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Cousin refusing to listen to family about her future
Hi there,
For some time now, my cousin (who lives in Thailand with her boyfriend) has been struggling to find a job/career which suits her. She's the outdoor type, not the desk type; the kind of person who likes a job which requires her to travel all over the world, but doesn't like to be told what to do or what she's doing wrong.
She's never had any proper support from her mother or father since she first got out of school, so she was kinda left on her own. When she went looking for a course, she was desperate to take the first one which would accept her without really looking into it and wasted a year doing something which she didn't really want to do. And since then, she's been in Thailand doing what she loves doing best : kick boxing and working in small cafes.
Now, the family has tried to talk to her and has even tried outside help for her to get a good, strong job. But the thing is, is that any help which is sent her way is shot down by her even before she's even tried properly. She doesn't want to listen to the rest family because she thinks that she knows best.
As a fellow advice columnist, I get the feeling that she's become so used to doing things her own way that she doesn't know how accept help when she sees it. And I've suggested things which the family can do, abut now I'm out of ideas on what to do.
Details about her family:
Mum - Nice, kind, devote Christian etc. but doesn't know how to support her daughter in any way.
Dad - difficult to talk to under any circumstances and makes things very complicated.
Older sister - working in london doing a medical degree and working as a restaurant manager.
Younger brother - Doing a degree in university.
Youngest brother - too young to help.
Boyfriend - treats her like a diva (in my opinion) and is wrapped around her little finger.
Cliff notes version:
I need new ideas to put forward to the family in ways they can help her or how I can help. Links to jobs which might suit her would also be greatly appreciated whilst she's in Thailand.
Sorry this is so long,
triquetra
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear... But... I have to ask. Do you think that... Maybe the reason she refuses to accept help is because she just doesn't want it? Maybe she doesn't want it because she's happy? And maybe, her happiness is more important than forcing her to work at a job, just because it seems suitable to her family? Just a thought.
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The girl sounds head-strong and being head-strong as well, I can tell you, straight up, that nothing you do is going to help. She's used to being on her own and she's not going to listen to anyone because of that.
If you want to help her, support her even if she decides to kick-box and work in cafes the rest of her life. Let her know that you just want her to be happy with her life and that if she ever WANTS some help with finding a career or something, you'll be there to suggest and help.
I know that if I were her I wouldn't listen to my family... because I don't listen to them now. She knows what's best for her life because it's hers and no one will ever get her to think differently.
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