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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I'm 28/f. Boyfriend is 27/m. We've been together for a year and a couple months (minus a few weeks where I thought I wanted to break up with him).

But, straight to the point, he always seems to lose his erection while we're mid-intercourse, now. He always says he was distracted, had to go to the bathroom, or he was in pain somehow (and yeah, that would cause problems), but honestly - does it take THAT much concentration to keep it?

Bit of a TMI here - he's HUGE. And uncut. We use Trojan Magnums, and I wonder if they're a)too small for him and b)dulling sensation for him - or too thick? We've actually broken them before. Also, I'm tiny. And really tight down there. So my best guess is the combination of being uncut and wearing a condom kills the sensation, plus the frustration of thrusting to no avail leads to him going soft (which then leads to me not climaxing - if my partner isn't having a good time, neither am I).
I'm on birth control, and I'm big on the "no unplanned babies" thing. We had sex without a condom ONCE, and then didn't have sex for a month after. When I finally got him to talk about it, he said doing it minus the condom hurt him (it was his first time sans-condom), and freaked him out.

Is it normal for it to have hurt him? Should we try a bigger condom? Are we just not compatible?

Help me out, please? ... Thank you.

Let's take this a step at a time as you touch on several different problems the biggest one being painful intercourse for him without a condom.

The condom protects him during intercourse from pain possibly from his foreskin which may not be receding fully. If this is the case he may need to be circumcised. I would suggest the first step to solving your problems is to see an erection dysfunction specialist or a Urologist. His primary care doctor should be able to refer him to one or the other.

If nothing is wrong there the next step would be to try a different condom. If sensitivity is a problem try the lambskin ones. They are more expensive but they are thinner and allow more sensation.

Having a small vagina should not be a problem. Remember what it is designed to allow to come out of it. You should be able to stretch to accommodate him. I would think that after a year of having sex with him the muscles in your vagina would relax and stretch to accommodate him.

My suggestion is you visit your GYN and discuss this with the doctor. The doctor can then check to see why or if you muscles have locked up or give you exercises to help them relax.

Ok, so as a 17 yr old first time mommy, I was wondering what other people thought about his situation. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and I live with my boyfriends parents. My parents kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant and my bf is away at college. I have become super close to my bf's mom in the time that I have stayed there. Would it be weird if I asked her to be in the Delivery Room with me? My boyfriend and his family are the only ones that are supporting me through this and I feel I will need all the support I can get. I figured it might also be a treat for her as she only had four sons and this might be the only time she will ever be able to be in the Delivery Room for the birth of one of her grand babies.

I think it is an excellent idea she should also be with you when you do you pre-delivery hospital visit. It is during this visit you will find out exactly what to expect during your delivery.

Many hospitals today have labor and delivery suites a large hospital room type setting where you can have a number of people attend the delivery not just your coaching partner. Still other hospitals use separate labor and delivery rooms with the delivery room looking a lot like an OR. In this instance only your coaching partner is allowed in with you.

Your OB may have privileges at different hospitals and would know which hospital has which type of system. Ask the doctor then see which hospital is covered under your health insurance provider.

FYI -Your parents may have kicked you out of their home but you may still be on their health insurance as changes to insurance can only happen once a year. If they elected family coverage last year during enrolment you should still be covered.

Also you can expect change of heart with your parents once you deliver their grandchild. Grandchildren make a big change in parents. They may be upset with you but they may still want to have a place in the life of their grandchild's life.

Legally your parents had no right to kick you out of your home. They are legally responsible for you until your 18. I realize you may be hurt by what they have done and I will not suggest you do one thing or another in regards to letting them back into your life or the babies.

I'm old enough to be your great grandfather and my only suggestion is you think about it, discuss it with your boyfriend and his mother; then make the decision that you feel is right.

Ok so I'm 15 in i just wanted to know that wen I go to the doctor will the doctor tell my parents if I have been fingered ? Im confused please help

First and foremost HIPPA laws protect you from the doctor telling your parents anything. The Doctor would be subject to a $5,000 fine and 5 years in Jail if he/she told your parents anything concerning an exam of your reproductive system. This same law says mom cannot be in the exam room with you while you are being examined. All you need to say to the doctor, nurse or receptionist is you want this visit under your HIPPA rights and mom will be told to wait in the waiting room. If mom asks the doctor about the exam she will be told she need to ask you.

Any medical treatment for any person male or female concerning their reproductive system who is over 14 years of age is protected under HIPPA which is the Federal Law Razhie speaks of. Anyone 14 and older may see any doctor, clinic or Hospital without parental permission. That visit is totally confidential and can not be discussed with their parents for any reason without written consent to the doctor by the patient.

That being said the doctor cannot tell if a female is sexually active by examination. The doctor will always ask and you should be honest with the doctor for it makes a difference in how the exam is conduct. With mom out of the room you can be honest with the doctor.

