I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
Visitors: 64969
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Families
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
Razhie
isis
Xenolan
ScratchesOnTheWall
not_your_star34
alisonmarie
HectorJr
BitsandPieces
sassysara
more...
|
| |
i was talking to my gf because shes been upset a lot lately and has been talking about suicide. i tried to figure out why shes been so miserable and its because its her best friend is thinking about suicide. at this point i have no idea what to do. she wont let me talk to her friend but at the same time told me not to worry and just to foget about it...suicide isn't something you can just forget. so should i tell her parents even though she told me not to? what can i do? i love her too much and i dont want to lose her =(
(link)
|
You poor thing. This is a very difficult situation to be in and I feel sorry for anyone in this position.
It's very easy to let a friend with a problem drag you down with them and I don't mean that in an insulting way. Misery is infectious and if you spend a lot of time around someone who is miserable, however honourable your intentions, you may find you end up the same way.
What you really need to do is sit your girlfriend down and have a serious talk with her about this. You have to make her understand that in order to help her friend, she needs to be in a fit state to help herself first. If she spends all her time focusing on her friend's problems, she'll pick up too much on what she feels and she'll lose grip with anything positive in her life.
Next, try to get her away to do something fun. Insist to her that it DOES matter, that you WON'T forget it and that you love her too much to stand by and let her destroy herself. There's no doubt in my mind she will insist she is 'fine' but this clearly means she isn't.
Having been in exactly the same situation myself some years ago, I can tell you that this can get very out of hand and the only thing you can do is make her see sense now. So remind her what LIFE is about and make her forget about death for a while. Also see if you can persuade to her to go to a counsellor so she can get the problems and upset out of her mind for a while. Then you need to do whatever you can to make her live again. Eventually, she will come round.
|
|
okay so im a junior (16) and he is a senior (17) at my school. okay so we work together. and when we do we talk and flirt all the time. and its fun. and i really like him. weve hung out a couple times. but not alone. except one time my friend from work wanted to hook me up with her best friend and so we (me her, and the guy i like but not with her friend yet..) all went after work out to eat and to walmart and just acted stupid. and then she was like were going to go see her friend. and i was like okay fine and the guy i like was like okay im going to go (we were in two spereate cars him in one, me and my friend in the otehr) and i was like nooo you cant because then i wont know anyone but nicole so he was like okay then ride with me. and it was like a 45 minutes drive tehre and we talked the whole time just about everything! then we were about there and i got kind of nervous i mean ive never just randomly met someone with the intentions of maybe dating. so i was like i dont want to do this this will be ackward so he was like okay so we can pretend we are dating! of course i was like hell yeah right!but anways we got there and like 5 minutes later we left and talked the whole car ride home and he dropped me off and that was it. so the point of my telling all this is wondering if he is just a friend or if there is anyway that he might like me? also i was wondering because he hardley ever talks to me at school and he is in one of my classes(but he is always talking to his best friend) does that mean he doesnt like me at all or are we just work friends?! also how do you get over the fact that he may not be physically attractive? but im extemley physically attracted to him. i know that was long and i am sorry but if there is any advice that you can give me that would be so great!!! (link)
|
From what you have said, it is completely possible that he does like you as more than a friend BUT every guy is different. Problem being that while one guy may act like this when he likes a girl in a romantic sense, another guy may treat all his girl mates like this.
The situation at school is a little weird. Regardless of whether he thought of you in a prospective-girlfriend sense or a normal friend sense, it seems a little weird that he hardly ever speaks to you in school. Perhaps there's a reason he avoids you here but I really couldn't say what that might be.
The fact that you don't feel he is physically attractive really isn't anything. Although physical attraction is good, someone doesn't need to be physically attractive to attract someone, if you see what I mean. What I'm saying is, if you are really a good enough person to see past looks, then that's a very positive thing, as there are far too many people out there who can't see past a less attractive face.
I think what you really need to do is to speak to him about this. Sit him down and explain to him that although you do think of his as a great work friend, lately you've been having some feelings for him but you don't want to jeapordise your friendship. Then ask him if there's any chance he feels the same way and if so, did he fancy doing something sometime. You seem like a very nice person and I can't imagine why he should say no so it's got to be worth a try!
Good luck!
|
Okay background info first:
Im 15 and female
I have a wonderful boyfriend of about 6 months
Well heres the thing. I have a really bad way of handling stress. I mean it makes me physically and mentally ill. I can't control it and never really was able to. Ive been to doctors and ect to get it undercontrol but nothing is seeming to help.
