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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
This is so long and i feel really bad.. everyone will get a 5 for taking the time to read and try to help me out!
Its so frusterating. I think it started when I was younger.. like in elementary school sometimes people would block the bottom of the tube slides during recess on the playground and I'd be in the middle as more people would slide down. Stuck. I still remember how it felt.. like it became hard to breathe and everything cause I was closed in. I mean its not like there wasn't air coming in. but it wasn't in a comfortable position, I couldn't get out, and there wasn't much space around me.
But I don't know. I can ride air planes fine, I can normally ride in cars, and buses fine as well. But my mom has the Honda Odyssey. its a minivan, and it has a middle seat that can be taken out or put back in. my cousins are here so we put it in cause we need the extra seat. I'm 15 years old by the way, and I just can't sit in the back. Cause its all closed in and there are no doors around it for me to be able to get out. Once I tried sitting in the back, when the car was still new. My mom got the car like 2 years ago. my other cousins were there and it wasn't THAT bad but I didnt like it. but then another time we were leaving for a long trip from NJ to Maryland. I just couldn't sit in the back even when there was a way older guy who would typically sit in the middle (someone else was sitting in the passenger seat in the front). like i was crying and everything.. we were about to leave and i was having difficulty breathing too. and everyone was just so mean about it. like my mom, my sister, and my uncle. they were like "why cant you just sit there?" like wtf they just dont understand! my mom only let me sit in the middle when she remembered when one of her friends had a scan.. i think the MRI or something where you had to sit in that confined space. like the friend thought it wouldnt be bad but realized how bad it was and decided to get knocked out for it instead.
but it just sucks how they need something like that to be able to understand.. like I dont know. Its the same thing as before. with everyone sitting in front of me.. its like Im trapped. like i can imagine it right now ugh it would just be horrible. i dont know how to say it. like i think they think im just making it up so i dont sit in the back cause im bad at explaining it. like the cousins who are at my house now its like everytime we are going into the car i have to explain why i cant sit back there. i mean i can sit in the back when the middle seat isn't there. that isnt a problem. but i just hate having to explain it all everytime and think back to why i cant do it.
my other cousin who stayed home just told me that im gonna have to like get over it. but like its hard to explain it to her too. she thinks i should be claustrophobic when im in taxis or buses, or surrounded by a lot of people too. but im not. in taxis or buses the door is right there. and when im surrounded by people, there is so much open space around me. i can shove through people if i wanted to move from them too.
i mean even when i sat in the back of my mom's minivan w/o the seat in the middle of the middle seats.. w/ my cousins and siblings in the car as well.. like i needed to have the air conditioning on like blowing in my face at one point. its like a desperate thing.. i need it right now or i start to have trouble breathing and i take deep breaths. i take deep breaths sometimes anyways in like general situations.. i dunno, sometimes i just feel like im not getting much air. like in my room sometimes.. it was mostly during 4th - 7th grade. i feel like im not getting good air so i have to open up the window and breathe deeply for a few mins. and then i'd leave it open.
today i couldn't go to this party because my older cousin, Mark*, who would normally be sitting in the backseat chose to sat in the middle. he didnt even have any problem with sitting in the back. he just kept asking me why i couldnt sit there. and ive told them before. i told him it made me uncomfortable. we were running late and my mom just drove off and offered the backseat but i refused. i've told them before that i'd stay home instead. i can imagine it now.. i would have had to switch seats not too long from the time we left. they would have kept telling me that i dont know, maybe im making it up or something. nobody likes sitting in the back in general. they are just insensitive to it. i cant explain it to them, they just dont understand. Mark didnt want to move. him and my sister are pretty tall so its not good for their legs i think, to sit there. my other cousin, Emily* sat in the front cause she recently got foot surgery, my tall sister sat in the middle cause it hurts her legs to sit in the back (shes tall too), and my little bro sits in the middle cause thats where his car seat has to be. another cousin, Amy*, sat in the back and she was the only one there. it just made me upset.. im upset right now, Mark could have sat in the back but didnt. i mean people are afraid of a lot of things.. a lot of things are irrational too. but if you dont understand it.. like i just dont see why they couldn't try to sympasize or something. like they know what claustrophobia is. idont even know if i have it, but it seems like i does from what i just read of the symptoms right now. i mean its not the only time i experience anxiety in general. i used to experience a noteable amount of anxiety.. like during 4th - 7th grade. i dont even know why. it was hard to explain too. like why like i remember in 6th grade where i kept having to look behind me.. like even during school i'd do it. to see if someone was behind me. even if i knew no one was there i just had to keep checking. to the point where my neck would hurt. or like i'd have to keep checking to see if all doors were locked at night, and i'd keep checking to see if i turned the light off all the way because i was afraid that if it was half way or something it could make sparks and cause a fire. or even when i was even younger i remember being afraid of putting soap over my eyes in the bath cause i imagined like some monster coming out of nowhere to get me when my eyes were closed. like it really felt like it was there. i still feel that occasionally. not as much anymore but yeah. i dont even have scary dreams or anything. like more with anxiety.. i felt uncomfortable with certain things socially. like i used to even be afraid of getting up to sharpen my pencil. when i was younger like in elementary school. like sometimes i'd walk funny or like i'd always be concerned like with what people were thinking even though they probably werent thinking much cause when i think of other people like you know you dont think that deeply and all. and you are your harshest critic.
