that it might've been a panic attack at first, as I'm prone to excessive worrying, but it was more emotional than physical in a way. Then, when I came home this weekend, I felt much better, which made me think I was just having nostalgia, making me extremely stupid. I can't depend on my family like that, it makes me feel like I need to grow out of it but I need my family. I love them. Right now I have to go back, which is two hours away from home, not that much compared to other people, but its making me have the worse turmoil of emotions that I simply hate. I can't travel to the US if I'm going to keep having these turmoils, but I feel like there really isn't a way to... I don't know, fix this. Another thing is that I'm worried about the money I would spend in an Animation program like that, meaning I'd have a lot of debts afterwards and I don't want to worry my parents like that. I think its also not healthy that I tend to space off into my imagination when facing these sort of emotions, its become a habit, like a defense mechanism and it kills me from the inside because I start wishing more and more for my fantasy worlds rather than reality, which brings me back to the suicide thoughts I think are terrible and hate myself for. Please, I don't know what to do anymore... it keeps happening over and over no matter how much I pray, exercise, try to have fun, district myself... what does it matter if I just keep going back to this?
I'm going to go with what is called be home sick. I do not know if this is truly the first time you are away from home on your own without real adult supervision or not. You may have gone to summer camp, sleepaway type and suffered a bit like this though most camps keep you too busy to suffer from homesickness. When I went in the military they too kept us much too busy the first few weeks so that when they let us go to bed we were too tired to think of anything but sleeping.
College is way different than summer camp or even a vacation on your own for their is much to do and an end date close in site. College on the other hand is much different. You have your classes which is not like high school. You may have a day where you only have one or two classes. There is a lot of down time to study and do other things. Way too much time to let your mind wander and you get homesick. What you describe sounds a lot like what people go through when homesick because homesickness.
Homesickness is a form of depression and is usually temporary. One of the quickest ways to get over it is to call home and have a conversation with mom or dad and tell them how you feel. Encouraging words for them and maybe they can schedule a visit over a weekend usually does the trick. Another way is to make friends and find ways to stay busy. Join clubs, find or establish study groups. Go to the student center and hang out. Being around people helps.
Today's the 25th and you started school on the 19th which is just 6 days so I'm going to stick with homesickness. It should pass as you get use to being away from home. If you don't start feeling better in the next few days then go to the student medical office and see a doctor or counselor about this.
I'm a 12 year old. My mom is super strict on how I dress and she wants me to be all feminine (I'm a girl). When honestly I want to cut my hair in an emo boy fashion dye it black and wear eyeliner and black lipstick and band t shirts with skinny jeans and converse. But she wouldn't let me do that...I'm trying to convince her to let me die my hair black. I've just finished my first period, I can make my own decisions. I want to shop at hot topic but she says forever 21 although now we're having a blizzard (I live in New York) so that's out of the question. I want to cut my hair short to make it easier to manage I'm sick of it being long...how do I convince her?
The funny thing about us parents is we are a strange bunch. We have a tendency to forget what we were like when we were kids and what we said when are parents did to us just what we are doing with our kids now. Why do we do this one word, maturity? Like our parents we can't see past the look to see the desire to be yourself, so we use parental authority to demand you comply with our wishes. Are we right, probably not? Is there anything you can so about it?
Maybe but don't point to a friend and say but her mother lets her or you will get the mothers famous answer. "If her mother lets her jump off a bridge does that mean you must do so as well." Your 12 years old; as a female you could be seen as a pre-adolescent or even an adolescent by strict definition of the words. To mom you’re still a child until you turn 13 and become teenager and she may still see you as a child.
Regardless of what level of maturity mom sees in you it is obvious she does not like the look you want. Since it is her money that buys your clothing you have a tough road ahead of you to convince her to let you be you. But this is the road you want to go down if you want the look you want.
When I was your age back in the late 50's all the rage was a shirt like the early firefighters wore with buttons that went up one side, across the top and down the other. My father refused to allow my mother to buy it for me he thought it was stupid and it reminded him of the pants he wore in the Navy during WWII. My mother eventually bought the shirt for me but by the time she did it had gone out of style.
I remembered that when my son asked for clothing I thought was I will use the word ridiculous looking. This is what you need to do with mom. Try and get her to remember when she was your age and what the style was then. What did her parents say or allow and how she felt. I'm fairly certain if you can get her to remember she will remember her own problems trying to stay in style or be herself. I
If you can do this you have half the battle won. The other half is taking the style you want and changing your look a step at a step at I time. I would suggest the eyeliner first as that is the easiest and maybe you do so only for school to start. Next cutting your hair, first cut a middle of the road compromise cut to give mom time to get use to shorter hair. Then cut it shorter and shorter until you get to the cut you want.