My boyfriend is a guy who is just something else. Ive never met anyone like him and he means everything to me inside. The thing is for a little while now it seems like i havent been acting my old self. Like our relationship is heading downhill. We talked about it and was considering taking a break but tears just answered that. I didn't want that. I need to no how to be able to control my stress so our love life could be better. Sex is never the same because im alwasy tired and/or just don't feel like it. When we do have sex though its amazing, so its not like its him.
Im not sure what to do. Ending our relationship is not an option. Please any advice would help!! (link)
|
First of all you need to work out what the sources of your stress are. Whatever methods of coping you find, it'll never work as well as stopping it at it's source. Perhaps it's school and you need to talk to your teachers about it or perhaps there are problems at home. Whatever the reason, it's always a good idea to knock this sort of problem on it's head at the source.
If that isn't an option right now, yoga is supposed to be very good for calming stress issues. Perhaps there is a class that either you or your parents could pay for you to go to. I normally would say go with a friend but dealing with stress often means that you need to have more 'you' time so go alone if you can.
Going back to the 'you' time, you need to set some time for you to be by yourself. You can sit down somewhere and set yourself a time limit of 10 minutes to fret and stress and worry over things but after that, no more. Afterwards, you can reward yourself with a face mask, manicure and pedicure and a good film or something of similar enjoyment.
You could ask your boyfriend to give you a back massage as a lot of stress and tension is stored in the neck and shoulders and you will feel more relaxed when you're looser (another benefit of the above mentioned yoga).
Beyond that, you may wish to speak to your GP and see if you can get some counselling. Stress is very very normal but sometimes people need help coping and sharing your concerns with an impartial person is very therapeutic and can help to offload some of what you have been storing up.
Most of all, you just need to learn to let go of some of it. Accept that there are some things you will never be able to change and that if there are things that need to be changed, you have to get on and do it before it drags you down this far again.
Good luck
|
A guy friend of mine was going out with this girl for over a year. They barely knew each other and had sex the second night.(She had a bf at the time) She was 14 he was 17. She broke up with her bf 2 days later, but kept both of them. Taking turns every other night with each of them. I told my friend, but he refused to believe me. Im very good friends with her ex, and he told her where to go when he realized what was going on.
My friend and her have broken up more than they are together. They both like to be in control and both are very jealous. They fight ALL the time!! She keeps breaking up with him because hes an ass to her. Its like they are still together(just not going out) but they act like it. She has had sex with 2 other guys in between. Whenever his gf breaks up with him he seems to ask his ex why she doesnt call him, and then wants to hang out with her. He told her that they can start out as friends again and get to know one another. I know its because hes just trying to get back at his gf for having sex with other guys, because hes so hurt by that. He says thats not true, and that his ex is just mad because he still talks to this other ex, and he gets the feeling when he does hang out with his first ex that she thinks they will get back together. (well i would feel the same if my ex wanted to hang out with me) His recent ex started seeing this other guy, but still calls my friend nonstop. He takes her calls all the time. Last night he went to her house for the first time since she broke up. She told him that she still loves him, but she had sex with this other guy, but isnt too sure about him. This girl is now 16. She has had sex 1,000s of times with 6 different partners. She told someone that she would let any guy f*ck her! Ive told my friend, but he just doesnt seem to care. Its like they are both emotionally unstable people who feed off each other.
Is it the sex, or is there something wrong with him that he needs to keep taking something like that back that will never be faithful to any guy?? The guy she was just seeing told me he wants her because he heard she was easy. (thats an understatement)
My friend had a very nice gf before this one, and if she would have had sex with another guy he wouldnt have ever talked to her again. (shes a very decent girl)
Will rate high for reasonable answers!!
Thanks
(link)
|
Oh dear, it really sounds like this girl has something going on. To be honest, people tend to behave like that more often because they're rebelling against something or are just plain trying to avoid something.
Unfortunately, if your friend isn't prepared to listen to you or to stop this very odd come and go relationship (no pun intended), then, much as I hate to say it, there's really very little you can do. I know how frustrating it is to watch someone you care about allow themselves to get into this sort of situation and it's terrible because you can see exactly where it's likely to lead. However, obviously there's a lesson your friend needs to learn here. Once a big mistake has been made (for example, if this girl were to get pregnant or he were to contract some form of STI) he will learn and he may well say goodbye to her for good.
But right now, you could scream and shout at him til you're blue in the face and it won't make any difference because he's clearly chosen what he wants to do and isn't prepared to reconsider.
