Okay,
I often have the same dream over and over again if not the same dream something very related. I dream about tornados all the time, I've never exsperienced being in one nor do they even come around where I live. In my dream the clouds move fast, they dark.. and quickly approaching and a tornado touches the ground and rapidly spins like crazy and sometimes there are multiple tornados at once. I remember running and feeling a panic feeling, Praying everything will go by quickly in my dream...
What do you think this means?! and WHY am I always having the same dream?
BahaiMa22
I believe that:
1. Dreams are usually a way for our subconcious mind to acknowledge problems or emotions that we have difficulty acknowledging while we are awake.
2. I believe that dreams are usually best interpreted by the dreamer. Reason being that symbols have different meanings for everyone.
Questions that I ask myself after strange dreams:
1. How did I feel during the dream? This tells me a lot about how I feel about a certain situation.
2. What do I associate with the symbol?
From what you describe... There might be something going on in your life that is the cause for great anxiety, panic you said. A tornado could be symbolic of circumstances beyond your control... Being a destructive force of nature. So... What situation are you in that you feel is beyond, or out of your control that is causing you to worry a lot?
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i met this great guy at a party last saturday... it was a little embarrassing because i was totally drunk and he wasn't drinking at all. anyway, we ended up talking for a few hours, and afterwards, he came back to my dorm room... where all of my friends were. awkward. anyway he stayed and we talked for a while, and he asked for my number, then texted me his. i texted him once last night to see if he was going out (we have thursday and friday off this week), but otherwise we haven't talked at all. is it too early to be disappointed that he hasn't called? is there a way i can get his attention again without seeming like a stalker? we live in different dorms, which makes seeing him a little more difficult. we also aren't in any classes together.
Don't sweat it.
He asked for your phone number. He gave you his phone number. That is a good sign.
Be patient... But don't wait by the phone. If he likes you, he'll call. Could be that he hasn't called yet because he doesn't want to seem desperate. Or because he's a jerk. You'll find out.
Finding out will be easier... If you deny your girly instincts. Don't call him. Don't text. Don't email. Don't conviently bump into him outside his dorm. Give him the opportunity to act like 'the guy' and call you and ask you out on a date. If he can't do that, then yes... He is a jerk.
And if he is a jerk... He's not worth stalking. There are plenty of guys out there, I'm sure, that would ask you out on a date without you having to hide in any bushes.
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My roommate in college, Julie, never ever aknowledges me. I don't know what if she has a problem with me or what. When she comes home she goes straight to another girl to talk about her upcoming trip, her problem, or ask to run an errand with her. Of course, if noone else is around to do with she'll ask me which is almost never since there are 4 of us girls. I want to confront her because it absolutely bothers and annoys the hell out of me. I also feel she does not care too much about me.
(example when one of our roommates when for a check up Julie could not stop talking about how she hopes it goes okay, when it was nothing major it was just a check up on the knee, but when I had 2 appts for something very serious (that could have surgeries) she seemed to have cared less.)
Anyways, what do i do? write a letter? if so, what do i say without sounding like a jerk?!
Thanks
First... A few questions. Are you shy? Reserved? Introverted?
Because if you don't acknowledge her, try to converse with her, or extend invitations... She may think that YOU are ignoring her. Try greeting her first and striking up a conversation. If she doesn't respond to your behavior... So what? While friendship is important... There are, simply, some people that you wouldn't want to be friends with.
She may be one of those people. But... Right now, give her the benefit of the doubt. Make an effort to be friendly and give her an opportunity to respond. If she doesn't respond... Yes, if her behavior really upsets you, you could confront her.
Though I think that 'confront' is a strong word. How about: 'talk to?' Tell her that you're worried that she might be ignoring you... Giving specific examples instead of making broad statements. For example: 'When you came home yesterday and said 'hello' to so-and-so and didn't acknowledge my presence, even after I said 'Hi' to you... I felt like you were deliberately ignoring me.' That's specific. Explain how YOU feel... But also acknowledge that her behavior may not be intentional. (Maybe she didn't hear you.) When you speak, assume that she is unaware of her behavior and how her behavior hurts you're feelings. You're not 'confronting' her... You're simply communicating your feelings.
The two of you may have a heart-to-heart and become close friends. Maybe not. If not... Don't sweat it. Like I said before... Maybe she is just One Of Those People. And if she is... There are plenty of other people in the world that would like to be your friend.
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Hi there,
For some time now, my cousin (who lives in Thailand with her boyfriend) has been struggling to find a job/career which suits her. She's the outdoor type, not the desk type; the kind of person who likes a job which requires her to travel all over the world, but doesn't like to be told what to do or what she's doing wrong.
She's never had any proper support from her mother or father since she first got out of school, so she was kinda left on her own. When she went looking for a course, she was desperate to take the first one which would accept her without really looking into it and wasted a year doing something which she didn't really want to do. And since then, she's been in Thailand doing what she loves doing best : kick boxing and working in small cafes.
Now, the family has tried to talk to her and has even tried outside help for her to get a good, strong job. But the thing is, is that any help which is sent her way is shot down by her even before she's even tried properly. She doesn't want to listen to the rest family because she thinks that she knows best.