but it also hurt me like in the sense that i cant express myself fully. i have a fear of rejection and i always want to show my best side to others. like on Y!A its so much easier since its anonymous but i've never had a friend that i could say so much to. the most i've been able to talk about with is my mom but there are still a lot of things i haven't been able to say. i wish i could get a good enough friend like i am to other people. it always seems like i do so much like.. i really care about their problems and all you know. and i dont know anyone like me like with my sense of humor, music taste, and everything. sometimes theres one thing in someone else that we'd have in common, like music, but we cant get along otherwise. its just dissapointing.. i've only had 3 people i'd count as best friends and that was in 4th grade. it just seems like 5th grade til now have been like an open field and i hate it. im not like depressed or suicidal.. im actually really optimisic. always dreaming. like im not even sure that if my life currently was sucking i'd be able to tell. my life doesn't suck, im grateful for a lot of things and all.
like i dont really do much and all now. ugh enough with that, im venturing off the topic, sorry. i have issues with overtalkativeness too, heh.
anyways, if anyone had a problem like that.. like say one of my friends had a phobia of centipedes. i hate centipedes as well but i can still kill one. like i'd be sensitive about that and not be like "your just exagerating and just doing it so you dont have to kill it." like i guess you just dont really know. so just have the benefit of the doubt you know, if it really wont harm you to do it. like i dont know what to do about my situation if it gets worse. i just hate explaining it. i dont know how to make it not sound fake. how to make it sound right. like me saying "it makes me feel uncomfortable" like ugh that just doesnt work. i dont know how to be certain i have claustrophobia too or i dont know. I didnt want to attempt to solve it tonight either.. and probably fail.
ugh please help me and sorry for this ridiculously huge question
*Name has been changed.
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The problem with having a phobia is most people do not have them and those that do try not to show them. That is fine for some of the more mundane phobias’ such as the one you mentioned but claustrophobia is really the most misunderstood. I should know I have suffered from claustrophobia most of my adult life. Like you I can fly in a plane, ride in a taxi or a bus or train without a problem. Put me in a small room out of site of a window or the exit and those darn walls just start moving in and the air in the room disappears.
There are some things you can do to help yourself when the panic attack comes on, that’s the result of the phobia, when you start to hyperventilate, sweat and all the other nasty things that happen. But first lets’ talk about getting others to understand what you feel.
Children are not supposed to get panic attacks, or so most adults think, so the first thing we need to do is to educate them that you problem and fear is real. If you cannot convince mom of what you are feeling ask her to make a doctor’s appointment for you and to go with you to the doctor. See the doctor alone at first and tell him or her what is happening. There are medications you can be prescribed to ease the panic attacks while you see a therapist to learn techniques to recognize and handle those situations that cause these attacks. Then ask the doctor to speak with your mom about what is happening and why it happens. I’m sure that once she understands that you have a problem and are not just acting up her attitude will change.
As for friends, well the only thing I can tell you are true friends will understand if you tell them truthfully about your claustrophobia. Still there are times when young people will be immature for the sake of their peers. As we grow older we mature and some of that immaturity will go away.
Once you learn to deal with your phobia things will be better and I’m sure once your family realizes that you’re not just acting up they will treat you different as well.
So, I don't have really bad body acne just maybe one or two on my chest, a few on my back, and as gross as it is a few on my bottom. Does anyone have any home remedies. [i don't have any money] that can help get rid of this?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I did a little research before responding to you. As I suspected there are different types of acne and different treatments for each. While I am not a professional, common sense tells me that you must first identify the type of acne you have in order to treat it properly. Home remedies and over the counter remedies could do more harm than good.
Start by making an appointment to see your family doctor. Your doctor may want you to see a Dermatologist; this is a doctor who specializes in skin problems. Follow the treatment regiment given you by the doctor(s) as well as keeping all the follow up visits.
This is the best way to deal with this problem is you want keep from having scars as a result of using the wrong treatment. As with any request for medical treatment you may need to have parental consent. So speak with your parents and before making any appointments.
15/f
I don't know what I'm asking because I don't know what I'm thinking....if that makes sense.
I'm just....I don't know what I'd call it. One second, I'll be happy-go-lucky, looking around thinking how pretty the birds sound or how beautiful the flowers look, and then the next second I'll feel all depressed and anti-social, I-hate-the-world, fuck-everybody. I'll just wish that I was alone, or that I could pause the world for a couple of hours so I AM alone. Because honestly, I can't be alone ever. I share a room with a SEVEN YEAR OLD, and everyone in this god damn house thinks of and treats her as a princess and so my room is the CENTER OF ALL ACTIVITY. If I'm in the living room because she's in my room, and I'm watching TV, my dad comes along and kicks me out so he can watch what HE WANTS. I can't go in my room because Ally's there. Can't go to my parents room because it's their room, or my brother's room. And my brother usually has the playroom because he's playing video games. I can never be alone. And then I feel like all the house hold chores fall on me. I feel like I NEVER GET ME TIME. I take out the garbage, take out the recycling, wash and dry and put away the dishes, clear and set the table, weed the garden, trim the flowers, clean the pool area for the summer, clean the living room, clean my room, including my sister's stuff. And when I ran out of room for my stuff, I HAD TO LEARN TO GET RID OF STUFF. Meanwhile my sister has half a room and a PLAYROOM for her stuff. My dad calls me Cinderella sometimes, because of all my chores. And either he doesn't realize or are how much that little nickname hurts, because sometimes, that's how I feel. Like I don't matter much at all.
It's so much stress in this family with all that I have to do and trying to be a kid. You know, trying to have a life. Friends, time to just do whatever. And then there's my boyfriend, trying to force me to have sex with him.
Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Just to get a break. A really, really long, ever-lasting sleep.
I don't really know what I'm asking. Everything's all jumbled up inside my head. I guess I'm just asking for anyone to say anything to help me sort through my mind. To help me make this all stop and straighten out and fix itself. I don't know. Just...help? Please?
Thanks.