The best you can do is to be there to pick up the pieces for him when it all goes horribley wrong. I am sorry I couldn't say something more positive.
|
|
ok i like this guy but i have never asked a guy out but i like him alot and i think he likes me u see him and i help kids and we work together and well last week all the kids were gone so we had to go to the lmc and on the way up their he keep getting closer to me and bumping in to me and then i went to my locker and he went with me and i said i hate my locker partenr because she had a bunch of posters up that i did not like and he said that he had a few posters in his locker he could give me to put up in mine but the problem is my friend likes him to and him and i are good friends and i dont want eather of the friendships to end what should i do (link)
|
To be honest, you need to talk it over with your friend. Generally, where guys are concerned, any that both of you like at the same time are a 'no go' area. However, if she knows how much you like him, she may not mind.
Have a word with her and see what she says. But remember that if she says no, you'll need to stand by your word and find another guy. The only time a pact like this is worthy of being broken is in the case of flat-out love.
Good luck!
|
|
Ok this is the most stupid thing i have ever done!!! ok well this guy was like can you hook me up with one of your friends but i actually don't want to because none of my friends like him so i thought ahh lets make him happy seeing hes done so many favours for me and my bf.so i was thick and i made a hotmail account and i pretended to be my friend which was actually someone off my friends myspace. And its like now hes saying ova msn i really like you ALOT nd he wants to meet this person.Sometimes i wish i never played silly games!!!! he now wants her number and its like ahh i don't have a number! What shall i do now someone please help because i carried it along like its so real and its not and its like maybe i could try and get one of my real friends to like him but they don't and like basically he wants to meet me,her another guy and himself this weekend and how can i when shes not real.SOMEONE HELP PLEASE AND FAST I NEED OPTIONS ON WHAT TO DO NOW!!! its because i like him and i needed to know what he thought off me how silly can i get im 16/female (link)
|
Oh my goodness!!!!!
Right, basically you have two options here and you need to decide which one you would rather take.
1) You tell the truth. Ultimately the best option to choose but having been to school and experienced how cruel people can be when they find out this sort of thing has happened, I can understand if it's not really what you might call a viable option.
2) Lie. I don't want to endorse lying. After all, a lot of trouble gets caused over this sort of thing and you really don't want to end up in a worse situation. That being said, there might be a way to resolve this without you actually having to lie or getting into more trouble. BUT, you will have to cope with the consequences on your conscience. Basically, as long as he doesn't know this person you're pretending to be, you need to stop talking to him OR tell him you have a boyfriend. Personally, I would recommend the first, as, although it would be painful for the guy in question, it leaves no room for any form of suspicion to end up in your direction. Never visit the hotmail account again, if you can help it, as it may be possible to track e-mails and see if they have been read. After all, who knows what might have happened if this person was to disappear for now?
If this is not an option either, for whatever reason, you could pretend that she has a boyfriend. Problem being this might open up to a lot of other questions.
What I want to stress to you, however, is that the second may be the favourable option in the short term but you do need to take into account anything that it may lead to before taking such action.
Either way, I REALLY hope you manage to work this one out okay. Good luck!
|
I like this guy very much. He is always on my mind && i wish I could be his for ever. He took my virginity but we argue alot now. He is leaving for a long time, for about 2 years or more. He may come back for summers and when I get a job I may be able to go see him.I want to make this time I have left with him special but I dont want to hurt when he leaves.
What should I do? (link)
|
The sad truth about love is that it will always hurt when it goes away. As much as I REALLY want to tell you something that will make this easier for you, the fact is that no matter whether you argue or get on perfectly, judging by the way you feel about him, it will hurt.
You need to work out why you're arguing with him so much first of all so you can resolve the problem. Maybe he feels the same way and you're pushing each other away now to make it easier when he has to leave? Whatever the issues are, you need to work them out.
Remember that long distance relationships CAN work but they are a LOT of effort. I really cannot stress this enough. No matter how you feel about someone, it is always difficult to maintain those sorts of feelings when you speak over e-mail or by letter and you have no idea what is really going on in each other's lives. If both of you want to make it work, then it will but you'll both need to be prepared to put in the effort for it.
Whatever happens, make sure that when he leaves you have plenty of tissues, plenty of tubs of ice cream (or any other favourite dessert) and remember that although it will hurt a lot to start with, it doens't have to be the end of your relationship.