As a fellow advice columnist, I get the feeling that she's become so used to doing things her own way that she doesn't know how accept help when she sees it. And I've suggested things which the family can do, abut now I'm out of ideas on what to do.
Details about her family:
Mum - Nice, kind, devote Christian etc. but doesn't know how to support her daughter in any way.
Dad - difficult to talk to under any circumstances and makes things very complicated.
Older sister - working in london doing a medical degree and working as a restaurant manager.
Younger brother - Doing a degree in university.
Youngest brother - too young to help.
Boyfriend - treats her like a diva (in my opinion) and is wrapped around her little finger.
Cliff notes version:
I need new ideas to put forward to the family in ways they can help her or how I can help. Links to jobs which might suit her would also be greatly appreciated whilst she's in Thailand.
Sorry this is so long,
triquetra
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear... But... I have to ask. Do you think that... Maybe the reason she refuses to accept help is because she just doesn't want it? Maybe she doesn't want it because she's happy? And maybe, her happiness is more important than forcing her to work at a job, just because it seems suitable to her family? Just a thought.
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It's my first interview so I'm not sure how to dress for it. Someone told me NO jeans but it's all that I have. It's a toy store.. is a nose piercing bad? I actually have two, but I can't take one out yet :(
I'm going for stock so what kind of questions would they ask? If I'm able to carry this ___ amount and this ___ far? I have a disability related to anxiety and I'm just nervous.
I am a manager in the retail industry. I have been responsible for hiring... Here is what I can tell you:
1. No, No, No Jeans. Period. You can go to Wal-Mart and buy dress pants for cheap. A skirt or dress would also be acceptable.
2. Take out your piercings. This isn't a discrimination issue... The reason that people dress professionally for interviews is because they need to express that they are capable of following a dress code. Usually, part of that dress code is taking out piercings and covering tattoos. For example, I have two tattoos and used to have six piercings. I took all my piercings out and made sure that my tats were covered for my last interview.
3. You're anxiety disorder won't harm your chances of getting a job. Being in stock, you will rarely interact with the public... And if you do, chances are that your interactions will be very limited. Don't sweat it. Relax.
4. Yes... They will ask some questions related to whether or not you can safely lift a certain weight. But those questions will only compose a small portion of the interview. Most of the questions will be related to your work availability, the dependability of your transportation, previous work history... And if you don't have a work history, they'll ask questions to get a general feel for your personality. They're looking for someone: punctual, dependable, trustworthy, willing to learn, that can work well with others. When you answer questions... Just try to remain positive.
Good luck!
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if you steal something from the abercrombie or hollister in the marketplace mall in rochester, NY do they have those stupid sirens tht go off? i know they have security tags but do they even have ink them? and will they set the sirens off?
NO SMARTASS ANSWERS SAYING IM POOR
SAVE YOUR BREATHE
Why do you ask?
If you're planning to shoplift...
1. Eventually you're going to get caught. When you do... You'll certainly be more embarrassed than you have ever been in your entire life. Many places prosecute now-a-days... And whatever you steal won't be worth: being arrested, going to court, paying court fees, lawyer fees and reclaimation. It won't be worth having a record either, a record that you will have to bring to any potential employer's attention before even being hired. You will be labeled as untrustworthy and dishonest.
2. Think about who you are stealing from. You're not just stealing from some faceless, corporate entity. You are stealing from every person that works in that store. Theft adds up and impacts the 'little' people. Because of theft those honest people that work for a living get cheated out of bonuses and pay raises that they DESERVE.
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I can't remember the last time I asked a question about a man. Anyway, my friend is in love with this dirtbag cop, and even though he dumped her cause of THE dumbest thing, she can't get over him. There's this really nice guy that likes her. He brings her flowers, and when she lost her sidekick lx, he didn't hesitate to buy her a new one. It's the first guy her mom actually likes, but If anything, my friend seems disgusted of him! He's cute, kind-hearted, a totally whipped boy, but even though she feels nothing for him, she has him as like her back up plan. I hate how she dates scum that hit her, and then she treats the nice ones like crap. It's a cycle, I know. I don't want her to break his heart. I wanna meet him, but she keeps subtly making up excuses for me not to. I know he likes her, and I have no problem in getting him to like me, I just need a way to get to him. He's the first guy I've actually gone after in a while, and I don't wanna let him get away, and I certainly don't want her to go out with him just to manipulate him. I don't even know what I'm asking, but I'd like some opinions. Thanks guys!
-Djzmaguy426
1. Your friend _may_ suffer from relationship issues. All you can do is talk to her. If she doesn't listen, then all you can do is be there to help her pick up the pieces when her heart gets broken.
2. Your friend's behavior toward Mr. Nice may be hurtful... But if Mr. Nice keeps allowing her to use and abuse him, he's allowing himself to get hurt. By now he should have read the signs and moved on. But he didn't... And that may mean that he has some relationship issues of his own. Stay out of it, it's not your business. If he really likes your friend he won't appreciate your interference, even you feel like you're doing the right thing.
3. The reason your friend may keep thinking up excuses for the two of you NOT to meet... May be because she knows that you're interested in him and wants to keep him to herself. I agree that's really unfair... But how do you think she would feel if you went after this guy? Do you think that's in line with 'being a good friend?'