Chail
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
It sounds to me as you might be the middle child not that in the grand scheme of what you have shared with me matters all that much, but does put some things in perspective for me at least. As a young lady of 15 you do need a space to call your own where you can do all those things young ladies your age like to do for themselves and with their girlfriends.
It is possible that mom has forgotten what it is like to be a young girl of 15 and how important it is to have time and space to call her own. If your house has a basement might be possible for dad to fix up an area just for you to call your own. If this is something you want you need to calmly and respectfully speak up for yourself. Trust me when I say we parent do forget what it was like when we were your age and have no idea what it is like today to be your age. So you have to tell us; if you do not, we think everything is fine and dandy and you are just moody, probably a hormonal thing having to do with puberty and it will pass.
Now you are going to write back to me and say you cannot talk with your parents as they do not understand. I have been a successful salesman for thirty years and everything depends on how and when you approach things. If you approach mom after a hard day at work and she is all stressed out, you are finished before you started. I suggest you ask mom for a girls’ day out just you and her, possibly lunch at the mall or maybe even a picnic at the park. Will mom know something’s up? Probably, but at least she will be in the proper mood to listen. If you are firmly convinced that your parents won’t listen is there a favorite Aunt or Grandparent you could talk to who might be able to speak with your parents for you?
I am also very concerned about how depressed you are getting and your boyfriend trying to force you into having sex with him. Both of these are serious matters and the depression needs to be told to your parents so that it can be addressed properly. As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he is being a typical teenage boy. Make sure he understands NO MEANS NO, anything else is rape. Do not let your present feelings force you to do something you are not ready to do.
If you are still feeling the way you have written I would like you to call the following number: 1-800-448-3000. This is a National hotline number for Girls and Boys town. The people that answer the phone are trained professionals, which I am not, who can help you as well as to direct you to people in your home town who can help you. When you speak to them everything you say is strictly confidential.
In today’s world you are never alone if you have a computer and a phone, there is always someone out there ready and willing to help.
My boyfriend (24m) is having some problems with depression. He's on medication for it, but medication alone isn't a solution. I urged him to seek out counseling, and he actually listened to me.
He had one session and told me that he was incredibly frustrated and angry and didn't want to do it anymore. I convinced him to try again.
I've tried to explain to him that counseling helps because it allows the individual (or couple, or family) to speak with an outside, objective person, someone who isn't involved in the situation. The objectivity helps because the therapist's opinions and suggestions are unbiased and (usually) knowledgeable, and focus on finding the best solution to help the individual with the problem at hand. The purpose of talking is to address the turmoil going on so that the individual can understand it, and then move on from it, instead of suppressing it and allowing it to fester and cause further psychological distress and/or physical problems.
I have to point out that I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not even a psychology major (I'm doing a post-bacc degree), but I have a solid understanding of the concept, and he knows this. He's very resistant, and I feel like everything I say makes it worse, and makes him want to go even less.
I know I can't control him, nor do I want to, but I really really want him to go at least a couple of times.
What can I say to help persuade him to open up to his psychologist and give talk therapy a real shot?
I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I agree with what the others have said about counseling. It is extremely important that the person being counseled be comfortable with the Counselor. Finding the right Counselor is to some extent like finding someone to work for you; you interview a number of people until you find that proper fit.
You say your boyfriend is on medication for depression. Did his family doctor prescribe this medication or did he see a Psychiatrist? If he was prescribed medication by his family doctor I would suggest he seek out a Psychiatrist to evaluate his depression and prescribe medication. No I don’t think your boy friend is crazy or that ill that he requires Psychiatric treatment. Family doctors are not fully trained in these areas, I know from firsthand knowledge as I suffer from Depression caused by Chronic Pain. I went through two psychologists before finding one who is both knowledgeable in the root cause of my depression and I was comfortable in talking with. The same holds true for the Psychiatrists as for as long as your boyfriend is on medication he will need to check in with the Psychiatrist on a regular basis for what is called med checks.
If you are not sure how to find these clinicians’ there are two ways to do so. The first and easiest way is to ask his family doctor for a referral to a Psychiatrist who you can then ask for a referral to a Psychologist. The second is to call the patient referral line at your local hospital and ask them to set up appointments for him.
Tell your boyfriend I know what he is going through and the pain he is feeling. There is light at the end of the tunnel. He needs to let his feelings out with his doctors, which may mean letting his guard down. This is okay to do for anything he says while in treatment is totally confidential. Nothing can be told to you, his parents or even other doctors without his permission.
For you, don’t ask him what went on in any of his treatment sessions. If he wants to tell you what went on is a session that is up to him. Just listen to what he has to say and take your queues from him. This is the hard part for you. If you question him too much he may close up, if you don’t question what he is willing to share he may feel you are not interested. My advice is to tell him that if you ask him a question he would rather not answer it is okay and you understand, that your feelings will not be hurt.
hey, me again, Chailey. thanks for the advice, and i really would like to tell my parents but....won't they be disappointed in me for getting into this situation? i CANNOT disappoint my dad. you don't know what he's like. he'll ignore me and if i try to talk directly to him he does that stupid thing where you put your fingers in your ears and sing LALALALALALALALA at the top of your lungs. he pretends i don't exist and eventually gets mom to do the same. that is, until they need a favor from me.
and won't my boyfriend be mad if i squeal on him? won't he feel betrayed? might that PUSH HIM to hurt me? or DUMP me? i really do love him, although you may be thinking to yourself "why? he's scum! he's an ass!" but he really isn't. he's really sweet. he got me a puppy for my birthday and i'd only told him i wanted a puppy my hole life once, about a year and a half before that. he just has a temper. he can forget himself very easily and uses other objects to release any pain or anger.
oh God, am I HURTING him by refusing to have sex with him? am i making him hurt inside? i don't want to hurt him, believe me.
i don't know what to do anymore. i just don't know what's right.
please, please, please, please help me!