I wish the both of you the best of luck.
|
|
I was planning on hosting a hockey pool party at my appartment but decided to cancel because it got back to me from one of my friends in the pool that two of the people in our pool had been backstabbing me and saying some really mean things about me behind my back. One of the things was that I was a flirt and deserved to be raped, or something mean like that. My friend wouldnt lie to me, so I confronted one of the guys that was saying this about me. I went into the restaurant he works in as a cook. I confronted him, first by saying, "I'm Cancelling My Hockey Pool Party". He wanted to know why, and then I said "because I'm tired of all the backstabbing". I also glared at him when I said this. Well this is how he reacted. Immediately after I said i was tired of all the backstabbing, he lost eye contact me eye, and turned his back to me. So my question is, is this a sign that he is guilty? I also told him what I heard he had been saying about me, and he never said that it wasnt true, but he did pin it all on the other friend of mine. (link)
|
That's a truly terrible thing to say about someone and I'm very sorry this has happened to you.
The problem is, whether or not he maintained eye contact with you would never be enough proof on which to decide whether he did say this or not. After all, I expect you don't maintain eye contact right through all your conversations with people you speak to either. My point being, it could just be a coincidence.
But you know, who said it is really unimportant, although I can understand it's difficult to really believe that under the circumstances. Truth it, as you get older, there'll always be people who make petty and childish comments like this and the only way you'll get past them is if you learn to accept them at the face value they are. After all, if anyone who is a friend of yours was to hear it, they're hardly likely to let it pass by rather than defend you.
You need to go ahead and have the party and just let it go for now. There's no point chasing after the guy who did it because it doesn't mean he will stop and he may even use it as 'ammo' against you in the long run. So rise above their comments and remember that if they can't take the time to get to know you before making such unfathomabley cruel remarks, they're really not worth wasting precious time and energy on in the first place.
|
alright, firs tof all im prude lol
alright then, well i dont really know what this is, its just a "problem" im having..... All the guys in my school are like obsessed with gurls and getting sex and smokin weed and shit and im not in to that. I am into true love shit and i dont drink or smoke. I never have had like the feeling of wanting a girl like these guys do, i dunno what wrong with me.... i dotn knwo if its caus eim like super prude, like when i think about having sex with a girl i feel like its would "mess up" our friend ship or something, i really dont know. I think it would be wierd to ahve sex with someone your such good friends with, i dunno why i ahve that "idea" in ym head about sex...... can you help me figure out whats wrong with me :-D
Thanks (link)
|
I can't believe that while I'm thinking that there's something SO right with you, you're worried something is wrong!!
Put it this way - if all men in the world thought the way you did, there would be a LOT more happy women.
What you feel about all this is VERY normal, but usually for people who are a lot older. Put simply, it just means you're a lot more mature than the other guys who think it's okay to do illegal drugs and drink and treat girls like dirt and it means you will go on to make some very lucky girl very happy.
You already realise that sex without love is pointless, that drugs are stupid and unsafe and that there's very little point in drinking too much. These are all fantastic qualities that you should pride yourself on and not feel embarrassed or ashamed of. While the other guys are out there wasting time, money and health on getting drunk or stoned and scoring with girls, you'll be the one who will be better off because you'll have more fulfilling relationships, do better in school and girls will think you're wonderful because after being dumped by all these guys that they will think of as 'scumbags', there you will be!
Honestly, you have nothing to worry about and you need to accept that the way you feel is something you should view as attributes, rather than disadvantages.
|
I am fat and I know I need to lose weight.
The problem is I do not know what foods to eat to stay healthy! I do not need to lose a whole lot of weight, just about 10 pounds. How do i eat right without eating too little or too much and what do i eat?
Any professional help would be great or someone that really knows about this stuff,...please help!
Thanks so much!! (link)
|
The main point that many people forget when dieting is that the point is not to starve yourself or to kill yourself exercising.
What you need to be eating is slow-release carbohydrates, as they are both filling and provide you with energy to get through the day. Rice, for example, is an excellent thing to eat. Mostly low on calories (if not eaten aside a curry!), some potatoes ( I believe that it's sweet potatoes), corns, pasta (especially if you can buy wholewheat pasta) and some vegetables.
You also need to ensure you drink plenty of fluids. The recommended daily amount of water is 2 litres, but most people find that very difficult. In my experience, the best way is to ensure you have a glass or two of water at breakfast, take a couple of bottles of Evian with you when you go to school/work and then have some more with your evening meal.
You also need to be sure you are eating the right amount of foods. If you eat your food slowly, it will allow your body time to have the food reach your stomach. Doctors say that it takes 10minutes for your body to realise your stomach is full. If you eat too quickly, you'll be past full by the time you realise it. So chew everything at least 20 times. Don't skip meals because your body will pack more weight on the more sporadically you eat. This concept is based on the theory that if your body does not know when it will be receiving food, it continues to store fat in case it does not receive food for a long time.
