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Nobody understands my claustrophobia. (long, sorry!!!!!)
This is so long and i feel really bad.. everyone will get a 5 for taking the time to read and try to help me out!
Its so frusterating. I think it started when I was younger.. like in elementary school sometimes people would block the bottom of the tube slides during recess on the playground and I'd be in the middle as more people would slide down. Stuck. I still remember how it felt.. like it became hard to breathe and everything cause I was closed in. I mean its not like there wasn't air coming in. but it wasn't in a comfortable position, I couldn't get out, and there wasn't much space around me.
But I don't know. I can ride air planes fine, I can normally ride in cars, and buses fine as well. But my mom has the Honda Odyssey. its a minivan, and it has a middle seat that can be taken out or put back in. my cousins are here so we put it in cause we need the extra seat. I'm 15 years old by the way, and I just can't sit in the back. Cause its all closed in and there are no doors around it for me to be able to get out. Once I tried sitting in the back, when the car was still new. My mom got the car like 2 years ago. my other cousins were there and it wasn't THAT bad but I didnt like it. but then another time we were leaving for a long trip from NJ to Maryland. I just couldn't sit in the back even when there was a way older guy who would typically sit in the middle (someone else was sitting in the passenger seat in the front). like i was crying and everything.. we were about to leave and i was having difficulty breathing too. and everyone was just so mean about it. like my mom, my sister, and my uncle. they were like "why cant you just sit there?" like wtf they just dont understand! my mom only let me sit in the middle when she remembered when one of her friends had a scan.. i think the MRI or something where you had to sit in that confined space. like the friend thought it wouldnt be bad but realized how bad it was and decided to get knocked out for it instead.
but it just sucks how they need something like that to be able to understand.. like I dont know. Its the same thing as before. with everyone sitting in front of me.. its like Im trapped. like i can imagine it right now ugh it would just be horrible. i dont know how to say it. like i think they think im just making it up so i dont sit in the back cause im bad at explaining it. like the cousins who are at my house now its like everytime we are going into the car i have to explain why i cant sit back there. i mean i can sit in the back when the middle seat isn't there. that isnt a problem. but i just hate having to explain it all everytime and think back to why i cant do it.
my other cousin who stayed home just told me that im gonna have to like get over it. but like its hard to explain it to her too. she thinks i should be claustrophobic when im in taxis or buses, or surrounded by a lot of people too. but im not. in taxis or buses the door is right there. and when im surrounded by people, there is so much open space around me. i can shove through people if i wanted to move from them too.
i mean even when i sat in the back of my mom's minivan w/o the seat in the middle of the middle seats.. w/ my cousins and siblings in the car as well.. like i needed to have the air conditioning on like blowing in my face at one point. its like a desperate thing.. i need it right now or i start to have trouble breathing and i take deep breaths. i take deep breaths sometimes anyways in like general situations.. i dunno, sometimes i just feel like im not getting much air. like in my room sometimes.. it was mostly during 4th - 7th grade. i feel like im not getting good air so i have to open up the window and breathe deeply for a few mins. and then i'd leave it open.
today i couldn't go to this party because my older cousin, Mark*, who would normally be sitting in the backseat chose to sat in the middle. he didnt even have any problem with sitting in the back. he just kept asking me why i couldnt sit there. and ive told them before. i told him it made me uncomfortable. we were running late and my mom just drove off and offered the backseat but i refused. i've told them before that i'd stay home instead. i can imagine it now.. i would have had to switch seats not too long from the time we left. they would have kept telling me that i dont know, maybe im making it up or something. nobody likes sitting in the back in general. they are just insensitive to it. i cant explain it to them, they just dont understand. Mark didnt want to move. him and my sister are pretty tall so its not good for their legs i think, to sit there. my other cousin, Emily* sat in the front cause she recently got foot surgery, my tall sister sat in the middle cause it hurts her legs to sit in the back (shes tall too), and my little bro sits in the middle cause thats where his car seat has to be. another cousin, Amy*, sat in the back and she was the only one there. it just made me upset.. im upset right now, Mark could have sat in the back but didnt. i mean people are afraid of a lot of things.. a lot of things are irrational too. but if you dont understand it.. like i just dont see why they couldn't try to sympasize or something. like they know what claustrophobia is. idont even know if i have it, but it seems like i does from what i just read of the symptoms right now. i mean its not the only time i experience anxiety in general. i used to experience a noteable amount of anxiety.. like during 4th - 7th grade. i dont even know why. it was hard to explain too. like why like i remember in 6th grade where i kept having to look behind me.. like even during school i'd do it. to see if someone was behind me. even if i knew no one was there i just had to keep checking. to the point where my neck would hurt. or like i'd have to keep checking to see if all doors were locked at night, and i'd keep checking to see if i turned the light off all the way because i was afraid that if it was half way or something it could make sparks and cause a fire. or even when i was even younger i remember being afraid of putting soap over my eyes in the bath cause i imagined like some monster coming out of nowhere to get me when my eyes were closed. like it really felt like it was there. i still feel that occasionally. not as much anymore but yeah. i dont even have scary dreams or anything. like more with anxiety.. i felt uncomfortable with certain things socially. like i used to even be afraid of getting up to sharpen my pencil. when i was younger like in elementary school. like sometimes i'd walk funny or like i'd always be concerned like with what people were thinking even though they probably werent thinking much cause when i think of other people like you know you dont think that deeply and all. and you are your harshest critic.