Once mom gets accustom to your changing look she should be easier to get the cloths you want from her. Just remember we are older and change does not come easy to us as it does for you so take things slowly. IF you can do this I would say within six months you might have the look you want.
Hello. I am a female in high school (16)
There is a guy named Maxx that has been a good friend of mine for 2 years to this day, and I've caught major feels for him! And Friday I found out he likes me back too... my best friend Jamie says on Monday I should ask him out or go out with him, and he is the nicest guy ever he is so sweet and funny.. I know he would never hurt me. We started out friends! I would LOVE to date him and knowing that he likes me back
I do not agree with Missundersmock. You need to gain and keep the trust of your mom. When you seek to deceive her, trust me here, she will eventually find out. When she does and she will winning back her trust will be extremely hard.
I understand mom wants you to go on to college and to get into a good college. We as parents want the best for our children, in most cases want better than we had ourselves. The point mom is missing, pay attention here, is this. College is a much different environment than high school. It is not the place to first start dating. A big part of the high school experience apart from the educational benefit is learning the social graces one needs later in life. Dating is a large part of that learning.
I know what mom is afraid of is she allows you to date. That you will have sex, get pregnant and ruin your life. You're not going to be able to convince me or your mother that you won't have sex now or when you are in college. For sometimes things just happen as in the heat of passion you go too far. This is when pregnancy generally happens.
What you need to do is sit down with mom and explain to her as I said that this is the time you should be dating so as to learn the social graces of dating. Something you should know before entering college. As I said you should explain to her this is all part of teenage life.
You should also tell her you understand her concerns about sex and pregnancy. You tell her it is not your plan to have sex with anyone until at least you graduate high school or later. You do believe you need to educate yourself as much about dating as you do about what is taught in school.
As a compromise could she agree to allow you to date on Friday and Saturday evenings with a curfew of 1 Am. Mom if she agrees will probably come back with an earlier curfew for which you offer could to split the difference. IF she says maybe 11 pm. You ask for 12am which is a reasonable curfew for someone your age. You also tell her that if your grades slip you will not argue with her is she stops you from dating. She should agree a bad grade on a test is not a reason it should be a report card or slip in a report card GPA.
Last and you decide if and when you should tell your mom. At 16 years of age a Federal Law called HIPPA gives you total Medical Confidentiality over your reproductive system. Congress passed this law so young people your age could seek medical assistance for problems or concerns with their reproductive health they may be too embarrassed to go to a parent about. With this medical confidentiality they can make appoints and seek treatment from any doctor for concerns about their reproductive system without parental knowledge or permission. Parents can never be told why you saw the doctor without your written consent to the doctor. As a byproduct of this law you can also ask for birth control medication and it will be prescribed.
Unmarried women of any age who are dating should be on birth control for as I said sex happens even if your not planning on having sex. Always insist the male wears a condom as well. With both methods of birth control your protection is 99.999% effective and the condom prevents transfer of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
I know I have given you more information then you probably wanted. I hope it helps you for in my mind as a parent and grandparent you should be dating.
I've been talking to this guy I met over tinder and we've hung out twice and we've already hooked up, but it hasn't gotten as far as oral or intercourse. Just as background, I'm 24 years old and quite educated when it comes to sex but pretty inexperienced. I've been longing for physical intimacy for a very long time now but things just haven't seemed to line up. I'm starting to accept the fact that what I really want to to explore the world of sex for real (not just in my head) and that's why any time I meet or hang out with a guy it goes in the direction of getting sexual pretty fast. My friends have had boyfriends that they're in love with since high school. It just seems to work out for them. I realize that may not be in the cards for me right now and what I really want is sex. If I continue to idealize about having a special connection based on love, nothing will ever happen. As much as I convince myself otherwise, being completely celibate is no way to live. Sex is something I feel I need right now. As much as I take care of my needs on my own, exploring sex with a man is something that is on my mind every minute of every day to the point that I'm starting to feel crazy.
With that said, I do want stability and I do want a regular partner. I've only hung out with this guy twice and have already given him a hand job but nothing more than that. We seem to like each other. I really want to let myself go and let nature take it's course but I want to know that he will continue to have regular sex with me after the first time.