You could try eating 6 small meals a day, rather than 3 larger meals, as this can help to ensure you aren't starving waiting for mealtimes and thus put an end to snacking. So try a couple of pieces of toast for breakfast, maybe a piece of fruit and a yoghurt during a break, some salad or a sachet of microwave rice and some fruit for lunch, a piece of fruit for an afternoon break, a healthy dinner and a small supper.
As long as you stick to this, you should notice the weight drop off.
However, before taking any immediate action, I always recommend you speak to your GP. They will be able to tell you what weight you should be and give you some guidance (in some cases they may refer you to a dietician) to help you on your way.
Just try not to obsess about it. Try to think of it as 'healthy living' rather than a 'diet' as the word itself immediately switches the mind into panic mode!!
Good luck!
|
|
Well lets start. I am 16 going on 17 my boyfriend is 18 going on 19 and my ex is 17 going on 18. Ok. I used to go with the 17 year old and i really fell for him like really feel for him. I know he loves me too but he just doesn't know how to treat me. When i got fed up w/the way he was treating me i met my boyfriend now i broke with my ex to be with him. We have been together now for 3 months and i really care about him. But the other guy has been trying to get me back since we broke up and i was like no cause he wasn't what i wanted anymore and i started to really fall for my boyfriend, but i never lost my feelings for my ex. Now me and my boyfriend are going through it and we dont talk like at all. I talk to my ex more than i talk to my boyfriend. He is really trying to get me back and i really do love him but i don't know, there is something telling me that shouldn't. I mean i do love but he has put me through so much already. I also care about my boyfriend now but our relationship is not doing so well and i really feel that we should just split up but i really wanna be with him. I dont know what to do. Do i break up with my boyfriend and go back with my ex (who i really am starting to want to be with) or do i break up with my boyfriend and not go back with my ex. Or do i just not break up with my boyfriend at all (which i really don't want to do). Please excuse the lengh. Please help (link)
|
Well this really is a love triangle!!
Okay, If I'm to be totally honest, I think the best thing you can do right now is to resign to be with neither of them. I know what you're thinking. It's a really stupid idea. But if you can't choose between them then perhaps you're not being fair to them OR you?
At the end of the day, your ex is very much in the wrong for effectively messing with your head. You are with someone else and he should be leaving you alone to be with that person. If I was you, I probably wouldn't have much faith in the manner in which he conducts relationships. After all, if he really did care about you, surely he'd want you to be happy, no matter who that was with?? Maybe deep down, you realise that and that is why you're not sure.
It's possible that rather than be tempted away by your ex, you should be giving your relationship with your boyfriend another try but under the circumstances, it's best that you get away from the situation entirely for a while and clear your mind. Basically, you need time to think it through without the complications that their presence causes you.
Once you've stepped out of the situation for a while (Maybe by telling your boyfriend you need a 'break' or something similar), you'll be in a better position to decide what you want. Whether it be one of those guys, or neither.
|
Ok,so for science class i need to make a picture page in a picture book.there is nine pages but everyone splits everything up.So,this whole thing is a picture book on light and sound.We have to be EXTREAMLY creative with the things and drawings we make.The picture i have to draw is - The Speed of Light and Sound in Air.So,i have to tell them the speed of sound and light then make a creative picture that relates to it such as fire works(there has to be both sound and light in the picture.)Im stuck on a fun idea to make a picture of!! Can you help me find some creative drawings to do?! some cool examples?! (i dont want you to make it,XD,just tell me your idea about it!)
please help,i hand out fives like free samples at a food court!!
thanks! (link)
| |
Okay......I've thought about it and the best thing I can come up with is a thunder storm. I don't know whether or not this would necessarily work but maybe you could make it as a 'pop-out' type thing? So you either create or draw the clouds and then attach jagged spikes as lightning, which pop out when the page is opened? There is a lot of light and sound in a thunder storm and it's explosive enough to use. Not to mention, it would be a lot easier to draw than fireworks!!
|
ive liked sean for ever and he was really really nice like wicked cool and like i mean i think he did like me. his family like cousins and brother are like assholes, like obnoxious and mean. so my sister was like dont bother his family are assholes. sean was such a sweetie last year and most of this year but now hes turning to be a asshole like his brother, i like him so much but i do nott want to. and he knows im like obsessed and basically makes me more. what can i do to make him think i dontt? hes in my gym class always like being weird or acting nice.. thankss! so basically what should i do around him and how can i get over him
=( (link)
|
By the sounds of it, this guy has changed from being decent to being an unpleasent person to be around. This being the case, you can do one of two things.
