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Still hurting/angry
I'm 18 and I really need advice.
When I was 15 years old I met a guy (he was 16 at the time) and I thought he was really gross because he was always hooking up with all these girls. He tried to start talking to me and he had kissed me once and he kept telling me he liked me but he didn't want a g/f. I told him that he just wasn't my type and I was over the games. After I said that he asked me to give him a week to get rid of all his hook ups that he had. I wasn't exactly going to hold my breath. Sure enough though exactly one week later he asked me out. Now, me being so young and NEVER having a boyfriend before I thought that was really sweet...
The guy was into a lot of bad things. Like being sexually active, drinking, smoking, and his friends were just as bad and rude. But I really wanted to fit in and I wanted him to really like me and have my fairy tale ending.
He was very manipulative but because I was only 15 I didn't notice it. I thought he loved me a lot...
We dated for over 8 months and then he broke up with me. Then for 6 months after that he kept leading me on asking me to wait for him and I kept going back to him. Well, finally we stopped talking, but I was always hearing stories about the mean stuff he would say about me to his friends.
He told me that he never really loved me and that I was only a bet between him and his friend that I never liked and always called me names to my face.
Anyway, it's been about a year since all of this has blown over but just 4 days ago he turns up in my life again. He told me he was sorry because he knows how I feel now because some girl broke his heart that he was madly in love with and bought her a ring and everything for. He claims he doesn't remember how bad he treated me and would "love to hang out with me and not have any tension between us" and I saw him at a store two days ago and I just wanted to hit him.
The thing I need advice on guys is, why am I still so hurt after it being about a year or so? I usually never hold grudges against people, I forgive pretty easily I think and I don't like the feelings I am getting about him. I am such a happy person when he is not around but anytime he shows up in my life I think of all the things he told me and how I gave myself up to him and how I truly cared for him, how stupid I feel, and how much I think he is a bad person for knowing I was so young and unaware but still used me for a bet with his friends who ACTUALLY paid him. He promised me he'd never tell anyone... He promised me and told me a lot of things that he didn't mean and I'm so sad, hurt, angry, and upset. But I want to move on... I just need help. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing how bad he was... And I feel so alone.
And I'm not sure if this matters but, I was home schooled since 4th grade. So, yeah it is very different for me and wanting to fit in and knowing what's "normal" for people my age. And I did sleep with him but not because I wanted to. I wanted to wait til marriage and I haven't had a bf since this guy and I don't want to be with another guy again because I'm so scared he'll do the same thing to me. I want to wait til I'm married I just want this feeling to go away. I'm sorry that this is so long but I can't talk about this with anyone else and it's a lot to carry. I'm just still so upset with my self, him, and everything. And like I said, not only am I still angry with him. But I haven't been in a relationship since because anytime a guy tires to get close to me, I mess things up because I'm too scared to be with any guy. Can anyone help me at all? Am I completely crazy? (Oh and please no being rude okay? I already regret things enough. I'm really looking for some good advice and guidance here...)
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YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! im in the same situation as you are except that he was 2 years older than me and that im trying to date other guys as i guess you can say a way of relief, like someone actually cares about me- you know? but as soon as someone tells me they love me, i get scared and i want to end things.
what im trying to say is that how youre feeling is perfectlt normal because he played with your emotions and hurt you. you have a right to be upset!
if you wouldnt be upset, youd probaly be treated as a hoe.
but hey, give the guy another chance--maybe he changed ince another girl broke his heart. if he tries anything you can immediately cut off all communication.
i hope i helped, and if you need anything else, inbox me =]
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I was home-schooled... From the age of 12-16; only four years... But during those four years I rarely left my house or talked to anyone that I wasn't related to. I understand that when you are that isolated, especially during such a significant phase of social development... Even once you manage to integrate yourself back into the world, you still feel so different than everyone else.
But I can promise you this... While you may feel alone and 'abnormal'... You're not. Just because you may not be socially savy doesn't mean your a freak of nature that will never manage to find your place in this world. And you're never alone. There are people that think and feel just as you feel at this moment... They're just waiting to be found, as are you.
I understand that you had an awful experience because of this person. I don't know... But I'll venture a guess that maybe, just maybe, the reason you're still feeling angry and upset is because you have not allowed yourself to properly feel these emotions. For example, I was raised in a Christian household and taught that to be angry with another person, no matter the offense, was sinful.
Anger and hurt that remains unacknowledged becomed repressed. The longer you repress, the more the hurt festers... Leaving a chip on your shoulder. The first step, which you have all ready taken, is to acknowledge those negative feelings. The second step, is to let them out. Let yourself feel angry; scream, cry, punch a wall. If you need to cry then cry until you can't anymore. Writing a letter to this person, allowing yourself to list their sins against you, to fully express you're rage can also be productive... Just don't send the letter.
And once you've exhausted yourself... Once you've written every word that you feel you should have said to their face... Let it go. Letting go is not the same as forgiving or forgetting, that will come in due time. Letting go means that you're not going to allow the past actions of this person to disturb you anymore. That, while you may have not made peace with this person, you have made peace with your past. And once you've made peace with your past, turn your eyes to your future.
I don't believe that 'good' people or 'bad' people exist. I believe that most people contain a potential for both behaviors... And that most of the time, when people hurt other people... It's not because they're scum, it's because they have issues of their own that they are struggling to deal with... It's because no one really knows what they're doing, they're making it all up as they go along, and sometimes they mistakes... I'm not excusing this guy's treatment of you... I'm trying to point out that he has emotional issues of his own and while he dealt with those issues poorly in regard to you, he just... Screwed up. And in reality, the truth is that it probably everything to do with him and little to do with you. He didn't treat you bad because there's something wrong with you...
And because there is nothing wrong with you... Not all guys are going to treat you the way he did. I know that you're afraid... And that's okay. But don't allow yourself to live in fear. You've all ready learned a valuable lesson from this experience, and with that knowledge you are now better equipped to overcome the next obstacle. Because... There is going to be a next obstacle. And you're going to make mistakes a long the way, you're going to gain experience and wisdom... And after a while, if someone knocks you down it won't be a big deal anymore. You'll just pick yourself up and keep moving. That's the twisted beauty of hardship. The more hardship you experience, the better you become at dealing with that hardship.
You're going to be okay. You're going to meet a great guy one day... Maybe sooner than you think or many years from now. And either way, you're going to be happy. You're going to live, you're going to love, you're going to learn...
And should you ever need a listening ear... You know where to find me.
:)
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Female: 15
You're story, is my story. I mean EXACTLY. The same. Except i wasnt home schooled. A Bet yup thats what happened to me. You know, i know how i feel because my ex did the same to me. And i still suffer from that. This is what i do, i just think about something like, You know try to date someone else, try to fill your mind, try to just admire a guys looks and personality, this is what i am doing right now, but i still think about him, but not as much. Your question, makes me worry, because im 15 and that same thing is happeneing to me right now, and you're still hurting. I'm sorry if i didnt help. I just want to try, but i cant even help myself.
I'm sorry for wasting your time reading this.
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