What the doctor can see by exam is whether your Hymen has been ruptured. Today's active female can rupture her Hymen through any number of activities other than sex. So a ruptured Hymen does not mean you have had sex. In fact a ruptured Hymen by today's definition does not mean that you are not a virgin. Even though you have been fingered until you have been penetrated by a penis you remain a virgin by today's definition of virginity.

One of the protections this law offers is the protection of a parent forcing a daughter to have a female exam to see if she is still a virgin, meaning is her Hymen intact. Any female over the age of 14 cannot be forced into an examination of her reproductive system and she cannot be forced to undergo an abortion either. She has total control over her reproductive system once she reaches the age of 14 by Federal called HIPPA

Hi I'm 17 and i am a virgin...recently i finished studying and during my 2 months of test ...i didnt get a period for the first hectic month....i woorried but on the second month and the last day if my exam it came...now i am on the third month and there is nothing but intense discomfort on my labia majora...well on the left side....it hurts and itches a lot...when i bathe it is ok for a few minutes. ..i dont know what to do...i cant tell anyone as they will think i had sex and the only nearby hospital is packed with my mum friends ...i googled what could be the problem but the results ranged from omg to oh not too bad....please should i worry.. or is this just a teen stuff...because i wrote here already about pelvic pain and i was infoemef it was just growth and it would stop and it did....pls going to a doctor cant happen because ps my mum has mental issues (diagnosed ) so maybe can u tell me if this is normal basef on past experiences ...thx a whole lot

First and foremost HIPPA laws protect you from your mother's friends at the hospital, assuming they work there, prohibit them from saying anything to your mom about you visiting the ER. IF they do they are subject to a $5,000 fine and 5 years in Jail. This same law is the law that allows you to seek treatment without parental knowledge or permission.

Any medical treatment for any person male or female concerning their reproductive system who is over 14 years of age is protected under HIPPA. They may see any doctor, clinic or Hospital without parental permission. That visit is totally confidential and can not be discussed with their parents for any reason without written consent to the doctor by the patient.

That being said you can go to the hospital ER if you feel you need to. I think you may have the beginnings of a yeast infection for which an over the counter product at the pharmacy will probably work. If it doesn't then see a doctor and make sure to tell the doctor or nurse you want this visit covered under HIPPA.

The visit will be covered under your parent's Health Insurance. At 17 you should have a Health Insurance Card to carry on you should you ever need medical attention while away from home such as on a date at school or mom or dad just can't be contacted at the moment. If you are not carrying a copy of their health insurance card these are good reasons to ask for one.

As for why you missed your period. That was strictly the stress of the exams. Young women miss more periods due to stress than actually being pregnant.

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for about a month and a half now, but didn't start having sex with him until he made us official. Since then I've had sex with him a handful of times and I'm just not enjoying it which is a bit shocking to me, because I really enjoyed the sex with my ex and considered myself to have a high sex drive.

I think half of it is mental for me. I feel like he almost expects sex now because I can usually predict when he's going to start making a move for it. However, I know this isn't really true because I've said no before and he totally respected my decision and we went on about the night cuddling and everything. I think part of this is that my exes have always constantly wanted sex anytime they saw me and I would feel pushed into it or like I had to.

Another issue is I'm still nervous about doing it with him and just trying really hard to make him happy. He's had 4 sexual partners before me and I've only has 2 so I'm also really stressed out about that. I'm scared I don't measure up to them and it's always on my mind in the bedroom.

The other half is physical. I really need foreplay to get aroused. I'm not like those girls in the movie who can just be prepared to have sex anytime anywhere. I'm trying so hard to make him happy though that I've just been submitting to him for the most part when he wants it and I'm not ready and it winds up being really painful for me (which I haven't told him). It doesn't help that I'm very petite so already I'm smaller than most girls. He's larger than the other men I've been with too.

He keeps offering to do oral on me first, but I'm not comfortable with that with him yet. My exes considered going down on a girl as "disgusting" so that's kind of stuck in my head now and whenever he tries I immediately get very uncomfortable and stop him.

I do like being fingered, but I don't know how to bring this up to him. He's tried a little bit before, but he doesn't really seem to know how to do it right and it winds up not feeling like anything.

If I was prepared, I feel like the sex would be great because he's into all kinds of positions and can last for quite a long time, but I've just been in so much pain and afraid to tell him that I haven't gotten off at all where as he.

I was also thinking we should probably buy lubricant because I keep getting dry (which is weird for me too because usually I get really wet and stay that way) but again I feel like this is a really awkward thing for me to ask.

How do I go about resolving these issues? I'm so upset about it that I'm not comfortable having sex with him again unless I can figure out how to make it better because I'm sick of being in pain.

