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How much is too much sex?
I am beginning to think that my husband is a sex addict. We could be making love for a good while and 5 minutes after he ejaculates he is handing me a bottle of baby oil to give him a hand job. Honestly, we are having sex of one kind of another atleast 5 times a day and maybe 10 times a day if we are not working. In between having sex he will make me orgasm a few more times rubbing me with his hand down below. Even if we are out somewhere he will find some hiding spot for us to do it. Am I wrong thinking he is addicted to sex? Is it abnormal for a guy to ejaculate sometimes 10 times in a day?
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Hi hon,
I can understand your concern as the great majority of people have sex once or twice a week if that and consider it normal. However I've lived long enough to learn some things about people having differing libido's, which is the desire and want to have sex, and how often is enough to satisfy one person can differ greatly from the other.
Before I go back to that, about your question if he is a sex addict...
A person is a addict whether sex, gambling, drugs, etc. if the thing in question is interfering with their ability to do their job, get house work done, take care of themselves as far as grooming and what they eat, etc,have time to visit family and spend time with friends,... you know, peoples usual daily schedules.
If your husband is unable to keep to doing the things important to survive, earn money, pay bills, keep up house and car, etc. as all that time is taken up having sex, then yes, he's probably a sex addict.
If it doesnt interfere with those things, then most likely he just has a very high libido. My first husband had a very low libido and mine was higher. He didnt want sex as much as I did and so I gave up until we divorced. My 2nd husband tells me that when he was young and up until his early 40s, he had the high libido that sounds alot like what your husband is doing. Yes, it may be a bit more than most with a high libido, but just because there are few of us like that doesnt mean theres something wrong with the person.
When it becomes a problem is if the two people in a relationship differ so greatly that one feels they aren't getting enough and the other feels they are giving too much and would rather have less, that there is a problem because resentment builds toward each other.
What I would suggest is having a talk between yourselves and seeing if some compromise can be made as to how often and which days if it becomes an issue for you. If that alone doesnt help and you still are tired of participating in sex so often, then you might consider marriage counseling just for that issue, maybe someone who is qualified to speak on behalf of sex related issues.
My husband still has the high libido, as far as the want and the desire but now his body has slowed down so its hard to get hard and stay hard so its viagra time. But due to the cost, we dont use it daily, yet his desire is still there and we do whatever we can on a daily basis, which is already way more than what most people can claim for a sex life. I hope this helps you dear.
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Are you happy with the amount of times you guys have sex or do you think its too much? If its getting to be too much for you then you need to talk to him. Are you worried if you stop doing it so much he will get it somewhere else? Every relationship is different. He needs to take your feelings into consideration too not just his own pleasure. If your both happy and you have the time and energy then that's great! What about the future though, what if you guys have kids and you cant have sex? That's the kind of questions you should be asking yourself. It would be better to talk to a sex therapist in this situation. I'm not sure what the normal amount is but my husband and I try to take time out about once a week. We've been together 10 years with 2 kids. Every relationship is different though. Good Luck!
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You have asked one of the questions that we can not give a definitive answer to for there is no norm to your question.
What I can say is if his need for or desire for sex is that great and is causing you discomfort then something is wrong. If his need for sex is put ahead of all other activities then yes something is wrong. So you know if between the 5 and 10 times a day he asks you for sex if he also masturbates? Is so then I will admit something is wrong. Is he a sex addict? I would not want to put that label on it as it brings up images of him having sex with other partner not just you. Something that I understand most sexual addict people are prone too. You don't seem to have that concern.
As I said if his need for sex is more than you are comfortable with or more than you can comfortably provide then it is time to see a doctor. I would first seek the help of your family doctor who would do a complete physical to see if there is an organic reason for this. If not then a sex therapist, no not one he would have sex with but a PHD Psychologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction.
There is one other alternative that you probably don't want to go to. Which is to find a woman you approve of, maybe a friend of yours to take some of the sexual workload off of you. It may be that your husband just has a very high sex drive. If so this alternative may be something you want to consider. If you do I would suggest you talk it over with the therapist before discussing it with your husband. There are pitfalls to this alternative.
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