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clarity please
i know there are a few of you guys out there who will be honest and give clarity to me. I CRAVE the attention of my spouse.... tomorrow will be 2 years of marriage... for 6 months he gave me all his attention and the rest of the time HELL...i get it... he lost interest or found intrest somewhere else... not really hard to accept....so why did he stay with me for 2 years? i mean he was really only here for 6 months but he paid ALL my bills...bought my car...anything i asked for he got me EXCEPT the true attention i needed..... what up?????.... He is african and i know they dont show their"love" easy but dang....a little????...i know what youre thinking....he married you for his citizenship...wrong...he had it before we got married.... hes had it since he was 16.... so thats not it.... 8 months ago we found out i was preggo and our "relationship" CRASHED.... he has put me through more stress then in our whole realtionship and has gotten physically violent since ive been preggo.... so 2 months ago i move out.... right??? good thing to do.... wrong.... he starts being all nice, sweet...the man ive craved for the whole marriage... he decides it would be good to buy a house....so he bought us a house(i picked out).... moved us in...everything is going great...july 4th weekend rolls around and he comes home(he works out of town..in town 1 weekend a month)and everything is perfect....he goes on the road and we are living the perfect life untill i see our bank statement.... he never went back on the road... infact he stayed here for another week....WTF RIGHT???...okay so im thinkin...oh well maybe he needed some guy time... that really isnt a big deal...its f'ed up he didnt tell me but im cool with it.... then i start looking more.... motel,$206 at the african club, $80 at the grocery store, 2 withdrawls of 100 across the street from the african club...did i say motel...and a 40 dollar motel at that!!!nasty....so i call him on it.... he says "i dont know"....come to find out from my sisterinlaw he also spent a weekend in ATL with his brother partying and lied to me about it and said he was on the road working....like i would have cared if he partied for a weekend with his brother....so he comes home like 2 days after i discover all this and still has no explination.... so hes home for one night and the next day my family from out of town wants to get together for lunch and i invite him(of course he doesnt go...he hasnt seen ANY of my family since November)..he asks me to drop him at his dads house....he never came home that night ....infact he came home 3 days later.... i called him NONSTOP...no answer....he came home and i asked him again about the transactions...he immedietly calls his sister to pick him up and take him BACK to his dads house.... never saw him again.... out of 8 days he was in town, he spent 2 nights with me...... so i packed my stuff at 8 months preggo and bounced....i moved out and told him it was over and that he could do as he pleased as a single man cause thats how he was acting...... i didnt answer his calls for a week.... i finally answer his call and he acts like nothing ever happend.... I SWEAR TO GOD this man spoke to me like we were all good.... when i brought to his attention that i had moved out(he didnt know becuase he was on the road)he was sooooo pissed and acted like i was the bad person to move out of the house he had "just bought me and ____(our babies name)"...are you serious??????????....i hung up on him.... i talked to him 3 days later and asked him what he wanted to do... our relationship changes or we split up for good.... after talking for 3 hours i came to the conclution that he seriously thinks he does no wrong in the realtionship.... he doesnt think he has to prove those transactions to me... and he thinks im "sensitive".......
Men- what do you take from this situation? is he scared of being a dad? cause honestly i dont want his around my baby if hes going to act like that... i dont even think dr phil could help this man.... is it me???? am i doing something wrong???? i know im stupid for even caring or trying after the transactions i found.... (those are the only ones i know about.... how many more are there???).... i have this baby in 2 weeks and as it stands im not moving back into that house.... i can support myself and my baby.... should i try anymore with him??? I know he must be going through some stuff being a first time dad but lord is this normal?????
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I know that this question wasn't addressed to me, a woman... And that you wanted the opinion of a man. Someone to explain his behavior.
But I would like to ask you a question... Why do you need an explaination? The relationship that you have with this man obviously isn't healthy. He doesn't communicate, you don't trust him, and for God's sake... He HIT you. As someone that has had healthy relationships with men... I can tell you that communication and trust are the foundation of a healthy, long lasting relationship and that without this foundation the relationship will always crumble. He doesn't display any remorse for his actions, he doesn't exhibit any willingness to change... You are far better off without him. Period.
Does that mean that he shouldn't be a part of your child's life? No. For the sake of child alone, he should be given the opportunity to be a better father than he was as a husband. However... If he simply isn't interested in his child, if he can't treat your child 10 times better than the way he treated you... Then it would be time to reconsider his visitation rights.
So... Please try to remain on civil terms with him for your child. But nothing more. Allow him to be a father... But allow yourself to find someone else. Someone that will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
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