You can tell him how you feel and give it a try. BUT, be prepared for nasty consequences if you do because if he really is as bad as his brother and cousins, chances are you may get emotionally hurt.
You could, on the other hand, keep schtum and try to avoid him for a while. This will be the only way you can ensure he doesn't think you're obsessed about him. There's an added bonus in that time away will give you time to meet new boys who are hopefully more worthy of your time and you can look back at him and know you did the right thing for you.
Unfortunately, it's not a decision I can make for you but those are the two best options available to you. The 'getting over him' part will come with time (and the help of a large quantity of ice cream) but it sounds as though you need to keep yourself occupied to take your mind off him. Maybe join a new club at school or hang out with your friends more often, somewhere you know he won't be. If you allow your mind to wander onto subjects other than him, you may be surprised what happens.
|
|
im on cheer squad n have tons of popular friends but only short conversations. How do i become more popular? (link)
|
Unfortunately, popularity is one of the seven wonders of the world. Hundreds upon hundreds of girls and boys go through school, wondering how they could become popular and never working it out.
If I am to be totally honest with you, I don't think it's something you can ever really work to achieve. You can be the best person you can be and have the best friends in the world and still not be the most popular girl in school.
On the flipside of this, you can be a terrible person and treat people like dirt and go on to be voted Prom Queen.
You say you have a lot of popular friends. Surely being popular means having lots of friends and being friends with the popular crowd? If this is the case then perhaps you already are popular but it just isn't living up to your expectations?
But really I have to admit that I am not a great fan of popularity because trying to achieve it is something bound mostly to make people miserable. After all, it is much better to have two or three terrific friends who truly value you and your opinion than to have 30 people who admire you now but will drop you like a hot potato if something happens and you need their support.
What I'm saying is, at the end of the day, being popular is okay but rather than spending your time trying to achieve something that you don't know would make you happy when you could be so much happier with just having a few good friends that you know you can really count on. After all, it won't matter how popular you were when you've left school.
|
My current boyfriend and I have been going out for about a month. Here's the problem: My boyfriend makes me think of my EX. He does not
remind me of my ex...at all. He just makes me think of my ex boyfriend...more than when I was single. And heres the weird part: I dumped my ex TWO YEARS AGO! I'm not sure if I like my boyfriend right now. He's seriously the sweetest boy ever and all the things I'd want in a guy but I just don't feel the inital attraction I've felt going into this relationship. I need help...opinions, advice, suggestions, anything (link)
|
Perhaps the reason you are thinking of your ex is that, in some way, you are disappointed by the relationship you are currently in. You say you no longer feel attracted to him in the way that you did when you began dating. Maybe it's just that because you no longer feel the same way, your mind is fixating on your ex because you were more attracted to him and he reminds you of what else is out there.
Regardless of the reasons why your ex has popped into your mind all of a sudden, if you no longer feel attracted to the boy you're with then maybe you should not be continuing the relationship. After all, if the attraction is gone, where else is there for the relationship to go?
Given what you have said, you might be far better off ending the relationship now, to save unintentionally leading him on and to give yourself a chance at finding someone you truly do want. You mustn't feel too bad that this has happened as it is very common for people to feel attracted to each other initially but for these feelings to fade after a short time. The best thing is to resolve the problem now, rather than letting it drag on.
|
|
there are these two girls who i used to be really good friends with but now all they care about is themselves. i was just at the mall and it was really bad i was crying and everything but they didn't even care about me and that upsets me a lot. i've told them what they do when they're together and sometimes they apologize and tell me they'll be nicer but then other times they tell me that i'm wrong and that they don't act like that. a lot of my other friends feel the same way but are too scared to say anything. how do i get them to change or should i just drop them as friends? (link)
|
It's a sad fact that as people get older they often can change into people completely different from the ones we knew. It sounds like this is what has happened here.
It's not necessarily that they mean to treat you like this because unfortunately, some people do become very self involved as they grow up. However, the fact that you say a lot of your other friends feel the same way indicates that perhaps they don't act this way while being totally oblivious to the fact they're hurting people. In fact, maybe it is that they are doing it deliberately because it makes them feel better.