I know this probably wasn't want you wanted to hear and I'm really sorry if I sounded insensitive. I agree that the situation is totally unfair and that you have a right to feel upset. I just believe that if you really value your friendship with her you'll honor the unspoken rule between best friends... 'Hands off.'
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im 24. i dont have any attraction to men my age. i keep getting attracted to intelligent men over the age of 35. is this normal?
am i making a mistake of ignoring men my age? am i putting myself in a postion to be manipulated by "more experienced" men?
thanks
I don't think that your preference is exactly abnormal. 'They' say that women mature faster than men... Though I've seen plenty of young women just as immature and irresponsible as their male peers. Part of the attraction could be, and I say this because you chose the word 'intelligent,' that you may simply have an abnormally high IQ. According to national statistics, for every 11 IQ points a woman gains... The more difficult it may be for her to find a partner. I believe this has a lot to do with social programming... Women are subconciously prone to seek out partners that are smarter, more stable, or have a greater abilty to provide than they, themselves, do.
And really... There is nothing 'wrong' with this particular type of social programming. The primitive part of our brain continues to rely on this selection process because it's worked for our species for centuries.
That said... I'll agree that it doesn't matter what age a man is, they're still capable of manipulation... Just as many women are. But I think that has more to do with their general personality rather than age.
However... After talking to many women that have had relationships with older men I have been made aware of the downfalls. And it's like this... You know how your parents would tell you not to do something, because when 'they were your age' they did it and it didn't go so well? It can be like that with older men. Not all, but some. And I don't think that it's because anyone is trying to manipulate anyone else... I think that's it just natural that when you love someone and you see that they're about to make a mistake, you feel like you have to jump in and say something. And that's perfectly okay, if you're okay with taking someone else's word for it.
I tend toward a different school of thought though. Sure... I've learned a lot by watching other people mess up their lives. But the lessons that I learned the best were the ones that I gained from the actual _experience_. It's not enough for me, most times anyway, to take someone else's word for it. I have to go out and do it for myself... Otherwise I wouldn't feel like I was actually living. Because, for me anyway, part of life is having experiences, screwing up, and solving the problem myself. If I didn't, I'd just feel like I was living someone else's life, with all the ugly, beautiful and interesting parts done for me.
But hey... To each his own. My path may not be your path, so let that be your decision. I'm just playing devil's advocate here.
Another downfall... I've heard older women, married to even older men point out that their partner's health and vitality started to slow down way sooner than theirs. Remember that, according to studies, women do not reach their sexual peak until around 35. It would kind of suck if you've just reached the peak and your partner has reached a different stage... impotence. It also sucks when their health starts to take a dive and you still feel young and want to 'live life to the fullest.'
I'll close with a question... What is it that you want? Do you want to be married in the next few years? Do you want to start a family? Because if you don't... You might want to consider shying away from the older men. Simply put, their in different 'phase' of life than you are. They may want things that you aren't ready for.
Ps. There are mature men your own age out there. If you haven't found them, you're not looking hard enough. Just a thought.
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Hello all. I am asking this question for a friend of mine that I used to go to high school with. He never passed the final exam back then and now, years later, he was thinking of taking the diploma online.
Anyhow, we spent some hours surfing the net looking at various online options. The only problem was that along the way we came across many warnings of fake schools, diplomas or accrediting institutions.
Our problem is that so many look good on paper. There was particularly one called Keystone which seemed to have a lot of very interesting courses.
So...
Does anyone know anything more specific about this? Particularly any schools or programs that might be an option. Also if anyone knows anything about Keystone high school that would also be interesting.
Thanks a bunch :)
When I was sixteen, I was informed that because I was homeschooled I could not receive an accredited high school diploma. Instead I decided to take the equivalency test.
My suggestion: locate technical institutes and adult education centers in his area. I'm guessing that the best way to find out who is accredited and who is not... Would be to contact the state's department of technical and adult education. (I say that because my GED was signed by the commissioner and his assistant.)
I know that there is a fee to take the test, I just can't remember how much it is. Also... When you locate an accredited institute or center, ask about GED prep classes. At the institute that I attended those classes could be taken by anyone free of charge.
Wish I could remember more... Best of luck to your friend ;)
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I am a 21 year old female with a 10 month old daughter. Her father and I broke up for a period of 3 months, and during that time, both him and I have been with other sexual partners. As ashamed as I am, I had unprotected sex for just a few minutes(I know time doesn't matter) and he also did. I'm not sure of exactly what he did, because I do not want to know for emotional reasons, however, do need to know for health reasons. I do know he slept with someone unprotected. I got tested for STD's 2 and a half months after these incidents occurred and me and him were sleeping together again. I tested positive for Chlamydia and took antibiotics immediately to cure it. HIV came up negative but it was only at 2 and a half months testing. I've read alot about HIV and usually, as I read, conclusive results will come back by 10 weeks( exactly 2 and a half months ). They reccommend waiting until 3 months and then again at 6 to be sure. I read it is very rare to get a negative at 3 months and positive at 6 but it does happen to a small percentage of people. I just got tested today for it again, which will be my 3 month mark. I suffer from anxiety attacks as it is and am extremely worried about the results. I know I already tested at 2 and a half months and I read all different things(some say 6-10 weeks, some say as early as 2 weeks, some say 3 months) ...everyones body is different so at different times it will read the antibodies in the test. However, I cannot relax about this. I know alot of people worry about it after testing, but I am extremely worried. It is all I think about and I will know the results Friday but I'm really really scared I have it. We have had risky sex with other people these past few months now knowing their sexual status. I have already beat myself up over this many times and definately learned my lesson, but I can't shake this worry. I am distant from my boyfriend and am so scared if I have it, it will ruin my child's life. I may be overthinking this, but I am terrified for Friday and the doctor saying I am HIV positive. HIV is more common than society thinks, however, it is still a rare disease. I guess my question is, do you have any advice on how I can relax and ensure myself that I do not have HIV since it already came up neg after 2 and a half months?