but it also hurt me like in the sense that i cant express myself fully. i have a fear of rejection and i always want to show my best side to others. like on Y!A its so much easier since its anonymous but i've never had a friend that i could say so much to. the most i've been able to talk about with is my mom but there are still a lot of things i haven't been able to say. i wish i could get a good enough friend like i am to other people. it always seems like i do so much like.. i really care about their problems and all you know. and i dont know anyone like me like with my sense of humor, music taste, and everything. sometimes theres one thing in someone else that we'd have in common, like music, but we cant get along otherwise. its just dissapointing.. i've only had 3 people i'd count as best friends and that was in 4th grade. it just seems like 5th grade til now have been like an open field and i hate it. im not like depressed or suicidal.. im actually really optimisic. always dreaming. like im not even sure that if my life currently was sucking i'd be able to tell. my life doesn't suck, im grateful for a lot of things and all.
like i dont really do much and all now. ugh enough with that, im venturing off the topic, sorry. i have issues with overtalkativeness too, heh.
anyways, if anyone had a problem like that.. like say one of my friends had a phobia of centipedes. i hate centipedes as well but i can still kill one. like i'd be sensitive about that and not be like "your just exagerating and just doing it so you dont have to kill it." like i guess you just dont really know. so just have the benefit of the doubt you know, if it really wont harm you to do it. like i dont know what to do about my situation if it gets worse. i just hate explaining it. i dont know how to make it not sound fake. how to make it sound right. like me saying "it makes me feel uncomfortable" like ugh that just doesnt work. i dont know how to be certain i have claustrophobia too or i dont know. I didnt want to attempt to solve it tonight either.. and probably fail.
ugh please help me and sorry for this ridiculously huge question
*Name has been changed.
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The advice below pretty much narrowed down what I was going to put down. ^^
But I'm still going to add a little more so here it goes~
Claustrophobia is often misunderstood since many people have never actually experienced it, and so make excuses to saying that it's just a joke. Don't let that idea get into your head because that's their own problem. Anyway, you really want to have your family at least be able to understand your situation so it'd be wise to go see a doctor in order to actually give warnings to your family (hopefully that it'll wake them up!).
I like how you are able to comfort someone else when they have problems (a rare trait to find in my opinion ^^). This may sound cliche but, if you know someone that you're at least good friends with and you see that they're feeling down...take the stand and ask if they need to talk about it. I'm sure they'll love you more for that because everyone wants to be comforted by someone else.
Finding someone that shares the exact same interests as you is hard to come across cuz everyone has their own interests and traits. But just chat to someone about what's going on and talk about stuff that you already know~ no need to put up a fake front. I'm sure you'll find a friend or friends who'll understand your phobia, there are PLENTY of people out there who know how to understand and accept just as long as you open up to them about it. Try your best to explain.
Hoped this helped you! Take care~ =3
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
The problem with having a phobia is most people do not have them and those that do try not to show them. That is fine for some of the more mundane phobias’ such as the one you mentioned but claustrophobia is really the most misunderstood. I should know I have suffered from claustrophobia most of my adult life. Like you I can fly in a plane, ride in a taxi or a bus or train without a problem. Put me in a small room out of site of a window or the exit and those darn walls just start moving in and the air in the room disappears.
There are some things you can do to help yourself when the panic attack comes on, that’s the result of the phobia, when you start to hyperventilate, sweat and all the other nasty things that happen. But first lets’ talk about getting others to understand what you feel.
Children are not supposed to get panic attacks, or so most adults think, so the first thing we need to do is to educate them that you problem and fear is real. If you cannot convince mom of what you are feeling ask her to make a doctor’s appointment for you and to go with you to the doctor. See the doctor alone at first and tell him or her what is happening. There are medications you can be prescribed to ease the panic attacks while you see a therapist to learn techniques to recognize and handle those situations that cause these attacks. Then ask the doctor to speak with your mom about what is happening and why it happens. I’m sure that once she understands that you have a problem and are not just acting up her attitude will change.
