this is a bit complex. a friend of mine (not really a close friend as all that although he likes to fel like he is but he knows he is not) was asking a girl out. seh didnt accept his advances and he told me and others that he has given up about her. After a long time, i got attracted to her, asked her out and she got down with me. we started dating and my "friend" got to hear about it. he gets paranoid over it. My friends adviced me not to bother telling him about me and the girl. and the girl herself says i can tell about us going out or not, depending on what i think. i decided not to tell him sice we are not really close (me and him). the guy goes about lieing that he is sleeping with the girl, saying they are dating. am sure its not true, but i dont feel comfoprtable about the way he goes about it. need advice thanks
lulabelle answered Friday February 10 2006, 3:16 pm: Wow, there's a lot that could be going on here...I can see why you're confused. You have to be careful how you go about this. I know you don't think so, but your girlfriend could be seeing this guy (I only mention it as a possibility). I mean, she's not with you 100% of the time. You certainly can't say something if in that minuet possibility she has fit him in somehow. Or, everything could be as it seems. Yep, don't like these dilemmas. Here's an idea; you can now set your mind to seeing things from an objective view. Try to put your feelings for her aside for a moment (this may take some practice). This putting your feelings aside idea is for observation purposes only. I don't mean stop feeling. Find a nice quiet area to sit and release the tension that comes up for you when you think of all of this. Close your eyes. Be aware of your breathing...then breath in to the count of 8, hold it to the count of 8, then release it to the count of eight. Do this for as long as you can. Believe it or not there are people who can do this for hours. Once you've reached the maximum amount of time you can do this continue being aware of your breathing, but don't worry about the counting. Let all of the feelings that you are experiencing with regards to this situation come up for you. Now, starting with your scalp notice the tension you are experiencing here. With an outward breath relax and let that tension leave your body. Really feel it leaving and that area relaxing. You then repeat this with your forehead, face, neck, shoulders, abdominal, thigh, legs and finally your feet. Once you've achieved this state of relaxation stay with it for as long as you can. Also, repeat the word relax all throughout. Once practiced enough you could be under a really stressful situation and simply say the word relax to yourself and you will relax. Anyway, the point of this is to get you into a different state of mind. Once you come out of this you will be able to observe people. What I suggest you do is look at how your girlfriend treats her friends and family. If she is always lying to her friends and family or if she is mostly (nobody is perfect) truthful and honest with everyone, whatever her behavior is towards others, will be repeated with you. Once you're comfortable with what she is telling you is true, then I'd start questioning this guy. I'd ask him questions like: when was the last time you and (GF NAME) got together? Or, if he talks about being with her you can ask him when it was he was with her. If it happens to coincide with when you were with her you could say something like how interesting that is since you were with her at that exact time. Wow, she's more talented than I thought. Two places at the same time, etc. That's just an idea I have. I hope this at least helped your creative juices flow. The calming exercise will help with this. You can also use it anytime you feel stressed. I wish you the best of luck.
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