Chailey
I think you may be underestimating your parents and this situation. If everything you wrote is true and I have no reason to doubt you, then your boyfriend poses a serious danger to you when you deny him the sex he is demanding from you. To answer your question you are not hurting him by denying him sex, but he may hurt you. If you cannot talk to your parent is there another adult you trust; possibly an Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent.
From what you wrote your have written your boyfriend is well on his way to being an abusive spouse. The best thing you can do for him is to talk to your parent or other trusted adult and let them handle this. Your boyfriend may not have hurt you yet and maybe he will not hurt you, but what about his next girlfriend, she may not be so lucky. Yes he will have another girlfriend and you will have other boyfriends.
Now as to how will your boyfriend feel? The fact that you asked about him possibly hurting you, for as you say squealing, says to me you are afraid of him to some degree. If buy informing the proper people of what has happened results in your boyfriend getting the help he needs, he will eventually thank you.
This is not a loving relationship you are in it is an abusive relationship and one you are much safer out of. If there is not an adult you can talk to then I would suggest you call your local police department and speak to them. If you feel you might be more comfortable speaking with a female Officer than ask for one. The Police will understand and if a female Officer is on duty they will arrange for you two to meet.
From what you have written in your first letter and back up with statements in this letter I feel you could be in danger and urge you to get out of this relationship. As I said in my first response to you NO means NO, do not let anyone coerce you into doing anything you are not prepared to do or ready for. Be that sex or anything else. If your boyfriend loved you as much as you say you love him he would respect your choices and back off when told to.
awkward...
16/f
so...um...my boyfriend and I have been hanging out A LOT lately at his house, alone, because his parents work and stuff. so um, lately he's been getting very....touchy, ya know? I mean, we've always kissed, but lately he's been going for my breasts and trying to get his hands down my pants and trying to convince me to give him a hj or a bj. I'm not ready for any of that. i mean, it can't be THAT bad, i know. being fingered or giving a bj/hj. but I DON'T WANT TO. not yet anyway. and i really do love him. but i don't know what to do. because I'm afraid that if i continue to say no, he might dump me or hurt me. he's raised his hand to me before. raised his hand, left, slammed some doors and kicked some furniture, than came back like nothing happened. he threw a knife in my direction once. thank god it missed! but really, I'm scared. i don't want him to dump me and I don't want him to hurt me, and I'm afraid that if I keep refusing, one of those two or both will happen. what do i do?
sorry it's so long and sorry if it was too detailed. thanks for reading and any advice, whether it's one word or a million, will be completely appreciated.
thanks
Chailey
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
First and foremost NO means NO; your boyfriend has to understand that. If you are uncomfortable with him touching you and you have told him to stop and he does not; then he is sexually attacking you. Next: never ever let anyone coerce you into doing anything against your will. If the something they are attempting to coerce you to do is sexual in nature, then that is rape. While BJ’s and HJ’s might not seem all that sexual it does require you to touch him in a sexual nature therefore forming the basis of a rape charge.
I am also concerned by your boyfriends’ actions over your refusal to satisfy him. The actions you described are typical of those of an abusive person, something I would not like to see your boyfriend grow up as. While he has not hurt you yet, he may do so in the future. The throwing of the knife really scares me both for your safety and the fact that what he did is a felony, Assault with a Deadly Weapon (ADW). The fact that the knife didn’t hit you means nothing, the charge stems from the action of throwing the knife.
This is an abusive situation and one I would like to see you away from. It is okay to love him, but you need to tell him he needs to get his anger under control before he sees you again. Tell him that you are not ready for sex and all his abusive actions will not force you into complying with his demands. Tell him that his actions scare you and you fear for your safety when he gets this way.
Your boyfriend needs to seek treatment from a qualified therapist for his abusive ways. If you truly love him the best thing you can do is to tell him this and tell him that until he gets himself under control and into treatment you will not see him anymore.
Last I urge you to speak with your parents about what you have written to me. From what you have written I can tell you are a bright young lady who has a great future ahead of her. Your parents have done a good job in raising you, giving you a good set of values as well as knowing right from wrong. Trust in them that they will do the right thing here. As I said I believe you should not see this boy again until he has his abusive manner under control and I certain your parents are going to want the same thing. Your safety is first and foremost here and while doing this for you hopefully we can save your boyfriend of a lifetime of trouble. Make sure you tell your parents about the knife.
So i was drinking at my friend's yacht club, and I guess i had more than a bit too much, because i blacked out and im told i fell on some rocks and cut up my nose and face pretty badly. there was a little swelling at first (no bruises), and of course it was cut, but i dont think i broke it. it didn't hurt very badly, and the swelling went down very quickly with some ice and the cuts are healing swiftly. but now when i touch my nose, i feel like it is more wiggly at the bottom, like there is less cartilage and more flesh. i also see and feel a small bump at the bridge which was never there before. the doctor had a look during a physical a few days after, without x-rays, and just told me to keep using antibacterial cream.
is there a way that the look and feel of my nose can have changed without having actually broken it? or am i just being paranoid and self-conscious?
thanks!!
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The small bump on the bridge of your nose concerns me more than the tissue at the end of your nose. The fact that the bump on the bridge of your nose was not there prior to your fall warrants further examination. Does the loose skin at the end of your nose have anything to do with the bump at the bridge? Possible, but since I am not a doctor I can’t say for sure. I would see a plastic Surgeon, or an Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist. My advice comes under the heading of being safe rather than sorry. If the doctor suggests X-Rays, MRI or CT scan to rule something out it is well worth the time to have it done.