I also am quite concerned with safety. For example, blow jobs are wonderful but many people don't realize that they can easily cause std's. Then there's the whole feeling weird about putting your mouth on a condom...at that point it's almost better to just have full intercourse right? (protected of course). Then there's pregnancy. I do get worried about nitty gritty things like, "can you get pregnant if you touch his penis and then put your hand near your vagina?" or "can you get pregnant through dry jumping?"
I really want to explore my sexuality with a man. I want to let myself go and let these wonderful, miraculous things happen. But I'm very cautious (overly?) and equally feel the need to ensure safety. These two opposing feelings resisting one another is causing a battle in my mind that is becoming agonizing (self-preservation vs. wanting to let go). I am a mature young woman who is fairly knowledgable when it comes to sex (and many other things), not a 15 year old girl in high school. And I feel like there's very little advice anywhere for people who are mature, educated adults with not much experience in sex. I am certainly not less mature than my friends who have been enjoying sex since middle school. Yes, ideally we all want to find someone whose minds we are in love with first, and establish trust with, for a few months before touching each other. Many people are lucky enough to have that. But I think that's not in the cards for me right now and I need to accept the reality of who I am right now. Every dating experience I have tends to be sexually driven (even though things don't go very far and it ends up being uncomfortable and abruptly ending because I'm too afraid to let go and just do it). But this is just who I am right now and I need to accept that reality and it's not a bad thing. Because if I don't accept that reality NOTHING will happen. I have a life and I'm passionate about the work I do and I have friends but a huge void is starting to open up and I know it has to do with neglecting the needs of my overall physical and emotional sexuality. I really feel like I need this. Any advice?
You have actually asked several different questions within this one question. The quick answer to your question would be to suggest you seek out a psychologist who specializes in sex counseling. You could look for a women psychologist to talk about these questions and get professional answers to your questions. This is probably the best answer for if you are working and you company has health insurance then they may also have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).
The EAP program is totally confidential not even you employer will know you have asked for assistance. Just ask the HR person or whoever coordinates the insurance program if you have an EAP program and what is the number. Then call them and ask for a psychologist who specializes in Sexual counseling. Don't be embarrassed they have heard it all before and things more embarrassing than you may think your request is.
Communication; is the most important thing in a sexual relationship. I am assuming you are a virgin. IF so you should tell him or whoever you decide to have sex with the first time for it will be evident to him when he first tries to enter you even if you Hymen is no longer intact. It is not unusual to day for someone your age to be a virgin. You can then discuss things like him needing to wear a condom, STD testing before you give him you most precious gift. If the man has any feelings for you he will understand and go slowly and see to you physical and mental comfort before you have that first experience.
STD: Today this is a big fear and rightfully so. When my son was dating and he was going into a sexual relationship with someone he insisted that he and she both be tested so that they both knew they were clean. This was quite common today and there is nothing wrong with doing so.
Birth Control: If you want to have sex you should be on birth control even though condoms are going to be used. Condoms can fail. Birth control for you such as the pill with the man using a condom has a 99.999 prevention rate of pregnancy.
Why you have waited this long to have sex is a reason only you know. It could be for religious reason or you want or as you say you want to find the right man. Whatever it is it is valid for it is your reason or reasons. There is nothing wrong with being a 24 year old virgin. If it is a fear of having sex then this may be something deep seated planted by your mom or dad when you were very young. This would be something to discuss with the psychologist I suggested at the beginning.
I believe eventually nature will take its course. Until then there is nothing wrong with masturbation to relieve sexual tension. The worst thing you can do is to force yourself into a sexual relationship and have a bad experience.
21/f
I was on the phone with my boyfriend last night. I was at my best friend's birthday party before he called. My best friend is gay and my boyfriend knows that. He said how being gay is sick and how those people should be killed. Needless to say I was shocked. I tried reasoning with him but to no avail. He even got mad and wanted to skip meeting me for about a week. I called him out on that and he said he will meet me after all. I just won't ever feel comfortable around him again. I love him very much,but him saying such things about my best friend is disgusting. He would hurt a gay person for no reason. What if he kills me too? I am,quite honestly,terrified. Do you think this is a red flag? Should I run from him while I still can?
Yes DUMP him. There is no reason or place for homophobic people in today's society. As you must know being Gay or Lesbian is not a choice it I how they are born. Scientists have proven this. IT is not a disease that should be cured or could be cured.