My best friend used to work for AID Atlanta, a non-profit organization that administers tests for STD's and provides counseling. He was a big believer in the six month rule. So... Even if that tests comes back negative, get tested again in another three months.
While I know that discussing the details of that break-up period may be emotionally stressful... It might not be a bad idea for the two of you to contact the people you previously had relations with and ask directly whether or not they know if they have any sexually transmitted diseases. And while that may not mean that anything is concrete... It might help put your mind at ease.
I had a friend, a gay man, that once had unprotected sex with someone that later told him that an ex has ended up testing positive for HIV. I remember how terrifying that experience was for him, and how worried I was as a result. We lived together and were very close. It was like it was happening to my little brother. So... While I know that it's really hard not to panic... Try to keep this in mind...
Okay, so you and your partner both made some mistakes. But you learned your lesson and your both dealing with the consequences. Stressing out over the situation is not going to make the situation any better than it all ready is. Take the necessary steps and remind yourself that worrying about the situation is unproductive. I know that isn't much... But let's say, worse case scenario... The test comes back positive one day. If so, you and your partner will deal with the circumstances. There are treatments available... And while you may have to make some changes and start asking yourself some scary questions... You can handle this. But right now, thinking that far into the future isn't going to help you. You'll cross that bridge when you get there... If you ever do.
My thoughts are with you.
Ps. I don't know where you live, but your state may have an organization similiar to AID Atlanta. I know you've all ready had the test, but maybe you could benefit from some free counselling. A professional would probably be able to offer you way more help than this website.
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I was almost in love with this guy but he chose to go back to his ex instead of being with me. He told me before he actually decided to get back with her that he really liked me a lot as a friend, but then he said he wanted me to come back to him and that he hoped i wasn't with any body or anything, and then finally before i came back he reconciled with his ex. But, it seemed to me like he still has underlying feelings for me But i have begin to get closer to his roomate. I wonder if this bothers him that we have spent time together or i wonder if he has told him that it is okay for him to be with me or if they have discussed me at all? I know you all don't know the answer but i'd like an opinion on any part of this if possible.
My opinion: leave this guy alone. I'm not going to speculate as to why he is acting the way he is... I'm just going to point out that he seems to be juggling you and his on/off girlfriend. That's not cool and you deserve better. Move on.
As for the roomate... Right now it sounds like the two of you are in the process of getting to know one another. I don't think it matters whether or not they've talked about you because you aren't dating anyone yet. If you spend more time with his roomate and the two of you begin to consider something more... You could always ask the roomie if he's concerned about whether or not this will making his living situation awkward. If he thinks it will... That's something for him to worry about and work-out. I know that sounds cold... But the bottom line is that this is between the two of them.
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I'm 18 and I really need advice.
When I was 15 years old I met a guy (he was 16 at the time) and I thought he was really gross because he was always hooking up with all these girls. He tried to start talking to me and he had kissed me once and he kept telling me he liked me but he didn't want a g/f. I told him that he just wasn't my type and I was over the games. After I said that he asked me to give him a week to get rid of all his hook ups that he had. I wasn't exactly going to hold my breath. Sure enough though exactly one week later he asked me out. Now, me being so young and NEVER having a boyfriend before I thought that was really sweet...
The guy was into a lot of bad things. Like being sexually active, drinking, smoking, and his friends were just as bad and rude. But I really wanted to fit in and I wanted him to really like me and have my fairy tale ending.
He was very manipulative but because I was only 15 I didn't notice it. I thought he loved me a lot...
We dated for over 8 months and then he broke up with me. Then for 6 months after that he kept leading me on asking me to wait for him and I kept going back to him. Well, finally we stopped talking, but I was always hearing stories about the mean stuff he would say about me to his friends.
He told me that he never really loved me and that I was only a bet between him and his friend that I never liked and always called me names to my face.
Anyway, it's been about a year since all of this has blown over but just 4 days ago he turns up in my life again. He told me he was sorry because he knows how I feel now because some girl broke his heart that he was madly in love with and bought her a ring and everything for. He claims he doesn't remember how bad he treated me and would "love to hang out with me and not have any tension between us" and I saw him at a store two days ago and I just wanted to hit him.
The thing I need advice on guys is, why am I still so hurt after it being about a year or so? I usually never hold grudges against people, I forgive pretty easily I think and I don't like the feelings I am getting about him. I am such a happy person when he is not around but anytime he shows up in my life I think of all the things he told me and how I gave myself up to him and how I truly cared for him, how stupid I feel, and how much I think he is a bad person for knowing I was so young and unaware but still used me for a bet with his friends who ACTUALLY paid him. He promised me he'd never tell anyone... He promised me and told me a lot of things that he didn't mean and I'm so sad, hurt, angry, and upset. But I want to move on... I just need help. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing how bad he was... And I feel so alone.