My mom says she thinks I have social anxiety, one of my close friend said she agreed, and I think my psychologist might agrees although she hasn't said so to me directly. I have always disagreed and think I'm just fine but recently I have started to wonder. I avoid people at all costs, even my friends because I'm afraid of doing something wrong, saying something stupid, or otherwise embarassing myself. I hate meeting new people and I can barely talk to people I don't know, its hard enough talk to those that I do know. I can't even bring myself to go up and talk to anyone outside my immediate family (my mom and two sisters)without being poked and prodded. I don't like leaving my house and I try not to because I'm afraid I might look stupid or act stupid and people will laugh at me. I'm always worried people are thinking I'm stupid in their heads. I can't even call my best friend about asking to stay the night because I'm afraid of saying something dumb. It isn't normal, I know that. But is it really social anxiety? I kind of want another opinion.
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I agree with the previous advisor, the symptoms you have listed appear to be classic. I also agree that putting labels on things only prove to classify and categorize things, they prove nothing. What is important is that you understand something is not right and you are doing something about it.
I did a little research before answering you and found a website called Social Anxiety Support. I will include the link at the end. The information on the website is written by professionals, which of course I am not, so it is going to be more informative than I could be. From the little bit I read I found there are a number of causes for Phobias some of which react well to medication.
Whenever starting any new treatments it is always good to start with your family doctor and a complete physical. Just to rule out any medical condition that might contribute to your phobia. It is alsogood to keep your family doctor in the loop for all medical treatment and medications you are taking.
You write that you are seeing a psychologist, this is good. Continue to see her and work with her. It is not going to be easy, but nothing good comes easy. Don’t worry about the labels, what matters are as I have said; recognizing a problem and are working to correct it.
I know from personal experience that the road ahead is hard but what is waiting at the end of the road is worth working for. Feel free to contact me if I can be of any help as you work to overcome your phobia.
www.socialanxietysupport.com/
I'm a 15-year-old girl and I have always had a fear of heights. But my mother and sister love thrill rides. As a result, we often go to theme parks. When we do, I'll usually go on a couple of the "kiddie rides," which is what Mom calls "mild" rides. Mom and my sister try to drag me on the roller coasters, but I always say no.
After I refuse a few times, Mom will finally snap. The last time it happened she said: "You know what? I'm not paying for your ticket if you're going to wimp out and not go on any rides."
I have been driven to tears more than once. She won't stop even if my friends are with us. I wish I could stay home when they go, but then my mom accuses me of being "antisocial."
Please tell me what I can do or say to her to make her stop doing this.
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
What you are suffering with is called Acrophobia, one of many phobias that manifest as a panic attack. I did some searching on line and found a great article on acrophobia at about.com. I will place the link to the page at the end and ask that you follow the link and read about the symptoms and also the symptoms of vertigo which closely mimic acrophobia but is a medical condition and is treated differently.
In your letter you did not say if you have ever sat down spoken with your mother about your fear of heights. You need to do this some place that is quiet where you will not be interrupted. If necessary ask mom to go with you to a coffee shop or a park. Then tell her what it is like for you when you are forced to go on high places and also when she say’s what she has said to you. Have the page I asked you to read printed out for her to read. Then ask her to make a doctor’s appointment for you with the family doctor for a medical exam to rule out Vertigo. Once your doctor is satisfied you are not suffering from vertigo ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in the area of phobias’.
People who do not suffer from phobias find them difficult to understand. Phobias are irrational fears, I should know as I am claustrophobic. I know in reality the walls can’t close in on me, but put me in the right circumstances those walls move right in on me. I don’t care what their made of they just move right in on me. So I know what you are experiencing. This is nothing to be embarrassed about we all have are phobias.
http://phobias.about.com/od/introductiontophobias/a/acrophobiaprof.htm
20/f
i dont know what to do.
i feel 100% lost. about three years ago i found the love of my life. we had our issues just like everyone else but we were perfect together.
absolutely perfect. we got engaged a little over a year ago but planned on waiting two years to get married. four days ago he told me that his feelings had just changed and the relationship was not beneficial to him anymore so he broke up with me. now im a rational person and i wouldnt ever kill myself but i seriously feel like dying.
i honestly dont think ive ever felt a bigger pain in my heart. i know ill get over him and yes if its meant to be he'll come back. my problem is coping with it until one of the two happen.
i cant eat. i cant slepp. my eyes are raw from crying. i feel like i just lost a child or something. hes more important to me than anything ive ever imagined and i just want him back.
its hard for me to understand that this is what he wanted because we were so happy. he was happy.
ive tried getting out. ive tried staying in.
i dont want suggestions like "get out and do something you love" ive tried all the "getting over him" shit. it takes time but in the meantime how do i renergize myself and be happy.
i have no joy anymore. i lost my everything.
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The hurt you are suffering is fresh and you do not get over someone in a day or two, it will take time to get over the hurt. Self pity is part of the grieving process. What you do not want to do is to slide so deep that you cannot pull yourself out.
Before I go any further I have a question for you. You don�t have to answer me but might want to answer this to yourself. Why would you want someone back who after all these years together (yes they are teenage years) suddenly says he wants out? I�m speculating here but it sounds to me like he may not have been as faithful as you think he was? If my speculation is anywhere near being correct; is he worth your tears?
Give yourself a few more days to get over the shock and the loss and then you have to force yourself to start putting him behind you. Start by making a list of things you like to do. Then start looking for groups or clubs in your community that do these things and visit them to see if they might be something you might want to join. You could also look at going to or completing College.
I know this seems like the end of the world but it really isn�t. My mother always told me �if it was meant to be it would be.� That statement of hers has rung true more often than not throughout my life. Obviously there is something better for you in the days, weeks and months ahead. Instead of looking at this as an ending, try looking at this as an opportunity for a new beginning.
