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Everything Teen-What you need to know but can't ask

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May 23, 2006

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about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

Ive had this best guy friend for a while. We went out a few years ago, and it lasted fr over a year, things got rocky, and we're still very good friends.

But recently it's been obvious that theres been attraction between the two of us. We hung out the other day and one thing led to another and we got to the point of almost having sex. I stopped it and went home. Tomorrow we are hanging out together again, and i know the same is going to happen. The thing is, i REALLY want to have sex with him because we had such a great relationship, but it just feels funny.

Would it be be wrong and "slutty" of me to do so?

If it "feels funny" then I think you should wait. Obviously something is holding you back from having sex, and until you figure out what it is and deal with it, you're not ready.

Since you're not actually dating, just friends, I would wait until you have a dating relationship for a bit before moving onto a sexual relationship. If your friendship is as strong as it seems to be, he won't mind waiting. That way you won't lose a good friendship over a possibly one-time thing.

ok, well i am 13, 5'4" and i weigh 123lbs.Is that ok, cause my sister is 16, the same height, and 110 lbs. am i over weight???

The healthy weight range for 5'4 is 108-132. You and your sister are both within range so I wouldn't worry about it. Some people have larger bone structure or more muscle so it's natural for 2 people the same height to weigh a little different.

ok whenever i go number 2 its been hurting and there is even blood when i wipe..and sometimes even in the toilet. trust me , this is not my period. this didnt just happen once or twice, its been happening for awhile.
whats hemroids? is that what i have because doesnt it have to do with something like this?
what are the dangers if i dont tell anyone (it would be mortifying if i had to go to a doctor and have him look at me because im not 10 anymore, im 17.
has anyone had this problem before or known someoen with this problem?
what should i do?

Even though you're 17, it's still a good idea to keep up on your checkups. Since you're bleeding in that area and feel something there, it would be best to have it examined. Even if it's something simple, you'll feel a lot better when you don't have to worry about it. Also if it is something more serious, it's best to get it treated ASAP to keep it from worsening.

Hemorrhoids refers to a condition where the veins around the anus or lower rectum are swollen and inflamed. Hemorrhoids are generally caused by straining to move a stool (#2) but can also be contributed to by pregnancy, aging, chronic constipation or diarrhea and anal intercourse. They can be internal or external. Symptoms include bright red blood, a painful swelling or hard lump around the anus, and sometimes itching.

i'm trying not to make this long but I was BEST FRIENDS with this girl Jen until she moved to this really rich neighborhood and got a big head. She started rubbing things in my face, ditching me, and still expected me to be there for her... which i was. I don't know why I was but EVERYONE was. Then one day we all stopped because she got out of control (trying to keep it short). Everyone stopped giving her attention except one person who became her new best friend. I miss the old jen and now that she has a new best friend they are twice as evil. Jen invited me to her b day party and she's been IMing me and acting like her old self so i'm really tempted to go but i don't want to regret anything. we're going to different high schools next year anyways so i don't know if i should end the friendship now or what PLEASE HELP

sorry it was long.. trust me i couldve written 3 whole pages about the situation!

The best thing to do would be to sit down with Jen before the party and tell her that while you're happy she's got her new life going great, you miss the old Jen. If she asks, calmly and tactfully tell her exactly how she's changed.

If she truly values your friendship, she'll let her head go back to normal so you can get back to your friendship. If she insists on being the same way, I would find a new friend.

My best friend, Lily, in the whole world just got in trouble with her parents because I was out later with her than I should've. Then her parents agreed that they didn't want me hanging out with her.

This really upsets me, but that's not all. She told her parents in the first place that my grandma was going to be there, but of course she wasn't going to be, but she had to say that in order to go. So the both of us had to walk home from this big thing my town was throwing on the 11th of this month, and now it's the 21st and I haven't talked to her since at all, not even online.

I'm really bothered by the fact that she told her parents all this stuff that got her out of trouble. Her parents hate me now, but they forgave her because she started this big scene and made herself cry... basically did the full drama thing.

Now I really have no desire to talk to her. Not because her parents don't like me, because she got herself out of trouble and didn't even attempt to make things work out between her parents and me. She used to be my best friend, and now I have no idea what to do. I'm really sad that she did this to me, and I really wanted to see her but she didn't even try to make things better.

I'm really sorry it's so long. Please help!