And I'm not sure if this matters but, I was home schooled since 4th grade. So, yeah it is very different for me and wanting to fit in and knowing what's "normal" for people my age. And I did sleep with him but not because I wanted to. I wanted to wait til marriage and I haven't had a bf since this guy and I don't want to be with another guy again because I'm so scared he'll do the same thing to me. I want to wait til I'm married I just want this feeling to go away. I'm sorry that this is so long but I can't talk about this with anyone else and it's a lot to carry. I'm just still so upset with my self, him, and everything. And like I said, not only am I still angry with him. But I haven't been in a relationship since because anytime a guy tires to get close to me, I mess things up because I'm too scared to be with any guy. Can anyone help me at all? Am I completely crazy? (Oh and please no being rude okay? I already regret things enough. I'm really looking for some good advice and guidance here...)
I was home-schooled... From the age of 12-16; only four years... But during those four years I rarely left my house or talked to anyone that I wasn't related to. I understand that when you are that isolated, especially during such a significant phase of social development... Even once you manage to integrate yourself back into the world, you still feel so different than everyone else.
But I can promise you this... While you may feel alone and 'abnormal'... You're not. Just because you may not be socially savy doesn't mean your a freak of nature that will never manage to find your place in this world. And you're never alone. There are people that think and feel just as you feel at this moment... They're just waiting to be found, as are you.
I understand that you had an awful experience because of this person. I don't know... But I'll venture a guess that maybe, just maybe, the reason you're still feeling angry and upset is because you have not allowed yourself to properly feel these emotions. For example, I was raised in a Christian household and taught that to be angry with another person, no matter the offense, was sinful.
Anger and hurt that remains unacknowledged becomed repressed. The longer you repress, the more the hurt festers... Leaving a chip on your shoulder. The first step, which you have all ready taken, is to acknowledge those negative feelings. The second step, is to let them out. Let yourself feel angry; scream, cry, punch a wall. If you need to cry then cry until you can't anymore. Writing a letter to this person, allowing yourself to list their sins against you, to fully express you're rage can also be productive... Just don't send the letter.
And once you've exhausted yourself... Once you've written every word that you feel you should have said to their face... Let it go. Letting go is not the same as forgiving or forgetting, that will come in due time. Letting go means that you're not going to allow the past actions of this person to disturb you anymore. That, while you may have not made peace with this person, you have made peace with your past. And once you've made peace with your past, turn your eyes to your future.
I don't believe that 'good' people or 'bad' people exist. I believe that most people contain a potential for both behaviors... And that most of the time, when people hurt other people... It's not because they're scum, it's because they have issues of their own that they are struggling to deal with... It's because no one really knows what they're doing, they're making it all up as they go along, and sometimes they mistakes... I'm not excusing this guy's treatment of you... I'm trying to point out that he has emotional issues of his own and while he dealt with those issues poorly in regard to you, he just... Screwed up. And in reality, the truth is that it probably everything to do with him and little to do with you. He didn't treat you bad because there's something wrong with you...
And because there is nothing wrong with you... Not all guys are going to treat you the way he did. I know that you're afraid... And that's okay. But don't allow yourself to live in fear. You've all ready learned a valuable lesson from this experience, and with that knowledge you are now better equipped to overcome the next obstacle. Because... There is going to be a next obstacle. And you're going to make mistakes a long the way, you're going to gain experience and wisdom... And after a while, if someone knocks you down it won't be a big deal anymore. You'll just pick yourself up and keep moving. That's the twisted beauty of hardship. The more hardship you experience, the better you become at dealing with that hardship.
You're going to be okay. You're going to meet a great guy one day... Maybe sooner than you think or many years from now. And either way, you're going to be happy. You're going to live, you're going to love, you're going to learn...
And should you ever need a listening ear... You know where to find me.
:)
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I've been dumped by the same guy twice now, and I'm now realizing that he's not right for me. But even still I find it hard to leave it all behind me. I've been kind of down because I feel like I can't find a guy that's right for me. It's been over a month now that I've been single and I just feel really out of the loop. How do I go about finding the guy that's right for me?
1. I'd suggest that you at least think about taking a break from dating. I really believe that you have to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with another person. Think of it as an opportunity to pamper yourself, re-prioritize, and write down your standards concerning your future partner.
2. When you are ready to date... Don't set your heart on the first person you meet. Give yourself the opportunity to meet different people and really get to know them.
3. Wherever it is that you go to meet people... Try going somewhere different. I don't know how old you are and whether or not you are into the bar/club scene... But I can tell you that you won't find many good canditates for dating at these places, in general anyway. Instead try getting involved with a group with a specific focus. For example, if you like to read you could join a book club. Internet dating is not a bad idea, just so long as you play it safe.
4. Don't constrain yourself to a time frame. It may be two months or two years before you meet someone that you want to be in a relationship with. And that's okay. LIfe is a journey... Travel at your own pace ;)
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Growing up, the cornerstone of my being and identity was thus: Do good, and good things will happen.