Strange as this may sound to you and me today but left handed people were looked at way back when as some people look at Gays' today. Left handed people were forced to write with their right hands in school. They were considered freaks of nature. Today we think nothing at all of left handed people it is how they are born.
Hopefully someday society will look upon gays and lesbians as we do left handed people. Until then people that what to do them harm are likely to harm others who do not agree with their beliefs. This puts you in danger.
If I were you I would send him an email and tell him you do not wish to see him any more as you cannot love someone who is so intolerable of others who may not be as he is. Let him figure out what you are saying.
I'm 15, female.
I have noticed that the right side of my cheek is smaller than the left side.
How can I fix this?
Have I finished changing? I had my period when I was 11.
Everyone goes through puberty at a different pace. People in the early twenties can still be going through puberty though this is rare. It is very possible that 15 you are still changing, still under the influence of puberty and will be for the next several years.
As for your question. Even when puberty is finished if one side of your face is smaller than the other there is nothing you can do on your own to correct this. Fact is we all suffer from some of this and unless it is very evident there is nothing you should do about as it is a very costly and painful surgery.
IF when you turn 18 this condition still exists then you would want to consult a plastic surgeon. If it is considered a birth defect insurance may pay or the surgery. If not you are looking at a cost somewhere in the $20,000 not counting any cost for a hospital stay if needed.
IF you feel you need surgery to correct this then you want to consult with a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon. In many states any MD who has done a Plastics rotation as part of their residency can practice plastic surgery. A Board Certified Plastic Surgeon is better qualified as they have spent an extra year doing a fellowship in Plastics and passed all the requirements of the College of Plastic surgeons to practice plastic surgery.
To give you an example of the difference. My wife had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. We were recommended to see aa Board Certified plastic Surgeon over the one our insurance company suggested. We chose to go with her. The results are amazing. Every doctor who has seen my wife are amazed including the general surgeon who did the mastectomy, her oncologist and our family doctor. I'm amazed I know which one is the replacement and I have a hard time telling by look or feel. This is why any doctor we use now I look for Board certification in that practice.
so i have sensory processing disorder (age 15, trans male) and my relationship with my mother is HORRIBLE. for the sake of the length of this question i won't go into detail, but basically it kills me to be around her or in the same building as her at all. when i was younger (like, up until maybe 10 at the very oldest) i used to love hugging her and all that, but now it makes me want to (and sometimes really do) literally scream and can even cause a sensory meltdown if/when she tries to force me to hug her. (i'm getting immensely uncomfortable just thinking about it) but the thing she always brings up is that i hug my friends with no problem, and it's true. i love to hug my friends and be physically affectionate with them, most of the time (sometime i do have a bad day and don't allow anybody to touch me) but i can't stand the thought of my mom laying a hand on my shoulder even. i'm not really sure what my specific question is, just....why? does anybody have anything to say about this, at all? i don't know this is something that's been this way for maybe 4 years and lately it's just been bothering me a lot, not that i dont want to hug my mom but just....i don't know. i also have adhd if that helps/affects any answers
thank you to anybody who says anything! i appreciate your time and help.
This could be just something some teenagers go through the why of which I can't say as I am not a psychologist. Since you are a transgender person I would suggest I you wish to fully transgender any time in the future you might seek out a qualified psychologist to work with who would be better capable of answering this question as well.
If you do intend to fully transgender you will need to work with not only a psychologist but a psychiatrist as well for several years as they will have to sign off before you can have the surgery. You also have to live in the role of you new gender as well during this time. Meaning dressing as your transgender would dress, using the public restroom of that gender and so on.
If you start now by the time your 18 if you wish to fully change your gender you will have accomplished or be close to accomplishing the prerequisites before a surgeon will talk to you.
Do penis bleed by juust rubbing on vogina
Without more information the only advice I can offer is to see a doctor. If you are over 14 you do not need parental permission to see or be treated by a doctor. Your parents will not know and cannot be told why you were seen.
This is all because of a Federal Law called HIPPA. under this law anyone q4 and older may see a doctor for any reason concerning their reproductive system, (Bleeding from your penis certainly qualifies as part of your reproductive system.)Without a parent's permission or knowledge and have full medical confidentiality.
Congress passed this law so that young people would seek medical help for conditions related to their reproductive health they might be too embarrassed to to a parent about. You can go to any doctor, clinic or hospital emergency room and be treated. Just tell them you wish to be treated under the HIPPA law of confidentiality or reproductive health.