I would talk to your friend and let her know how you feel. She may feel bad about the situation and not know how to change it.

my room has like a plum kinda rug and my bed comforter is like the same. i just got the rug so i cant get rid of it but i dont want purple walls anymore..i know this is hard for people to answer cuz you dont know the exact purple but what color could i paint my walls for it to go with the plummy kinda like purple rug and comforter i have?

A purplish-red or deep blue will work. Even a simple bright white will work with the rug and comforter.

You can go to the following site and look up the color of your rug and comforter then to find coordinating paint colors. Just click browse paint colors to find your color. Once you've found it, it will ask if it's the primary or secondary color. Since it's just an accent for your room and your walls will be the primary, click the secondary color/accent button and it will give suggestions on what colors will coordinate best as well as give you the name of the paint and the number.

http://www.behr.com/behrx/workbook/index.jsp

hey im not comfortable(sp?) writting this but i have to know....am i a les or a BI because i mean les sex turns me on and my friends are lesbian so when they kiss i get so turned on but no i dont looke at a girl and think i like her or something......and i son know if i am a les or a BI.. help!!!!

At your age (I'm assuming teen to young adult age) it's natural to have questions about your sexuality. I would take my time and explore all my options before pasting a label on myself.

If the thought of kissing a guy or even doing anything more totally disgusts you while the thought of being with a girl turns you on, chances are you're a lesbian.

If you're interested in guys and girls, you're most likely bisexual.

Okay I want a boyfriend and stuff and be able to makeout and stuff with him. But I have heard from some people that a couple guys havn't asked me out because they think I won't do anything with them. So my question is how do I let them know that I will and want to without acting like a slut. Thanks in advance!! And if your rude then I will rate you low or not at all!!

I hope you don't consider this rude but I just want to save you some heartbreak. If a guy truly wants to be with you, having sex with him won't be a requirement. Most guys that make a requirement of sex for a relationship will usually move on once they've got it, leaving you wondering what happened. If you don't make sure to protect yourself, you're going to find yourself in the situation of being pregnant and seeing nothing but him running the other way.

I realize that you're in a rush to get a boyfriend and do things that come when you're older, but I would hold off on a boyfriend until you find one that will respect you.

No matter what your friends or these guys might say, sex does not mean love. Most of the time it's just about getting off for these people. The ones that find love and make love as a way of showing their love are the lucky ones.

my friend she is in love with a guy that broke up with her and hes 18 and she just turned 15 she tells him she has feelings for her but he just has sex with other girls and she doesnt care she says she still loves him and always will what should i do
Signed ~Alejandro~
HIGH POINTS IF ANSWERED

There's not much that you can do for your friend. Short of locking her up, there's no way you can prevent her from getting her heart broke. You're a good friend but sometimes we have to learn from our own mistakes, no matter how much someone tells us it's going to hurt. It may take time but she'll realize that being cheated on is not what love is about and she'll move on.

Until then, be supportive of your friend, even though you don't agree with her choice. Try not to push her since it will just get her angry since she'll think you're trying to split them up. Last, be there for her when it does all fall apart. She'll need your friendship and support to get her through it.

I liked this guy in the 5th grade... I was the first girl to like him in our school. (He was new then) I got over it even though I still liked him. He didnt even know me. In the 6th grade we were hanging out alot because we had a friend that both us hung out with. After two months of hanging out and talking, he asked me out. I said yes. We were going out for 2 months. During that time I got my first kiss. And I was just so happy. Well after two months I broke up with him because I got a note from a girl who was like stay away from my boyfriend. (No one knew about our relationship) And I was threatened and everything I was so heartbroken. I broke up with him and we moved on. Even though I still liked him. Then in the 7th grade he asked me out again. I said yes but he made me promise that I wouldnt tell anyone because he was going to surprise everyone on Friday and tell them, in a special way. Well I told my best friend and the next day during lunch she told like his whole table. A guy that sat with him said he is going to break up with you and I believed him. I couldnt have my heart broken I have a reputation as a tough girl. So I broke up with him again. My heart was broken but I still loved him. About 2 months later, I was sleeping over a friends house and someone was staying at his. We were on the phone from 8pm until 2:15am. My friend fell asleep and so did his so from 1:30am until 2:15 we spent talking and saying I love you and and all this sweet stuff. But he never asked me out again. We stayed like that for a long time. We still are close but no more sweet stuff. I miss him and I read his profile online and reminded me so much of how I feel and how much time we spent togehter it was almost like he was writing it for me. I am still in love and I was before I read it but now that I read it I fell. I fell so fast that after I finished the last word I hit the ground. I love him so much. What do you think I should do? Should I tell him or leave it bee?
PLEASE TELL ME!!! NEED HELP! ANY THING!