Really the only option you have here is to make the most of the real friends you do have and let go of the ones who are what I would call 'fairweather friends'. If they can treat you like that then they aren't worthing having around in the first place and you could do a lot better and have a lot more fun with people who treat you as a real friend.
|
THx for your advice ..I really needed it.
I understand completly what you are trying to explain to me ....And I honestly think that my bf still feels something for her ...Eh never told me this but HE don''t need to talk to me for me to notice some things ..Like everytime he is on the pc he go and looks photo of the girl on her site ..(he said to me once that he did ths becuase he want to see if the girl post some new picture of their son,sinds she never send pictures to him.....TO me is very strange,I did't belief him)
I don't want to be the destroyer of no family and I really care for this guy to much to force him to be with me ...But my point is I am not sure that this girl is really in to him ..I think she just want a daddy for her child sinds things went very wrong with her ex boyfriend
She even told me that she was having a affair with this guy when she still was having a relationship with my bf.
I really don't think she is really into him and if she were I really don't think they gone take along because she has a strong character and he is very soft haerted and she constantly hurted him with her stupid words ...
The last thing I want is this guy to be hurt ...I really love him a lot
(You know what it's funny it's the first time I say I love him ..I always say I care for him)
I don't want you to get me wrong but If I have to seperate from him to let him be more happy than he is with me ..I will
But I don't think this girl is really into him..she just is seeking for the daddy of her child ,not for the man she felt in love with.
My relationship is going great ..he is happy ..I am happy but I dont know if it's gone change when this girl show up with his son..
I talk to him and he said that he is happy with me and he wont go back with her because he has everything he wants when he is with me.
I had been through a lot in life and I've become very realistic ...if he is not for me ..oke he is not I will have to go over it and start my life all over again..
But what if he is for me ...should i fight for him...What should i do ...how should I fight?
please answer me back
May the Lord bless you.
(link)
|
I can see your point and it is a horrible situation to be forced into.
You're concerned because his ex-girlfriend mistreated him in the past. The main thing you're going to have to do here is trust that your boyfriend knows what is best for him. After all, if most people have been through such an experience, they would want to avoid it a second time round. If he wasn't happy with her and the way she treated him, I doubt he will put himself back in that situation.
You want to know what you should do....okay... The best suggestion I can come up with right now is to just be yourself. I know that's HORRIBLEY cheesey but he needs to love you for you and not for someone you're trying to be. If you try to hard to be what you think he wants, you risk getting it wrong. You KNOW he cares for you so be YOU because at the end of the day, if he wanted someone else then he would be with someone else. Also, if he really is the guy for you, then you have nothing to worry about.
Of course, one possibility is that when he see's her again, the fact that she has come all that way just to try to get him back when he is happy with you could in fact, make the situation worse for her. To a lot of men, nothing is worse than a jealous ex! And you have to consider that he was with you before her, was with her for a while but still came back to you. That seems to imply he realised how happy he was with you.
To be honest, my absoloute feeling on the matter is that you shouldn't worry. You seem like a really lovely person and I can't imagine he would pick someone as apparently spiteful and jealous as his ex over you. You just need to ensure that while she comes off as the picture of jealousy and spite, you can come off as the innocent current girlfriend and make him realise what he would be missing without you.
|
I'm 23 years old and I study in Holland and I have more than 1 year and a half with my bf ..I first met him at my old job(place where I was born,the caribean) and we where just friend.than I quit my job because I had to come to Europe to study.Meanwhile HE got a girlfriend and they had a son togheter but sadly he had to com to europe to study leaving his girlfriend and son behind ,He did this because he was going to get a house and job and than send for them(they could't come together because the girl was still in school,she was about to graduate)SO When he came up here we met again and we begun to hang out (as friends) and it was fun having him although things were really thoug for him (he could not get a job to send money for his kid)around..He than told me he was having trouble with his girlfriend ..so I offered to talk to his gf through msn explaining her what was really happening to him up here..because she did't believe him...But I begun to really understand him the way not even her ex did't and we kind built a nice friend relationship ..it was soon that we had to see each other ,call everyday and for a long time I begun to see him smile again..After about 1 year her girlfriend broke up with him ..and we begun to date,,this was not planned but in theory the relationship was broken sinds the day he came in Europe because they did't communicate without a fight and most off the time it was me who put them togheter.Now we are more than a year togheter and me and his ex still chat with eachother .....I explained to her what was happening between me and her ex and she was fine with it because she had a new boyfriend anyway.....But 3 month ago her boyfriend broke up with her and she than told me that she thinks she is still in love with my bf and that she iss going to try to get him back.....I did't see it as a problem because sinds she is far away from here and I kinda trust my bf and I told him what his ex had told me and he than told me that he won't go back with her...
