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normal to want older men?
im 24. i dont have any attraction to men my age. i keep getting attracted to intelligent men over the age of 35. is this normal?
am i making a mistake of ignoring men my age? am i putting myself in a postion to be manipulated by "more experienced" men?
thanks
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I don't think that your preference is exactly abnormal. 'They' say that women mature faster than men... Though I've seen plenty of young women just as immature and irresponsible as their male peers. Part of the attraction could be, and I say this because you chose the word 'intelligent,' that you may simply have an abnormally high IQ. According to national statistics, for every 11 IQ points a woman gains... The more difficult it may be for her to find a partner. I believe this has a lot to do with social programming... Women are subconciously prone to seek out partners that are smarter, more stable, or have a greater abilty to provide than they, themselves, do.
And really... There is nothing 'wrong' with this particular type of social programming. The primitive part of our brain continues to rely on this selection process because it's worked for our species for centuries.
That said... I'll agree that it doesn't matter what age a man is, they're still capable of manipulation... Just as many women are. But I think that has more to do with their general personality rather than age.
However... After talking to many women that have had relationships with older men I have been made aware of the downfalls. And it's like this... You know how your parents would tell you not to do something, because when 'they were your age' they did it and it didn't go so well? It can be like that with older men. Not all, but some. And I don't think that it's because anyone is trying to manipulate anyone else... I think that's it just natural that when you love someone and you see that they're about to make a mistake, you feel like you have to jump in and say something. And that's perfectly okay, if you're okay with taking someone else's word for it.
I tend toward a different school of thought though. Sure... I've learned a lot by watching other people mess up their lives. But the lessons that I learned the best were the ones that I gained from the actual _experience_. It's not enough for me, most times anyway, to take someone else's word for it. I have to go out and do it for myself... Otherwise I wouldn't feel like I was actually living. Because, for me anyway, part of life is having experiences, screwing up, and solving the problem myself. If I didn't, I'd just feel like I was living someone else's life, with all the ugly, beautiful and interesting parts done for me.
But hey... To each his own. My path may not be your path, so let that be your decision. I'm just playing devil's advocate here.
Another downfall... I've heard older women, married to even older men point out that their partner's health and vitality started to slow down way sooner than theirs. Remember that, according to studies, women do not reach their sexual peak until around 35. It would kind of suck if you've just reached the peak and your partner has reached a different stage... impotence. It also sucks when their health starts to take a dive and you still feel young and want to 'live life to the fullest.'
I'll close with a question... What is it that you want? Do you want to be married in the next few years? Do you want to start a family? Because if you don't... You might want to consider shying away from the older men. Simply put, their in different 'phase' of life than you are. They may want things that you aren't ready for.
Ps. There are mature men your own age out there. If you haven't found them, you're not looking hard enough. Just a thought.
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I am 22 years old now (recently celebrated a birthday) and am currently seeing a 38 year old man. I can safely say that I'm not missing out on a damned thing by not seeing men my age.
In my experience, it's been more positive seeing an older man in that he is, well, more experienced in life. He has already gone through what I will go through with growing up. He's already worked at various jobs and dealt with the assholes and creeps at certain types of places. He's already been where I'm heading and is more than willing to help me make it through this time in my life.
The thing is, he can steer me in the right direction. If I listen to him, he can definately help me make right choices and avoid incidents that happened to him when he went through it years ago. He knows how to effectively communicate and get his thoughts and ideas through. It, obviously, helps that he cares about me ;) but it's nice to know he can safely tell me how to handle things from his previous experiences.
Maturity level is high for older men. They have stopped wasting time years ago if they're even decently intelligent. They have a better idea of how to treat a lady usually (my man opens doors for me, helps me out to the vehicle, carries the heavy things up to his house, buys me dinner, takes me out to movies, etc etc). If they aren't currently married, they are probably looking at their futures and how they want to end up a few years down the road. This doesn't mean they want to jump the gun and get married right away--but they do know what type of person they want to be with in a couple years.
The fact of the matter is there will always be someone out there, older or younger, that will try to manipulate you. This is why you have to have firm beliefs and standards. Put your foot down for what you believe.
Sexually speaking, I've seen more younger guys manipulate women into doing things they weren't sure of wanting to do. I've seen 21 year old guys talk openly with each other about raping young women. More men in their early twenties are going out to the clubs, getting wasted, picking up random strange women to sleep with, and not caring about other human beings in general. If a man cannot put their entire selves into a relationship (with you or anyone else) then how can you expect to rely on them in difficult times? You see, guys in their early 20s are new to this adult things and get frightened easily, whereas a man in his 30s or 40s already KNOWS if he can overcome a particular hurdle or not.
I'm not saying that older men are better because they are more mature (which, obviously, they are) but I'm saying that there will always be someone out there that wants to take advantage of you despite their age, race, or wealth. The trick is to keep your eyes and ears peeled out for these sorts of people. Don't hang out with pervy guys. Don't hang out with guys who have used women (they usually speak openly about this at some point). Don't see men who are into things you are not comfortable with. If a guy is going out to the bar and getting smashed every weekend then expect him to be making poor choices, especially in the sex department.
A difference is:
A man in his late 30s will drink and have a good time on the weekend. Not every weekend. Not in a crowd. Maybe a buddy or two around. Not enough alcohol to vomit and have a terrible hang-over. He's learned years ago how to have a good time without over-doing it.
A man in his early-to-mid 20s will drink and have a good time on the weekend. Usually most weekends. Happily drunken in a crowd of strangers. Enough to get completely wasted so that the following days will be completely forgotten, including the women he picked up the first night. He repeats this same thing every weekend, forcing his body to go through hell.
Older men know what they want and how to get it, for the most part. Younger men have an idea of what they want and are still testing the waters.
It's okay to be attracted to older men, as long as you can stand firm for what you believe. All guys see you as young and inexperienced. All of them. You have to have morals set. You have to know what you want. You have to not put yourself into bad situations and play everything as safely as possible.
Be prepared for an older man to start showing up with gray hair or begin balding (mine is bald and has a touch of gray). Be prepared for him to go through some health problems as he ages because they say the 20s are the healthiest time for us all. Be prepared for him to be set in his ways--he is probably now happily doing whatever it is that he is doing and you're not going to magically change him overnight or in a period of a few days (suggestions are happily taken though). Be prepared for him to already know what you're going through and think of you as a little silly when you tell him you have absolutely no clue as to how to solve the problem at hand--simply because he knows you've overlooked the solution twice already.
Be prepared for him to either want children very much or to not want them at all, ever. By this point in life, the man has pretty much made up his mind if he wants any (or more) or not. He also may have been married by now so it may take him a much longer time before deciding to take the leap and propose--he has long learned that it isn't something to throw around lightly.
I hope things go well with you and you find out what you truly want in life. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Its normal to be attracted to men older than yourself. It just means you seek a person who has more experience and intelligence than you do, whether that means you see that men your age are dumb or simply not attractive in anyway. Now, I can't tell you that older men won't try to manipulate you considering they have more experience with dealing with women, but they probably have more manners and respect than younger guys.
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