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i don't know what i'm asking
15/f
I don't know what I'm asking because I don't know what I'm thinking....if that makes sense.
I'm just....I don't know what I'd call it. One second, I'll be happy-go-lucky, looking around thinking how pretty the birds sound or how beautiful the flowers look, and then the next second I'll feel all depressed and anti-social, I-hate-the-world, fuck-everybody. I'll just wish that I was alone, or that I could pause the world for a couple of hours so I AM alone. Because honestly, I can't be alone ever. I share a room with a SEVEN YEAR OLD, and everyone in this god damn house thinks of and treats her as a princess and so my room is the CENTER OF ALL ACTIVITY. If I'm in the living room because she's in my room, and I'm watching TV, my dad comes along and kicks me out so he can watch what HE WANTS. I can't go in my room because Ally's there. Can't go to my parents room because it's their room, or my brother's room. And my brother usually has the playroom because he's playing video games. I can never be alone. And then I feel like all the house hold chores fall on me. I feel like I NEVER GET ME TIME. I take out the garbage, take out the recycling, wash and dry and put away the dishes, clear and set the table, weed the garden, trim the flowers, clean the pool area for the summer, clean the living room, clean my room, including my sister's stuff. And when I ran out of room for my stuff, I HAD TO LEARN TO GET RID OF STUFF. Meanwhile my sister has half a room and a PLAYROOM for her stuff. My dad calls me Cinderella sometimes, because of all my chores. And either he doesn't realize or are how much that little nickname hurts, because sometimes, that's how I feel. Like I don't matter much at all.
It's so much stress in this family with all that I have to do and trying to be a kid. You know, trying to have a life. Friends, time to just do whatever. And then there's my boyfriend, trying to force me to have sex with him.
Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Just to get a break. A really, really long, ever-lasting sleep.
I don't really know what I'm asking. Everything's all jumbled up inside my head. I guess I'm just asking for anyone to say anything to help me sort through my mind. To help me make this all stop and straighten out and fix itself. I don't know. Just...help? Please?
Thanks.
Chail
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I think you should sit your parents down and tell them how you feel about being called "Cinderella", having to do all of the chores and not even having your own room. If your parents don't listen or do anything about your situation, you can maybe go to a consulor or confide in one of friend's parents who you trust.
~free2sing09
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
It sounds to me as you might be the middle child not that in the grand scheme of what you have shared with me matters all that much, but does put some things in perspective for me at least. As a young lady of 15 you do need a space to call your own where you can do all those things young ladies your age like to do for themselves and with their girlfriends.
It is possible that mom has forgotten what it is like to be a young girl of 15 and how important it is to have time and space to call her own. If your house has a basement might be possible for dad to fix up an area just for you to call your own. If this is something you want you need to calmly and respectfully speak up for yourself. Trust me when I say we parent do forget what it was like when we were your age and have no idea what it is like today to be your age. So you have to tell us; if you do not, we think everything is fine and dandy and you are just moody, probably a hormonal thing having to do with puberty and it will pass.
Now you are going to write back to me and say you cannot talk with your parents as they do not understand. I have been a successful salesman for thirty years and everything depends on how and when you approach things. If you approach mom after a hard day at work and she is all stressed out, you are finished before you started. I suggest you ask mom for a girls’ day out just you and her, possibly lunch at the mall or maybe even a picnic at the park. Will mom know something’s up? Probably, but at least she will be in the proper mood to listen. If you are firmly convinced that your parents won’t listen is there a favorite Aunt or Grandparent you could talk to who might be able to speak with your parents for you?
I am also very concerned about how depressed you are getting and your boyfriend trying to force you into having sex with him. Both of these are serious matters and the depression needs to be told to your parents so that it can be addressed properly. As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he is being a typical teenage boy. Make sure he understands NO MEANS NO, anything else is rape. Do not let your present feelings force you to do something you are not ready to do.
If you are still feeling the way you have written I would like you to call the following number: 1-800-448-3000. This is a National hotline number for Girls and Boys town. The people that answer the phone are trained professionals, which I am not, who can help you as well as to direct you to people in your home town who can help you. When you speak to them everything you say is strictly confidential.
In today’s world you are never alone if you have a computer and a phone, there is always someone out there ready and willing to help.
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