I'm a religious guy, and I always, always, do what I think is right.
Up until 7 years ago, no matter what happened or whatever came my way, I stood my ground and persisted.
Then I met a person, who I thought I could trust and trusted me. And this person, in time, wronged me in response to me doing what I thought was right. And in the process, they tore the foundation of my self-belief down, and made me out to be essentially a bad, horrible man.
Traditionally, it's been my experience that karma, or justice, always does its thing. But in this case, there was no vindication for me.
I've recently checked in on said person who wronged me through the wonder of blogs, and discovered that while I'm a graduate who is jobless, love life on the rocks, and his dreams increasingly out of reach, they are happy in their love life, have a good job, and everything is going their way.
While I've been trying to still live like a good person, this person who is selfish and cruel is happy, while I'm still second-guessing the motivation behind every good thing I do.
I'm not asking how to get my self-belief in karma back. I've accepted that nothing I do is going to change my life to a happy one, even if I remain a good man (in my mind at least). All I want to know is, where do I go from here now that I know that being a horrible person apparently gets you happiness and being nice leaves you hating yourself?
I don't think that you're unhappy because the world isn't fair. I think that you're unhappy because you have a self-defeating attitude.
You just told us that you hate yourself. Why? Because you tried to be, in your definition of the phrase, a 'good' person? I could be wrong... But I think you hate yourself because you feel like your behind in the grand game called life. And I think that reading about how this person that you deem selfish and cruel is so 'ahead' of you causes you to feel inferior.
Well... You're not inferior. The world will tell you that things like success in a 'respectable' carreer, an exclusive relationship, even membership to a certain church, or ownership of material possessions determine whether you are better or worse than another human being. That's a load of crap. A load of crap because we're all equal. We're all born equal, we'll all die equal. And it doesn't really matter where you go in life, it's how you get there. Just because you don't have a stellar job, or haven't met the love of your life... Doesn't mean that you're behind anyone. It may mean that your definition of personal success is different from the majority of people that you encounter.
Think about some of the people that have made the biggest impact on our society. A man named Jesus... Left behind his family and everything he owned to travel from city to city and spread a message of love and forgiveness. He didn't own a thing, he never married... Buddha, born a prince, married... And left behind all his wealth and his wife to spread a similiar message. Mother Teresa spent all her time ministering to the needs of the sick, and spent every dime she had for their care. I remember hearing a story about her after she died. A man had bought her a Cadillac, and when she saw it she said, 'Why did you not just give me the money? I could help more people that way.'
I'm not suggesting that you sell everything you own and take to wandering the streets looking for good deeds to perform. I'm suggesting that you re-evalute your self-worth. While the world may not be fair... The people that we remember best, even if they were never as famous as Mother Teresa, were the people that loved unconditionally. The people that accepted us, listened to us, helped us... even if only in the smallest way. The people I know that embody these qualities are not famous, not rich, not successful by the worlds standards. My grandmother... Who I would have not made it through my childhood without. My friend, Josh... Who taught me what a real friend is. My boyfriend, Jerry... Who was able to stare at the dark side of my soul and did not, ever, turn away. These are the people that inspire me to love each of my fellow human beings. Simply because they loved me first.
So... If you can not believe in justice or karma, or whatever you want to call it... Believe in love. If you are dissatisfied with the direction of your life, perhaps you are wandering down the wrong path. And if you do not love yourself, perhaps you have forgotten who you are.
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Okay,
For almost 3 years now, I have spotted all kinds of signs my younger sister whom is now 19 years old is on drugs. I found a crack pipe in her bedroom, Ciggeretts, empty bottles of alcohol, A bong, and I even found Marijuana pictures posted on her Myspace photo albums. However, Whenever I tried to mention it to my Mother on how much it really bothers me and that she is doing drugs my mother always seems to be in disbelief. She told me that my sister uses the empty bottles of alcohol and the pipe as well as the bong for "Room decoration" Now I am smart enough to know that is just complete crap. (I am 23 years old) It's fustrating too because I really care about her but whenever I try to comfront her about anything it only leads to a major verbal arguement. I know my mother can't be that uneducated to know that my sister is not using these objects for "room decoration" Why won't she admit it? How can I get her to believe me? I am sick of smelling it coming from the vent and I'm tired of smelling it around the house.
Thank you
BahaiMa22
I don't believe that your mother is stupid. I believe that she's in a state of denial. Chances are that the reason she continues to defend your sister and argue with you is because she's lying to herself.
And while I admit that I believe that you're mother is handling the situation with your sister very poorly... Try to see your sister through her eyes for a moment. Your mother loves the both of you unconditionally... The thought that one of her children has such a serious problem probably hurts her more than anything you could possibly tell her. I mean... Imagine for a second that you had a child and you just discovered marijuana in their sock drawer. How would you feel? Would you worry that your child might be beyond your help? Would the thought that they might be on a path of self-destruction just rip your heart out?
Because... Chances are you're mother is experiencing those painful emotions. She may be in denial because that is the only way she knows how to cope with the situation. She could be hoping that if she continues to ignore the problem, eventually everything will work out.