The key to any good relationship is communication and this includes a sexual relationship. If I am a good lover I want you to enjoy it when we have sex. Sex since the early sixties and the sexual revolution has become a large part of dating and getting to know our partner. Compatibility in sex is a major factor in whether or not a relationship moves forward.

Problem is none of us come with handbooks we can just hand to one another that tells of our likes and dislikes both in and out of the bedroom. This is where good communication between the two partners is important. If sex alone is the basis of your relationship there will come a morning when you wake up and find you have nothing else in common.

You make some very valid points in your writing. Things that your partner need to know about you and things you should know about him. One of the first things my wife said to me when we first started having sex when we started dating was she was more vaginal then clitoral. Meaning she did not get excited by me rubbing or licking her clit. She preferred being fingered during foreplay. If she didn't tell me I would not have known.

She did not tell me this when we were in bed making love. We were crossing the street from the parking lot to her apartment. Funny the things you remember from 45 years ago, yes that is how long we have been married. It was a foregone conclusion we were headed for her bedroom and would most likely be tearing each others clothes off before we c=got there so it was good she told me when she did.

After we made love I asked he if there was anything else I should know. We had a long conversation about likes and dislikes and fantasies.

What I suggest is you sit your boyfriend down in the living room, fully clothed, after dinner, with a glass of wine if you two are old enough and talk to him. Tell him about how your ex's made you feel about oral sex,. some how I bet they loved blow jobs. Tell him about needing more foreplay and you need call it romance before you are ready for sex that you can't literally drop you pants and be ready.

If he is a great guy and loves you more than. just lusts for you he will adapt. As teenagers sex is more a game. As an adult sex is more of what it is meant to be two people getting to know each other in a most intimate way. TO do so requires communication.

Becoming dry is not unusual, it happens to all women. Lubricants will help. Becoming dry usually means you are doing just what you say your doing, accommodating him but not really in the mood. I think it is wonderful of you to do so but you should not experience pain doing so and lube would help.

My advice is to talk to him about your likes dislikes, fears and fantasies. Get him to talk to you about his. Most of all remember what ever happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of there bedroom is never weird.

So I went away over the weekend to visit some friends,and I got a call from my sister saying that my 13 yo son had gotten into a fight with a neighborhood girl over something stupid and that she beat him up sort of bad in front of his friends, and that he's really depressed/scared and beside himself over it now. She says he just stays in his room all day and doesn't want to talk much about it or leave the house, and thinks the main reason why is because he's scared of her now and that she might be outside waiting for him or something. Not sure how I'm going to go about this, should I bring it up right away or let him tell me about it? Any other fathers ever gone through something like this? It won't be easy I know, even if I say all the right things, I know who the girl is and wouldn't of ever guessed she had it in her.. I'll see him in a couple days. Any advice would be great.

If you are like me then you taught your son that boys/men never hit girls/women for any reason. If a girl starts to hit you then you defend yourself against injury and try to get away but you do not hit her. If this is the case with your son and he did as he has been taught by you then you praise him for doing the right thing and that you are proud of him for not hitting her back.

Then with him, since you know who this girl is you go over to her house and have a conversation with her and her parents as to why she hit him, why as bad as she did and why she chose to do so in front of his friends.

I'm quite sure that her parents have most likely told her fighting is wrong and may be upset to hear she hurt your son and the proper thing for her to do is apologize to him in front of his friends. While you explain to them that he did what any man is suppose to do which is never hit a girl for any reason.

If the situation is different, if he actually fought her and lost then you still need to speak to the girl's parents for it is wrong for them to have fought in the first place. You also need to make sure the fight is over and that she will not attempt to beat him up at will whenever she feels like it.

I've been talking to this guy for months now and we aren't official yet. He needs more time to make me his girlfriend. I don't know why but all I can do is wait. We've had sex more than five times and i've always been clean and fresh down there. I barely get to see him so its understood without saying that when we see each other we will become intimate. This time I wasn't so sure. It was my last day on my period. As most women know, your last day is very iffy. You can have possible spotting or discharge. At the time I was wearing a panty liner just in case that I began to spot. I didn't see spotting the whole day and I even used the bathroom and all the signs showed me that I was clear to have sex. We begin to get intimate and I start to notice a smell. I stop him and I tell him that I think i'm still on my period. I am horrified at this point because their is blood on his private area (not a lot) and the smell is not pleasant. I was embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted. I didn't know what to do next! I ran to the bathroom and asked him if I could rinse off. After we got cleaned up, he came in and gave me a hug and kiss. I felt so bad and then it became awkward. We had a talk about it and he told me that he's glad that I stopped it before we continued and that its a natural thing that is apart of life. He seemed very understanding and not mad but I feel like maybe he was playing Mr. Nice guy because he didn't kick me out and he didn't say anything rude. He said it was a little weird but he was over the situation. My question is was I supposed to tell him before hand about the last day of my period? Should I have not went over there at all because it was the last day of my period? What does he think of me now? Is he still interested? Should I be embarrassed? What should I do next?