If you're going to try to be with him again, you need to make up your mind whether he's worth it and whether you're going to listen to what other people say.

The note from the other girl saying stay away could be one of two things. Either he was dating her and cheating on her with you, in which case you don't want this guy, or she wanted him and broke you up to get to him.

The guy at the table telling you he was going to break up with you could also be either someone trying to stir up trouble, or someone honestly trying to keep you from getting hurt.

Even though you really care about this guy, I think you should take a step back and make sure before you make a move.

It seems to me that he's not going to ask you out again because he figures you'll just dump him again. You can't keep breaking up to keep your heart from getting broke since it's obviously breaking your heart being away from him anyway. If you want to truly be with him, then go for it. Listen to what other people say but take it with a grain of salt. Just follow your heart.

I don't know if I'm the only one who has this problem or what, but if someone does or knows how to help it, please reply!

Like, I have a pretty flat stomach, but it's like, after I eat, it sticks out and it's noticeable (at least to me, I suck it in around people) but it's like I'll wake up in the morning and it looks great but after I eat anything it's way bloated. I was wondering if anyone knew any exersises I could do or any tips to help stop that. Thanks!

The foods you're eating are probably causing the bloat. Try to keep track of what you eat before this happens. You may be allergic to a specific food and the bloating is your reaction. Simply removing the food from your diet may be all it takes to fix the bloating.

Try to eat foods high in fiber as they will help cut down on bloating. Drink lots of water and eat water-rich foods (fruits, cucumber, celery, tomato, etc) to help flush your system so you're not retaining water.

I am going to the gynecologist soon and I have a few questions:
1. I'm not sexually active, I'm just getting put on the pill for my period. But I'm almost positive I'll be sexually active 6 months to a year from now. I was wondering if I should mention that during my visit? Or just mention it during an appointment after I lose my virginity?
2. If you're not sexually active, do they prescribe to you birth control pills that arent as effective as ones given to those who ARE sexually active? Or all birth controls just as effective regardless if you're sexually active or not?
3. I am not comfortable showing my body to anyone, especially strangers (like doctors.) What is a good way to get over this feeling and feel more relaxed?
4. Is there anything I should do to prepare for my appointment? Any other tips?
Thank you for your time.

1) I would go ahead and tell your gyno if you're planning on having sex. That way they can discuss with you your options on protecting yourself against pregancy and STDs as well as be sure to check for signs of STDs on your next checkup. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your gyno about it yet, you're probably not ready to have sex yet. Once you do have sex, you definitely need to let your gyno know on the next appointment.

2) Generally if you're not sexually active, they'll provide a lower-dose birth control to you since most times it only takes a little change in your hormones to regulate your periods. However if taken regularly and correctly, most birth controls have about the same effectiveness.

I would suggest following up the birth control with condoms anyway for 2 reasons. One, it helps decrease your chance of pregnancy. Two, birth control pills do not protect against STDs and condoms do. You do not want to take birth control pills to protect against pregnancy only to learn later that an STD made you infertile since you didn't use a condom.

3) It's completely natural to feel uncomfortable about a stranger seeing your body. Try to talk with the doctor before the visit so you at least feel like you know her/him a little better. Realize that this is their job. Even though you're in front of them unclothed, they're only looking at the necessary parts for the exam. Try to keep your mind off what the doctor is doing by thinking of other things. The movie you saw the night before, a book you're reading, that cute boy in your class can all distract you.

4) Since you're not sexually active right now, this is probably not needed but I'll say it anyway so you know for next time...do not have sex the night before. Do not douche or use any vaginal creams for 2 days before. Do not use a tampon before your exam. If you're on your period, reschedule your appointment. Anything in your vagina, even up to 2 days before, can throw off the tests results by washing away or hiding abnormal cells.

Try to get a good night's rest so you'll be relaxed. It's a personal thing for me but I always take a shower before my exams so I'm "fresh".

I hope this helps. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

13/f

hey, umm, yeah...i haven't really been sleeping the past 2 weeks...and now, i'm starting to get headaches-like frequently...

this has never happened before, and like i just wanted to know if this is semi-normal or if something's wrong w/ me.

also, i'm postitive that its not like PMS or anything having to do with my period...it just started randomly happening...and plus, i've had it for like almost 4 years now...s0o0o, yeah...help?!