So... What do you think would happen if you sat down with your mother and told her first... That you're trying to understand how something like this could cause her to feel? That you know that's she scared and might not feel like there is anything she can do? But that the best way to help her daughter is to intervene. And that, through-out this process, you're going to be by her side to support her and help your sister get better.
If you're mother continues down the path of denial... Try talking to other family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles) about the situation and ask for their advice. If you can't get through to your family, a grandmother, brother or sister might be able to succeed.
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I am a 26 yr old female and I am married and have been for 5 years. Its been 9 years since i broke it off with my ex! I see him often and it hurts cause he is with someone new!!!! I love my husband, but I think i love my ex too, should I talk to my ex or leave it alone? I have caught him staring at me at times, could this be a sign of things still on fire?
Okay... I know that what I am about to say is probably going to sound very, very harsh. I apologize in advance. But... If you want my honest opinion... Keep reading.
I don't know anything... But I'm guessing that: you and your husband are either experiencing problems with your relationship or the 'thrill is gone.' Either the stress or the lack of excitement is causing you to look for fulfillment outside of your relationship. And what better place to look for that fulfillment? Your ex... That you conviently see on a regular basis.
Understand that I'm not accusing you of infidelity. What I am going to say is: whether or not the feeling is mutual... I think that if you try to discuss your feelings with him, this is bound to blow up in your face sooner or later.
How would your husband react if he found out? How would your ex's girlfriend react if she found out? Do you really need to discuss your feelings when the fact of the matter is that the two of you ended your relationship instead of trying to work out your problems? Do you really need to discuss your feelings when not only did you break up with each other... But instead of fighting for one another you both moved on and became involved with other people? Even if the two of you shared a mutual feeling... Is that feeling actually love?
I don't know. You'll have to ask yourself those questions and find your own answer. But... Again... My honest opinion: if you're experiencing problems in your relationship, if the 'thrill is gone'... The best course of action would be to communicate with your husband, not your ex.
Ps. I don't know why you see your ex so often... But if you could avoid doing so in the future that would _probably_ be best.
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I do trust my partner when it comes to cheating, i know he would never cheat on me. But the only thing i cannot trust him with is when he talks to other girls .. i know that sometimes he might say things to them that you shouldn't if you are in a relationship with somebody. I know he loves me and wouldn't leave me for anybody but i dont know if i can be with him when i feel like this. What should i doo ? =\ x
Okay... You're saying that you can trust him... But you don't like the way he talks to other girls. Why? What is he saying?
I can't really answer the question with so little information. I mean... I don't know if he's just saying something like, 'I think you're cute.' Or if he's discussing the intimate details of your relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
What I can tell you is this... If you feel like he's saying something that's inappropriate, you need to tell him (in a non-confrontational way) that some of the things he says makes you feel insecure. Because while I may not _know_ what's going on... I think that _your_ insecurity is a big factor in this problem. I'm not trying to invalidate you're feelings. Really... I can understand what you're going through. But if he can be trusted, why are you treating him like he can't?
Just talk about it with him. Chances are that if you haven't talked about it with him all ready... He doesn't even know that he's doing anything to upset you. And how is he supposed to know what's on your mind if you don't tell him? Communication is a must in any healthy, lasting relationship. So... Open your mouth and say what's on your mind.
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14/f
so my best friend is going out with this guy that i absolutley despise with a hot fiery buring passion. she's 14, he's 17. red flag right there already, right? after like 2 or 3 weeks of dating, she had sex with him and gave him a blow job. i got so mad at her, you have no idea. the only thing i really cared about was the sex. she promised me that she would never do that again until she was older so i just kinda blew it off.
well, yesterday she was texting him from my phone. she forgot to delete the texts. i read all of them. she told him it wasn't a good time for her to have sex because she's on her period. and he said back so you want to? and she said of course i do. i saw those and i just wanted to cry.
she's not listening to any of her friends telling her not to do this. she doesn't care. she flat out lied to all of her friends. she doesn't realize or understand what she's doing or what she's doing to all of the people that love her and care about her. talking to her won't do anything, she doesn't listen to what anyone has to say about stuff like this. she's worrying everyone and no one knows what to do. i don't want my best friend being a whore and getting herself pregnant at age 14.
what am i supposed to do?
I agree with the last post. I don't know where you live or what the age of consent is there... But I live in Georgia and here it is 17. I believe that means that 17 is legally an adult, while your friend would still be a minor. Even if it isn't, you're absolutely right... What she is doing is dangerous and all around a bad idea. If she won't listen to sound advice, it is your duty as a real friend to tell her parents. She'll probably get into a lot of trouble... And she'll probably get really mad at you. The two of you might not be friends for a while. I know that's a scary thought... But the thought of her getting pregnant or transmitting an STD is a lot scarier. I say spill the beans and do the right thing. But then again... That's just my opinion.
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Hello =] I just want to know.. if ther person you are with likes somebody else but loves you .. do you stay with them or finish them ? What would you do ? Thanks x x
When you say 'like'... What exactly do you mean? Do you mean that they are just friends? Or that he or she is attracted to someone else?
In either case... I would say that you should be able to work it out. If their just friends, then you just may be paranoid... In which case you need to confront your own insecurity. If we're talking attraction... I'd like to remind you that just because you're in a relationship and love your partner doesn't mean that you're going to magically stop being attracted to other people. And it's okay to be attracted to other people, just so long as that attraction doesn't lead to potentially harmful behavior.