One last thing, it helps if you let your friends and family share your pain, so don�t freeze them out.
To answer your feed back question: Asking him why may bring some closure, but be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear if he answers truthfully.
Can a clinical depress patient recover completely and lead a normal life as before?
As someone who has suffered from Clinical depression I can authoritatively answer yes, provided you have sought proper medical help and stick with the treatment plan.
My depression was brought on by an auto accident where I was the victim, meaning I did nothing to cause the accident. Yet I was the only one of 5 people in three cars to be hurt and transported to the hospital. As a result of the accident I am disabled and forced to retire at an early age. Between the pain resulting from my injuries and the life changing events, as well as everything else that goes on with this kind of accident, I became clinically depressed.
It has taken a lot of therapy and with medication, both for my injuries and depression I am able to lead a fairly normal life. Fairly meaning within the constraints placed on me by my injuries.
Frankly I am a hard headed type "A" person and if I can adjust to living with what caused my depression and climb above the depression so can you. Is it easy, no? Then nothing good ever comes easy. Work with your therapist; take your meds if you are prescribed any. When you realize what is actually causing your depression that is you and your therapist work to fix it.
Good luck and write to me if I can be of any help in the future.
my boyfriend has been hearing voices since 8th grade. we are both in 11th now and it has gotten worse. he says that now he has to 2nd guess if someones actually talking to him or if its just in his head. its driving him crazy and he wants to get high all the time to escape it and he just attempted suicide last night. he wont listen to me and i tell him to get put on meds for it and he says meds numb u 4 real, you cant feel anything let alone hear anything and i dont wanna be numb id rather be dead. so now im terrified because i really feel like hes an inch away from killing himself and i dont know what to do because you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped and he doesnt see his mom anymore and his dad doesnt take him seriously. please help i cant lose the one n only guy ive ever loved.
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice might be more like you would get from a grandparent.
While I’m not a professional from what you have written it sounds as if your boyfriend is” “a danger to himself and others”. This is somewhat of a legal term and requirement necessary to allow doctors to hospitalize and treat people who may not want to do so voluntarily. As I said I’m not a professional and neither are you so neither of us is qualified to make that determination. You also said his dad doesn’t take him seriously. Is that something you have observed, or possibly your boyfriends’ depression talking? This is an important question you need to answer or have the answer too before you do any of the things I’m going to suggest.
First I would like you to discuss what you have written with your parents; and yes they will probably tell you that you cannot see him anymore. I agree with them for this reason. What if he tries to hurt himself while you are with him? If you are lucky he only hurts himself, but what if he hurts you as well. Please do not say he would never hurt you. Remember he is not thinking properly. You can’t help him if he hurts you.
Your parents should know who to contact to get help for your boyfriend. Here is why it is important you have firsthand knowledge of whether your boyfriends’ father is seriously involved in your boyfriends care and life. If your parents do not feel it proper to call his dad they can call the local youth services or family service or community social services department of your local government. If they deem it more or most urgent they can call the local police and discus with them what to do.
Will your boyfriend still be your boyfriend if you do this, probably not, at least not initially. But if what your saying is true and I have no reason to doubt you, then at least you will have prevented him from hurting himself.
I tried to find some support groups for you to contact for help but could not find any. There are several hot lines for suicide prevention should you be able to get your boyfriend to call one of them just type in Suicide or suicide prevention hot line to any search engine.
Good luck
ok so me and my husband found out recently that were gonna have a baby....im about 3 mnths along now and he wants to have sex but im just not feeling it....I really want to surprise him tonight and do something different that we havent done before, so if you could give me some different positions or ways to really make him feel good. thanks!
I searched the web for: SEX DURING PREGNANCY and the following website produced the information I have copied below,
www.pregnancy-calendars.net/pregnancy-sex.aspx
Sex During Pregnancy: Is It Safe?
Many couples ask their health care provider this question at some point during their pregnancy. In most cases it is very possible to have sex in a normal healthy pregnancy.
The baby is very well protected inside the amniotic sac surrounded by amniotic fluid and the cervix is covered by a thick mucus plug to prevent any infection from entering the uterus.
How will being pregnant effect your sex drive
Generally pregnancy will have one of two effects of a woman's sex drive. Some experience a lessening of drive in the first and third trimesters, but a surge in the second trimester, and other experience a slow decline in the need for sexual intercourse. Although it has also been reported that some women feel a constant need for sex throughout their pregnancy. Some women, who experience a heightened sex drive, and some women even experience an orgasm or multiple orgasms during their pregnancy.
The change in sex drive during pregnancy is caused by the change in the level of hormones and the increase of blood to the pelvic area. However, it may not always be this way for the same women who have had more than one pregnancies, as some women who experience a surge in sex drive in one pregnancy, may feel the total opposite effect in the second pregnancy.
When should you avoid sex during your pregnancy?
You may be warned against sex during pregnancy in one of the following situations:
If you have a history of premature labor
A history of miscarriage
If you suffer from placenta previa
If you suffer from an incompetent cervix
What are the sex best positions during pregnancy?
Lie sideways. Having your partner on top will demand an increasingly creative flexibility as your tummy gets bigger. However, lying partly sideways will allow your partner to keep most of his weight off your uterus.
Using the bed as a prop. Your stomach won’t be an obstacle if you lie with your back at the of the bed with your knees bent, and your bottom and feet perched at the edge of the mattress. Your partner can either kneel or stnd in front of you.
On Top. This position puts no weight on your abdomen and allows you to control the depth of penetration
Side-by-side or the spoon position. This position allows for only shallow penetration. Deep thrusts can become uncomfortable as your pregnancy progresses.
