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I want to let go sexually
I've been talking to this guy I met over tinder and we've hung out twice and we've already hooked up, but it hasn't gotten as far as oral or intercourse. Just as background, I'm 24 years old and quite educated when it comes to sex but pretty inexperienced. I've been longing for physical intimacy for a very long time now but things just haven't seemed to line up. I'm starting to accept the fact that what I really want to to explore the world of sex for real (not just in my head) and that's why any time I meet or hang out with a guy it goes in the direction of getting sexual pretty fast. My friends have had boyfriends that they're in love with since high school. It just seems to work out for them. I realize that may not be in the cards for me right now and what I really want is sex. If I continue to idealize about having a special connection based on love, nothing will ever happen. As much as I convince myself otherwise, being completely celibate is no way to live. Sex is something I feel I need right now. As much as I take care of my needs on my own, exploring sex with a man is something that is on my mind every minute of every day to the point that I'm starting to feel crazy.
With that said, I do want stability and I do want a regular partner. I've only hung out with this guy twice and have already given him a hand job but nothing more than that. We seem to like each other. I really want to let myself go and let nature take it's course but I want to know that he will continue to have regular sex with me after the first time.
I also am quite concerned with safety. For example, blow jobs are wonderful but many people don't realize that they can easily cause std's. Then there's the whole feeling weird about putting your mouth on a condom...at that point it's almost better to just have full intercourse right? (protected of course). Then there's pregnancy. I do get worried about nitty gritty things like, "can you get pregnant if you touch his penis and then put your hand near your vagina?" or "can you get pregnant through dry jumping?"
I really want to explore my sexuality with a man. I want to let myself go and let these wonderful, miraculous things happen. But I'm very cautious (overly?) and equally feel the need to ensure safety. These two opposing feelings resisting one another is causing a battle in my mind that is becoming agonizing (self-preservation vs. wanting to let go). I am a mature young woman who is fairly knowledgable when it comes to sex (and many other things), not a 15 year old girl in high school. And I feel like there's very little advice anywhere for people who are mature, educated adults with not much experience in sex. I am certainly not less mature than my friends who have been enjoying sex since middle school. Yes, ideally we all want to find someone whose minds we are in love with first, and establish trust with, for a few months before touching each other. Many people are lucky enough to have that. But I think that's not in the cards for me right now and I need to accept the reality of who I am right now. Every dating experience I have tends to be sexually driven (even though things don't go very far and it ends up being uncomfortable and abruptly ending because I'm too afraid to let go and just do it). But this is just who I am right now and I need to accept that reality and it's not a bad thing. Because if I don't accept that reality NOTHING will happen. I have a life and I'm passionate about the work I do and I have friends but a huge void is starting to open up and I know it has to do with neglecting the needs of my overall physical and emotional sexuality. I really feel like I need this. Any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
You have actually asked several different questions within this one question. The quick answer to your question would be to suggest you seek out a psychologist who specializes in sex counseling. You could look for a women psychologist to talk about these questions and get professional answers to your questions. This is probably the best answer for if you are working and you company has health insurance then they may also have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).
The EAP program is totally confidential not even you employer will know you have asked for assistance. Just ask the HR person or whoever coordinates the insurance program if you have an EAP program and what is the number. Then call them and ask for a psychologist who specializes in Sexual counseling. Don't be embarrassed they have heard it all before and things more embarrassing than you may think your request is.
Communication; is the most important thing in a sexual relationship. I am assuming you are a virgin. IF so you should tell him or whoever you decide to have sex with the first time for it will be evident to him when he first tries to enter you even if you Hymen is no longer intact. It is not unusual to day for someone your age to be a virgin. You can then discuss things like him needing to wear a condom, STD testing before you give him you most precious gift. If the man has any feelings for you he will understand and go slowly and see to you physical and mental comfort before you have that first experience.
STD: Today this is a big fear and rightfully so. When my son was dating and he was going into a sexual relationship with someone he insisted that he and she both be tested so that they both knew they were clean. This was quite common today and there is nothing wrong with doing so.
Birth Control: If you want to have sex you should be on birth control even though condoms are going to be used. Condoms can fail. Birth control for you such as the pill with the man using a condom has a 99.999 prevention rate of pregnancy.
Why you have waited this long to have sex is a reason only you know. It could be for religious reason or you want or as you say you want to find the right man. Whatever it is it is valid for it is your reason or reasons. There is nothing wrong with being a 24 year old virgin. If it is a fear of having sex then this may be something deep seated planted by your mom or dad when you were very young. This would be something to discuss with the psychologist I suggested at the beginning.
I believe eventually nature will take its course. Until then there is nothing wrong with masturbation to relieve sexual tension. The worst thing you can do is to force yourself into a sexual relationship and have a bad experience.
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