I think that... Whatever the scenario... You should talk to your partner and discuss you're feelings. If you're feeling insecure now would be the time to say so. Just try to remain calm and refrain from attacking your partner. Don't call them any nasty names, don't make any accusations without proof. Simply state how the situation makes you feel and ask them how they are feeling. Then the two of you need to decide what it is that you both need to do to find a resolution.
But if your partner has crossed the line into harmful behavior... Before discussing anything YOU need to reassess the relationship and decide whether you trust this person... And if you don't, whether or not the two of you are willing to set about the arduous task of rebuilding that trust. If the answers is 'no,' well... You know the answer.
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i know there are a few of you guys out there who will be honest and give clarity to me. I CRAVE the attention of my spouse.... tomorrow will be 2 years of marriage... for 6 months he gave me all his attention and the rest of the time HELL...i get it... he lost interest or found intrest somewhere else... not really hard to accept....so why did he stay with me for 2 years? i mean he was really only here for 6 months but he paid ALL my bills...bought my car...anything i asked for he got me EXCEPT the true attention i needed..... what up?????.... He is african and i know they dont show their"love" easy but dang....a little????...i know what youre thinking....he married you for his citizenship...wrong...he had it before we got married.... hes had it since he was 16.... so thats not it.... 8 months ago we found out i was preggo and our "relationship" CRASHED.... he has put me through more stress then in our whole realtionship and has gotten physically violent since ive been preggo.... so 2 months ago i move out.... right??? good thing to do.... wrong.... he starts being all nice, sweet...the man ive craved for the whole marriage... he decides it would be good to buy a house....so he bought us a house(i picked out).... moved us in...everything is going great...july 4th weekend rolls around and he comes home(he works out of town..in town 1 weekend a month)and everything is perfect....he goes on the road and we are living the perfect life untill i see our bank statement.... he never went back on the road... infact he stayed here for another week....WTF RIGHT???...okay so im thinkin...oh well maybe he needed some guy time... that really isnt a big deal...its f'ed up he didnt tell me but im cool with it.... then i start looking more.... motel,$206 at the african club, $80 at the grocery store, 2 withdrawls of 100 across the street from the african club...did i say motel...and a 40 dollar motel at that!!!nasty....so i call him on it.... he says "i dont know"....come to find out from my sisterinlaw he also spent a weekend in ATL with his brother partying and lied to me about it and said he was on the road working....like i would have cared if he partied for a weekend with his brother....so he comes home like 2 days after i discover all this and still has no explination.... so hes home for one night and the next day my family from out of town wants to get together for lunch and i invite him(of course he doesnt go...he hasnt seen ANY of my family since November)..he asks me to drop him at his dads house....he never came home that night ....infact he came home 3 days later.... i called him NONSTOP...no answer....he came home and i asked him again about the transactions...he immedietly calls his sister to pick him up and take him BACK to his dads house.... never saw him again.... out of 8 days he was in town, he spent 2 nights with me...... so i packed my stuff at 8 months preggo and bounced....i moved out and told him it was over and that he could do as he pleased as a single man cause thats how he was acting...... i didnt answer his calls for a week.... i finally answer his call and he acts like nothing ever happend.... I SWEAR TO GOD this man spoke to me like we were all good.... when i brought to his attention that i had moved out(he didnt know becuase he was on the road)he was sooooo pissed and acted like i was the bad person to move out of the house he had "just bought me and ____(our babies name)"...are you serious??????????....i hung up on him.... i talked to him 3 days later and asked him what he wanted to do... our relationship changes or we split up for good.... after talking for 3 hours i came to the conclution that he seriously thinks he does no wrong in the realtionship.... he doesnt think he has to prove those transactions to me... and he thinks im "sensitive".......
Men- what do you take from this situation? is he scared of being a dad? cause honestly i dont want his around my baby if hes going to act like that... i dont even think dr phil could help this man.... is it me???? am i doing something wrong???? i know im stupid for even caring or trying after the transactions i found.... (those are the only ones i know about.... how many more are there???).... i have this baby in 2 weeks and as it stands im not moving back into that house.... i can support myself and my baby.... should i try anymore with him??? I know he must be going through some stuff being a first time dad but lord is this normal?????
I know that this question wasn't addressed to me, a woman... And that you wanted the opinion of a man. Someone to explain his behavior.
But I would like to ask you a question... Why do you need an explaination? The relationship that you have with this man obviously isn't healthy. He doesn't communicate, you don't trust him, and for God's sake... He HIT you. As someone that has had healthy relationships with men... I can tell you that communication and trust are the foundation of a healthy, long lasting relationship and that without this foundation the relationship will always crumble. He doesn't display any remorse for his actions, he doesn't exhibit any willingness to change... You are far better off without him. Period.
Does that mean that he shouldn't be a part of your child's life? No. For the sake of child alone, he should be given the opportunity to be a better father than he was as a husband. However... If he simply isn't interested in his child, if he can't treat your child 10 times better than the way he treated you... Then it would be time to reconsider his visitation rights.
So... Please try to remain on civil terms with him for your child. But nothing more. Allow him to be a father... But allow yourself to find someone else. Someone that will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
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