There are more websites you can look at if you like but I felt this one had the answers you were looking for. Just type in to a search engine; “the sex best positions during pregnancy” or “sex possible during pregnancy”. This is what I did.
17/f
I was talking to a friend about my plans for university and future career in general. Granted I know things change, so I might not follow through with them 100%, but still: I had mapped out a scenario involving which major, which university, how I would finance it, volunteer work I was planning on doing, where I would live, where I would apply after completing my degree, (assuming everything went according to plan) etc... It was fairly extensive/detailed and she was the first one I had told about it. Anyways, I find out later that after talking to me she posted a note on Facebook with my plan word for word, saying that this was what she was planning on doing with her life. I know it sounds a bit infantile, but this pissed me off immensely. There's no way that this could be considered a coincidence at all. And, we do share some interests so it would make sense if we were to pick the same/similar majors, even the same university. The thing is though, her plan was exactly the same as mine, even down to the tiniest idiosyncratic detail (which make no sense coming from her). I know, I know, I'm still young and I don't know what to do with my life yadayadayada, so this plan might not work out and so there's no point overreacting.
I really feel like I should confront her about it. Am I overreacting? I feel like I might be blowing this out of proportion, but this isn't the first time I've told her something and she's done something similar(not to sound conceited or like a 5 year old, but she has a tendency to copy what I do, which really irritates me sometimes). Ok, my attempt at not sounding conceited failed, but you guys get what I mean right?
Should I just blow it off as a coincidence? What do you guys think? I feel terrible about being irritated with her over something like this.
Thanks for your time
(Sorry about the length!)
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.
There is an old saying about imitating being the greatest form of flattery. It is obvious from what you have written that your friend thinks highly of you and the choices you make. Still it is understandable that her imitating your life would upset you.
Before I go any further I want to complement you on having a life plan and you are correct in that you will probably make some changes to your plan as time goes by. A plan is nothing more than a road map along the way certain detours may occur. If your plan is not written down, might I suggest you do so and put it somewhere safe. Years from now you might find it interesting to see how closely your plans for life mimicked reality.
Now what to do about your friend? You could confront her about this and other times she has borrowed from your life. If you do you have to be prepared to lose a friend. To confront someone is a form of confrontation, confrontation is to fight. When two people fight there is generally not a win/win situation as an ending. If you value your friendship with this person then I would not recommend any type of confrontation with her over this.
Instead I would resolve not to share with her my most valued concerns, choices and secrets. My suggestion may not offer the most satisfying of choices but you won't lose a friend. Before you make your decision on what to do try putting yourself in her shoes; what is her life like? Is your life so much better that hers? Do you have more opportunities than she does? If you can understand the why of a situation you might be more tolerant of the situation. No, understanding the cause or the why does not make the situation more palatable only more understandable.
I heard there are about 400 different sex positions.. what are they all? Is there a website that explains/shows examples of them? Haha, I'm curious...
Thanks.
I'm not sure there are 400 positions; but you may want to check out a book called the Kama Sutra: is an ancient Indian text widely considered to be the standard work on human sexual behavior in Sanskrit literature written by the Indian scholar Mallanāga Vātsyāyana. A portion of the work consists of practical advice on sex and many sexual positions.
It has been translated into many languages including English.
For the past week i've been having trouble breathing. It's like I can't catch my breathe. It lasts up to 5 minutes sometimes longer but also sometimes shorter. I have to sit down and focus on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. It helps a lot if I breathe when I yawn. Also when I do that sometimes I get really lightheaded. Are these panick attacks? If so why would I get them so often? It's just a once a day thing. It's more like 20 times a day maybe more. Any advice would be appreciated. Also i'm almost sure that I had a panick attack at school once. I couldnt breathe I was feeling really embrassed and I was crying and I really thought I was going to stop breathing, I didnt even know why I was so upset, was this a panick attack? Could this have triggered these other panick attacks if that's what they are?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent. Also I am not a doctor, so I looked up Panic attacks on WebMD:
www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/panic-attack-symptoms
Some of the symptoms you wrote about having are listed on this site as being symptoms of Panic attacks. As to why you're having as many attacks as you are, I really can't say. What I feel though that having that many attacks can't be good for you.
What I would like you to do is talk with your mom or dad about these attacks so they can schedule a visit to your family doctor. Only your doctor can say for sure why you’re having these attacks.
Your attacks may be as simple as your body's reaction to the normal changes a girl goes through at your age. Hormones are, to be blunt, weird and powerful chemicals. Everyone reacts differently to these chemicals changes now taking place in your body.
As for being embarrassed; I'm sure in school these attacks are embarrassing. But this is something you should not be embarrassed about talking to your parents about. As parents are primary responsibility to our children is to keep them healthy and safe. So it is important to tell your parents when something is wrong and not to be embarrassed by it. Remember one thing about us parents. At one time we all were your age and it is quite possible what you are experiencing is something we ourselves have experienced and know how to handle.
my name is Rachel Strickland and iam 20 years old and my friend that I have bein friends with since 5th grade and then we both started high school we became best friends and I cried more at her viewing than I did at my dad's funeral and I don't understand why I would cry more at a best friends viewing not funeral than a parent's actual funeral and I was so upset that I couln't even bring myself to come to the funeral. my parents were divorced and I only got to see my dad every other weekend and some vacations and two weeks in the summer if that helps. I've been crying myself to sleep every night and I've been screaming at my mom and everybody in the house and I normally don't yell at my mom why would I do this when my bestfriend died? please help me!
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.
First, my condolences on the loss of your friend. Everyone feels and shows their pain differently. If your friend passing is recent enough then the way you are feeling, depressed, and acting are probably about normal.