I would not be embarrassed as he said your period is a natural thing. I think you will find as you get deeper into a relationship with a guy and spend more time with him that when you have your period is going to be a time when he is going to want to have sex with you.

Why is that. For one thing you give off a scent, not the scent from your period. This scent comes from your pores and is called pheromones. This scent makes us guy horny, really it is that simple. Yes we know your uncomfortable especially the first day of your period.

As my wife and I found out, once she gave into me, that sex during her period actually help with some of the pain and discomfort she had. It wasn't totally romantic type sex where we could make out on the couch and end up in the bedroom. she has to prepare herself and I have to get some old towels on the bed on the bed. But the sex was itself was good for both of us.

Does anyone know if its okay to take a birth control pill at a different time of the day if not sexually active?
I wanted to start taking my pills at night rather than the day. The only problem is that I am worried because I have read multiple times that I have to take it at the same time of day. I am not currently sexually active, as I have just started the pill but I will be. I just wanted to switch from taking the pill in the morning to the evening.

If you want to change the time when you take your pill I don't see that as being a problem. I would suggest you do so when you finish this pack of pills as the last 3 or 5 are mostly sugar pill so that you have a period. When you start the next pack start at the new time.

Since I am not a doctor or a pharmacist. I would suggest you speak to either one to see if they see a problem with doing as I suggest.

Please help!

I'm a successful 35-year-old woman suffering from a rapidly ticking biological clock. I have spent the better part of the last 15 years in the dating trenches and have been in relationships with several men who didn't treat me well, which is a big reason I am still single.

Over the last few years I have become really lonely and sick to death of dating, and I recently decided it was time to "settle". Enter my current boyfriend, "James," who I met online. While James is gentle and kind, he hasn't got much going for him beyond that: he's not particularly attractive, he's not financially successful and I have to admit that he's not that interesting. On top of that, some of his mannerisms sort of annoy me.

Despite all these perceived shortcomings, James is significantly older, so he's ready and willing to start a family. I feel depleted from so much bad dating and I can't stomach the thought of looking for someone else. My question is: how bad is it to settle for someone like James? Will I regret it, or will I regret it more if I miss my chance to have children? I've been reading a lot of self-help materials written by older women who advocate for "settling". What are your thoughts?

For you settling is a means to an end. The end being able to start a family. You do not say in your writing that James is even interested in you in this way or that he is interested in starting a family. You also point out all of James's shortcomings.

With this being said I think desperate is more the word then settling and you should not be that desperate. My son and future daughter in-law are in the same position you are so to speak. My son was in a very bad relationship that took him a long time to get over. He went through a number of long term relationships before finally going on one of those dating websites and finding his future wife.

She had similar problems married young, had a bad marriage and divorced. Didn't think she would ever find love again until she met my son and almost didn't answer his inquiry. But she did and she and he are very happy.

In talking with them I found out that like my son she was looking for the perfect fit but as I say this is an off the rack world and you need to customize that fit. They are not a perfect fit but they have learned to customize the areas they are not.

The reason I'm telling you this is I am going to recommend you do not settle for I believe once you have what you want, children, your marriage will suffer and that's not right for the children. Go on one of the dating sites like match.com. Fill out the profile questionnaire honestly as to what your looking for. Put a good full length picture of you on your profile.

I'm not sure you will find the perfect fit, what you will find is a good fit. That good fit will become a loving relationship on which those areas where the fit is not perfect you will both be willing to compromise to make the relationship stronger.

We should never settle for something this important for if we do we will always wonder if we could have done better.

Someone told me I might get a small settlement from workers comp because of my on the job injury. I've lost 2 weeks of pay My boss said a claim automatically is opened. Will I get a settlement even if I did not ask for one?

If a workers compensation claim has been opened for you then I suggest you get a lawyer. Yes you need a lawyer if you want to collect what you are due. Which would be any lost wages, doctor's bill, including any copayments you made and transportation to and from the doctors office. Payment for transportation is either actual cost as in taxi or bus fare or is based on mileage to and from the office plus parking fees. You are to be reimbursed for all expenses related to the injury including medicine, braces or crutches.

Your attorney cost you nothing, they are compensated by the Workmen's Compensation and a percentage of any monetary compensation they obtain for you over and above the reimbursement of your expenses.

My wife slipped and broke her foot on company property, never missed a day of work and received $5,000. You missed 2 weeks of work I would expect you to receive at least what my wife received.

If you don't know an attorney or your family doesn't know an attorney. Call one of the accident attorneys that advertise on TV, this is the type of work they do.

