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The ex off my boyfriend
I'm 23 years old and I study in Holland and I have more than 1 year and a half with my bf ..I first met him at my old job(place where I was born,the caribean) and we where just friend.than I quit my job because I had to come to Europe to study.Meanwhile HE got a girlfriend and they had a son togheter but sadly he had to com to europe to study leaving his girlfriend and son behind ,He did this because he was going to get a house and job and than send for them(they could't come together because the girl was still in school,she was about to graduate)SO When he came up here we met again and we begun to hang out (as friends) and it was fun having him although things were really thoug for him (he could not get a job to send money for his kid)around..He than told me he was having trouble with his girlfriend ..so I offered to talk to his gf through msn explaining her what was really happening to him up here..because she did't believe him...But I begun to really understand him the way not even her ex did't and we kind built a nice friend relationship ..it was soon that we had to see each other ,call everyday and for a long time I begun to see him smile again..After about 1 year her girlfriend broke up with him ..and we begun to date,,this was not planned but in theory the relationship was broken sinds the day he came in Europe because they did't communicate without a fight and most off the time it was me who put them togheter.Now we are more than a year togheter and me and his ex still chat with eachother .....I explained to her what was happening between me and her ex and she was fine with it because she had a new boyfriend anyway.....But 3 month ago her boyfriend broke up with her and she than told me that she thinks she is still in love with my bf and that she iss going to try to get him back.....I did't see it as a problem because sinds she is far away from here and I kinda trust my bf and I told him what his ex had told me and he than told me that he won't go back with her...
Now this is my problem..
Yesterday She told me that she is giving up everything and she is coming to live in europe just in the same town we live...
I feel kinda strange ,or afraid because they have a kid togheter and that a powerfull reason...
It 's kind unfair because she said she didn't love him anymore ..she left him hanging when he most needed her ..
Help I don't know what to do
Should I talk to my bf about this feelings ..I never felt this before....
I will rate high
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yes..... do talk to him because a good relationship is communication...and try to trust him when he says he wont go back to him.... trust is also a way to a good relationship!! i hope i helped!!
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This is a very tricky situation and you will need to be extremely careful about how you handle it.
First thing's first. You can't allow the fact that she is intending to live near you bother you too much. For starter's, that is exactly what she wants. You clearly care a lot for this guy and if you get too worried about it, you may end up driving him away and not necessarily back to her. You need to talk to him about it so that if she DOES arrive, you know how to handle it and you know what to expect. In other words, tell him your concerns about the effect her presence may have on your relationship.
Second thing you need to do is to accept that he may have to spend a lot of time with her. Not because he is insterested in her but because she is the mother of his child and in order to spend time with his son, he may need to spend time with her. Again, letting this affect you too much will eventually have an effect on the relationship. You need to trust that he cares about you and is not trying to get back together with her.
Having a child with someone is a very powerful thing, you're absoloutely right. But if there's no love between the mother and father then there is no point in continuing the relationship. What you need to do is sit this guy down and establish exactly how he feels about her and tell him he needs to be honest. At the end of the day, you need to know if he still has feelings for her. If he does, you may need to allow him the opportunity to make it work with his ex. I know that sounds terrible and I'm sorry to have to say it....but if they do still care about each other, they have to try one last time, for the sake of their child.
If he has no feelings for her, all you need to do is trust him. It will all work out fine.
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Yes you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. Don't let the frustration you are feeling build up. That will only make things worse.
He will have to have contact with her because of their son. Even if he doesn't love her that way anymore, they will always have that bond. It is a strong one.
He will be having contact with her when she moves closer. You realize that. It may be something that will be very hard for you to deal with. There will be times when you will be very jealous of their relationship. That is normal. You will have to keep a good level of communication between you or it will drive you nuts.
Start talking with him about it now. If you trust him then all will work out well.
I wish you the best of luck. :)
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