There are a number of different steps a person goes through while grieving over the loss of a loved one. From what you have written you seem to experiencing several of them. Below are two website you should visit that can help you through this.
www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
www.griefnet.org/support/sg2.html
One of the suggestions you will find given on the websites is to seek counseling from a qualified Therapist. Your family doctor should be able to help you with a referral if you ask. Grief counseling as it’s called will help you better understand why you feel this way and help you get back to your regular self. The counselor is also more qualified to answer the questions you asked than I am.
Judging from what you have written I would suggest you try counseling. I did and found it very helpful
i dont recall having such problems in 1950!s i dont no how i got by.
We live in a faster paced world today than we did back in the 50's and 60's. There are no Donna Reeds', The Nelsons and Leave it to Beavers on television to show what family life should be. The Soda Shops are gone, gone too are the drive-ins, both the movies and the hamburger stands.
Instead we have Megamalls’, fax, email, CNN, Cell Phones and plastic charge cards that have devalued the value of money. We live in a world of instant everything. We even have virtual worlds, which would be nice if they were for fantasy but there not, they are just another reality, for some. Breakfast in New York, Dinner in Paris; these things were unheard of back then or just for the rich and famous.
Today the world moves so fast and kids today are pushed to grow up so fast that they are robbed of the childhood you and I had. So of course they are going to have problems you and I never saw. Worse, today's parents don't have the time for their children that our parents had for us. I’ve seen questions on this forum, especially from young girls that they should be asking their mothers about. Questions about changes their bodies are going through. Fortunately the answers I've seen given here are right on target with advice as to what to do if something changes. Boys have similar questions that should be asked of their fathers. Problem is parents are too involved in their own careers to make time for their own children.
We live in a world of instant gratification. If a problem arises, throw money at it, it will go away. Your child has a problem, hire someone, buy something or give them more money is the three quickest ways parents today solve problems.
I ordered a reconstructed shirt from a site (not gonna put the name of the site), and they said it could take up to six weeks to receive it because they had to get the shirt in & reconstruct it. Well, around the six week mark I still hadn't heard anything, so I emailed them & they said they had just got the shirt in to reconstruct & they'd ship it out in a few days. About a week went by & I still hadn't received the shirt, so I emailed again. This time they said that they promised they weren't going to scam me & that they were working on the shirt now & it would be shipped in a few days. That was last week & I still haven't heard anything.
I know this is probably a stupid question, but what should I do? I'm afraid if I keep emailing them they'll get aggravated & won't do a good job on the shirt, & they don't accept returns. Also, if I don't want to ask for a refund because I used a prepaid card to order it & the card is inactive now, so I won't get the money back (it's happened before). Any advice?
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.
You said you used a prepaid card. If you still have the card call the customer service number shown on the back of the card. Tell the customer service agent your problem with the merchant. If they can contact the merchant to verify the merchandise has not been shipped then they should be able to refund your money and debit the merchant. They may not send you cash; they may send you another prepaid card in the amount you spent.
Just because the card is in active does not mean you should lose your money if the company you're dealing with cannot fill the order.
I really need to buy a car of my own. I have to go to work every day and my mom is so tired of me using hers. I told my mom I would go out and look at cars soon but I don't know anything!
It'll be my first time buying a car and I don't have a whole lot of money. I figured I would go to a dealer and make payments or something on a decent car. I'm not really looking for shiny and new though. Just something that takes me to work and stuff.
What should I know before going to look at cars? What do I need to check out, look for, ask about, etc? Any tips on buy a car would be extremely helpful!
I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you might receive from others. My advice is more like what you might get if you asked a grandparent.
First; if you do not have someone who is knowledgeable in buying a car, who will go with you, then you need to do some homework before you go looking. More on this later.
Second; a new car is usually not that much more expensive then a good low mileage used car. There are good, reliable, fuel efficient cars out there for prices you might find affordable. Cars are not selling well at the moment and dealers, both of foreign and domestic models are looking to make deals to move inventory. If you have the money to buy, they will find away to get you into a car.
Stick to your guns about what you want and don't want. Dealers make their money on accessories, especially those they can install. Have a price in mind that you will pay for that car.
Always buy from a dealer. Why? There is more recourse from a dealer purchase than from a private purchase, especially on a used car. Buy from a reputable dealer, someone who has well know brand as his primary sale vehicle. Do not purchase from unknown dealers whose only investment is a trailer next to some old cars.
Where I live we have a company called CarMax that deals in used cars. They are a very reputable company and have outlets around the country. The price on the car is fixed, no haggle pricing. The salespeople are salaried so they are more helpful in finding the car that you want. They also offer a warranty.
Why a new car over a used car? A new car offers a longer Warranty and you can purchase an extended Warranty. Repairs are the most expensive part of owning a car.
Regardless of whether you are buying used or new you should do your homework first. After you decide on the type(s) of car you would like. I would suggest you go to the following website:
http://www.edmunds.com/
A little earlier I said you should have a price in mind that you will pay for that car. This is where you get that price. Price up both a new and used car, then go looking for the car of your choice. You can save yourself a lot of running around by using the internet to check dealer stock before leaving home.
If you do your homework buying a new car can be fun as you, not the dealer controls the sale.
I once went with my sister when she purchased a car after I gave her similar advice. When the sale was complete the salesman took me aside and said that my sister was the toughest sale he had ever made. She had only so much money to spend and she was determined to get a car at her price and she did. At the time it was a seller's market. Today it is a buyer's market, if you are funded, so take advantage of this.
One last thing: If you can prearrange or prequalify for financing at your Bank or Credit Union you will have more leverage at the Dealership.
Good Luck