This weekend I have a soccer tornament on the beach. My teammates and their families will be there. On Monday I started my period. I didn't tell my mom because normally I don't and I thought it may end by the weekend. It hasn't and we will be swimming and going on water rides. How do I ask my mom what to do ? I know I can't go in with out a tampon but I don't think she's knows I know that. I need to tell her soon but I don't know how to.

Your period is a natural part of being a woman and is nothing to be embarrassed about. We all know women have periods and I understand that teenage males can be mean when they tease girls about their periods. There meanness doesn't change the fact that this is a natural part of you normal life and will be that way for the next 40 years.

Your coming to us complete stranger to ask what to do when you know what to do. If you need mom to buy the tampons for you then yes go to mom and ask her. Remember mom has periods too just like you. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and she is just waiting for you to come to her with questions if you have them.

You know how heavy your period is so reading the labels on the box will tell you which type of.tampon to purchase. You can also ask the pharmacist for help in selecting the right one for you. In the box are instructions in how to insert them. If you are a virgin expect the first insertion to be a bit painful and probably a bit uncomfortable until you get use to having something in your vagina.

My short answer to your question is. Don't underestimate what you mom know about what you know. Just go to her and tell her you need tampons and ask her any questions you might have. This is what moms do for girls and I assure your mom is just waiting for you to come to her.

what does it mean on a job application when it says sujects of special study or research work.

These are not trick questions they mean exactly what they say. IF you are a high school graduate looking for a job then your course of study was laid out by the state. You needed so many credits in English, Math , science and so forth. IF you took AP courses they would be special study as they are not mandatory to graduate.

IN college there are required subjects or basic subjects then the subjects for your major. A popular course in College today is Law enforcement. Forensic science is not a requirement of that major. If you were to take course in that subject that would be a special study. If you were to do a research project in a new forensic science that is a research project even if it was a group class project.

My Third Year results were out some days ago.I am doing 4 year Computer Science course.It came much as a shock because i ended up scoring a meagre 76%.. my friends scored like heavily with everyone in my group above 90. I am not jealous of their results. Infact i am happy they scored so they can get a job. I am planning on my Masters so wont be taking a job. I even helped a friend in maths in a position where if she failed she would have to repeat an entire year. I knew my efforts were there. And ironically i taught n helped these guys out. Its really kinda depressing. Help needed

I've never put much stock in a person's grade point average from college. Of I had the time or space I would tell you a story about two people w=one an honor grad and one that just snuck by. You would think the honor grad would have been the best candidate for the position.

It turned out it didn't. The kid that barely escaped with a diploma out shined the honor grad in every way. There are some people who are great test takers and know the theory inside out. Problem is they can't take that theory and put it to good use. On the other hand there are poor test takers who actually know the theory and excel in taking that theory and making it work for them.

Getting a poor grade is not the end of the world. Do you know the theory behind what you have learned and how to translate that into a work application? If so you are the better candidate then the test takers.

As a recruiter/interviewer I'm going to ask you a variety of questions. The first will be questions to learn a bit about you and to hopefully make you comfortable. Then I will ask a variety of questions about the position itself starting with the basics and working up to the more technical aspects. People who are poor test takers generally do better answer questions in this manner as they are more verbal. If this is you then you will do fine when you look for your first job.

So you earned a B for the year instead of an A no big deal as long as you tried your best. Next year try your best and if you earn another B it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I just found out I am 8 weeks pregnant with my (ex?) boyfriends baby. We both wanted to save ourselves for marriage and then we took it too far. That is why we decided to take a break. I am going to be a senior in high school and he is going to be a freshman in college. He doesn't really talk to me anymore, but his mom and I are still really close. How should I go about telling him I am expecting his child?

The best way to deliver this type of news is straight out. If you can do so in person then I would suggest you do so. If not then call him if you can or as a last resort send him an Email.

If none of the above is possible or if he fails to acknowledge you should you have to tell him by email or he questions he is the father. Then since you are friends with his mother I suggest you tell her. In fact I believe you should tell her yourself in any case. She has the right to know you are carrying her grandchild.

Now you have some other things you must do to protect you and this child if your intentions is to keep it. You may or must be hoping he will do the right thing and marry you. Don't count on it. He isn't talking to you any more because he got what he wanted and is moving on.

I'm sorry but that is the way teenage boys are. They will tell you anything you want to hear to have sex with you. Once you give in most will move on to another challenge. That and the fact that he is going off to college gives him a new world to play in.

What you need to do is see a lawyer and to have the proper papers drawn up for court orders of support for the baby. By law he is required to share the cost of raising this child until it is 18 years of age. He must pay child support, provide medical and dental support and other things the laws in your state may apply.