I would go to the doctor for a checkup just to be on the safe side. I had frequent headaches when I was younger which were really interfering with my life. The doctor diagnosed me as having migraines. Now a simple pill a day keeps me from getting these headaches which means I can sleep.

If you're under a lot of stress, it could simply be a tension headache. Reducing the stress in your life and taking Tylenol or Ibuprofen as soon as you feel it coming on will help. Sometimes putting a heating pad on the back of your neck or having someone gently massage the area will help.

If yourheadaches come with nausea, sensitivity to light, or an all-over strange feeling, it could be a migraine. Try laying down in a dark, quiet room and taking a migraine formula such as Excedrin Migraine to treat it.

Ok, Like i usally wear a size 3 in jeanes, but latley my thighs have gotten so big, that i have had to start wearing a 7!Is there anyhitn ghtta can make my thighs any smaller?And also, I wouldn'y mind losing my pooch either.I rate high!

Leg lifts-Lay on your back with your hands under your butt and lift your legs about 6-8 inches off the ground. Hold for a count of 10 then release. Repeat. Once your thighs get used to the exercise, you can do it faster.

Side leg lifts-Lay on your right side and bend your right knee. Lift your left leg as high as you can and hold for a count of 10 then release. Repeat. Switch to your left side and do the same thing.

Bicycling- Lay on your back with your hands under your butt and lift your legs about 6-8 inches off the ground. Move your legs in the same motion as you would for riding a bicycle.

Scissors-Lay on your back with your hands under your butt and lift your legs about 6-8 inches off the ground. Move your legs in a scissor motion.

Side crunches-Lay on your back with your hands crossed across your chest and knees up. Cross your left leg across your right knee. Keeping your back straight and using your ab muscles, lift up to touch your left leg. Go slowly down and repeat. Switch to your right leg across your left knee and do another set.

Squats-Stand behind a chair loosely holding onto the back. Keeping your back straight and your stomach pulled in, slowly squat down then come back up.

Twists-Stand straight with your legs shoulder-width apart and holding small weights in your hands (In a pinch, bottles of water or cans will work). Slowly extend your right arm out and to the left while twisting slightly. Release. Switch sides and repeat. Once you find your rhythm, try it faster.

Butt Lifts- Lay flat on the ground with your hands to your sides and knees bent. Using your ab and thigh muscles, pull your butt off the ground and hold for a count of 10, then release. Repeat. Do it faster once you get the hang of it.

Swimming, stair-climbing, running, roller-blading, etc will all help too.

Stretching exercises will also help tone the area.

Sit on the floor with your legs extended in front of you. Reach for your toes and hold the position for a count of 10 then slowly come back up. Repeat.

Sit on the floor with your legs pulled in towards you and your feet against each other. Stretch over your legs extending your hands to the floor in front of you. Hold for a count of 10 then come back up. Stretch out to the right and hold for 10 then switch to the left and hold. Come back up then press your legs (still in the same position) towards the floor.

Decrease the amount of fat and calories in your diet to help burn the fat while stocking up on lean proteins for energy.

Hey all, i have a few quesions... So, me and my boyfriend want to have sex. Hes 15, and i am 14, and please, dont say we are too young. I am a gymnast and have gymnastics every wednesday. We are going to use a condom and even doing gymnastics, could I still get pregnant? I do every event plus conditioning. Is it possible? I am getting the condom. I dont want a box, just one or two. Where can i buy them and do you have to be a certain age? Where could I hide them so my mom would not fine them? Any help is GREATLY appreciated...

First all, congrats on showing such maturity in your decision to protect yourself.

You can purchase condoms anywhere (WalMart, the grocery store, convenience stores, etc) without having to be a certain age as far as I know. That's not to say you won't get some strange looks at your age. I would suggest not getting any out of a machine in a bathroom since you have no way of knowing how long they've been in the machine.

Your best bet for just getting a couple rather than a whole box would be to go to a convenience store. They usually have boxes with only 1 or 2 condoms. Since you're trying to avoid pregnancy, I would suggest checking the label for a spermicide (usually nonoxynol-9). Make sure to check the expiration date on the package and don't use the condom if the wrapper appears to be torn or really wore down since that can decrease the effectiveness.

As for where to keep the condoms, just try to find a place your mom isn't likely to go. Try to avoid hot or very damp spots (like in your bathroom or near a heater) since that can damage the condom.

The chances of you getting pregnant with condoms is small, as long as you make sure to use them correctly every time. Making sure to wear them through the entire sexual activity, not just when he's inside you, can also help. Guys leak a little pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) when they get excited even before they cum, and this little bit can get you pregnant.