As for friends, well the only thing I can tell you are true friends will understand if you tell them truthfully about your claustrophobia. Still there are times when young people will be immature for the sake of their peers. As we grow older we mature and some of that immaturity will go away.
Once you learn to deal with your phobia things will be better and I’m sure once your family realizes that you’re not just acting up they will treat you different as well.
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Hey girl,
Im not too much older than you and I totally understand. I have fears of my own and people wouldnt take me seriously when I was your age either. Heres how I handled things and maybe it will work for you too.
One day at the dinner table, or while everyone is just lazing around the house, ask your parents to politely hear you out.
Explain to them that lately, it has been bothering you that they havent been taking you and your fear seriously. Try to politely ask them to let you finish talking before they try to cut you off.
explain how, when you have an exit, or an opening around you, your claustaphobia is not bad. Explain that your anxiety really gets bad when you have nowhere to go.when either side of you is blocked, thats when you have feelings of suffocatioin and hot flashes. Let them know that it is a major part of your life that affects you everyday. Let them know that because they dont take it seriously, you feel like you are dealing with this alone. Ask them to make things easier for you when it comes to these situations and understand what you are going through.
I have some fears of my own, if you want to talk about it more, or need some support, email me. I want to know if ive been able to help you out. Im here for you!
stephanie.ellick@gmail.com
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I wanna start by saying I REALLY wish I knew you and could be that friend that you need. And I'm not just saying that. But I really like how you said everything that you did. Even though it was long but I read every bit of it and respect you even though I don't know you. But you sound like a really good person and you sound cool. And you sound really...real. And I like real people. I can tell you're not shallow but actually a deep person and I'm the same way. And whenever there is people that can't seem to think how I think or as deep but act shallow, I can't stand those people. It frustrates me. And I feel like I'm alot of how you are. For instance, don't feel bad about not liking to get up to sharpen your pencil. I HATE doing that and getting up in the middle of class for anything really when everyone is sitting down, for instance I hate it when the teacher calls me up to get a paper or something. I just start thinking a whole lot of all those other people and what they're thinking and self concious about if they're looking at me and all. So I definately know how you feel. And it's normal. And that is soooo frustrating because I have the same problem alot of the time like I think sooo much and I can explain the whole thing out in my head and how I want to explain it to people that don't seem to understand or even want to try, like your mom/cousins/all those people who don't believe you or don't take the time to listen... It frustrates you like it does me and I can never get it out how I want to which gets me even more frustrated, inside my head.
I hate that.
But anyways, it sounds like you are just a person with a few anxiety issues. And one of those anxiety issues probably is a form of claustraphobia (I'm sure that's not spelled right) and I can understand that you don't feel it at times, and other instances you do. Everyone is different, and it works differently for everyone. It sounds like you don't really have a problem until you start feeling trapped or like you don't have a way out, like with the slide, and like with the minivan. You like to be next to a door/ a way out, your mind just plays tricks on you and it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable when you feel that way. Completely understandable. I know you have tried to explain it to your friends and family but have a hard time like how I said before, it sounds good in your head maybe but then they frustrate you and it all goes to hell. I find it really really helps to write it all down as it comes to you so you can get what's on your mind onto paper instead of trying to explain how you feel when you're actually in the heat of the moment. You should just take some time out at some point, whenever you're alone in your room or something, get a paper and pencil and explain how you feel about everything and get all your points out clearly. It may take some time, but it will come to you and you should be able to get it out how you want it. That way, you can either just show them what you wrote or read it to them.
And maybe you should talk to a psychologist about life, and about anything you want to that you feel you have no one else to talk to about. That's what they're for, to listen and be understanding and not be shallow. It will probably make you feel better if you get your thoughts out and since you think alot about alot and you're a talkative person, well, a therapist sounds like a good idea, because they're there just for people to talk to them and for them to listen ya know? It will probably help you to get things out and make you feel better and not bottle things up. Or it always helps to do that same thing but by yourself. Whenever you have thoughts/feelings you feel you need to get out or that are making a tangled web inside your head, get it out on paper, write it all down. It will make you feel alot better to get it off your chest, or your head lol, and to be able to read it and have it more clear, ya know?
Idk, just suggesting... :]
Well I don't really know much else to say but I hope I helped you out a little bit.
Feel free to inbox me if you want :)
Victoriadvice
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I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like a form of claustrophobia. I think I have claustrophobia, but not really extreme, and it doesn't worry me enough to get it checked out.
I would see a doctor or a psychologist to figure out if you really might have it, because we're not doctors, except a small portion of us.
--Jack
(17/m)
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