Without these papers executed in court he is under no obligation to do this. His parents may say they will do this for him so he can remain in school and they may do so but they are not obligated either. TO put it bluntly; he had his 5t minutes of fun and now he must take responsibility for the results. The courts can order him to dos so. IF he fails to do so you have recourse through the courts.

22/f

I have recently started suspecting that my mother may in fact be a narcissist. As I researched the subject further,it all started to make sense. It was now clear why she only acknowledges me if I do something that could be labeled as a success. Why she always yelled at me when I got sick,saying I was a burden to her then later apologized and said she was only worried about me. Why she twists my words and makes me feel like I don't even know what I'm saying. The list goes on...
She has even gone so far to demonize my boyfriend who she NEVER even met. She claims she did this because he is not worthy of me (as her arguments she used that he doesn't have a PhD,he is not rich nor exceptionally handsome.)
I struggled to explain to her that he is worthy and is the nicest guy I've ever dated but it was futile. I have to see him in secret now in order to maintain our relationship.
He and I are planning to move abroad next year to pursue a better life. When this time comes,I want her out of my life. She has done so much damage that I just cannot wait to be free of her. But I'm worried that this makes me a bad person. Am I evil and a spoiled brat for simply wanting peace after a 22-year-long destructive mother-daughter relationship?

If your evil for wanting to cut your mother out of your life then I am evil for cutting my father out of mine and I do not consider myself evil. For my entire life I saw my father as the evil person in my life. I was blamed by him for all his trouble you see I was not planned I just happened. I felt little if any love from him.

I was more than twice your present age when something happened that placed the proverbial straw on the camel's back. I informed my sister she would have to deal with her father for I was done. I wrote him the nastiest letter I have ever written until then and since outlining every hurt he ever did to me as far back as I could remember which was back to my early childhood as I have photographic memory. I told him I wanted an apology and reparations for what he took from me and most of all I wanted an apology to my wife for what he said to her or he was not to contact me, my wife or his grandson.

Most narcissists will never apologize for they are never wrong and my father never apologized even when proven wrong. I never spoke to him again and when he died I did not feel obligated to attend his funeral.

My answer to you is NO I would not consider you an evil person. I would say before you cut your mother from your life that you give her the option of changing the way she treats you. Narcissists are also controllers. Your mother is trying to control your life and that you cannot allow.

I would suggest you sit down and write your mother a letter as I did my father. In that letter you explain to her that you just can no longer tolerate the way she treats you. You are an adult and have a right to your own life run as you see fit to run it.

If she wants to have a relationship with you then she has to change. You will no longer listen to any criticism or suggestions from her. If she wants to know what is going on in your life you will be happy to tell her. Unless she is willing to be supportive of what your doing you are not interested or want her opinion, suggestions or criticisms.

Those are the rules under which she can have a relationship with you in the future. If she cannot abide by the rules then you do not want her contacting you any more. You can add if you wish any circumstances such as a medical emergency and how she may contact you. I would suggest a third party be used as I had to change my phone number. I changed both my cell and home numbers.s as my father got it into his head to start harassing me by calling at 2 or 3 in the morning and just hanging up when I answered.

I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 months and him and I have occasional sex. The very first time we used protection and went to the clinic and both came out clean. Every other time since then has been unprotected and he has came in me twice. I am on the Mirena IUD but my doctor has said she cannot locate it and I have an ultrasound appt soon. He says he does not have unprotected sex with anyone as he has not practiced it so why is he doing it with me. What does this mean?

I can't tell you exactly what it means since I don't know him or you for that matter. what I can tell you is guys don't like condoms, especially latex condoms because it reduces the feeling they get in their penis.

My advice is never to trust a guy who will not offer you the protection of wearing a condom in a relationship as young as yours. If you were living together and you knew for certain that he was not having sex with anyone else then you could consider having unprotected sex after being tested again.

Also the IUD is not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and yours is not where it is suppose to be so you may not have any protection from it.
The IUD plus a condom is your best protection against pregnancy. Remember your the one that gets pregnant not him so you decide how much protection you what against an unwanted pregnancy. That plus the condoms offer protection against many of the STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.