Now this is my problem..
Yesterday She told me that she is giving up everything and she is coming to live in europe just in the same town we live...
I feel kinda strange ,or afraid because they have a kid togheter and that a powerfull reason...
It 's kind unfair because she said she didn't love him anymore ..she left him hanging when he most needed her ..
Help I don't know what to do
Should I talk to my bf about this feelings ..I never felt this before....
I will rate high
(link)
|
This is a very tricky situation and you will need to be extremely careful about how you handle it.
First thing's first. You can't allow the fact that she is intending to live near you bother you too much. For starter's, that is exactly what she wants. You clearly care a lot for this guy and if you get too worried about it, you may end up driving him away and not necessarily back to her. You need to talk to him about it so that if she DOES arrive, you know how to handle it and you know what to expect. In other words, tell him your concerns about the effect her presence may have on your relationship.
Second thing you need to do is to accept that he may have to spend a lot of time with her. Not because he is insterested in her but because she is the mother of his child and in order to spend time with his son, he may need to spend time with her. Again, letting this affect you too much will eventually have an effect on the relationship. You need to trust that he cares about you and is not trying to get back together with her.
Having a child with someone is a very powerful thing, you're absoloutely right. But if there's no love between the mother and father then there is no point in continuing the relationship. What you need to do is sit this guy down and establish exactly how he feels about her and tell him he needs to be honest. At the end of the day, you need to know if he still has feelings for her. If he does, you may need to allow him the opportunity to make it work with his ex. I know that sounds terrible and I'm sorry to have to say it....but if they do still care about each other, they have to try one last time, for the sake of their child.
If he has no feelings for her, all you need to do is trust him. It will all work out fine.
|
|
Ahh the magic of divorce, it's taking me forever to deal with my parent's divorce but thats just becuase new problems seem to be popping up outta nowhere. My mom's boyfriend that she ahs had for awhile (which WAS my dads BEST FRIEND) has been gone for a while, and i was tottaly happy and now he's baaaaaaack, and im trying to warm up to him, but today he let go of my new puppies leash twice! TWICE! the first time i was sorta mad but now the second time he really went far and he could have gotten ran over, then my mom is mad at me cuz i got mad. I thinik i have every right to be mad at him! Am i right? (link)
|
I can understand your point of view and you must be going through a very tough time right now. I'm very sorry your parents split up.
You haven't said if you said anything to your Mum's boyfriend after he let your puppy off the leash the first time but I'm assuming that you said something. If you didn't then you can't really hold it against him for doing it again when he didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
If you DID say something then you do have a right to be upset with him but there are certain ways to handle these things. I don't know if you yelled at him or sat him down calmly and asked him not to do it again but what you need to do is have a word with your Mum. Tell her - calmly - what happened and say that it upset you. If you yelled or were rude to him at all, say that you are sorry and that you overreacted but you would like it if he didn't do it again as, being only a puppy, you're not sure what would happen to it when off the leash.
Usually, people are very reasonable when you ask them calmly to do something. This may well resolve your problem. If not, make sure you take your puppy out for walks in the future instead of him.
|
|
ok so i like this guy we are friends all of a sudden everyone says we make a good couple and he likes me or so they think well my friend asked him out he said yes and we told him it was a joke witch it was then my friend went up and told him i wanna go out with him he ran away i ran away he said he would talk it over with hes to best friends they both think we make a good couple and one of them said i should ask him out so will they convince him to say yes or no whatr do you think how do i handle a yes a no im so confused i normaly get asked out (link)
|
It sounds as though there is a lot of outside involvement from your friends here and you have said lots of times that your friends think you make a good couple....but what do you think?
First of all, this guy is going to be feeling a little humiliated after the whole 'asking him out but it's a joke' scenario so you want to be careful about how you treat him over this.
If you do decide that you like him, you need to take the plunge and ask him out. Guys have a lot more respect for girls who ask them out in person, rather than through a friend. If he says yes then everything's great! Just sort out a date, time and location and you're ready to go.
If he says no, you need to bear in mind he may be making up for having his ego dented before. Give him a little time and see if he comes to you. If not, you'll have to move on.
If you decide that you want to be friends then you need to tell him that. There's a lot of people telling you that you should be more and with all that pressure, you need to work it out with him. Tell him what your friends are saying and why you asked him before, before telling him that you feel you're better off as friends.
Whatever happens I wish you the best of luck.
|
|