If you are going to be having sex, I would suggest you do talk to your mom, or at least make an appointment with your local health department or planned parenthood office. They are completely confidential and cost little if anything. Sexual activity at a young age (usually anything under 18 from what research shows) can put you at a higher risk for some diseases. While you're there for your check-up, I would also suggest talking to the doctor or nurse about other methods of birth control such as the patch or birth control pills, since these when used correctly in addition to condoms, can make your chance of pregnancy extremely small.

I am not big AT ALL, I am very little and I am NOT bragging. I am 13 years old and I'm female, guys don't really want to go out with me because I'm so thin. how do I got more meat on my bones faster than a few mounths or weeks?

P.S. I am 65 pounds.

I don't know how tall you are but it seems to me that, unless you're quite short, you're dangerously underweight. Talk to your doctor about how to help gain weight. Exercises that build muscle will make you look bigger but don't go overboard with the exercise since it will burn calories. Try eating higher-fat items while still staying with healthy foods. Whole milk is one option. Higher carb items (breads, pastas) wil also help you gain wait. Larger portions may also help.

alright well there is this guy jeff who i used to date. after a bad break up we became really close friends, we told eachother everything and always laughed and had fun together. well he started talkin to my like everyday about a differant girl he liked, and honestly i didn't mind that much. i even gave him advice on rlationships, good advice. but if i said one word about a guy he always got mad and aggrivated. then one day he told me he liked me alot and would love to be my gf, so later on i asked him out. he said "i love you so much i can't stand a break up so friends with benefits???" well that was lame so i said no, just friends. then he got mad because he said i told him i liked him then asked to be just friends.... even though he did the exact same thing. well we forgave and forgot and he started talking about another girl and he asked who i would probably date because he heard that i liked some guy from my friend. i told him that i liked josh and he asked me out and i said yes.... jeff got mad and started calling me all these names and being so rude! i told him he was a selfish emotional loser... harsh but i was mad. then we forgave eachother and he said i love you i am sorry. now he is being really mean to me, always getting mad over nothing and if i get mad back he sucks up to me. so i told him that i was done with him, and we should just never talk again. after hearing him sob for a while i am beginning to think that i am the bitch? am i the mean one, or is he out of line?

p.s. im 14 f

He's definitely out of line. I don't know why you broke up with him, but obviously there was a reason behind it. For him to want a sexual relationship without at least offering you a commitment is stupid. If he's a true friend, he'll support you in your relationships just like you support him in his.

You were right in your assessment that he's being selfish. He wants you around to help him with other girls and provide sexual release when he doesn't have a girl around. You're not being a bitch by wanting something more from this relationship.

Hey everyone, ok Im going to Six Flags New England ( the theme park not the water park) and wanted to know where i cna get those discount copuons, they usally slel thme at a fast food place!?

Thanks

You could try the Six Flags website. Occasionally they offer online specials. I checked and they do have one going on right now.
http://www.sixflags.com/parks/newengland/TicketInfo/

You might try ebay for tickets. Sometimes people purchase the tickets but aren't able to go so they sell them. You can find them here.
http://www.1nternet-auctions.com/cat-16071/Tickets/Experiences/page-12

Another site auctioning off tickets is http://www.good-bid.com/cat-16071/Tickets/Experiencespage-3page-8page-5

Some soft drinks often have amusement park coupons on them so you might keep an eye out there.

If i walk 1 mile a day and do about 100 crunches a day, how long till i see or feel a difference?

There is a great calorie calculator found at the following site. Just input situps to calculate crunchesIt takes burning 3500 calories to lose 1 pound. It's not really healthy to lose more than 2 pounds a week. Combining exercise with a low-calorie diet will help you see results faster. Drinking plenty of water will also help.

http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.html

Hope this helps.

Ok I have a really small plain room and it gets veeeery messy. the amount of space when its CLEAN to walk in is even smaller than a walk-in closet! And I can't move out any of the furniture because they're all nailed into the wall! What can I do to make it less messy and make it look nicer? It's so, well, PLAIN and I'm not even allowed to paint it. I like lava lamps and miniature desk water fountains and things like that if it helps!!!! thanx a lot, I will rate high for anyone who gives a reasonable answer

Adding mirrors will help the space appear bigger. Bright or light colored fabrics on your bed and window treatments will also make the room appear bigger. Consider investing in underbed storage boxes and a closet organizing system to keep your stuff neat and offer you more space to store things without sacrificing space.

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