So I sent this girl Emily I really like this message and then when she responded I was confused by what she said. I know nothing is gonna happen between us right now because she does have a boyfriend but by her response do you think I will ever have a chance? I'm 16 and she is going to turn 17 very soon.(I changed the names)

"It's been almost three years since I met you. Honestly I never thought I would be writing and sending this message. When I first met you it wasn't much more then a hi. I remember sitting behind you in Caudill thinking man is she pretty. That whole time I never thought I would come to know you as well as I do. All of freshman year you were this beautiful girl I was starting to get to know who was actually into show choir. Now right before schools starts sophomore year I get invited to your birthday party. That was a stressful time for me because I had no clue what to get you. Then I realized a necklace would be perfect and I sat down on the computer and looked at the necklaces for the one I think you would like. Then I found it a small silver necklace that screamed perfect at me. Well i went to your party and gave you the necklace.
Which you said you liked but in my mind I thought you would never wear it. Well camp rolls around and schools starts. It was a normal year I had my new lover Wyatt and I was finally one of the boys with the creation of the four horsemen. But the thing that really stuck with me was that you actually wore the necklace I got you and that was amazing to me. We also talked a lot more and in general got a lot closer. During that time though I started felling something towards you. Something weird. Something I didn't feel with Phoebe
at the time. Then time went on and that feeling only got bigger and stronger. Then the musical came and with it came Hunter. We all were telling you things about him and I'll admit me saying things was a little out of jealousy, nevertheless they were still true. But I had told everyone and this point I had a crush on you. It wasn't anything big but it was there. Well then came the period where I still liked you but you were with Hunter and me Ash. Well then Hunter cheated and I was there to help you. I held you when you cried and talked to you also. I was with you through and through I knew how much Hunter hurt you and being there for you only made my crush larger. Every time you cried or the times when you doubted yourself you were always gorgeous to me and I never thought differently of you for anything. Even when you thought about maybe forgiving Hunter. Then I broke up with Ashley. I was now alone and I was ok with that. But the longer time went on after I broke up with her the more I started thinking about you. That like 2-3 month period shoulda have been when said all this but I couldn't. I wasn't only terrified but I also never thought it was the right time. You weren't eating, and then you would be sick, and you wouldn't tell me things and I was worried. Then school was getting ready to end and I found out through the grape vine you were talking to Dylan. I immediately just shut off any feelings and emotions and I made myself forget because you were with another guy and I was 99.9% sure you had no interest in me (I still am) and you were gonna be with Dylan for a little while. I was happy you were happy. And I honestly really did just block everything out. Now Dylan cheated too and everything is back. I have no clue your status with him as of now and at this point I don't care. I just want this all out. Emily I really do like you. I'm not here to like beg you for a date or ask you out. I'm not here for that at all. I'm here because I am 99.9% sure you already know and I just want it out on the table so no matter what happens it's not the elephant in the room with us. I honestly do like you and I am glad I finally worked up the courage to just say it. Emily no matter what anyone says you are so amazing, compassionate, kind, gorgeous, and the list can go on. Now it's just about to be junior year. After this year we only have one year left and after that who knows what's going to happen. I have screwed up a lot in my life but not this time. I'm not gonna let this just skim by for the next two years I'm addressing it now. I don't expect anything to change I don't expect you are just gonna be wooed. Because you won't be and things probably won't change and honestly I'll come to accept that. I don't need a response anytime soon. Just whenever you want to you have my number."

(Her response)
"I really love you Brandon. But as of right now, as a friend. And you know that. Even tho I haven't talked to you a lot this summer you're still one of my bestfriends. And he didn't cheat. But I know you're always there for me and we'll just see where thing a go. But I really appreciate you saying this to me. Honestly I really do"

From her response I would say she sees you more as a friend, the guy next door or even as a brother. The chances of the two of you being romantically involved is extremely slim.

My advice is to move on and find yourself another girlfriend. Fact is these are just high school romances. In a few years you will all graduate and go off to different colleges and make new friends, meet new girls and most likely meet the girl you will marry.

Both answers had good points. I liked your response. I gave her a graduation party last weekend. My two nieces were here and they basically helped me clean up etc. the following day I brought the cards out and said we could go through them. She immediately got defensive and said....I don't want you hovering over me like you did nathan ( my step son) I didnt want you to see what I got. I felt my husband should have corrected her then send there. But he didn't. He said I was controlling. I threw the cards on the table and she snorted off more...she HAS an attitude. I walked away and went to a different room. My husband then talked to her about not being so secretive about the cards. She did come into the room where I was and said that I could see what she got. I didn't go back in there....what I wanted to do was to help her address the envelopes. That's all. She's been working on writing out thank yous, but now there aren't any addresses. She can look them up herself, or call people for their addresses like I had to for her invitations. I'm tired of my husband going to her defense, and I'm tired of her complaining about me. One counselor told me to not do anything for her unless she asks. That's my new mantra. When we were first married she was in first grade. I decided to get a school record book for each step kid. Every fall I'd go through it with them. Record their weight, height, add their school picture, etc. I saved everything with her name on it...including medical information and insurance statements. She was in a hospital for 5 weeks in 2014. I saved some of those.she saw them in the book and went crying to my husband how hurt she was. All I can think of is she's old enough to deal with her own problems. Suck it up buttercup. If it bothered her. Remove the things she didn't like and throw them out. But no she goes to dad. I told him,what's she going to do next year when she's away at colegge and someone offends her....he won't be there to rescue her. He's not doing her or our marriage any favors. He's divorced (3 times) this is my first marriage and we have no kids together.m

I have two thoughts on this questions. Children must come first even when they are not your biological children. They need to be nurtured and raised in a loving and caring home. From what you have written you score high on these points. Your husband on the other hand seems to be of the mind that the children always be first regardless of right or wrong or who it might hurt. This could be the reason he has been divorced three times.

By what you write he is not the type of person to change his way of dealing with those points that are coming between you especially those concerning his children. This is a character fault on his part and no amount of counseling will change him until he is ready to change.

Your choices are few;

1. You can learn to live with the situation. Not the best suggestion as I feel you are not the type of person who can live with a disruptive force in her home.

2. Take your step-daughter aside and lay down the law to her. Tell her that you know what she is trying to do and it is not going to work. That her dad is your husband and you love him and you love her and the other children as well. That you are not going to stand for her child like attempt to come between them and ruin your marriage. She is 19 and legally as parents you have fulfilled the requirements of parents. She is more than welcome to remain in your home as long as she behaves and is not a disruptive force between you and your husband. Otherwise she can leave and fend for herself.

Of course she will run right to daddy and tell him you told her to get out of your house. This is the tough part you stand your ground with your husband and tell him just what you said to her and that he needs to wake up and smell the roses. You love him and you love her but she is old enough to fend for herself and if she is going to continue to disrupt your marriage then either she straightens up and flies right or he chooses who goes and who stays.

3. Just throw in the towel. Find a place to live and move out. Tell your step-daughter she wins she can take care of her daddy from here on out your through.

None of these suggestions are ideal. It's your sanity and marriage at issue. Your husband is not going to change the way he is until he hits bottom. Suggestion 2 may just be enough to pull the rug out from under him to cause him to hit bottom when he realizes he is staring at divorce #4.

Of course suggestion #3 is the easiest solution if it is what you want. IT may be what your step-daughter wants. I don't think suggestion #1 will work at all for you for it leaves the door open to her to continue to come between you and your husband even after she moves out of your home.

These are only suggestions. It is your choice to follow any of them or come up with a different choice.

should i wear a tampon during volleyball

I would tell my daughter to consider wearing or using a tampon while engaging in any sporting activity. The tampon offers better protection while playing a sport and there is less chance for embarrassing moments.

Im a 15 y/o female and I started masterbating quite young, but about 6 or 7 months ago I started using the ends of sharpies. Earlier today I was masterbating with 2 sharpies, once I was finished and I looked at them I noticed that they had some brownish-red looking blood on them. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some toilet paper and tried to clean myself, they too had some blood. It wasnt a lot lot, but enough to be alarming and be like "hey, somthings not right here". There was no pain and I haven't started my period yet, so it cant be that. I also dont think it was my hymen, I think I broke that a long time ago or maybe I just wasnt born with one. Even if it was my hymen (probably not) why would I now just start bleeding when I have fingered myself and used sharpies in the past? Either way, I am worried that it might be something big or it might get Infected. I also really dont want to tell my mom because its embarrassing even though I know that masterbating is perfectly normal and she most likely does it too. So if anyone can help me figure this out and what I can do, or if its something worse, a way to tell my mom it was an "accident" would be greatly appreciated.

Two things you need to know.

1. Putting foreign objects such as a sharpie in your vagina is a big no no. Most likely you have scraped the wall of your vagina causing it to bleed or you have partially ruptured your Hymen. Most sharpies are not long enough to have hit your cervix. The cap on the sharpie is sharp enough that repeated stroking of the sharpie could cause an abrasion which may be the cause of your bleeding. If you are going to use anything to masturbate with it should be something with a blunt and rounded end to it like a dildo or vibrator.

2. At 15 if you need to see a doctor because of this. By a Law called HIPPA you can do so without parental knowledge or permission. Congress in passing this law put in a provision for young people ages 14 and up that says when it comes to their Reproductive system they may see a doctor of their choice without parental knowledge. Furthermore medical records for any procedure that includes examination or treatment of their reproductive system is confidential and parents may not view them without your written consent to the doctor.

Once you say to the doctor I want my rights under HIPPA you can not be forced to undergo any examination or treatment of your reproductive system. Your mother cannot be in the exam room with you during an exam.

Congress wrote this law for just such a reason as you have so you would seek medical assistance when too embarrassed to speak to your parents about something of this nature. You may go to any doctor, women's clinic or ER for treatment.

With this in mind you do not need to tell you mom anything. All you need do is call your doctor and make an appointment. Don't forget to tell your doctor you want this covered under HIPPA as this will mean he cannot tell mom why you were there when she gets the EOB from the insurance company.

All you need to say is you weren't feeling well and went to see the doctor.

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